She Wants To Have A Baby With Your So

[Black Ambrosia]

At one point I entertained the idea of approaching an ex about something like this but never actually did it. I don't think I'd have the nerve to approach someone in a relationship but I understand a woman not giving any flucks. Having a child is so much bigger than someone your dating today who may be old news tomorrow. I'm not taking the subject matter lightly btw. I think most men that do this truly want a child and aren't just helping the other person out. If a man really wants a child then he'll entertain the offer and I don't know that his relationship status would matter unless he'd already identified his gf as his future wife.

 

[Black Ambrosia]

Is there any chance he made this up to see how firm your friend is about not having any more children?

 

[junipertree]

I find this comment odd given that your friend already has a child. Even though it's an adult child, she definitely would've been viewed the same when the kid was younger and possibly even now. This works both ways.

Yeah I get that. I know it works both ways and I've told her this. But like I said it's slightly different in that it's not a child that he had already. I don't think she would have had a problem if he had a child already - in fact I think she wishes he had knowing she's not going to have any more. I think it would be different if it were a child from a relationship rather than a child conceived this way. Maybe that doesn't make sense. My previous post was more generally speaking.

 

[junipertree]

Is there any chance he made this up to see how firm your friend is about not having any more children?

I thought this and I think that's where she's struggling. She's kind of like should I give him my blessings to do this since I'm not going to have a kid with him? But I think she feels like she was clear about that in the very beginning and he said he did not want kids. Really I think he said he would have liked to have a child with her but since she doesn't want to he is ok with that. Hmmmm....

 

[londontresses]

Maybe they had one of those - 'if we turn 40 and neither of us are married' type agreements and she felt comfortable to approach him. On his side he should've just said no and kept it moving. The fact that he even bothered to tell your friend rings alarm bells.

 

[junipertree]

Maybe they had one of those - 'if we turn 40 and neither of us are married' type agreements and she felt comfortable to approach him. On his side he should've just said no and kept it moving. The fact that he even bothered to tell your friend rings alarm bells.

That's what DH said lol.

You could be right about the turning 40 part.

 

[lux10023]

ditto because why would anyone you haven't spoken to in a yr assume your single. wouldnt that be the first question and once you confirmed you are not single and in a relationship, the baby question wouldn't even be an option

i feel like there is a small piece to this puzzle that is missing...

as a man i wouldnt have brought this nonsense to the woman im in a current relationship with, if my man knows me he would know this would not go over well with me..it would cause me to pause everything

i dont ever bring nonsense to my dh....several of my ex's are very successful and the things they do ( gifts, reaching out to communicate, sending invitations to certain things) still to this day in regard to me would have dh divorcing me in a heartbeat..i dont entertain any of it but just knowing ppl are coming at your SO in that manner is enough for a partner to be like dis tew much, deuces

this seems so weird to me.. i don't even know where to start

 

[KimPossibli]

ditto because why would anyone you haven't spoken to in a yr assume your single. wouldnt that be the first question and once you confirmed you are not single and in a relationship, the baby question wouldn't even be an option

i feel like there is a small piece to this puzzle that is missing...

as a man i wouldnt have brought this nonsense to the woman im in a current relationship with, if my man knows me he would know this would not go over well with me..it would cause me to pause everything

i dont ever bring nonsense to my dh....several of my ex's are very successful and the things they do ( gifts, reaching out to communicate, sending invitations to certain things) still to this day in regard to me would have dh divorcing me in a heartbeat..i dont entertain any of it but just knowing ppl are coming at your SO in that manner is enough for a partner to be like dis tew much, deuces

yes. I find when men/women in a relationship bring these things to their partner its often a means of showing off '' like don't you know you're lucky?'

 

[MizAvalon]

No way!

 

[junipertree]

ditto because why would anyone you haven't spoken to in a yr assume your single. wouldnt that be the first question and once you confirmed you are not single and in a relationship, the baby question wouldn't even be an option

i feel like there is a small piece to this puzzle that is missing...

as a man i wouldnt have brought this nonsense to the woman im in a current relationship with, if my man knows me he would know this would not go over well with me..it would cause me to pause everything

i dont ever bring nonsense to my dh....several of my ex's are very successful and the things they do ( gifts, reaching out to communicate, sending invitations to certain things) still to this day in regard to me would have dh divorcing me in a heartbeat..i dont entertain any of it but just knowing ppl are coming at your SO in that manner is enough for a partner to be like dis tew much, deuces

You pretty much summed up exactly how I feel. Some things, especially if nothing is to come from it, is not worth mentioning to your SO/DH. Unless it was an option he was exploring, which is a whole other issue, then I fail to see the point.

I'm really starting to go with it's an option he wanted to throw out there. Maybe he really does want a child and he was testing her reaction.

 

[okange76]

This is why if you already have a child and don't want any more, it is risky to date someone who is of child bearing years and has none. Best bet is to find someone who has one nearly grown kid and absolutely does not want anymore. You have your kid, he has his kid, now both of you can march into the sunset. Men are notorious for changing their minds in their late 40s when they are childless. They also do this when they are in a new relationship to help cement the bond between blended families. I know someone who was in her mid 40s and childless while he had two preteen boys. They had been together over 5 years. One day he brought it up and she gave him an ultimatum. He had one month to try and after that forget it because she was too old. It took him 3 weeks and their daughter is now 7 yrs old.

 

[luckiestdestiny]

 

[luckiestdestiny]

Maybe they had one of those - 'if we turn 40 and neither of us are married' type agreements and she felt comfortable to approach him. On his side he should've just said no and kept it moving. The fact that he even bothered to tell your friend rings alarm bells.

THIS. And the fact that he is entertaining the idea....

 

[ElizaBlue]

I'm sorry what's the question?

Regardless, there is no answer, because at this point we are no longer in a relationship. One you had to have a relationship with the ex-girl to even get a question like that posed to you (strike one)...you listened past "hey stranger"...(strike two) ...then you brought that nonsense to me (strike three) you are OUT.

 

[MsNaturalcurl82]

Hell to the Naw Naw Naw!!

 

[naturalmanenyc]

If he's considering it....time to dump him.

I think I posted about it here before, but DH's ex did that ish to him years ago when we were dating.

She reached out to him and asked to have a baby with him after explaining that her ex won custody of their kid. She did NOT say insemination until he asked her WTH she was trying to ask. That's when she said insemination and legal paperwork.

DH told her about me, she admitted that she knew, and he cursed her out for even approaching him. Jerry Springer crap.

 

[naturalmanenyc]

Turns out I did post about it on this forum.
https://longhaircareforum.com/threa...to-a-male-once-hes-taken.245109/#post-4774515

I still think men become more attractive once they're taken.

 

[Evolving78]

I'm glad I'm not the only one. It's really really strange to me.

Apparently she didn't know he was in a relationship but even after he told her she still was like .

I find that disrespectful....and weird.

She doesn't respect boundaries and I would leave him alone.

 

[CaraWalker]

I really don't think the ex is pregnant only because he's saying he is not going to do it. Had he said hey I'm thinking about doing this maybe I would agree. Plus the ex lives in another far away state and my friend and new guy pretty much live together. Not saying it couldn't happen but highly unlikely from what she's told me. I actually never even thought of this as a scenario.

you fell for that too (ie he clearly already got your friend with it )

 

[PretteePlease]

pshhhhhhhhhh boy bye

 

[LovinLea]

This reminds me of the thread about people who stay in touch with their exes are narcissists or psychopaths.

 

[tyrablu]

So are most saying they wouldn't want to know if their SO/DH was approached with this?

I would have thought his reaction to such a thing would be what's important.

This reminds me of that thread where an ex asked someone's current SO to go on a vacation without their current SO.

Like who does that?

 

[PeaceLover]

Umm why can't she go to a sperm bank? Or adopt?