Tradition: Children before Marriage...thoughts?

[LovelyNaps26]

BronzeGoddess01 on youtube didn't have her daughter OOW but she did something that i would recommend for someone who was pregnant and planned on marriage.

she had a courthouse wedding. later on she had her traditional wedding. i'm not saying they should be years apart but if marriage is really a priority then i'd wear a nice outfit, invite my BFF and parents and go to the courthouse. then have a nice elegant lunch. a few months later i'd do the works so i could celebrate with family.

as for OOW baby...i'm not even having sex until marriage so um...yeah. so OOW baby would be a miracle. it happens but if marriage is a priority it can happen and i don't think logistics should be an obstacle.

 

[MizAvalon]

@MizAvalon

I transitioned for about 11 months. My last relaxer was 6-4-11 and I BC'd on 4-30-12. You're at 14 months which should show a good amount of new growth. I think that if you BC, you will have anough length to do some cute styles, i.e twist outs, bantu knot outs, etc. If you're over the transitioning process (which was very draining to meerplexed), I say go for it ONLY IF you have a back-up plan...wigs, weaves, braids, and even cute headbands and scarves. At least you know at that point you can start off fresh with your natural hair.
When do you plan to BC?

I was thinking of waiting until 24 months. Or at least long enough so that I can have a ponytail that isn't too wimpy. I have a decent amount of new growth now but I'm just afraid of short hair. Can't wait until I have enough for a huge afro!

 

[Julessy]

OP, is hiring a wedding planner an option? They would be able to do a lot of the legwork for you.

You know, I was thinking of hiring a wedding planner to take a load off of my back. I didn't want to lose my vision for what I wanted and I know how some wedding planners can take over. I actually witnessed that happen with a girlfriend of mine so to avoid all of that, I told myself that I will do all of the planning. I probably need to hop back over to the wedding planning thread and get some pointers!

ETA: I have family coming from Haiti in November (after three years of paperwork!!) that I will have to incorporate in the ceremony last minute. This is a big reason why we decided to push it to December.

 

[PeaceFlow]

I'm not sure I think too much about it as long as the couple are solid.

I've known quite a few good couples in your predicament where they have been together years, had the baby, then got married after. I dont curr lol. Only thing I second look is when people in deadbeat relationships/marriages bring kids into it.

If you like traditional, choose traditional. If you don't and feel things are still healthy, dont choose traditional, or semi choose it lol. All I care about is my own marital plans, not anyone elses.

 

[gabulldawg]

yes like everyone is saying do what's best for your family right now. i if i was in your shoes, i'd just go to the courthouse and save the ceremony/rings/money/planning/honeymoon for your 5 or 10 year anniversary or something. that way you're legally married on paper and have the benefits of a wife. like firecracker said, don't try to have a big ceremony and stuff just to please others right now.

This is what we did and I don't regret it.

 

[Julessy]

MizAvalon
Good luck to you on the remaining 10 months or so. It will fly right on by and the next thing you know, you'll be looking fly with a nice twist out the next day

And be sure to wear some shades a.k.a hater blockers, b/c there some natural head hatas out here....trust me I already encountered a few out in public, but I don't give a ****!Just pokin' fun

gabulldawg

We were SOOOOOOO close to going to the courthouse. It was like an itch that I couldn't scratch or somethin'...especially for legal issues...I absolutely hate not having the same last name as DS, but I kept saying to myself "only a litle while longer" and I will be able to do both; be legally married and have a small, yet nice ceremony with all of my family, especially the ones traveling from Haiti. Also, gabulldawg, I did some searching through the forum archives for other threads on this topic and came across a closed thread about having multiple kids OOW with the same man and saw you in there commenting a few times....boy was that thread gettin' it in or what?!?!? No wonder they 'gated it. Some of those women were taking it to the next level...

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

Since you're asking opinions, I don't believe you should have children OOW, and if you can avoid having kids OOW then that's better. Of course you want to have a healthy marriage if possible.

A healthy relationship is better than an unhealthy marriage ANY DAY. AND, an unhealthy marriage will not make a parenting situation better.

IF you and your fiance have a healthy relationship and YOU WANT a wedding, why not get what you want? You're an adult, your decision is made, the baby is here and the plan is to get married, so take the time you feel you need to have the wedding you desire. If you feel uncomfortable about not being married, then go ahead and do a courthouse wedding or have a minister come to your home or something simpler in a park with just a few friends and then do your big wedding later.

It seems you are a little uncomfortable with your situation (not being married), as most women would be---but if you know he is a good mate and there IS a plan to get married, then get to planning. Get help if needed....It is what it is....but DO YOU. We can't really validate you....Its all on you

Good luck, God bless. Keep us up to date!

 

[Julessy]

naturalgyrl5199
Thank you for the well wishes. Also, you brought up something that my mother told me just yesterday, " If you feel uncomfortable about not being married, then go ahead and do a courthouse wedding or have a minister come to your home or something simpler in a park with just a few friends and then do your big wedding later." She told me that I can still go ahead with planning the ceremony as planned in December, but to still try and go to the courthouse and make it legal. You and she are right... especially with my son's surname not being the same as mine. It really kills me to see that.
I have a lot of thinking to do...

I will definitely try and keep you updated with the planning process and what I decide!
Thanks again!
Btw, I attached 2 photos of DS!

 

[naturalgyrl5199]

He's a cutie pie!!!

 

[Julessy]

He's a cutie pie!!!

Thank you!!!