Young Wife, Broke Older Husband - Preg Again

Enyo said:
I would have gotten on Christian Mingle, and that's not a joke. Maybe she was opposed to online dating, but it'd be worth a go. Better than settling.

Also, I'm trying to casually get info about his job. We've been texting back and forth about our clients (she has a homeless client and I worked with a housing program). Trying to delicately move to the subject of his work.
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Yes. I have also heard E-Harmony is very christian friendly.
 
Well, managed to casually ask and he works in a mid range jewelry store. I specify mid range because I know people who work at places like Tiffany's and Harry Winston and they're clearing between $70-$90,000 a year if they do their job properly. She also says that he's only able to take off two weeks paid vacation.

Edited: Ok, scratch the sales part. I asked what store he worked in and she said he doesn't work in one. Hmm.

Edited again: So, I asked her if her husband was in sales and she just said "no" but didn't respond letting me know what he actually does. Isn't the usual response to say what their position actually is? Or am I just bitter because she won't spill the beans and help me end my obsession with this topic?:whyme:
 
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Petal26 said:
Girl, you're not kidding. I HAVE NEVER heard a man of means complain about gold diggers. It's always the broke ones trying to keep their 20 bucks in their pocket :rolleyes:
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:lachen: :lachen: :lachen: Innit! With their "lemme hold something 'til Friday" asses!

Enyo said:
Well, managed to casually ask and he works in a mid range jewelry store. I specify mid range because I know people who work at places like Tiffany's and Harry Winston and they're clearing between $70-$90,000 a year if they do their job properly. She also says that he's only able to take off two weeks paid vacation she also says that he's only able to take off two weeks paid vacation.
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Dang, I didn't know jewelry sales reps made that kind of paper! Sales is always a crap shoot though, especially if they only work on commission. But at least they don't hound you like sales reps at other typically regular, low-end stores do. The people who work the kiosks in malls are the worst.

One time when I was out with my sons' father we were walking around in the mall. This woman stopped us and was trying to sell me something. It was some type of hand cream, exfoliant or body care item. She was telling me how much it cost after she let me sample the product. I told her I would come back and get it another day and asked her if she had a business card. She gave me her card, and then after that don't ya'll know this rude bihh asked me why I wasn't going to buy it from her at that exact moment? I looked at her like she was crazy and told her we didn't come into the mall for that.

I thought that was in poor taste, but it seems like that's how foreigners act. The nerve!
 
Enyo said:
Edited: Ok, scratch the sales part. I asked what store he worked in and she said he doesn't work in one. Hmm.
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Enyo said:
Edited again: So, I asked her if her husband was in sales and she just said "no" but didn't respond letting me know what he actually does. Isn't the usual response to say what their position actually is? Or am I just bitter because she won't spill the beans and help me end my obsession with this topic?
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That is the usual response. But, I have noticed that people who either don't want you to know what they actually do or are embarrassed about what they actually do end up not elaborating further. Or it could be that he just ain't got no job like Tommy from "Martin" and she's just trying to save face. :kanyeshrug:

I notice that that's the narrative when I have asked a guy what he does, and usually if they're lying it will be revealed relatively quickly. I also see this on social media a lot.
 
shortycocoa said:
That is the usual response. But, I have noticed that people who either don't want you to know what they actually do or are embarrassed about what they actually do end up not elaborating further.
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That's what I thought. I'm assuming that she's not lying since she offered to get me a discount with the company. But I can't think of what he does that she'd want to hide. I mean, what's the lowest level job you can have at a jewelry company?

I'm hoping that she just didn't respond because it's none of my business. That would make me feel a lot better than hearing that he something low enough to be embarrassed about.
 
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Enyo said:
That's what I thought. I'm assuming that she's not lying since she offered to get me a discount with the company. But I can't think of what he does that she'd want to hide. I mean, what's the lowest level job you can have at a jewelry company?

I'm hoping that she just didn't respond because it's none of my business. That would make me feel a lot better than hearing that he something low enough to be embarrassed about.
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I'm thinking he's actually unemployed.
 
DarkJoy said:
I'm thinking he's actually unemployed.
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I may agree if she hadn't offered to get me a discount with the company. I guess the only way to test if she's lying is to actually want to buy something, I'm not in the market for jewelry right now despite me wanting to get to the bottom of the situation. Plus she said he's taking vacation time off. If he wasn't working she could just say he decided to be a stay at home dad.
 
Okay, so she has had the baby and wants me to come and see him. I'll probably go on a weekend, and her husband will probably be there. I don't want to disrespect and judge someone in their own home, so I'm nervous that I'll say something or make a face. Puh-LEEZ give me some do's and don'ts for this visit. Generally, I would just send my gift via mail (which I did), and be on my way. But I think her appreciation of the gift caused her to extend an invitation to come to her house.

Also, is it rude to offer to help clean up or do some laundry? I wouldn't want to be rude, but I enjoy being useful.
 
DarkJoy said:
always offer help to a new mom!focus the conversation on the baby and your friend. ignore the man if you can. keep the visit short.
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I agree! A new mom will appreciate the offer, even if she doesn't take you up on it. If she doesn't want help around the house she'll probably love some help with the baby, even if it's something as simple as feeding or spending time with him so she can have a moment to herself for a quick nap or shower.

It might also be nice or helpful to bring food.
 
shortycocoa said:
I agree! A new mom will appreciate the offer, even if she doesn't take you up on it. If she doesn't want help around the house she'll probably love some help with the baby, even if it's something as simple as feeding or spending time with him so she can have a moment to herself for a quick nap or shower.

It might also be nice or helpful to bring food.
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Thank you. I sent pre-prepared meals as a new baby gift. Maybe bring more?
 
I don't like the age difference. When I was that age, I would never go with somebody that old. Now that I'm that old, I will never go with somebody that young. I had a 20 year old friend who was going with a 50 ish garbage collector. I was too pissed at both of them. She wanted a sugar daddy and he wanted young love. In the end, my friend stole from him to feed her drug habit. She passed away years ago but I still think of her poor young kids she left behind.:afro:
 
Here's my opinion.

I don't think that he is broke, or without a job. I think he is just CHEAP. I know so many of that ethnicity that pinch pennies to get the millions they have in bank. They have a financial plan and don't deviate. Which means, she must go back to work for medical care insurance.
 
Transformer said:
Here's my opinion.

I don't think that he is broke, or without a job. I think he is just CHEAP. I know so many of that ethnicity that pinch pennies to get the millions they have in bank. They have a financial plan and don't deviate. Which means, she must go back to work for medical care insurance.
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She should be able to have insurance through his job. Also, she said it was "all they could afford".
 
Enyo said:
She should be able to have insurance through his job. Also, she said it was "all they could afford".
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I've heard that expression millions of time from people who then go on to buy a private island or purchase a Chick-fil-a franchise.

RIGHT NOW--I can't "afford" to have dinner at McDonalds. It's not the same as saying I don't have the money.
 
Transformer said:
I've heard that expression millions of time from people who then go on to buy a private island or purchase a Chick-fil-a franchise.

RIGHT NOW--I can't "afford" to have dinner at McDonalds. It's not the same as saying I don't have the money.
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I'm just inclined to believe he's just broke. She looked ashamed when she said that she didn't take a honeymoon and had to go back to work after 6 weeks. If that's a choice based on being cheap, then she shouldn't be flustered and embarrassed.

ETA: And I don't think there is anything wrong with just saying you're trying to spend as little as possible. Hawaii is an extremely expensive place to live and everyone is always looking for ways to save money. It's really common for folks to openly talk about what they're doing without in order to keep their expenses to a minimum.
 
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@Enyo

Understand the environment, lived there for two years. Knew a lot of penny pinching Asians. Funny because one of the guys was a jewelry salesman importing gold and gems from places such as Thailand. Many have dual citizenship and either go back "home' for major treatment or working the Medicaid qualification system for immigrants.
 
Transformer said:
@Enyo

Understand the environment, lived there for two years. Knew a lot of penny pinching Asians. Funny because one of the guys was a jewelry salesman importing gold and gems from places such as Thailand. Many have dual citizenship and either go back "home' for major treatment or working the Medicaid qualification system for immigrants.
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There are just too many red flags for me to think he has money is just cheap. I guess it would have been more obvious if you had physically seen the discomfort. Squirming, red face (she's very VERY white looking, no-eye-contact, awkward laugh. Not in line with the behavior of someone who can afford it but is married to a stingy man. If he did something worth talking about with the jewelry store, I think she would have said so.

ETA: Oh, and she also expressed concerned that Trump would cut WIC because she is on it. If her husband was making bank, then she wouldn't be eligible for it since she's legally married and residing with the father.
 
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Not sure if this guy is cheap or just poor. But if he had the money and was so cheap that she couldn’t take extra leave or have a honeymoon, she could still feel embarrassed if he is the one making these decisions and not her. For many American women to finally be married and have the baby you wanted, but still not have the life you were hoping for, is disappointing. I’m sure she wanted to go on a honeymoon and take a little more time off with her baby. Whatever the reason. Whether he is poor or just cheap, she probably is a bit sad and embarrassed.
 
hopeful said:
Not sure if this guy is cheap or just poor. But if he had the money and was so cheap that she couldn’t take extra leave or have a honeymoon, she could still feel embarrassed if he is the one making these decisions and not her. For many American women to finally be married and have the baby you wanted, but still not have the life you were hoping for, is disappointing. I’m sure she wanted to go on a honeymoon and take a little more time off with her baby. Whatever the reason. Whether he is poor or just cheap, she probably is a bit sad and embarrassed.
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Oooh. She seemed so over the moon with everything that it never occurred to me that she's already experiencing sadness and embarrassment. I mean, lots of us (me included), said this was going to turn bad, but dang! It's only been a year and some change. But, then again, she did settle so...
 
Enyo said:
ETA: Oh, and she also expressed concerned that Trump would cut WIC because she is on it. If her husband was making bank, then she wouldn't be eligible for it since she's legally married and residing with the father.
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I've read of immigrants on Section 8 while living in mansions and owning businesses---there are loopholes. But maybe they are poor.
 
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