So I'm good enough to stare at but not to approach..

[softblackcotton]

This is the story of my life. I hardly ever get approached unless it's by some old player every once in a while. I don't even think I get stares because I don't usually look. Sometimes I might look up from my bee line vision and see a dude staring but then he holds the gaze for a few seconds then looks away and goes about his business. Most of the time though it's not worth it to even look up and see a man my daddy's age boring a hole through me. I caught one guy staring the heck out of me last summer and he never approached. I really liked his look and I was so.excited a man in my age group was giving me attention, so I approached him but then I found out weeks after we exchange numbers and were talking that he had a girlfriend. Dude was ready to make me a side piece. That's when I learned that maybe its better to leave those stare but not approach types alone alone alone. They are just cheaters waiting for the chance to pounce on girls who give off I'm obviously available and totally easy cues.

ETA: last week I went outside of my normal and I inadvertently smiled at this young dude in BJs wholesale who was selling something behind a kiosk and didn't think anything of it. Then I saw dude about three times through out the this huge warehouse store. Everytime I saw him he kept making small talk and calling me slim. I joked about him leaving his kiosk to follow me around the store. He laughed. I gave him the cues and he still never asked for my number although I wanted him to. Oh well I never get who I want.

 

[Urban]

ETA: last week I went outside of my normal and I inadvertently smiled at this young dude in BJs wholesale who was selling something behind a kiosk and didn't think anything of it. Then I saw dude about three times through out the this huge warehouse store. Everytime I saw him he kept making small talk and calling me slim. I joked about him leaving his kiosk to follow me around the store. He laughed. I gave him the cues and he still never asked for my number although I wanted him to. Oh well I never get who I want.

Maybe you need to start by changing this attitude ^^^ Could be a self-fullfilling prophecy ...

The dude in your story ... It'd be hard for him to ask for your number while he's working. It's a hard one ... coz even if he did like you, he'd still have to keep it somewhat professional.

 

[YasashiiSekai]

Hmmm...maybe you should try making funny faces at them? That's what I do but that's just my personality lol. If I'm somewhere and I see some guy staring me down, but not doing anything, I'll smile, then immediately start making crazy faces at him. And I mean really crazy. Not like sticking my tongue out and googly eyes and ****.... but the real good stuff lol. This gets them laughing (and me too lol), and I feel like it puts them at ease......like I'm not some uptight crazy b**** cuz I'm not. ALSO I think it weeds out the really serious guys...the ones who don't like the silly faces because they may be thinking 'this chick is tooo weird erplexed ' lol. And I don't want them anyway, because if they think THAT is weird, that's just the tip of the iceberg

This past week I was out with some friends for a little while (we were literally there for like 10 mins lol) at this bar/happy hour and I did it:

guy: *stare stare stare stare stare stare*
me: *smile, multitude of crazy faces* *laugh* *crazy face*
guy:
me:
guy: *leaves seat* *comes over to me* Are you ok? I just wanted to make sure you weren't having a seizure
me and guy: *talk, laugh, exchange numbers*

He's a Hopkins boy too bad I'm not in Bmore anymore lol oh well.

Imma try this just for fun cuz I'm not single.
I just like messing with people

 

[Ash25]

Had I been in your shoes OP, say I was attracted to the guy i'd work my over casually and strike up a light conversation but do nothing more beyond that point. If he's interested as well he'll take it from there i.e. ask for your number, ask if he can see you again and make it happen

I think we sometimes do ourselves a disservice by always waiting for the man to approach us. Nothing wrong with striking up a conversation,light flirting and letting him handle the rest IMO .

Great advice!

To the ladies who do get approched by good men....what do you do?

 

[Lenee925]

I agree with the sentiment most men who don't approach is because they are taken! The others are just too shy.

Exactly! I agree with everyone who said men are afraid of rejection and have huge but egg-shell fragile egos.

I know what you are going through though.

I went through this phase where no guy would approach for like 3-4 months. I don't know why, I'm hot, I smile, I'm cool. They were just mostly taken or too shy. I started getting more approaches when I just gave up giving a sh*t ironically.

In fact, since not caring, I've been approached in the gym of all places and while I was looking a hot mess, some guy in a restaurant slipped me his number when his girlfriend went to the restroom (see? they are taken). I was tempted to blow him up to his girl but just threw his crusty number in the garbage. HTH ♥

 

[Lenee925]

Great advice!

To the ladies who do get approched by good men....what do you do?

I got approached by 2 quality men (doctor, financial analyst) after I literally could not care less. I was in my own little world having fun and disregarding male attention, and BAM. I really don't know why it works like that.

 

[firecracker]

Hell either mouth "what are you looking at?" or stick your tongue out at the fool. You should get some kinda of reply after...... LOL

 

[ladylibra_30]

If that frustrates you OP, you would be done with what happens to me:

Men stare & grin but never approach...that is until I'm ready to LEAVE. It never fails. They always ask, "Where are you going? Home?" "Why are you leaving now?!"
I swear sometimes I want to say something really, really slick but I just smile. <--- Just like this.

Exactly! I agree with everyone who said men are afraid of rejection and have huge but egg-shell fragile egos. I know what you are going through though.
I went through this phase where no guy would approach for like 3-4 months. I don't know why, I'm hot, I smile, I'm cool. They were just mostly taken or too shy. I started getting more approaches when I just gave up giving a sh*t ironically.
In fact, since not caring, I've been approached in the gym of all places and while I was looking a hot mess, some guy in a restaurant slipped me his number when his girlfriend went to the restroom (see? they are taken). I was tempted to blow him up to his girl but just threw his crusty number in the garbage. HTH ♥

This happened in reverse to me - There was a woman who slipped her number into my SO's jeans pocket one time. I was standing in front of him in his arms & was oblivious to everything/everyone. When we were walking to the parking lot he told me about the number and gave it to me. I looked for a guy that I thought would be great for the heifer's number.

Back on topic - I say if a men really wants to make your aquaintance nothing will prevent him from doing so. Period. I've seen it happen too many times to count.

I've had lesbians come up to me twice - once when I was in an academy class and once when I was in line at my bank. Hell, if they can approach me in those surroundings AND not even know my sexual preference then a MAN CAN TOO. I am convinced and these two women set the bar LOL!

 

[BlackHairDiva]

I'm a bit frustrated because it seems now that I'm single it seems men dont approach me. I mean i'll get crazy eye contact but nothing after that. It was this really cute guy at the casino today and he was eying me down and i gave him brief eye contact with a smile. I got nothing after that but of course he kept looking.


I have absolutely no promblem with showing interest in a man but i can not be the first to approach. I've never approached first but i have seen done plenty of times and it never ends well.

idk what do you ladies think about guys not approaching?

Maybe its not you the issue. Maybe the issue is that he has a GF....evern worst a GF who works at the casino.... GF who had both of you in her Vision field.

 

[Poohbear]

People in general stare at other people or things that attract or catch their eyes... the act of staring does not necessarily mean they want to approach the person or thing that they are staring at. That's just life. Don't expect a man STARING at you to approach you. Staring does not mean the man is more interested than just looking or short glances here and there.

 

[NaturalRed]

If I see a guy staring, but he doesn't approach, I usually think he's married or has a GF and just likes to window shop. Usually when a guy wants to approach me, they do it.

 

[NYAmicas]

Why want a man that can look but not have the balls to approach? Him not approaching might be a GOOD THING.

 

[*CherryPie*]

Off topic.

Why are they quality men just because they are a doctor and a financial analyst?

They can be no good dogs just like anybody else. The job don't mean much when you're looking for a good man.

I got approached by 2 quality men (doctor, financial analyst) after I literally could not care less. I was in my own little world having fun and disregarding male attention, and BAM. I really don't know why it works like that.

 

[Lenee925]

Off topic.

Why are they quality men just because they are a doctor and a financial analyst?

They can be no good dogs just like anybody else. The job don't mean much when you're looking for a good man.

Obviously! That's common sense right? As another working professional, this is only ONE of the things I consider to be quality in a guy. Also, I don't interrogate every man who steps to be asking what he does, he tells me later on.



Back to the thread topic


Ladylibra, what a funny story about that number LOL!

 

[Renewed1]

@Nyamicas EXACTLY!!! I respect men more that approach me, it shows confidence, etc.

Men are NOT complex creatures. They are visual by nature, so they will always look at you and as soon as you leave the area. He will be looking at someone else.

If the guy was interested in something more HE WILL APPROACH YOU....NO FEAR, SHYNESS, ETC will stop him, if he HAS THE MIND TO DO SO.

But I do agree, women should respond to the man's advances (stare, smile, etc) if he does nothing after all that. oh well.

ETA: Opster, ask your close male friend/relative why do men stare. You'll probably get the answer you're looking for.

Why want a man that can look but not have the balls to approach? Him not approaching might be a GOOD THING.

 

[MissJ]

Off topic.

Why are they quality men just because they are a doctor and a financial analyst?

They can be no good dogs just like anybody else. The job don't mean much when you're looking for a good man.

Amen. My track record is 3 lawyers, one doctor and one business owner. They were all either a-holes or unsuitable in one way or another. Profession doesn't mean anything. The business owner went from staring, to asking for my "card," to inviting me to a party, to openly flirting in front of his employees, to asking me out. I later found out he was married!

 

[Guitarhero]

Men are easily intimidated by pretty, confidant women. They are afraid of being rejected.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Exactly! I agree with everyone who said men are afraid of rejection and have huge but egg-shell fragile egos.

I know what you are going through though.

I went through this phase where no guy would approach for like 3-4 months. I don't know why, I'm hot, I smile, I'm cool. They were just mostly taken or too shy. I started getting more approaches when I just gave up giving a sh*t ironically.

In fact, since not caring, I've been approached in the gym of all places and while I was looking a hot mess, some guy in a restaurant slipped me his number when his girlfriend went to the restroom (see? they are taken). I was tempted to blow him up to his girl but just threw his crusty number in the garbage. HTH ♥

You know what.....I think this is starting to happen to me!! This year (2012) I've just basically said FUH-GET-ABOUT-IT when it comes to worrying about my love life and relationship "status". I used to worry so much about being "single" and worry about when I was going to meet somebody. But these days....I've started focusing on ME. 2012 is going to be ALLLLLLL about ME!

And you know what?? Because of this newfound carefree, non-anxiety-stricken attitude, I think I'm actually attracting MORE men (not less) because of it!

I got approached by 2 quality men (doctor, financial analyst) after I literally could not care less. I was in my own little world having fun and disregarding male attention, and BAM. I really don't know why it works like that.

It's funny, because I'm not so sure why it always happens that way either, but something tells me that a lot of it has to do w/the vibe we're putting out. I think that sometimes men (and just people in general) can sense a desperate, lonely, or anxious vibe.

When you're anxious and worrying or trying HARD to make a good impression because you REALLY REALLY want to be in a relationship, I think it actually repells people from you. OR...you end up attracting the other "needy" anxious guys who are just looking to be in a relationship with ANY woman.

But when you really have "let go" of the outcome, and are focusing more on YOURSELF and having a fun, vibrant, and fulfilled life, I think that vibe tends to emenate from you and others pick up on it. The anxiety and worrying is gone. You are truly living in the HERE and NOW...and not the past or future. Maybe people also sense that you truly LOVE yourself and therefore they are curious to know what about you is so special that they have to learn more about you.

Men are easily intimidated by pretty, confidant women. They are afraid of being rejected.

I'm sorry, but men need to come with a better excuse than this.

I just find it so hard to believe that men who have enough courage to go to war, sky dive, hunt, engage in martial arts/boxing, fly planes, bunjee jump, etc. become like cowardly SHY dogs when it comes to walking across a room and saying a simple "HELLO" to a woman.

I'm sorry....but I'm just not buying it!

True...SOME men may really be that shy, and some men may really fear some rejection.....but I think if a man isn't all that inclined to get over his "fear" of rejection, then he's probably just not that into me enough.

 

[hopeful]

Off topic.

Why are they quality men just because they are a doctor and a financial analyst?

They can be no good dogs just like anybody else. The job don't mean much when you're looking for a good man.

And also even if he does have a good job and is a decent guy, if he doesn't want you what's the point in going on and on about what a great catch he is? A quality, awesome guy is the guy who also wants me, finds me to be attractive, is into me. I think women spend way to much energy on men who are unavailable or who don't want them.

 

[lushcoils]

So are men approaching ugly women since they are afraid of the unicorns? erplexed

 

[RegaLady]

Off topic.

Why are they quality men just because they are a doctor and a financial analyst?

They can be no good dogs just like anybody else. The job don't mean much when you're looking for a good man.

Preach! I know a many professional men who take trips with their mistresses, and have WONDERFUL wives at home. I understand wanting a provider, but profession doesn't equal quality.

Men are easily intimidated by pretty, confidant women. They are afraid of being rejected.

Not directed at you, Guitarhero, but sometimes I wonder if this is a "woman's mindset". You know, things women tell themselves to feel better

And also even if he does have a good job and is a decent guy, if he doesn't want you what's the point in going on and on about what a great catch he is? A quality, awesome guy is the guy who also wants me, finds me to be attractive, is into me. I think women spend way to much energy on men who are unavailable or who don't want them.

Yes, yes and yes!! I know too many women chasing unavaliable men, be that physically unavaliable or emotionally.

 

[*CherryPie*]

Not a good answer. But I didn't really expect one.

Obviously! That's common sense right? As another working professional, this is only ONE of the things I consider to be quality in a guy. Also, I don't interrogate every man who steps to be asking what he does, he tells me later on.



Back to the thread topic


Ladylibra, what a funny story about that number LOL!

 

[Flawless_JYM]

Off topic.

Why are they quality men just because they are a doctor and a financial analyst?

They can be no good dogs just like anybody else. The job don't mean much when you're looking for a good man.

It sounds better than Ray Ray an em working at the krusty crab don't you know girl. Bragging right girl bragging rights.

 

[Theo]

It sounds better than Ray Ray an em working at the krusty crab don't you know girl. Bragging right girl bragging rights.

LOL it does sound better and most of us do it, don't front... I don't call my gf and tell them about the janky grandpa on the street corner who tried to talk me up, that's not worthy of a phone convow... but I'll tell them about the dude I met at conference or while I was waiting in line at the hospital cafeteria.

I dunno... Lenee's answer sounded fine to me. I definitely screen guys based on what they're doing with their life... among many other things. I'm not ashamed to say it.

 

[Flawless_JYM]

LOL it does sound better and most of us do it, don't front... I don't call my gf and tell them about the janky grandpa on the street corner who tried to talk me up, that's not worthy of a phone convow... but I'll tell them about the dude I met at conference or while I was waiting in line at the hospital cafeteria.

I dunno... Lenee's answer sounded fine to me. I definitely screen guys based on what they're doing with their life... among many other things. I'm not ashamed to say it.

I didn't front I answered the question but I don't automatically assume that because you have a nice job or whatever you are a quality guy. I'm not 100 sure but I think that's what cherry pie was trying to say. That's how the other posters post came off even if she didn't mean it that way. That's all nothing more nothing less.

 

[*CherryPie*]

Thank you! Yes, that's exactly what I meant.

I didn't front I answered the question but I don't automatically assume that because you have a nice job or whatever you are a quality guy. I'm not 100 sure but I think that's what cherry pie was trying to say. That's how the other posters post came off even if she didn't mean it that way. That's all nothing more nothing less.

 

[WhippedButterCreme]

Interesting thread....

1) 90% of guys who approach me are like never the type I want to date (can't explain why...but it's true)

2) Someone else said this, but most guys who staaaaaaaaaaaare totally freak me out in the sense that a) they're my dad's age, or they walk with such a bad gangsta limp that I want to get them crutches lol!

3) all 'good guys' I've met were...well...in respectable places...ie not at clubs...subways, parking lots outside of Kmart (bad...bad stories LOL) ...Ie work, school, through a mutual friend, friend of the family...

4) It sounds bad...but the meaner I am to guys...it seems the harder they chase it...And I'm not a mean person, but it's something I've definitively noticed (maybe not mean but blunt? ie "Don't waste my time, I don't play games" )

5) For awhile I used to think no guy was interested in me, but friends (guys and girls alike) laughed and told me it was because of an intimidation factor, so I think that's totally it for you OP.

 

[Lenee925]

Not a good answer. But I didn't really expect one.

lol who cares? I don't have to answer to you anyway, and I don't appreciate the unnecessary drama/thread derailment to try to call me out.

 

[Kindheart]

And also even if he does have a good job and is a decent guy, if he doesn't want you what's the point in going on and on about what a great catch he is? A quality, awesome guy is the guy who also wants me, finds me to be attractive, is into me. I think women spend way to much energy on men who are unavailable or who don't want them.

W
EXACTLY!

 

[*CherryPie*]

Who cares? And I don't care that you don't appreciate it.

Wake up girl! People are going to have opinions that YOU don't like.

Get use to it......

Oh yeah, And you are not important enough for me to just want to call you out. I've never even recognized you on here. I was just commenting on something I disagreed with.

lol who cares? I don't have to answer to you anyway, and I don't appreciate the unnecessary drama/thread derailment to try to call me out.