Are white men afraid to approach us?

[meaganita]

I dont know if this has been done beofre If it has I apologize.

I live in richmond, its pretty much 40-40-20 with white and black in the majority. I see many many white men, stare at me, smile at me, and I know they want to approach me, but they dont. I know its out of fear but fear of what ?

I wont lie I dont approach men at all, so I can understand the shy thing, but brothers dont seem to have a problem approaching me even if they do get shot down.

Just this week alone, there have been some fine ass white guys who wouldnt get the courage up to ask.

Why ?

Help me understand this.

In my experience, white men are more likely to holler in a social setting, when they can actually sit and chat with you. Whereas brothas don't care, they'll walk up to you off the street, in the mall, whatever. I think most white men need to feel you out first to see if they have chance before they get shot down. Very rarely has a white man came up to me and immediately made it known that he wanted to holler.

 

[leggylana]

In my experience I find that if I'm sitting on a plane with a white guy or in a social setting and I SAY anything at all...like do you have the time...they are off to the races wanting to talk. It seems like anything to break the ice. My current boyfriend is white and when he introduces me to his friends...they all are super impressed and he says he gets major points for being with someone attractive and smart. He tells me all the time...white men are very attracted to us and wish they could to us, but might not know how to break the ice. He says the our natural hair is beautiful and he loves my hair curly not straight.

 

[Ladylyn]

I say regardless of race if he is confident in himself and doesn't care what anyone else thinks about...then if he thinks he's feelin u he will ask u out. I knew this one guy fine as all out doors. Blonde hair, pretty blue eyes and he he had a very nice body. Very charasmatic. He asked me out religously, only reason I said no cuz I'd hear him asking and going out with several others and I mean several. White men have always been attracted to black women.

 

[wyldcurlz]

Yes, white men are "afraid" to approach us. I wouldn't have thought so until a guy I was involved with told me...then his friend confirmed. Then I started asking around - friends, male and female and they all said the same thing.

For some reason, white men think that black women ONLY want black men. They think we wouldn't be interested in a white man. And I even think there is a sexual mythic stigma in there somewhere (something like black men are hung, we'd laugh at their "size" or lack of "swagger.") I've even heard my friend, who's a well-known professional athlete, say of sex with his black ex-girlfriend that "it probably wasn't as good as what she was getting from her (black) ex-boyfriend, but it was good for a white guy!"

And when a white man has approached me, its always been with the check-in question "do you date white guys?"

So i'm gonna say yes - they're afraid to approach us and we probably have to fight a little harder to be approached than ANY woman - minority or not.

 

[SvelteVelvet]

There could be a little intimidation there with most, I've come across numerous I could tell had a crush on me and tried to be flirtatious but wouldn't really put out the effort like they would if I were blond and blue eyed. But you do get some bold ones out there. Right now there's this portuguese guy that's chasing me a little hard right now, met him at my new second job. He tried to ask one of my co-workers I was training with about me first (who is white) and she said talk to her yourself, and so that's what he did. All week he'd wave at me and peek at me while I was in my cubicle, it's a call center so we have headsets on and wait for calls and I was doodling in between calls and I feel a piece of paper hit me directly on my forehead I look around and he's standing over my cubicle smiling and I just had to giggle and he asked me when I was getting out and asked me to call him when I got out. Obviously the paper had his number in it so I called him private that night and we ended up having a lot in common and having a nice conversation. I'm a little scared of him though, so he doesn't have my number yet, but I think I will date him and see what he's about because he's hella sexy and has a nice swagger, that I can tell isn't contrived. We'll see.

 

[cocoberry10]

I've been approached by men of all races, and after they approach me, some have told me that they were really intimidated/afraid to approach me.

However (and I'm generalizing here), but what I've found to be true of non-Black men that will approach a Black woman are the following desirable traits (and I'm generalizing, so please no one take offense--these are things some have actually told me) that will make them more likely to approach you (as a Black woman):

(1) Physical Attraction (this is a given with all men)
Surprisingly, they don't always want us with stick straight hair, etc. I find a lot of guys like me when I wear my hair straight or "poufy" (i.e. straw sets and more natural styles, since I'm transitioning).

(2) Petite/Smaller frame-- I have been told by several non-Black men that they were attracted to my petite, yet curvy frame. You don't have to be rail/model thin, but I definitely think the really thick frame is more attractive to Black men than non-Black (and non-Latin) men. I hate to say this b/c I don't want to offend anyone, but a Halle Berry figure would probably be more attractive to a non-Black (i.e. White man) than Queen Latifah (which would probably appeal more to Black men)

(3) Demeanor--If you are loud, rowdy, many non-Black men will be intimidated to approach you.

At the end of the day, a confident man will approach a woman he finds attractive, and this is the type of man you want (confident)!

 

[darkangel25]

Or, they may actually be interested but are concerned about what their friends and family might say so they may opt to window shop rather than buy...

Yes, I agree with all that you said, but this particular part reminded me of something this white guy said regarding black women. Anyway, he was saying that he sees a lot of black women that he is very attracted to, but that he does not approach them. He said he would be more willing to approach a Latina or an Asian woman, because his family just might accept them, but he would have reservations about approaching a black woman, because his family will not accept her no matter how great she is.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

Maybe someone's already mentioned it (I haven't read the entire thread), but it also may be a function of location.

In Atlanta, I was rarely approached by White men. It generally only happened when I was in a social setting (i.e. lounge or nightclub) or online.

New York has been a completely different story. If a White guy thinks that I'm hot, then he doesn't hesitate to say anything. Out of the four guys that I've dated in the past year, 2 of them approached me when I was out and about walking down the street

 

[esoterica]

I agree that a lot of it is based on location.