As for a baby, I don't know if I really really want one which is yet another reason this is a silly dilemma because why make plans or worry about something I'm not sold on? It seems more of a fantasy. I want the option, and the option to do it the best way possible. I don't want to do the work of raising a child let alone without the father around to help. I think babies are cute and would fulfill that sense of "family" that I crave. But do I deeply want to be a mother, I don't think so.
I don't see my SO and I getting married anytime soon but my BIO clock is ringing loudly. What comes first, baby before marriage? I'm thinking that may be my life path. I've heard that the chance of a couple getting married after a baby drops significantly and it makes me a little sad. Do you only date men that are willing to marry and have a baby in 1-2 years? How is this suppose to work?!!
As a woman over 30, IMO reasonable is 1-2 years. If he has not broached the subject, skirts around the topic, etc, you are wasting your time. Everyone will say they know that ONE PERSON who supposedly got their happily ever after while waiting for 50-11 years but that is not the norm.@LiftedUp What would make you do the sperm bank route over the SO?
@Belle Du Jour reasonable amount of time is the million dollar question! I'm not in a rush to get married without a child around. That's the driving reason for me today.
It will all work out...
I don't see my SO and I getting married anytime soon but my BIO clock is ringing loudly. What comes first, baby before marriage? I'm thinking that may be my life path. I've heard that the chance of a couple getting married after a baby drops significantly and it makes me a little sad. Do you only date men that are willing to marry and have a baby in 1-2 years? How is this suppose to work?!!
@LiftedUp What would make you do the sperm bank route over the SO?
I think you are so confused because you really don't know what you want and you are also mixing together two unresolved issues.
You don't seem to be very pressed to get married. You want a relationship, commitment, and love, but aren't completely convinced you want to marry. You also like the idea of having a child but it isn't a strong desire for you like it is for some women. You are kinda lukewarm about marriage and children. They both sound nice and are appealing, but you just aren't absolutely positive you want either. Your biggest problem IMO is time. I think you need to do some soul searching and really dig deep and get to know you and figure out what you want. Until you really know yourself, you can't fully show up as you, and give you what you want and need.
You also may be feeling pressure to make a decision because of societal pressure. Because men don't give birth to children and can become fathers at a much later age, they have more time to mature, play, and figure things out.
But I agree that everything will work out. There's more to life than marriage and children. While those two things are a big deal to many women, some women find happiness from many other sources and are fine without a husband or children, or with only one or the other.
Whatever happens you will be fine. Try not to worry about it too much. You seem like such a free spirit and there is nothing wrong with that.