A husband must be at least 2 of 3 things . . .
- Thread starter Glib Gurl
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ThatJerseyGirl
Well-Known Member
maybe those "things" works for her.
umm Glib...lololol...why did u put "who recently married at 34" lolol
but anyway,
for me, it would hafta be
A good Christian,
A good looking man
A good lover
A good provider
A good friend.
umm Glib...lololol...why did u put "who recently married at 34" lolol
but anyway,
for me, it would hafta be
A good Christian,
A good looking man
A good lover
A good provider
A good friend.
Glib Gurl
Well-Known Member
Because I think her age makes a difference . . . what she's down for at 34 is probably different than what she would've been down for at, say, 25.
moonglowdiva
New Member
I think that there is more to it than this. What constitutes a good provider, a good father (assuming that he already has kids because if he doesn't have kid then how do you know he will make a good father), a good lover? Is he God fearing (does that count for something)? What is you have a husband who met all three of the above requirement but he was a womanizer, liar, a thief even, does that make him a good husband. There is a whole lot more than just the three above listed. I think that he has to be a good man before he can ever be a good husband.
BeautifulFlower
Well-Known Member
Add an ambitious man and you got what I need.
YankeeCandle
New Member
I think those are 100% correct...for her. And my list will be 100% correct...for me.
I hate the idea floating around (whether through folk wisdom or the self-help industry) that there is one-size-fits all relationship advice. There's not. Human beings may share core needs but we each arrive at them and attempt to fulfill them in wildly different ways. It is folly to chart the course of one's life or relationship based on someone else's idea of what works for people generally.
If your friend keeps pushing her axioms on you, I'd smile and say, "That sounds like good advice for your relationship," and hope she takes that as a cue to not press the issue.
I hate the idea floating around (whether through folk wisdom or the self-help industry) that there is one-size-fits all relationship advice. There's not. Human beings may share core needs but we each arrive at them and attempt to fulfill them in wildly different ways. It is folly to chart the course of one's life or relationship based on someone else's idea of what works for people generally.
If your friend keeps pushing her axioms on you, I'd smile and say, "That sounds like good advice for your relationship," and hope she takes that as a cue to not press the issue.
daydreem2876
carpe diem
A man could be all three of those things and still not be suitable marriage material. Relationship are so individualistic, unique to the people involved. To me, thats the beautiful part.
My aunt who married around the age of 46/47 told me that she asked God for a man that loved God...and that's what she got. She told me she didn't think about "other" things that were important so she told me be specific with God in what you want.
Mind you, she loves her husband BUT he's not educated, he's not financially doing well, he's not motivated, she can't have kids so I dont know about the good father thing, and she steady complains about him but he is a God fearing man.
I took heed of what she said so I have a list.
Mind you, she loves her husband BUT he's not educated, he's not financially doing well, he's not motivated, she can't have kids so I dont know about the good father thing, and she steady complains about him but he is a God fearing man.
I took heed of what she said so I have a list.
Taleah2009
Well-Known Member
Glib Gurl
Well-Known Member
My aunt who married around the age of 46/47 told me that she asked God for a man that loved God...and that's what she got. She told me she didn't think about "other" things that were important so she told me be specific with God in what you want.
Mind you, she loves her husband BUT he's not educated, he's not financially doing well, he's not motivated, she can't have kids so I dont know about the good father thing, and she steady complains about him but he is a God fearing man.
I took heed of what she said so I have a list.
You know, I have heard that from so many women - about being SPECIFIC with God about what you desire in a mate . . . and yeah, that is good advice
Mai Tai
Miss Nigeria-America
WOW. So you telling me that I only get to choose 2 out of 3 things. Talk about LOW standards. This is basically telling me to take what I can get, and anything more is expecting too much. Thats BS!
I agree with those that say relationships are highly individualistic. No two are the same. If this works for this woman then good for her, but let other people establish their own rules for what works for them. This is why I do not read relationship books and other things of the sort.
I agree with those that say relationships are highly individualistic. No two are the same. If this works for this woman then good for her, but let other people establish their own rules for what works for them. This is why I do not read relationship books and other things of the sort.
tailormade84
New Member
You know, I have heard that from so many women - about being SPECIFIC with God about what you desire in a mate . . . and yeah, that is good advice
be specific all you want - i am a living witness that God is not (usually) going to give you every little thing on YOUR list....
...but He is gonna give you want you NEED....
ClassicBeauty
New Member
God gave me JUST what I asked for!
I believe that you should be specific in your prayers.
God gave me JUST what I asked for!
I believe that you should be specific in your prayers.
Thank you
This is what I believe.This, right here.
Every woman isn't the same, so what she wants, needs, and expects from a man are not gonna be the same either. There are several things any woman should have, but other than that, its allllll about her particular personality and lifestyle.If you list three things you want in a man and only require two, then your friend would be settling. No doubt, she would not be happy with just the two because someone would get slighted and she would have to pick up the slack in the third area. God forbid...if the poor man is a good father and good provider and not a good lover. Where would your thoughts of a good lover be each night? It certainly would not be dazing about her and her husband. Let's turn these requirements around and what if the man told your girlfriend she meant two out of three of his requirements and the one she didn't meet was a 'good lover'. Does she honestly think her husband would be satisfied with this?
When we marry, we have to look at the entire picture and consider all aspects. Two out of three is a major problem.
When we marry, we have to look at the entire picture and consider all aspects. Two out of three is a major problem.
tailormade84
New Member
God gave me JUST what I asked for!
I believe that you should be specific in your prayers.
ok well maybe i was just greedy
BeautifulFlower
Well-Known Member
I think there's a difference between having a list and being specific. I believe having a list leads to inflexibility but being specific in prayer is more about your non-negotiables.
Hmmm...yeah, I never thought about it this way.
For example, I have a friend who's been dating this guy for about 2 years. Everything she said was non negotiable, has become acceptable. Does this happen when you want it that bad??
erplexed
BeautifulFlower
Well-Known Member
Hmmm...yeah, I never thought about it this way.
For example, I have a friend who's been dating this guy for about 2 years. Everything she said was non negotiable, has become acceptable. Does this happen when you want it that bad??
I am not sure its about wanting it that bad more than its about knowing what you can and can not deal with. That takes knowing yourself well. If you know what you really need and want, I believe, with patience, you can have it.
And just because these ladies are getting married doesnt mean they are getting the man that fits them more than they are getting a man simply welling to marry them. I say that because people will stay with their mate because they want a wedding but they dont REALLY love the person they are marrying.
cheetarah1980
Well-Known Member
Hmmm...yeah, I never thought about it this way.
For example, I have a friend who's been dating this guy for about 2 years. Everything she said was non negotiable, has become acceptable. Does this happen when you want it that bad??
I don't necessarily think it's about wanting it that bad, but moreso getting in too deep. I always use the example of wanting children as a non-negotiable. Both parties need to be on the same page on this issue. However, it's still very possible for a person who deeply desires to have children to fall in love with someone who vehemently does not want any.
I think some non-negotiables are based in attraction and others are based in practicality given desired lifestyle choices. When we start dating and ultimately fall for people who do not fit the non-negotiable practical traits we desire in a mate it doesn't necessarily mean that the unacceptable has become acceptable but rather that we've placed ourself in the dangerous predicament of being emotionally tied to someone who is ultimately incompatible.
I think the bolded is so true and can happen. I mean it happened to my friend. For example, sHe's muslim & he's christian...that was non-negotiable for her to marry somone outside her religion because religion is VERY important to her but now, she's willing to work it out.
In every way, he's not the type of guy she wanted...but the emotional ties are there.
cheetarah1980
Well-Known Member
That's why we have to be careful about who we allow ourselves to get emotionally tied to. The whole idea that we can't help who we fall for is a crock. 99.9% of us in this forum have found ourselves drawn to someone we knew would be wrong for us in the long run. Some of us made a conscious effort to remove ourselves from the situations, others kept spending time with that person and then act all surprised when we fall in love. Well what did we expect to happen when we're consistently spending time with someone who's company we enjoy and to whom we're attracted?I think the bolded is so true and can happen. I mean it happened to my friend. For example, sHe's muslim & he's christian...that was non-negotiable for her to marry somone outside her religion because religion is VERY important to her but now, she's willing to work it out.
In every way, he's not the type of guy she wanted...but the emotional ties are there.
Some couples work the issues out, eventually realizing that the differences aren't that important after all. But I'd dare to say that the majority just wound up heartbroken in the end when they realize that they have to break it off with someone they never should've been with in the first place. I hope your friend figures it out before too much more time and investment is made.
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Nope, its too late because they are planning to get engaged. She's had all the warning signs.
YankeeCandle
New Member
Nope, its too late because they are planning to get engaged. She's had all the warning signs.
I don't know about your friend's case, but I don't think it's necessarily true that choosing an emotional/mental connection over one's prior "list" is always an act harmful to one's self. Maybe a person will discover that that connection was ultimately more important than the items on their list were. When people warn against the dangers of "compromising" and "settling," it seems almost that the The List (of important lifestyle choices like parenting or religion) is being stuck to for the sake of sticking to it...as though people's priorities can't change over time.
Maybe your friend struggles with the truth that her betrothed believes (religion-wise) differently than her, but maybe she's willing to put up with that struggle in order to reap a reward she consideres ultimately more beneficial (the relationship/connection with her betrothed).
BeautifulFlower
Well-Known Member
Nope, its too late because they are planning to get engaged. She's had all the warning signs.
I hope the works out for your friend. Religion is something people can seemingly ignore while dating but when kids are introduced to the equation is can be not so easy to ignore.
suburbanbushbabe
New Member
- a standup guy who loves me unconditionally. That is all I need.
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