Are white men afraid to approach us?

K

KatKronicles

New Member
I dont know if this has been done beofre If it has I apologize.

I live in richmond, its pretty much 40-40-20 with white and black in the majority. I see many many white men, stare at me, smile at me, and I know they want to approach me, but they dont. I know its out of fear but fear of what ?

I wont lie I dont approach men at all, so I can understand the shy thing, but brothers dont seem to have a problem approaching me even if they do get shot down.

Just this week alone, there have been some fine ass white guys who wouldnt get the courage up to ask.

Why ?

Help me understand this.
 
It would be easier to stop asking and just make the first move.

But, I'd say it's probably because of all races of women WE as black women are known for sticking by our black men and we are often the LEAST likely to date outside of our own ethnicities. AND those men probably know that - even if subconsciously.

Also, some white people have a pre-conceived notion about our mannerisms and behaviors. Although, they might find us attractive many still are quick to assume we have ...I'll say no home training rather than the word that immediately comes to mind...

Also, know that because they look at you doesn't mean they want to date you. Sadly, many of them are just curious and would screw you if they got a chance but might not look at you as a viable relationship option. Of course, one could say that of every other man as well. :perplexed

Or, they may actually be interested but are concerned about what their friends and family might say so they may opt to window shop rather than buy...

My SO has a big ego :grin: and doesn't care what anyone thinks :look: so it wasn't an issue for him.
 
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OT: Dayum Kittenxx, that is a cool avatar you got there woman!:grin:
Po' James looking busted!

BOT: Generally some are and some are not. It's all situational.
The one's that have ever approached me didn't seem to be afraid. But you know there are some who are and if not afraid, just not interested...
 
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kittenxx said:
I dont know if this has been done beofre If it has I apologize.

I live in richmond, its pretty much 40-40-20 with white and black in the majority. I see many many white men, stare at me, smile at me, and I know they want to approach me, but they dont. I know its out of fear but fear of what ?

I wont lie I dont approach men at all, so I can understand the shy thing, but brothers dont seem to have a problem approaching me even if they do get shot down.

Just this week alone, there have been some fine ass white guys who wouldnt get the courage up to ask.

Why ?

Help me understand this.
Click to expand...

I say no.

And I started a post about this in the regular hair discussion boards. To put it briefly, I was relaxed since the age of 8 (now 26) - hair was always about bra strap. Now I'm 2 years natural (and I mean curly natural) - and I'm lazy, so rarely do I do anything with it but shake and go.

And white boys are coming out the woodwork. Usually it starts with "I love your hair" or "your hair is awesome" (and if they're drunk "can I touch your hair") and then leads to "wanna go for a drink".

Which is funny to me, because at the same time, the brothers are NOWHERE to be found, and the ones that do speak assume I'm on some black-nationalist, I-hate-white-folks type thinking. They all call me sista. I had one dude ask me if I eat meat or if I was a vegetarian, and when I asked why, he was like "I figured your hair - you're probably all earthy Erkyah badu and whatnot" and I'm like "HUH??".

So in my recent experience, I'd say no.

But I also think it has a lot to do with you and your friends (or whomever you are with). Are you approachable? Do you give off an approachable air? What about your friends, when you're out?
 
Some are because they fear the response they may get. That is what I've been told. But I've had my share, that have rolled up with all the confidence in the world. I wasn't mad at them LOL
 
Yes im very approachable, I have to be, but I asked this out of curiosity, bc I browse the free ad site and there are so many white men seeking black women and i wonder if its because they dont have the guts. Its like they arent reallly the ones initiating it ya know ?

I dunno.
 
I think white men are too afraid of what everyone else is going to say. A few guys that I was interested in over the years (a long time ago) even told me this.

At least where you are it's majority white and black.

Here in Cali, with all the race women running around, it seems we are last to be seen much less chosen.

And the darker you are, the harder it is.

Indian women, for the time being, still have their men, but I'm sure once they become 100% Americanized, they'll be hot for white women too, just like the black men are.

Oh well.
 
MsNadi said:
I say no.

And I started a post about this in the regular hair discussion boards. To put it briefly, I was relaxed since the age of 8 (now 26) - hair was always about bra strap. Now I'm 2 years natural (and I mean curly natural) - and I'm lazy, so rarely do I do anything with it but shake and go.

And white boys are coming out the woodwork. Usually it starts with "I love your hair" or "your hair is awesome" (and if they're drunk "can I touch your hair") and then leads to "wanna go for a drink".

Which is funny to me, because at the same time, the brothers are NOWHERE to be found, and the ones that do speak assume I'm on some black-nationalist, I-hate-white-folks type thinking. They all call me sista. I had one dude ask me if I eat meat or if I was a vegetarian, and when I asked why, he was like "I figured your hair - you're probably all earthy Erkyah badu and whatnot" and I'm like "HUH??".

So in my recent experience, I'd say no.

But I also think it has a lot to do with you and your friends (or whomever you are with). Are you approachable? Do you give off an approachable air? What about your friends, when you're out?
Click to expand...

We went out the other weekend to one of cousin's favorite "white boy" spots.

The place was overrun with Latinos which pissed her off, and a couple of the guys were shocked to see a black woman in the club.

It's definitely a club for "them".
 
AmilLion said:
Some are because they fear the response they may get. That is what I've been told. But I've had my share, that have rolled up with all the confidence in the world. I wasn't mad at them LOL
Click to expand...

What type of white guys are the ones that "roll up"?

Mr. Professional White Man ain't rolled up yet. LOL!
 
Blossssom said:
I think white men are too afraid of what everyone else is going to say. A few guys that I was interested in over the years (a long time ago) even told me this.

At least where you are it's majority white and black.

Here in Cali, with all the race women running around, it seems we are last to be seen much less chosen.

And the darker you are, the harder it is.

Indian women, for the time being, still have their men, but I'm sure once they become 100% Americanized, they'll be hot for white women too, just like the black men are.

Oh well.
Click to expand...

Said with nothing but love, Blossom..you come across soooo jaded and cynical all the time, what on God's green earth has happened to you?
 
MsNadi said:
I say no.

And I started a post about this in the regular hair discussion boards. To put it briefly, I was relaxed since the age of 8 (now 26) - hair was always about bra strap. Now I'm 2 years natural (and I mean curly natural) - and I'm lazy, so rarely do I do anything with it but shake and go.

And white boys are coming out the woodwork. Usually it starts with "I love your hair" or "your hair is awesome" (and if they're drunk "can I touch your hair") and then leads to "wanna go for a drink".

Which is funny to me, because at the same time, the brothers are NOWHERE to be found, and the ones that do speak assume I'm on some black-nationalist, I-hate-white-folks type thinking. They all call me sista. I had one dude ask me if I eat meat or if I was a vegetarian, and when I asked why, he was like "I figured your hair - you're probably all earthy Erkyah badu and whatnot" and I'm like "HUH??".

So in my recent experience, I'd say no.


But I also think it has a lot to do with you and your friends (or whomever you are with). Are you approachable? Do you give off an approachable air? What about your friends, when you're out?
Click to expand...


This is so true!

When I first decided to go natural my SO kept asking what are you going to do with your hair and after awhile he just stop asking. I had a white man break his neck to speak to me in Safeway parking lot one day. He was showing all 32 and the whole 9. I was thinking were the he!! did you come from :grin: in my face.
 
I've been approached by white men before (I think it's the boobs :look:), so I don't think so. With me, though, it's usually at work, and after they see I won't bite their heads off, LOL.
 
Not in Atlanta:ohwell:...I lived in Indiana for 5.5 years while working on my degree and the only time I got approached by white men was when I went to the club...but I would visit my sister in ATL and have them approach me all willy nilly:lachen::lachen:... Go figure...:rolleyes:
 
I really think it depends on the man and the surroundings!

If a white dude has to approach you and a table full of sisters then the chances are very SLIM. He will assume that you all are going to laugh at him! If you are in a more racially mixed environment, then he may have more courage.

But, as someone has already stated many white guys will LOOK, but will not be serious about dating a black girl. :ohwell: I had a few sort of apologize for not being "strong" enough to handle IR while complimenting me....:perplexed WTF
 
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sunnydaze said:
Said with nothing but love, Blossom..you come across soooo jaded and cynical all the time, what on God's green earth has happened to you?
Click to expand...

Everything that I post here is an observation which leads to an opinion.

I post based on my reality and that of those around me as they affect me. No one else's.
 
CurliDiva said:
I really think it depends on the man and the surroundings!

If a white dude has to approach you and a table full of sisters then the chances are very SLIM. He will assume that you all are going to laugh at him! If you are in a more racially mixed environment, then he may have more courage.

But, as someone have already stated many white guys will LOOK, but will not be serious about dating a black girl. :ohwell: I had a few sort of apologize for not being "strong" enough to handle IR while complimenting me....:perplexed WTF
Click to expand...

Thank you... I don't make this sh** up... I wish I did.

And there's not a damn thing any of us can do about it.

Try living in a predominantly white area where the only interracial coupling you MAY see is between a white man and an Asian or a white Latino woman.

White men here are not even interested in mulattoes.
 
CurliDiva said:
I really think it depends on the man and the surroundings!

If a white dude has to approach you and a table full of sisters then the chances are very SLIM. He will assume that you all are going to laugh at him! If you are in a more racially mixed environment, then he may have more courage.

But, as someone have already stated many white guys will LOOK, but will not be serious about dating a black girl. :ohwell: I had a few sort of apologize for not being "strong" enough to handle IR while complimenting me....:perplexed WTF
Click to expand...


I know of an IR couple that relocated from SD to TX because they had so many problems with prejudice there. I know of another IR couple (she was black and he is Latino), and his family would make all kinds of racial references about her in Spanish. Unbeknownst to them, she's fluent, so she understood every word :ohwell:. It's not the easiest thing in the world, and you kind of have to be ready for whatever happens. At least you didn't end up with somebody that couldn't deal.
 
Much2much41 said:
I've been approached by white men before (I think it's the boobs :look:), so I don't think so. With me, though, it's usually at work, and after they see I won't bite their heads off, LOL.
Click to expand...

Uh huh... :lol: After they have had a chance to observe you and see you aren't a "Shaniqua" :rolleyes:

No running into you at Walgreen's trying to holla because you're fly... besides, the old white woman working the register might see him ;)
 
Like everyone has stated some are intimidated, many would not want a real relationship with a black women. I have had men approach me assuming that I was Latina and once I told them I was black have lost interest. It does seem that black women are the lowest on the totem pole.
 
buttafly said:
Like everyone has stated some are intimidated, many would not want a real relationship with a black women. I have had men approach me assuming that I was Latina and once I told them I was black have lost interest. It does seem that black women are the lowest on the totem pole.
Click to expand...

That is so sad to me....... but I think we are fly:yep:
 
Ms_Delikate said:
That is so sad to me....... but I think we are fly:yep:
Click to expand...

We ARE FLY & FIERCE & TOO DAMN Sexy! Don't ever forget that!

Invite positive energy to "ride with you in life" and people, no matter what color you are. will be attracted to you.

My experience: My SO approached me in a way that he made me believe he was serious about me. Not about my age, or race or looks. He wouldn't give up and didn't give up. That is why we are together now.
He was a pesistent and bold something! :grin: :grin:
 
adequate said:
It would be easier to stop asking and just make the first move.

But, I'd say it's probably because of all races of women WE as black women are known for sticking by our black men and we are often the LEAST likely to date outside of our own ethnicities. AND those men probably know that - even if subconsciously.

Also, some white people have a pre-conceived notion about our mannerisms and behaviors. Although, they might find us attractive many still are quick to assume we have ...I'll say no home training rather than the word that immediately comes to mind...

Also, know that because they look at you doesn't mean they want to date you. Sadly, many of them are just curious and would screw you if they got a chance but might not look at you as a viable relationship option. Of course, one could say that of every other man as well. :perplexed

Or, they may actually be interested but are concerned about what their friends and family might say so they may opt to window shop rather than buy...

My SO has a big ego :grin: and doesn't care what anyone thinks :look: so it wasn't an issue for him.
Click to expand...

True to the bolded. Men looking and smiling doesn't necessarily mean diddly, and that applies to all men, but in this case we're talking about white men. Men will look at whatever they want to boink, but that doesn't mean he wants to date, marry or do anything that doesn't involve exploring the cavaties of your lotus flower. IMO, women sometimes read too much into men's behavior.

To answer the OP; in my experience I've not found white men afraid to approach me. I get hit on, asked out, followed, pestered for my number by white guys on the regular. I find such activity by any man annoying though.
I would point out, to keep in mind that for various reasons many (not all) white men have some deep seated misconceptions about black women going back hundreds of years. Some aren't even aware of their thinking. I've had to tell more than one, that the chances of him experiencing brown booty sexual nervana with me (esp. on the first, second, third, etc. date) was between 0 and -0%. Their is the belief by some that you're not really a "man" until you've slept with a black woman because we're raw and sexual.
 
buttafly said:
Like everyone has stated some are intimidated, many would not want a real relationship with a black women. I have had men approach me assuming that I was Latina and once I told them I was black have lost interest. It does seem that black women are the lowest on the totem pole.
Click to expand...

That is so ridiculous. It's not like you changed in the minutes before they knew you were black. That makes no sense to me at all :nono:.
 
SleekandBouncy said:
II've had to tell more than one, that the chances of him experiencing brown booty sexual nervana with me (esp. on the first, second, third, etc. date) was between 0 and -0%. Their is the belief by some that you're not really a "man" until you've slept with a black woman because we're raw and sexual.
Click to expand...


Girl u and your tonguespeak...lol!
 
White men don't seem to like me, LOL.

I don't think I've ever really caught one looking at me or anything.

But I've plenty open doors for me, give me their seat on the train, etc,

Way more than brothas to be honest. :look:

Hmm, maybe they do like me.:think:

LOL.
 
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