2013 Whats happening Relationship Folks

[kismettt]

we had a really great time yesterday. he was feeling down & didn't go out with us on Saturday night/Sunday morning (church/brunch). i was feeling off too so i skipped brunch & my bff called him and told him. he called me to see if i was okay, which was nice considering he was dealing with his own stuff.

he ended up coming over while i was doing basic chores (grocery shopping, laundry, etc). it was nice to spend the rest of the day together. he's really sweet/considerate.

my bff was like, "why is he leaving?? he's perfect for you" he's a good guy. i like having him around.

 

[barbiesocialite]

"I never said, 'I want to be alone.' I only said 'I want to be let alone!' There is all the difference." --Greta Garbo

 

[tinkat]

Yes, I feel like he has. We don't spend as much time together as before.

I can't really say that it was. I've dated a man with a child before, but nothing this serious. The previous men either didn't see the child/children as much or didn't have anything to do with them at all. SO is very active in his child's life...it's what he's supposed to do. I don't think I would care for him as much if he was a neglectful father. I just don't want to feel like a third wheel when she's around. I try to incorporate myself into things and he invites me to things with them both.

He seems like a good guy. I definitely understand why you may feel some kind of way bc you don't spend as much time together. The fact that he is an active father and tries to invite you to things says alot about his character.

Your post struck my attention bc I had to deal with this growing up. My stepmother I think felt the same way but her actions were horrible. She came off selfish and insecure and the sad thing was after a while I didn't even bother going to my dads house bc if his attention was on me she had a fit. It wasn't like I was over there all the time smh.

It definitely shaped my view of relationships. From the time I was young, I'm talking 12/13, I learned that if I dated a man with children, then I accept him and the whole package. I would never come between the relationship of the children and father, I would never replace their mother but when they were around me it would feel like home, and that the love and attention of a man and his child is different from the love he has for his partner. There is no comparison or reason to feel that you will be second best. Why would you feel like a third wheel?

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[A856]

My SO was like "you have a tendency to just slide things in on me. That's not cool " Welp.

I'm throwing a surprise party for my dad this weekend, but my bday is also this weekend, and I absentmindedly referred to it as "my party." He said "who's throwing you a party? Why didn't you tell me about the party!? Who, other than me, is paying for a party for you?" He's starting to get paranoid because I'm slowly lapsing back into "Imma do me" mode. I love him so dearly, but at a year and 6 months, we're coming dangerously close to "put up or shut up" territory. He started off talking about moving in together and planning for the future and "send me rings you like" freakishly soon. Well it's been a year and 6 months, dude. No longer freakishly soon so you need to bring that back or get back

He lives in the next town over, (which isn't very far; about 40 minutes away, but miles on our cars to be traveling all the time ) but a few months ago, put a deposit on a townhouse about ten minutes away from me at the end of August. So another thing I said was, because I haven't been over in a couple of weeks and when he calls me to come over, instead of go out, I've been like "eh..." (cause I love him but I've been enjoying my free time before he moves really close...or whatever happens ) anyway I said "I'm mentally divorcing myself from your place in [name of town]" and he freaked out. "What's going on with you? You got people throwing you parties you don't tell me about and you're making these plans and you're divorcing yourself from my place!?" Men are funny

Anyway, we went to a wedding for one of his coworkers this weekend and had a great time. I forgot how hot he is

So we are >>>here<<< he just doesn't get it.
Yes he's older, I understand you've been around the block a few times...doesn't mean you can't make a few more rounds

 

[curlcomplexity]

He seems like a good guy. I definitely understand why you may feel some kind of way bc you don't spend as much time together. The fact that he is an active father and tries to invite you to things says alot about his character.

Your post struck my attention bc I had to deal with this growing up. My stepmother I think felt the same way but her actions were horrible. She came off selfish and insecure and the sad thing was after a while I didn't even bother going to my dads house bc if his attention was on me she had a fit. It wasn't like I was over there all the time smh.

It definitely shaped my view of relationships. From the time I was young, I'm talking 12/13, I learned that if I dated a man with children, then I accept him and the whole package. I would never come between the relationship of the children and father, I would never replace their mother but when they were around me it would feel like home, and that the love and attention of a man and his child is different from the love he has for his partner. There is no comparison or reason to feel that you will be second best. Why would you feel like a third wheel?

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

The main reason why I feel that way is because they have such a close bond that sometimes I feel like I'm just in their way. Neither one of them have ever been rude towards me or expressed that I am interrupting them, but there will be times in where I'm in the room with them and I just feel like I'm taking up space. I'll try to engage by playing a video game or two (not very good at it) or watching a movie or TV with them, but after a few hours I'll head into another room.

Since my original post, I've searched the forum for other threads similar to what I'm going through. I have a better understanding of the situation. I just have to remember that I get to see him everyday...unfortunately she doesn't. They miss each other terribly when they are apart. Those two are seriously carbon copies of each other, from looks to personality...they both have a smart mouth . SO and I were able to talk yesterday and I think we both learned from it. When she does come over, I'll continue to do things with her as normal, especially the things we have in common (we like art and drawing)...but I will also give them their time and in the event that I ever feel that way again, I'll find something for myself to do.

 

[hopeful]

Yes, I feel like he has. We don't spend as much time together as before.



I can't really say that it was. I've dated a man with a child before, but nothing this serious. The previous men either didn't see the child/children as much or didn't have anything to do with them at all. SO is very active in his child's life...it's what he's supposed to do. I don't think I would care for him as much if he was a neglectful father. I just don't want to feel like a third wheel when she's around. I try to incorporate myself into things and he invites me to things with them both.

qtslim83
I understand how you are feeling. It is his job, if he wants to date, to make the woman he is seeing feel loved and included. He needs to figure out how to handle the stress at work and how to care for you and his daughter at the same time. You do not deserve to feel like a third wheel , that makes me sad. Sometimes when a guy is a "good guy" or a catch we tolerate or try to rationalize some behaviors, but I think that leaves the woman with the short end of the stick.

 

[crlsweetie912]

qtslim83
I understand how you are feeling. It is his job, if he wants to date, to make the woman he is seeing feel loved and included. He needs to figure out how to handle the stress at work and how to care for you and his daughter at the same time. You do not deserve to feel like a third wheel , that makes me sad. Sometimes when a guy is a "good guy" or a catch we tolerate or try to rationalize some behaviors, but I think that leaves the woman with the short end of the stick.

Exactly my thoughts...and sometimes we never know how we will feel until we are actually in the situation. And I have found that guys with daughters go wayyyyyyyy above and beyond with them.

 

[BGT]

He's become so mean. I don't understand.

 

[tinkat]

qtslim83
I understand how you are feeling. It is his job, if he wants to date, to make the woman he is seeing feel loved and included. He needs to figure out how to handle the stress at work and how to care for you and his daughter at the same time. You do not deserve to feel like a third wheel , that makes me sad. Sometimes when a guy is a "good guy" or a catch we tolerate or try to rationalize some behaviors, but I think that leaves the woman with the short end of the stick.

I think you are right to a certain degree. A man should learn how to balance all three even though its not easy. I think he is doing what he is suppose to do. I dont know if anyone has come from a dynamic like that but when you dont live with your father and you get to spend time with them its like christmas. Not in the gift part but the excitement spending quality time that you dont get bc he is not living with you. Too many times there are men who are not there enough. A father should go way beyond for their daughters bc he is the blueprint of a man for you at a young age. I see it all the time how a father not being around still affects grown woman and their choices in men. In my case the woman did not get the short end of the stick. She got the whole stick. My dad was there but could have been there more. He allowed her to control a little too much of his time. I guess it's hard for me to see it fully on the other side bc alot of it was mental from my situation. The insecurities were coming from my stepmother. She did not have to deal with crazy ex wives, bad kids, my sis and I were not around all the time, and my father treated her daughter like his own.

Wait, be positive, keep believing, and all will surely be yours. Sent from my iPhone using LHCF

 

[Fine 4s]

I understand how Qt feels as well.
My dad wasn't around growing up and his new wife also controlled his time and he CHOSE to allow it. So today, he's not like a close friend but more an acquaintance.

I get jealous when SOs daughter is around and frankly I wish she wasn't around as much. She's around during the week and on weekends sometimes. Luckily, her mom has an SO who moved in so she likes for her daughter to be around when his kids come over. He loves his daughter so much and she loves him too! She's 14.

It definitely reminds me that not only am I not his everything (a girl can wish) but someone else produced the offspring he admires so very much. However, I don't feel left out. He involves me even in parenting decisions, I go to parent teacher meetings at times.

It's not easy...

 

[kismettt]

i stopped by his place after getting my hair done in his neighborhood. i ended up staying later than planned & slept over. woke up to pancakes he is so much more useful than i am.

we had a good conversation that helped me realize that dating someone so similar to me is going to be hard. i am very sensitive and emotional but i keep my feeling close/am hard to read. he is as well, but he's much better at saying what he feels. hmmm.

 

[crlsweetie912]

Everytime we have one of our deep talks I feel so much better. Our communication is the best I have ever experienced in a relationship. We can tell each other everything. He understands me and I understand him. He listens and HEARS what I say. I have a new appreciation for him after today.

 

[Fine 4s]

Everytime we have one of our deep talks I feel so much better. Our communication is the best I have ever experienced in a relationship. We can tell each other everything. He understands me and I understand him. He listens and HEARS what I say. I have a new appreciation for him after today.

I'm here >< with u.
Sometimes just talking to him is enough to make it all better.

 

[A856]

i finally broke down and gave in to him....now I want more!

 

[crlsweetie912]

i finally broke down and gave in to him....now I want more!

Oooooooooohhhhhhhh......

 

[Lucie]

So we have a wedding on the 28th. I am so excited. I am going to get my hair done, nails, buy a new dress, shoes, and pocketbook. I want my makeup done. You would think I am the bride. This wedding is going to be so nice, I can't wait!

I need a dress, that makes him unable to focus but enough not to upstage the bride.

We had the best walk last night. After we celebrated it with McDonald's fries, LOL! I can't wait for our trip!

 

[crlsweetie912]

So we have a wedding on the 28th. I am so excited. I am going to get my hair done, nails, buy a new dress, shoes, and pocketbook. I want my makeup done. You would think I am the bride. This wedding is going to be so nice, I can't wait!

I need a dress, that makes him unable to focus but enough not to upstage the bride.

We had the best walk last night. After we celebrated it with McDonald's fries, LOL! I can't wait for our trip!

Make sure you post a pic!!!!!!!!

 

[Fine 4s]

So we have a wedding on the 28th. I am so excited. I am going to get my hair done, nails, buy a new dress, shoes, and pocketbook. I want my makeup done. You would think I am the bride. This wedding is going to be so nice, I can't wait!

I need a dress, that makes him unable to focus but enough not to upstage the bride.

We had the best walk last night. After we celebrated it with McDonald's fries, LOL! I can't wait for our trip!

Wow- a couple of weddings on the west coast and we had a nice walk last night too! Weird.....
We held hands walking from his house all the way downtown. Had me wondering, how come I don't see more black couples holding hands?

 

[Briabiggles]

It feels so good to be with someone who was committed from the start. There have been no games between us and never will be. Life is good!

Sent from my iPad mini mini.

 

[Fine 4s]

That's the difference bewtween someone who's looking for a relationship and someone who "goes with the flow" Pros and Cons in both.
Your relationship would make me feel very secure and think that he met me and his world stopped! *sigh* fairy tail romance!

 

[Lucie]

That's the difference bewtween someone who's looking for a relationship and someone who "goes with the flow" Pros and Cons in both.
Your relationship would make me feel very secure and think that he met me and his world stopped! *sigh* fairy tail romance!

Fine 4s I had a perfect relationship. Was married a year to the date we met. Now we are divorced. Not all men know how to go about a relationship the right way but they learn. They pick up on things we had no idea they were paying attention to. Look at the relationship forum. Not all of us women are born knowing either. I'd rather see the flaws quickly and see how he handles the realness of life than being sideswiped later on. Security comes from within babe. If you are depending on his actions to make you feel secure you will always be stuck on the rollercoaster ride of overanalyzation. xoxo

 

[MsDee14]

Went out to a Reggae concert last night by myself. SO couldn't make it and I didn't bother asking any friends. He kept calling and texting "to make sure I was safe and okay". lol. I had a blast and met so many people, even got to go backstage and meet the artists and band. Kind of happy I went alone, but it would have been nice to be there with him too.

 

[Briabiggles]

He loves me. *heart flutter*

 

[sylver2]

whew..growing pains of our relationship. we were arguing a lot. I realized I was bringing my issues from a past failed relationship into this one.
Also we both have strong personalities, set in our ways and stubborn. I'm extremely stubborn..virgo in me
we finally had to sit down and talk & listen. He said once we get through these growing pains we will be unbreakable/inseparable we had to rebook our cruise because of a project he has for the aug date. Now were going with my entire family in November on 7 day cruise to islands.
I need to remember the words -Love like you've never got your heart broken before. they deserve that much.

 

[sylver2]

Wow- a couple of weddings on the west coast and we had a nice walk last night too! Weird.....
We held hands walking from his house all the way downtown. Had me wondering, how come I don't see more black couples holding hands?

i wonder this too. i never see them. We stay holding hands.

 

[sky_blu]

I love that he loves his mother but I'm sick of him being at her beck and call all the time and veto'ing our plans to do stuff for her. I feel like he's dating me and his dangon mother..which I really think started looonnnnngggg before we even started dating. It's like his dad left and his mother replaced him as being her husband!

This is really causing strife between us but I can't tell him to cut his mother off but Im just about done with this. Ergghhhh! I shouldn't be home on a Friday night.

 

[Briabiggles]

I love that he loves his mother but I'm sick of him being at her beck and call all the time and veto'ing our plans to do stuff for her. I feel like he's dating me and his dangon mother..which I really think started looonnnnngggg before we even started dating. It's like his dad left and his mother replaced him as being her husband!

This is really causing strife between us but I can't tell him to cut his mother off but Im just about done with this. Ergghhhh! I shouldn't be home on a Friday night.

I wouldn't date a guy that was on his mothers leash.

Sent from my iPad mini mini.

 

[crlsweetie912]

Trying so hard not to be pissed off but I am. Smh......

 

[deltadreamland]

Trying so hard not to be pissed off but I am. Smh......

I know the feeling. Just take a moment and breathe.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

 

[qchelle]

So, we're still together