2013 Whats happening Relationship Folks

RoseTintedCheeks said:
Broke up with SO after a year. He didn't know where things were going..
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Sorry to hear this too. So you asked him and he couldn't give you an answer?
How did you feel about the relationship before this? What age group are you guys in? Folks see situations like this differently depending on where they are in life. Hope you didn't leave something good behind :(
 
crlsweetie912 said:
He's going through something and withdrawing. I don't know how I feel about it......
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Been there. My bf shuts down completely. Well he used to. When I say shut down, I mean it. No calls, texts, e-mails, time together nothing. The first time it scared the **** out of me. His father died. I reminded myself he's a black man, he's a man's man's (meaning getting him to express an emotion can be stressful) he's an Army vet that did go to war (again the show no emotion mentality) and he lost his dad. I kept in communication with him the entire time although initially there were no responses and reassured him that I'm always there for him. I also talked about my day and stuff we both liked etc. hoping I could be a good diversion. Now I know when communication slows down something is going on and I ask which prompts him to share. It's still a struggle but better. Now this may not work for every man but it worked for him.
 
Fine 4s said:
Sorry to hear this too. So you asked him and he couldn't give you an answer?
How did you feel about the relationship before this? What age group are you guys in? Folks see situations like this differently depending on where they are in life. Hope you didn't leave something good behind :(
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I asked him if he saw a future for us and he said he isn't thinking about long term since he's about to start a new job which means he's unsure of how things will play out. I was happy with things, but I wanted to make sure we were still on the same page about where things were headed. I'm 23, he's 35.
 
Shay72 said:
Been there. My bf shuts down completely. Well he used to. When I say shut down, I mean it. No calls, texts, e-mails, time together nothing. The first time it scared the **** out of me. His father died. I reminded myself he's a black man, he's a man's man's (meaning getting him to express an emotion can be stressful) he's an Army vet that did go to war (again the show no emotion mentality) and he lost his dad. I kept in communication with him the entire time although initially there were no responses and reassured him that I'm always there for him. I also talked about my day and stuff we both liked etc. hoping I could be a good diversion. Now I know when communication slows down something is going on and I ask which prompts him to share. It's still a struggle but better. Now this may not work for every man but it worked for him.
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Thanks sis for the perspective. Usually he's so good about telling me how he feels. This isn't like him at all.
I know part of it is because I've been sick and he doesn't want me to worry. But I always try to reassure him that I'm there for him like he is for me.
I guess I need to be patient and give him his space. But this distance is so out of the ordinary for us and I hate it.
 
Welp! He's been on ignore since Friday...I just can't right now. I dont want to argue and I don't want to talk about anything. Just using this time to self reflect and reflect on this relationship. Hopefully he's using this time to reflect on our relationship too.
 
Weird vibe in here and I'm not going to make it any better. We had a pretty decent weekend, but he allows his mom to stress him out. And I just can't right now. We come back to his house after picking up my son and he goes on this tirade toward his mom. Rightfully so, but still. So I just quickly fed my son, said my goodbyes, and took my happy behind home with my baby in tow. Nope, I'm not in the mood to listen to you and your mom's dysfunction today. And your daughter doesn't make it any better either.
 
I am tired of you shutting down instead of using your words. It hurts me and you know it. I have to say "using your words" because your bratty behavior makes me see you like a tall a$$ child. I wonder if I should return the dress I bought for the wedding. Really sad.
 
end of June and beginning of july was really a trying month testing our relationship.
Long distant relationships are stressful.
 
RoseTintedCheeks said:
I asked him if he saw a future for us and he said he isn't thinking about long term since he's about to start a new job which means he's unsure of how things will play out. I was happy with things, but I wanted to make sure we were still on the same page about where things were headed. I'm 23, he's 35.
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At 35 he should have been beating your door down with a ring trying to keep you or did he think because you are much younger he would take his sweet time and occupy your precious space? Don't be surprised when he comes back and he'll be back very soon. They don't know how good they have it till it is gone. 35 is too old for a man not to know what's up after a year of dating. A new job is a lame excuse.
 
Whew.....we talked it out. He was really in a funk. I told him point blank that the distance ain't cool. If you are in a bad mood and need a minute JUST TELL ME! We can't have anything without communication. I was proud of myself. Normally I would have gone clean off and fussed. But I clearly and calmly stated what's acceptable. He apologized profusely.
I guess I'm used to dudes being angry at the world and I get the brunt of it. When he's stressed he goes silent. Just like a crab in a shell. But I had to reinforce that if we are a team it goes both ways. And if he's upset or unhappy, I feel it too and I'm not gonna be skipping through the tulips while he's going through hell. We are in this TOGETHER baby!
 
okange76 said:
At 35 he should have been beating your door down with a ring trying to keep you or did he think because you are much younger he would take his sweet time and occupy your precious space? Don't be surprised when he comes back and he'll be back very soon. They don't know how good they have it till it is gone. 35 is too old for a man not to know what's up after a year of dating. A new job is a lame excuse.
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We talked again yesterday and he used the fact that I have a steady career against me. I will never, never date a man who makes less than me again!

ETA: You ladies really give me strength. Thanks
 
I had a dream he wrote me a check for $1,000,000 dollars and instead of using Lucie _ _ _ _ _. He used his last name instead. I should go play the lotto, LOL!
 
Lucie said:
I had a dream he wrote me a check for $1,000,000 dollars and instead of using Lucie _ _ _ _ _. He used his last name instead. I should go play the lotto, LOL!
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That's funny you say that, I had a dream less than a week ago and my SO used his last name too in like a text message.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
We're going to a wedding tomorrow. Last night he starts telling me how he wants a destination wedding in Hawaii....small with only family and best friends. :look:

Sent from my iPad mini mini.
 
Oh, my friend and I are doing fine. There are some days where I"m really, really feeling him and other days I'm just happy that he's in my life but he can be a lil clingy when he's around. It's long distance so I try and be understanding and I love the "check your email" notes and see the gifts of "deposits" to my account to get me something because he's thinking about me.

So far no real complaints and he tells me he's not going anywhere.
 
i feel bad that my friends 1) don't like my bf because of complaints i had 7-8 months ago that have been long resolved worked out and 2) they have totally different personalities.

idk how to fix that or if i should even bother.
 
did i mention that long distant relationships are stressful :nono: when he doesn't have to work, Im traveling and have to. when Im not he is. its wearing on us ..just a little. 3 weeks now since we've seen each other. he is suppose to drive down tomorrow.
 
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