Are white men afraid to approach us?

[january noir]

That is so ridiculous. It's not like you changed in the minutes before they knew you were black. That makes no sense to me at all .

Quote:
Originally Posted by buttafly
Like everyone has stated some are intimidated, many would not want a real relationship with a black women. I have had men approach me assuming that I was Latina and once I told them I was black have lost interest. It does seem that black women are the lowest on the totem pole.

That is so ridiculous. It's not like you changed in the minutes before they knew you were black. That makes no sense to me at all .

I agree. It just sounds like he decided not to be interested, whatever the reason. I wouldn't take it personally and be glad. If a person did only because of your race, then they aren't worth knowing anyway.

 

[KatKronicles]

True to the bolded. Men looking and smiling doesn't necessarily mean diddly, and that applies to all men, but in this case we're talking about white men. Men will look at whatever they want to boink, but that doesn't mean he wants to date, marry or do anything that doesn't involve exploring the cavaties of your lotus flower. IMO, women sometimes read too much into men's behavior.

To answer the OP; in my experience I've not found white men afraid to approach me. I get hit on, asked out, followed, pestered for my number by white guys on the regular. I find such activity by any man annoying though.
I would point out, to keep in mind that for various reasons many (not all) white men have some deep seated misconceptions about black women going back hundreds of years. Some aren't even aware of their thinking. I've had to tell more than one, that the chances of him experiencing brown booty sexual nervana with me (esp. on the first, second, third, etc. date) was between 0 and -0%. Their is the belief by some that you're not really a "man" until you've slept with a black woman because we're raw and sexual.

Well i agree in part, I dated this one white guy and so we got to comparing inter race " myths" and he told me that one of the stereo types he thought was that " Black women are promiscous by nature".

Needless to say. I immediately never spoke to him again. I really wanted to tell him that white women gave birth to the porn industry where as black women are just now becoming somewhat of a genre.

I dont really want to get off subject cuz Ill get mad n stuff and

 

[Syrah]

Quote:
Originally Posted by buttafly
Like everyone has stated some are intimidated, many would not want a real relationship with a black women. I have had men approach me assuming that I was Latina and once I told them I was black have lost interest. It does seem that black women are the lowest on the totem pole.

That is so ridiculous. It's not like you changed in the minutes before they knew you were black. That makes no sense to me at all .

I agree. It just sounds like he decided not to be interested, whatever the reason. I wouldn't take it personally and be glad. If a person did only because of your race, then they aren't worth knowing anyway.

It's a stigma. Look at the information that circulates about white women and Latina women in popular culture. Now look at what circulates about black women - I'm not in any way saying that any of it is accurate in any direction.

But think: if you don't have any direct experience with something, how do you gauge your opinion? On what you've SEEN. So if you've never experienced a gay woman - you'd have to go on Ellen Degeneres and Rosie O'Donnell because those are the 2 most prominent images of gay women in the media.

The problem is everything in media shows tries to make the positives aspects of black culture in the US flukes. Oprah is a fluke, but Superhead is the norm (what?). Queen Latifah is a fluke, Monique is the norm. Halle Berry is a fluke, Vivica Fox is the norm.

I look at it like this - if you're going to judge me based on what you may have seen on the news, in a commercial, in a movie or a rap music video - save your breath and go talk to Becky or Jasselina - I'm not interested.

At the same time - if you're dating someone of another race and the only thing you seem to do is spend time debunking myths about each other - it's going nowhere. I don't mind correcting misrepresentations - I do mind being fit into a box that has no bearing on who or what I am as a person.

 

[Blossssom]

Like everyone has stated some are intimidated, many would not want a real relationship with a black women. I have had men approach me assuming that I was Latina and once I told them I was black have lost interest. It does seem that black women are the lowest on the totem pole.

Okay, fine as you are... it's too bad you can't be black and fine and desired

I guess you shouldn't have said anything, but I know you would not do that as I wouldn't.

I ain't that desperate for d**k of any color.

 

[CurliDiva]

I think white men are too afraid of what everyone else is going to say. A few guys that I was interested in over the years (a long time ago) even told me this.

At least where you are it's majority white and black.

Here in Cali, with all the race women running around, it seems we are last to be seen much less chosen.

And the darker you are, the harder it is.

Indian women, for the time being, still have their men, but I'm sure once they become 100% Americanized, they'll be hot for white women too, just like the black men are.

Oh well.

Hey Blossssom,

I do agree that it also depends on the racial diversity and relations of your loaction.

It stands to reason that IR are more common in diverse, integrated areas of the country versus more racial polarized states.

Your "Indian" comparsion is interesting!

Curli

 

[ClassicBeauty]

It's a stigma. Look at the information that circulates about white women and Latina women in popular culture. Now look at what circulates about black women - I'm not in any way saying that any of it is accurate in any direction.

But think: if you don't have any direct experience with something, how do you gauge your opinion? On what you've SEEN. So if you've never experienced a gay woman - you'd have to go on Ellen Degeneres and Rosie O'Donnell because those are the 2 most prominent images of gay women in the media.

The problem is everything in media shows tries to make the positives aspects of black culture in the US flukes. Oprah is a fluke, but Superhead is the norm (what?). Queen Latifah is a fluke, Monique is the norm. Halle Berry is a fluke, Vivica Fox is the norm.

I look at it like this - if you're going to judge me based on what you may have seen on the news, in a commercial, in a movie or a rap music video - save your breath and go talk to Becky or Jasselina - I'm not interested.

At the same time - if you're dating someone of another race and the only thing you seem to do is spend time debunking myths about each other - it's going nowhere. I don't mind correcting misrepresentations - I do mind being fit into a box that has no bearing on who or what I am as a person.

Exactly!

I actually get hit on a lot by white and latino guys. Especially lately. However, these are the same guys who tell me that I'm not like most other black people... you know how that goes. Again, I must be an exception, not the norm. Also, one of the first questions is "what are you mixed with?"
I've gone out with white guys before, but never anything serious. I didn't really like it. It's not for me. I need someone who understands my perspective. That's hard enough to find in black men, let alone other races.

 

[Blossssom]

White men don't seem to like me, LOL.

I don't think I've ever really caught one looking at me or anything.

But I've plenty open doors for me, give me their seat on the train, etc,

Way more than brothas to be honest.

Hmm, maybe they do like me.

LOL.

That's common courtesy! LOL!

Open doors; let you on/off the elevator first.

Yea, something few black men know anything about.

I remember one day I was on the elevator with two white guys and a black guy. We were all getting off in the lobby. Guess who got off first? The black guy and the two white guys looked at me and then at each other.

For some reason, I felt shame... it's like the black guy either didn't know to let women off the elevator first, or maybe it's because I was black that he didn't let me off first because I wasn't that important.

I've seen this black guy with various white folks out and about and if we make eye contact, he quickly looks away. I never see him with other blacks.

You so funny with that last bold. Ha!

 

[Blossssom]

They don't want the stimga of dating a black woman, a Latina I guess is more palatable.

Yes, especially a white-looking Latino.

 

[Blossssom]

It's a stigma. Look at the information that circulates about white women and Latina women in popular culture. Now look at what circulates about black women - I'm not in any way saying that any of it is accurate in any direction.

But think: if you don't have any direct experience with something, how do you gauge your opinion? On what you've SEEN. So if you've never experienced a gay woman - you'd have to go on Ellen Degeneres and Rosie O'Donnell because those are the 2 most prominent images of gay women in the media.

The problem is everything in media shows tries to make the positives aspects of black culture in the US flukes. Oprah is a fluke, but Superhead is the norm (what?). Queen Latifah is a fluke, Monique is the norm. Halle Berry is a fluke, Vivica Fox is the norm.

I look at it like this - if you're going to judge me based on what you may have seen on the news, in a commercial, in a movie or a rap music video - save your breath and go talk to Becky or Jasselina - I'm not interested.

At the same time - if you're dating someone of another race and the only thing you seem to do is spend time debunking myths about each other - it's going nowhere. I don't mind correcting misrepresentations - I do mind being fit into a box that has no bearing on who or what I am as a person.

I agree with this in its entirety and it's not like SHBM have not helped perpetuate what is seen in the media.

 

[MzLady78]

That's common courtesy! LOL!

Open doors; let you on/off the elevator first.

Yea, something few black men know anything about.

I remember one day I was on the elevator with two white guys and a black guy. We were all getting off in the lobby. Guess who got off first? The black guy and the two white guys looked at me and then at each other.

For some reason, I felt shame... it's like the black guy either didn't know to let women off the elevator first, or maybe it's because I was black that he didn't let me off first because I wasn't that important.

I've seen this black guy with various white folks out and about and if we make eye contact, he quickly looks away. I never see him with other blacks.

You so funny with that last bold. Ha!

It may be be courtesy, but it damn sure ain't common!!!!

 

[Blossssom]

Hey Blossssom,

I do agree that it also depends on the racial diversity and relations of your loaction.

It stands to reason that IR are more common in diverse, integrated areas of the country versus more racial polarized states.

Your "Indian" comparsion is interesting!

Curli

We shall see... they haven't been here long enough, but I'm sure they'll get around to it.

Or the Indian man may just sit back and complain about how all their women are with white guys, but the white women don't want them.

Heehee!

 

[Blossssom]

It may be be courtesy, but it damn sure ain't common!!!!

Haha! I should have said common courtesy with WHITE MEN!

 

[MsKipani]

I used to think that they were but now I don't really know anymore (or maybe just don't really care...lol)

I find that I get hit by white men much more frequently when I'm hanging out with white friends (and I'm the only girl of color there). Whenever I go out with my Italian girlfriend she's always going on about the guys checking me out and it's very weird. The cynic in me is quick to assume that they're giving me the attention because of like in the words of sleekandbouncy they want to experience brown booty nirvana :LOL:
Other times, they do hit on me and I feel that it's a bit more genuine. I do think that a lot of them are intrigued by black women but they just don't know how to get beyond the stereotypes.

I can understand their discomfort or nervousness because they are sort of stepping into another arena, especially if they've never been in an interracial relationship.

 

[Everything Zen]

It seems that the majority of men I attract are white. I think it has a lot to do with common interests myself. I think about this now as I am preparing to introduce misterman to my parents. I think a lot of it has to do with how I grew up. I went to all white elementary and middle schools. There was one black boy around during those times that I liked but he was always running around chasing the white and puerto rican girls. Of course I didn't have much luck back then (I distinctly remember the sweetest day where one boy bought all the girls in the class flowers and candy except for me and then I knew why...) It continued in high school. The few black guys that I liked never liked me or were chasing white girls of course. The few white guys that I liked didn't go for it. Then comes college. At that time I was too "different" for the brothers or again the ones I liked were all about the white girls. It was kinda funny because we had our own cliche of white/black/asian all dating other races.

 

[ClassicBeauty]

Yes, especially a white-looking Latino.

Blossom, I have a couple of friends in Cali who totally agree with you. They all swear that black is not in style at all. Black men, white men, latino men, etc all want white or as close as possible. Even my good friend in LA whose parents are Louisiana creole and is extremely light with almost straight hair says she has problems attracting men. She says no one wants a black girl. I told her that she doesn't even look black. She says she's too black to get a man in LA.erplexed Sad, but true for them. Down south, I haven't noticed that problem too much.

 

[Syrah]

Exactly!

I actually get hit on a lot by white and latino guys. Especially lately. However, these are the same guys who tell me that I'm not like most other black people... you know how that goes. Again, I must be an exception, not the norm. Also, one of the first questions is "what are you mixed with?"
I've gone out with white guys before, but never anything serious. I didn't really like it. It's not for me. I need someone who understands my perspective. That's hard enough to find in black men, let alone other races.

Being educated - the norm.
Having a job - the norm.
Being well mannered - the norm. 'Cuz we all know, even at 25, 35 or even 45, your mother will not hesitate to tell you when you're acting up.
Being ghetto - the exception.

I'm not ghetto. My family's not ghetto and my friends aren't ghetto. So don't come at me with "you're not ghetto - you must be an exception" because IN MY CIRCLE (and in most black people's circle), "ghetto" (whatever that is) IS the exception not the norm.

That's the thing: don't tell me that because I play tennis and snowboard that I'm "not black" or "not like other black people"...cuz black folks do ALL things. That's whats so damn cool about us.

I don't mind being open to new things and helping open someone else's to something new, but if we're going to sit over dinner and talk about black stereotypes and white/asian/blue/brown stereotypes, I'm not interested. And don't date me because you're trying to rebel.

Date me for me. Approach me for me. If it's because you want to know if there's truth to "once you go black, you never go back" - go find Superhead. She'll let you do whatever you want....and then write a book about it. SMH.

 

[Everything Zen]

Being educated - the norm.
Having a job - the norm.
Being well mannered - the norm. 'Cuz we all know, even at 25, 35 or even 45, your mother will not hesitate to tell you when you're acting up.
Being ghetto - the exception.

I'm not ghetto. My family's not ghetto and my friends aren't ghetto. So don't come at me with "you're not ghetto - you must be an exception" because IN MY CIRCLE (and in most black people's circle), "ghetto" (whatever that is) IS the exception not the norm.

That's the thing: don't tell me that because I play tennis and snowboard that I'm "not black" or "not like other black people"...cuz black folks do ALL things. That's whats so damn cool about us.

I don't mind being open to new things and helping open someone else's to something new, but if we're going to sit over dinner and talk about black stereotypes and white/asian/blue/brown stereotypes, I'm not interested. And don't date me because you're trying to rebel.

Date me for me. Approach me for me. If it's because you want to know if there's truth to "once you go black, you never go back" - go find Superhead.

I get a variation of this because people say "You're nice and you don't have an attitude like most black women." Don't call me "sista" and quit asking about my soul I DON'T HAVE ONE ANYMORE I SOLD IT ON EBAY!!!

 

[january noir]

Being educated - the norm.
Having a job - the norm.
Being well mannered - the norm. 'Cuz we all know, even at 25, 35 or even 45, your mother will not hesitate to tell you when you're acting up.
Being ghetto - the exception.

I'm not ghetto. My family's not ghetto and my friends aren't ghetto. So don't come at me with "you're not ghetto - you must be an exception" because IN MY CIRCLE (and in most black people's circle), "ghetto" (whatever that is) IS the exception not the norm.

That's the thing: don't tell me that because I play tennis and snowboard that I'm "not black" or "not like other black people"...cuz black folks do ALL things. That's whats so damn cool about us.

I don't mind being open to new things and helping open someone else's to something new, but if we're going to sit over dinner and talk about black stereotypes and white/asian/blue/brown stereotypes, I'm not interested. And don't date me because you're trying to rebel.

Date me for me. Approach me for me. If it's because you want to know if there's truth to "once you go black, you never go back" - go find Superhead.[/quote]


I salute you! Well said!

 

[vaqtea]

Being educated - the norm.
Having a job - the norm.
Being well mannered - the norm. 'Cuz we all know, even at 25, 35 or even 45, your mother will not hesitate to tell you when you're acting up.
Being ghetto - the exception.

I'm not ghetto. My family's not ghetto and my friends aren't ghetto. So don't come at me with "you're not ghetto - you must be an exception" because IN MY CIRCLE (and in most black people's circle), "ghetto" (whatever that is) IS the exception not the norm.

That's the thing: don't tell me that because I play tennis and snowboard that I'm "not black" or "not like other black people"...cuz black folks do ALL things. That's whats so damn cool about us.

I don't mind being open to new things and helping open someone else's to something new, but if we're going to sit over dinner and talk about black stereotypes and white/asian/blue/brown stereotypes, I'm not interested. And don't date me because you're trying to rebel.

Date me for me. Approach me for me. If it's because you want to know if there's truth to "once you go black, you never go back" - go find Superhead.

And WHUMP there it is!

 

[Nicole1976]

I have dated outside of my race quite a few times and I can say from experience that it really depends on the individual.

I have had 3 serious relationship, and they were all with white men.

All 3 approached me

 

[dlewis]

Men of all races approach me all the time.

 

[Blossssom]

I have dated outside of my race quite a few times and I can say from experience that it really depends on the individual.

I have had 3 serious relationship, and they were all with white men.

All 3 approached me

So the south is the place to be if you want a white man from what you and Lewis say.

Calling my white d**k hunting cuddy right now!

 

[simplertimes]

I don't think they are as scared as they seem. I think we as BW are just used to the straightforwardness(is that a word lol?) of Black men. In my experience, WM don't approach you so awkwardly, they usually wait until you are in a social situation(like a club or bar) to approach you...not on the street like some men......

 

[sunnydaze]

I don't think they are as scared as they seem. I think we as BW are just used to the straightforwardness(is that a word lol?) of Black men.

Your post makes alot of sense. n my experiences, white men seem more likely to strike up a conversation about something random as a way in.

 

[dlewis]

So the south is the place to be if you want a white man from what you and Lewis say.

Calling my white d**k hunting cuddy right now!

Come on Blossssom, with those tits and hair you shouldn't have a problem.

 

[january noir]

Your post makes alot of sense. n my experiences, white men seem more likely to strike up a conversation about something random as a way in.

Yes, I agree.
My current boyfriend "approached" me at my friends Christmas party.
I was oblivious to what was happening, but looking back I remember him always sitting close to me and commenting on topics I was conversating with other guests and asking me if I wanted anything when he got up to get a refreshment. I thought he just being courteous.

If I went to another area of the house, he was soon not far behind! LOL! As the night wore on, and other people were leaving, he was still there. I was spending the night so I wasn't leaving. He did not go home and we stayed up and talked for hours and had some great conversation! (my friend and her husband told me later that he was always the first to leave any party they threw).

We found we had a lot in common and have gotten along famously since that time.

Anyhoo, the point I am making is that if any man, black, white or other is sincere in getting to know you, he WILL approach you.
Forget the ones that won't or don't for any reason, whether it is ignorance or lust that drives 'em. They are not worthy of you.

 

[Bunny77]

Never had a problem with men of other races approaching me...

 

[misskris816]

Like everyone has stated some are intimidated, many would not want a real relationship with a black women. I have had men approach me assuming that I was Latina and once I told them I was black have lost interest. It does seem that black women are the lowest on the totem pole.

I have to disagree. Where I live it's predominately white, and when I'm out with my girlfriends and I walk into a hot spot, all eyes are on me. I'm a refreshing change from the all the blonde haired girls. I guess it's all a matter of how you view yourself. I feel as though I'm close to the top of the totem pole.

 

[aja1121]

I say no.

And I started a post about this in the regular hair discussion boards. To put it briefly, I was relaxed since the age of 8 (now 26) - hair was always about bra strap. Now I'm 2 years natural (and I mean curly natural) - and I'm lazy, so rarely do I do anything with it but shake and go.

And white boys are coming out the woodwork. Usually it starts with "I love your hair" or "your hair is awesome" (and if they're drunk "can I touch your hair") and then leads to "wanna go for a drink".

Which is funny to me, because at the same time, the brothers are NOWHERE to be found, and the ones that do speak assume I'm on some black-nationalist, I-hate-white-folks type thinking. They all call me sista. I had one dude ask me if I eat meat or if I was a vegetarian, and when I asked why, he was like "I figured your hair - you're probably all earthy Erkyah badu and whatnot" and I'm like "HUH??".

So in my recent experience, I'd say no.

But I also think it has a lot to do with you and your friends (or whomever you are with). Are you approachable? Do you give off an approachable air? What about your friends, when you're out?

Yes, when I was wearing my puff, I got a lot of responses like that as well. But it is definitely about who you are with...if me and my SO don't work out, the next probably will be white. I find that they are so intrigued by me especially when I'm with my white friends.

 

[audacious1]

We shall see... they haven't been here long enough, but I'm sure they'll get around to it.

Or the Indian man may just sit back and complain about how all their women are with white guys, but the white women don't want them.

Heehee!

I'm thinking your comparison is on point. Remember that radio clip some one posted last year? An Indian couple moved to the states after getting married, and he got a little bit of American culture and started to creep cause his wife wasn't giving him head. He wanted a booty call, but he couldn't say it and that part of what made it funny.

And they got colorism issues just like everybody else, so white women are their "prize" too.