2013 Whats happening Relationship Folks

[LovelyLouboutin]

Thank you. Our relationship is still fairly new so I'm trying to figure out where my place is in this.
But I deff did suggest he keep their daughter until she can talk to someone and is stable.
I guess she's headed to a mental facility for a while.

Which is where she should be.

My best friends husband committed suicide. Left her with two kids under 5 to raise. (I spoke about it here when it happened).

Had he been in a facility or had the doctors given him the correct medicine then he might still be here.

Mental illness and depression are not things one should handle alone.

Just be supportive to your bf as I'm sure he is in disbelief, pain, and probably fearful for what could have happened or what might happen in the future.

The lawyer in me wants to tell him to go file for full custody.....

 

[tinkat]

Well today was my last day at my job. In two weeks ill be with my love. I also have a phone interview tomorrow with HR for position I have been wanting with the company i have been working for. Fingers are crossed.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Ganjababy]

This man really loves me.

 

[crlsweetie912]

Well today was my last day at my job. In two weeks ill be with my love. I also have a phone interview tomorrow with HR for position I have been wanting with the company i have been working for. Fingers are crossed. Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

So happy for you. Best of luck on your phone interview!!!!!

 

[tinkat]

So happy for you. Best of luck on your phone interview!!!!!

Thank you! Really appreciate that.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[DarkJoy]

He tryna be slick. When we first met, he was talmbout moving 75 mi away. Now dude Asking where's a good place to live over here near my place within 5 miles. We currently live about 30miles apart which can be up to an hour at rush hour.

He was trying to be all business about it too. As well as asking again about syncing up our weekend schedules to spend more than 1 or 2 days a week together. Uh huh, man, I gotcho number. I like spending time with you too.

____________
*.~.*Sent from a distant Galaxy in the Unicorn-verse*.~.*

 

[crlsweetie912]

Seeing my boo today. The worst work week ever. I just need an hour long hug. I can't wait to see him.

 

[Briabiggles]

Feeling domestic today. Baking a sweet potato pie....new recipe dry run for Thanksgiving. Plus making roast chicken with potatoes and kale for dinner. Can't wait to see SO's face light up when he get's home from work!

 

[MissMariee]

I gave him a framed picture of us today, our first picture together. I feel SO corny about it now. He seemed to love it though..

 

[deltadreamland]

Sitting here watching my dark chocolate SO dry off from his shower. I have a sudden taste for a Hershey's chocolate bar....yum!

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[PeaceFlow]

Cant wait for our anniversary weekend

Last years weekend was amazing, but this one is even better since our relationship is so much more stable and smoother.

Lucie what is the name of that sexy dance you learned with your man, I keep forgetting

 

[Lucie]

Sumra, it is calked kizomba lovie.

 

[barbiesocialite]

that thread in OT sparked my anxiety.

Finding a man to marry me and invested in making me a SAHM has never been a fear a fear of mine as it is for some women My last major relationship ended because I wouldnt let play white knight or commit to a relationship with purpose. I want to try fix my own life by self for once before I commit to someone else's permanently. thanks. It's learned behavior but for some reason people seem to think that I need them like I'm helpless w/o them. esp men, always trying to takeover my life voluntarily then hang around forever. The fact that these are the people and men I tend to attract is exactly why I'm slowly become afraid to get married. The ex acted like I would never finish grad school if he didnt pay for it and I'd never figure out my life w/o his support. I can do it myself. I want to. I need to do it myself right now. It's my life. geez. Even my close girlfriends tend to behave similary to my SOs...and that's the ish I don't want.

I'm really afraid of feeling trapped. trapped and controlled under the guise of "love." Not necessarily abuse but loss of autonomy. I fear being smothered by someone's too invested in my "happiness" simply because they believe I'm innately flawed/defective. Like my life will be completely taken over by someone else's "good deeds" in my life. With no way to get out without looking like a selfish ungrateful arsehole or bad person and my spouse looking like martyr or hero that devoted themselves to my rescue.

It's happened before, a few times not just by a SO. would be even more traumatic in a marriage. dont it to ever happen again. can't be a damsel 24/7.

Just dont want my first boyfriend's words a few years ago might be true. "barbie, you know you'll always need somebody to take care of you." That's still bothering me. Esp since he's known me longer than anyone outside my family. I don't want to be married or in a rp bc I have to be bc I felt convinced it's in my best interest. I want to be married because I simply want to be.

 

[SuchaLady]

I know I hate people with penises, men, dating, and everything of the sort but I don't want to be the single 30 year old. No offense to ladies here that are but I don't think you all would advise a young twenty-something to delay the process 10 years either. It's just not wise statistically speaking.

*sigh 2014 might be more interesting than I thought. Maybe I'll force myself out

 

[nesha24]

I know I hate people with penises, men, dating, and everything of the sort but I don't want to be the single 30 year old. No offense to ladies here that are but I don't think you all would advise a young twenty-something to delay the process 10 years either. It's just not wise statistically speaking.

*sigh 2014 might be more interesting than I thought. Maybe I'll force myself out

i get what you're saying. i'm over 30 and even though i have met a great person i've been with for over a year, i have felt that same way often. just don't get caught up in being with someone just for the sake of being with someone or to "delay the process". sometimes that can be worse than being single.

 

[curlcomplexity]

Came back from the movies with my girls to my SO and his DD making homemade pizza. They decided to make dinner...love them

side note: just caught them using the can of pizza sauce to roll out the dough. Interesting...

 

[SuchaLady]

i get what you're saying. i'm over 30 and even though i have met a great person i've been with for over a year, i have felt that same way often. just don't get caught up in being with someone just for the sake of being with someone or to "delay the process". sometimes that can be worse than being single.

nesha24 I know that's the truth. I love being by myself honestly. It boggles my BFF's brain because she says that's not consistent with wanting to get married. If I could be single then just wake up married that would work for me

 

[barbiesocialite]

I know I hate people with penises, men, dating, and everything of the sort but I don't want to be the single 30 year old. No offense to ladies here that are but I don't think you all would advise a young twenty-something to delay the process 10 years either. It's just not wise statistically speaking.

*sigh 2014 might be more interesting than I thought. Maybe I'll force myself out

SuchaLady

I would. I have advised women to wait until late-20s to 30 at the earliest to consider settling down, many many many times. I was so happy when Justin Beiber told Oprah he wanted to marry by 25 and she responded verbatim "wait. 25 is too young." She's right, you just don't think it when you are under 25.

When my baby cousin recently married at 24, I was not pleased and told her not to do it. His parents werent pleased. My grandparents werent pleased either. The only one happy was her silly arse divorced single mama (only divorced woman on both sides of my bio family), a woman known for piss-poor decision making and had to raise her daughter most of her life alone. Anyway, my cousin is not ready for marriage despite what she thinks. I know her. She is not. She also has never lived in a married household to truly have a thorough understanding how marriage usually really works behind closed doors. This wont be good in a few. Her DH is a good guy too (2 ivy degrees) but I already know how this will likely end.

Your twenties should be for YOU. The twenties truly are a whirlwind for everyone. Get life experience and wisdom under your belt so that you are able to make wise decision for your family later. Trust me, that "growing together" concept is often a romantic notion, rarely works out like that. It's best to be confident in who you TRULY are, something I've found only comes with age. Lately have been seeing A LOT of divorce announcements everywhere. Chicks on their second husband and father of their child already. It's crazy. We arent even 30 yet!

I have been dating since 14, I've been engaged 3 times. If I never took the opportunity to take time for myself to have my just by myself, I would never get it for the rest of my life once I decide to become a wife or mother. If I ever decide to marry, be it 30 or 40, I still have about 40-50 years of my life to devote to other people. I'm extremely glad that I waited, I'm much different now. I was not capable of being a good wife or mother before as I can do now. So happy I broke my last engagement off.

If you ever get the time, you should browse the Married Ladies Random thoughts threads. You'd be surprised how many people that caped for young marriage and were so in love with their DH 6 or 7 years ago are now divorced, in the process of getting one, or want one. Not all but more than the opposite. Their advice is totally different now than it was during their twenties.

 

[tinkat]

SuchaLady

I would. I have advised women to wait until late-20s to 30 at the earliest to consider settling down, many many many times. I was so happy when Justin Beiber told Oprah he wanted to marry by 25 and she responded verbatim "wait. 25 is too young." She's right, you just don't think it when you are under 25.

When my baby cousin recently married at 24, I was not pleased and told her not to do it. His parents werent pleased. My grandparents werent pleased either. The only one happy was her silly arse divorced single mama (only divorced woman on both sides of my bio family), a woman known for piss-poor decision making and had to raise her daughter most of her life alone. Anyway, my cousin is not ready for marriage despite what she thinks. I know her. She is not. She also has never lived in a married household to truly have a thorough understanding how marriage usually really works behind closed doors. This wont be good in a few. Her DH is a good guy too (2 ivy degrees) but I already know how this will likely end.

Your twenties should be for YOU. The twenties truly are a whirlwind for everyone. Get life experience and wisdom under your belt so that you are able to make wise decision for your family later. Trust me, that "growing together" concept is often a romantic notion, rarely works out like that. It's best to be confident in who you TRULY are, something I've found only comes with age. Lately have been seeing A LOT of divorce announcements everywhere. Chicks on their second husband and father of their child already. It's crazy. We arent even 30 yet!

I have been dating since 14, I've been engaged 3 times. If I never took the opportunity to take time for myself to have my just by myself, I would never get it for the rest of my life once I decide to become a wife or mother. If I ever decide to marry, be it 30 or 40, I still have about 40-50 years of my life to devote to other people. I'm extremely glad that I waited, I'm much different now. I was not capable of being a good wife or mother before as I can do now. So happy I broke my last engagement off.

If you ever get the time, you should browse the Married Ladies Random thoughts threads. You'd be surprised how many people that caped for young marriage and were so in love with their DH 6 or 7 years ago are now divorced, in the process of getting one, or want one. Not all but more than the opposite. Their advice is totally different now than it was during their twenties.

This whole post is GREAT! Especially the bolded. I tell that to everyone younger than me. That is how I feel. I always knew that I would have a family later than my peers which is not really late imo. I have gone through so many changes in my 20s that I needed to go through. I am not saying its impossible to do it married but I am glad that I am not. Now that I am in my late 20s I feel more settled and I know what I want and what I will or will not tolerate. I have more of an idea of what I want for my future family and I won't feel like I missed out on anything.

 

[Briabiggles]

I am a widow to football Sunday....

Sent from my iPad mini mini.

 

[HanaKuroi]

SuchaLady

I would. I have advised women to wait until late-20s to 30 at the earliest to consider settling down, many many many times. I was so happy when Justin Beiber told Oprah he wanted to marry by 25 and she responded verbatim "wait. 25 is too young." She's right, you just don't think it when you are under 25.

When my baby cousin recently married at 24, I was not pleased and told her not to do it. His parents werent pleased. My grandparents werent pleased either. The only one happy was her silly arse divorced single mama (only divorced woman on both sides of my bio family), a woman known for piss-poor decision making and had to raise her daughter most of her life alone. Anyway, my cousin is not ready for marriage despite what she thinks. I know her. She is not. She also has never lived in a married household to truly have a thorough understanding how marriage usually really works behind closed doors. This wont be good in a few. Her DH is a good guy too (2 ivy degrees) but I already know how this will likely end.

Your twenties should be for YOU. The twenties truly are a whirlwind for everyone. Get life experience and wisdom under your belt so that you are able to make wise decision for your family later. Trust me, that "growing together" concept is often a romantic notion, rarely works out like that. It's best to be confident in who you TRULY are, something I've found only comes with age. Lately have been seeing A LOT of divorce announcements everywhere. Chicks on their second husband and father of their child already. It's crazy. We arent even 30 yet!

I have been dating since 14, I've been engaged 3 times. If I never took the opportunity to take time for myself to have my just by myself, I would never get it for the rest of my life once I decide to become a wife or mother. If I ever decide to marry, be it 30 or 40, I still have about 40-50 years of my life to devote to other people. I'm extremely glad that I waited, I'm much different now. I was not capable of being a good wife or mother before as I can do now. So happy I broke my last engagement off.

If you ever get the time, you should browse the Married Ladies Random thoughts threads. You'd be surprised how many people that caped for young marriage and were so in love with their DH 6 or 7 years ago are now divorced, in the process of getting one, or want one. Not all but more than the opposite. Their advice is totally different now than it was during their twenties.

Nope, I think it depends on the two people. I have been married over 20 years and married at 22. You need to be careful who you date and marry, period. I know folks getting married in their late 30's and divorced a few years later. I know people married before 20 and still going strong married over 25 years that are peers of mine.

I really think that people that give advice about marriage should be given by those who are or have been married.

No shade, just the truth as I see it.
If you have no experience points......


Sent from my iPad using LHCF

 

[barbiesocialite]

Nope, I think it depends on the two people. I have been married over 20 years and married at 22. You need to be careful who you date and marry, period. I know folks getting married in their late 30's and divorced a few years later. I know people married before 20 and still going strong married over 25 years that are peers of mine.

I really think that people that give advice about marriage should be given by those who are or have been married.

No shade, just the truth as I see it.
If you have no experience points......


Sent from my iPad using LHCF

that's great for you. congrats.

I don't advocate for exceptions.

My family is full of unicorns. BUt that's exactly what they are: Unicorns.

THat's not reality for the majority. It's not just statistical fact, I've experienced it IRL and on this board. My first career path was to be an attorney, logic is more likely to win over idealism any day.

I dont believe in setting up other people for disaster or failure. I believe in advocating the most successful path possible, most likely for them to win and obtain everything they desire.

Also, since the majority of black women's marriages end in divorce. Does that mean you want those who havent been married to take the advice of those who are? Furthermore, my advice comes from my grandmother, not her daughter (my mother) who has a 25-year marriage and should be divorced. I'd never ever take my mother's advice on marriage or I'd end up just like her. I've accomplished more in my life (and so has my grandmother) as a result. Yet my mother and women like her have been married 25-years and her advice is more salient or qualifiable? I don't think so.

Also, as far this topic goes, when my 24-yr old cousin married she did not take the advice of my grandparents or her now in-laws parents--all married. She took the advice of her married-but-now divorced mother who has always been a single mother most of her life. damn shame.

Ever noticed the best matchmakers, relationship therapists, and family psychologists are usually single and marry later? It's for a reason.

eta: funny, as I'm typing this I literally am sitting right next to the married woman all my advice comes from. random, I know.

 

[A856]

I want to color but my girlfriend is still here....2more days.

 

[HanaKuroi]

that's great for you. congrats.

I don't advocate for exceptions.

My family is full of unicorns. BUt that's exactly what they are: Unicorns.

THat's not reality for the majority. It's not just statistical fact, I've experienced it IRL and on this board. My first career path was to be an attorney, logic is more likely to win over idealism any day.

I dont believe in setting up other people for disaster or failure. I believe in advocating the most successful path possible, most likely for them to win and obtain everything they desire.

Also, since the majority of black women's marriages end in divorce. Does that mean you want those who havent been married to take the advice of those who are? Furthermore, my advice comes from my grandmother, not her daughter (my mother) who has a 25-year marriage and should be divorced. I'd never ever take my mother's advice on marriage or I'd end up just like her. I've accomplished more in my life (and so has my grandmother) as a result. Yet my mother and women like her have been married 25-years and her advice is more salient or qualifiable? I don't think so.

I do not think unicorns are that rare. I don't know that many divorced black women. I also don't consider this board real life. Honestly, I don't know the type of people you associate with. The company you keep is very important. Statistically speaking my grandfather, father and husband should be in jail and never achieved the things they have. I ignore statistics when it comes to black Americans, we are always at the bottom. Looking at statistics you would think that we have never contributed anything to society.

Again, people are individuals like you said. I don't say everyone should get married at 22, I am simply saying I am not a unicorn. Most of the people I know married before their late 20's.

Because you have been engaged three times means something and you should work on what it is. I hope you aren't blaming your parents for your inability to marry and have a successful relationship.

I don't know the majority. I only know what I see and where I have been.

I think some people should never marry. I think people should marry when they are ready at whatever age that is. They should also marry for the right reasons. They should marry someone they know and have like minds and morals. Don't get married thinking you can change someone. You can't. You might miss "the one" waiting out your 20's.

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[barbiesocialite]

I do not think unicorns are that rare. I don't know that many divorced black women. I also don't consider this board real life. Honestly, I don't know the type of people you associate with. The company you keep is very important. Statistically speaking my grandfather, father and husband should be in jail and never achieved the things they have. I ignore statistics when it comes to black Americans, we are always at the bottom. Looking at statistics you would think that we have never contributed anything to society.

Again, people are individuals like you said. I don't say everyone should get married at 22, I am simply saying I am not a unicorn. Most of the people I know married before their late 20's.

Because you have been engaged three times means something and you should work on what it is. I hope you aren't blaming your parents for your inability to marry and have a successful relationship.

I don't know the majority. I only know what I see and where I have been.

I think some people should never marry. I think people should marry when they are ready at whatever age that is. They should also marry for the right reasons. They should marry someone they know and have like minds and morals. Don't get married thinking you can change someone. You can't. You might miss "the one" waiting out your 20's.

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ok.

you are way off base.

but yea, great. hope people take your advice. for sure. wish everyone the best no matter who it is.

 

[HanaKuroi]

you are way off base.

but yea, great. hope people take your advice. for sure.

Off base? How?

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[hopeful]

All of the black women I know who are married, married in their 20's. It seems that black women (and women in general) are less likely to marry the longer they wait. For example, when I got married there was a wedding or two every year throughout my 20's. Once I hit 30, it slowed down and those that didn't marry young, never married at all. I personally think that you, Barbie, are a unicorn, in that you will likely get married whenever you are ready. You have a blend of extreme beauty and magnetic personality that draws men in. Most women are neither as beautiful or intriguing as you and will need to strike when the iron is hot. JMHO.

 

[HanaKuroi]

All of the black women I know who are married, married in their 20's. It seems that black women (and women in general) are less likely to marry the longer they wait. For example, when I got married there was a wedding or two every year throughout my 20's. Once I hit 30, it slowed down and those that didn't marry young, never married at all. I personally think that you, Barbie, are a unicorn, in that you will likely get married whenever you are ready. You have a blend of extreme beauty and magnetic personality that draws men in. Most women are neither as beautiful or intriguing as you and will need to strike when the iron is hot. JMHO.

The good ones will be gone! I would have been snatched up and same with DH.

I can't see any mentions on my IPhone. PM me if it is a must see. Allons y

 

[barbiesocialite]

All of the black women I know who are married, married in their 20's. It seems that black women (and women in general) are less likely to marry the longer they wait. For example, when I got married there was a wedding or two every year throughout my 20's. Once I hit 30, it slowed down and those that didn't marry young, never married at all. I personally think that you, Barbie, are a unicorn, in that you will likely get married whenever you are ready. You have a blend of extreme beauty and magnetic personality that draws men in. Most women are neither as beautiful or intriguing as you and will need to strike when the iron is hot. JMHO.

thank you hopeful

I agree with you for the most part, however, the marital age of average age of the American population has increased to about late twenties at this point. Most of the women I know over 40 that were married during the 70s or 80s have marriage akin to such. I should note that most of my friends parents and family members, who are currently inbetween the ages 40-60, have women who married later for their times---late twenties.

But we must consider that times have changed a bit. At the same time, that population, to date has the highest rate of children raised in divorced or single parent households. At present, marital trends do not support success for marriage of those who marry now before about 25. Not at all. Matter of fact, the success rate is higher than the divorce rate. The average marital rate at present is 27-29 I believe. Educational attainment has much to do with it as well. I'd never advise anyone to take my personal route in particular. However, before 25 is too early and after 40 is a bit late. Anything else in between, education/money/etc considered, has an increased success rate. The good ones/men are currently marrying in their late twenties to mid-thirties, the women that obtain them are similar ages. It's due to educational attainment/completing grad school, acquiring finances, etc. for example, most of the women I know that are currently dating or are married to doctors, met them (DH/FH) during residency when most of the women were about mid-late twenties. rarely any babies or super young women. But this may have to do with location, but thats the norm for the DMV.

Point is that even on this board, the population of those who are currently younger than 36/37 that married under 25 is not a pretty sight.

I do believe dating should always be a present factor in a woman's life. However, when most people are not ready for the on emotional/physical/financial investment levels and demands of marriage when they are just barely drinking age.

 

[SuchaLady]

barbiesocialite I loved that post! And I actually read all of it. Sometimes I just hit the thanks button and not read it I have conflicting feelings on all of it and sometimes wonder if the feelings are because I shouldnt be trying to plan something such as a marriage. I feel like my 20s are great! Im living, Im growing, and Im becoming a better me. But I also wonder if I can do with someone else's companionship? If I hit 30, then 35, then 40 and Im still unmarried I will always wonder if it is because I shunned away relationships while younger. Trust me, Im not the girl always in a relationship but I know its necessary if marriage is a goal in life. Or so Ive been told. Im not really interested in the "Im 45 and found love later in life" love story either So I do understand what hopeful and HanaK. are saying.

I say all this to say I am only 22 I have plenty of time but I shouldnt waste it intentionally. I was only 18 four years ago