2013 Whats happening Relationship Folks

hopeful said:
He cannot be serous? I just can't...
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Based on his reaction, he doesn't see this as a problem. Not going to say it's wrong or right but doesn't work for me. And of course I'm wondering if he's crosses that line and I'm not aware of it...

If I ask him not to do it, he'd respect that wish. However, I also believe that when you ask people to change their behavior, when they don't see the behavior as a problem to begin with, that change doesn't last. They have to SEE the issue for themselves. IDK....
 
Fine 4s said:
Based on his reaction, he doesn't see this as a problem. Not going to say it's wrong or right but doesn't work for me. And of course I'm wondering if he's crosses that line and I'm not aware of it...

If I ask him not to do it, he'd respect that wish. However, I also believe that when you ask people to change their behavior, when they don't see the behavior as a problem to begin with, that change doesn't last. They have to SEE the issue for themselves. IDK....
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I think it's about maturity. It's easier for him to say yes to everyone and be the good guy. But grown ups have to prioritize and say no sometimes. Sometimes other people's little feelings have to get hurt. Your guy is not getting that these women are disrespecting you and him and he is a fool to allow them to cause discord in your relationship. You will go crazy trying to manage him. He has to manage himself. That's what grown ups do.
 
Yes, poor boundaries with other women is a deal breaker for me. When I tell him something upsets me, he'll adjust. My dilemma is that I want him to know on his OWN how to ID poor boundaries. It's like Hopeful said...

The motorcycle situation didn't happen but as I mentioned, I don't think he would see it as an issue. It scares me to think of other things he might think are OK.

He would not have an issue with these things but I also behave in ways that I want HIM to behave (as much as I can help it) and I do my best to consider him whenever the opposite sex is involved. With this co-worker situation, the way he looks at it is, they're friendly and he doesn't see why them communicating via text should cause me to worry or think that something is going on.

I don't know what to do. I wish I saw this early on...
 
I had a great morning! I sent him the Mirrors song via YT link around 6ish this morning since that is our song. He said he wanted to see me so I told him to give me 20 minutes. I got ready, he came by and we had such a romantic morning. :look: :grin: We had breakfast at Mickey D's (the closest place that serves breakfast by my house) and had more fun and laughs. It cracks me up how loud he is when he speaks Kreyol on the phone! You can hear my dude from ANYWHERE! LOL!

He went back home after we ate and I went to work. I started to miss him the minute I started my car. Last night he went to watch the Heat with his friends at the Haitian restaurant and he called me around the third quarter to tell me how much he can't stop thinking about me. Although his friends were clowning him for that, it meant a lot to me. I loved hearing him so happy. I really did not think we would last but I can see that I am really rubbing off on him. :grin:
 
one of my best friends broke up for the umphteeth time with her on again off again boyfriend and she refuses to recognize that they are not a good match for each other. she is debating driving to his house unannounced to beg him to get back with her. he doesn't want to speak to her, deleted her off of facebook. it's really hard.

i don't know how to be supportive as a friend because all she wants to talk about is getting back with him and its obvious he really wants to move on. since march of this year, they've broken up like 3-4 times. like bad breakups. they were already long distance (1.5 hours apart) and he never wanted to make time for her.

any suggestions on how i can be more supportive? she's my best friend and i care a lot about her, but i'm worried she's gonna get depressed.
 
naija24,

There is nothing you can do but offer a shoulder to cry on or an ear to listen.
She has to go THROUGH it alone.

Sux...I wish her strength.
 
I like you lady. I really do. But I want my ears back. Every time you see me, you don't have to tell me every detail of what you did since we last saw each other. Femme djol ou!
 
Fine 4s Thank goodness the motorcycle incident didn't happen! But his nonchalant way of dealing with women has you proactively thinking what if this and what if that. It's really unfair for you to be put in this insecure position. I believe it is the man's job to make you feel secure in general and especially secure within the relationship. Maybe you should consider doing like Vanthie and having a professional help you communicate and navigate through your relationship. It seems to me you are both in each other's lives for a reason, for growth, and learning. But I think you both need help, especially if you hope to get engaged at some point and eventually married. Otherwise I would suggest as I have in the past that you fall back a bit, not as punishment to him, but for your own protection, and as a way of setting your own boundaries. I just know that if I was in your position I would feel frustrated.
 
hopeful,

I am frustrated. I decided that I will focus on me for a few, calm my mind, gain some peace & clarity and balance! Too many emotions going through me. For now, I want to try a self-centered focus before going the counseling route together.

Thanks!
 
Just started a new relationship and so far so great. Met him off of OKC. He's a darling. But I do have a question: how soon is too soon to move in together? We are looking at a 6 month time-frame and are already speaking of engagement in and around the same time. We are deciding to move in together as we are both advocates of co-habitation before marriage.
 
Rastafarai said:
Just started a new relationship and so far so great. Met him off of OKC. He's a darling. But I do have a question: how soon is too soon to move in together? We are looking at a 6 month time-frame and are already speaking of engagement in and around the same time. We are deciding to move in together as we are both advocates of co-habitation before marriage.
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Rastafarai , I do not think there should be a "rule" as to how long you should wait but I don't think you should put an arbitrary timeline on it either. I say wait until you're engaged to really consider it.

I could not see myself moving in with my bf if I don't know really important stuff, like financial things.
 
I'm teaching summer school, but I had jury duty today. I was released early, so I spent the day with my honey. We shopped, laughed, ate pizza, and joked around. I love how he goes shopping with me without having to drag him along. Such a great day.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF
 
I'm so in :love: with that man! I still swear we have the longest dates in history but I love spending time with him and I'm glad the feeling is mutual. I see us together for the long haul.
 
The other day he came by for a quick visit. And we just hugged each other for a few minutes.....just a quiet embrace. When we let go he was misty eyed. I never knew a hug could be so monumental......to be loved, to be loved, WHOAAAAAA what a feeling to be loved!
 
I'm not taking the bait. I refuse to.

in your own words, reciprocity...

so moan and complain sure, but if you can't say it to my face I am not even going to pretend to address it. This **** stops now!

I will continue to call **** as I see it.

I'm having a bad enough time at work to have to come 'home' and deal with your issues..

If your ex/ bestie/ whoever is so great you need to go the hell on to her and let me go back to doing me...

You on some passive aggressive white chick moves..
 
Back with my baby :). I went out to see my friend before he finished work for a few hours. When I got back to meet him he'd had his hair cut and put on a nice new shirt LOL:lol:

He doesn't wear smart stuff when not at work as he prefers casual. Its just something he chooses to do for me, so it was cute.
 
omg these days are going by soooo slow while he in cali.
we were just together last friday..why does it feel like a month already :nono:
The next time we'll see each other is the end of the month :cry:
Then im heading up for the entire week of 4th of july yaay :grin:
We also just booked another cruise in august. a week long one now..can't wait!!!!
soon as it was booked he said damn now i cant wait to get out of here now our summer vacay set i dont care about nothin else lol. aww
 
So my dad called when I was visiting the boo at his office yesterday. Apparently a little birdie (my sister) made mention to my dad in conversation that I started a new relationship, so of course he had to call to find out what the deal was, lol. I was waiting to call this weekend to tell him but apparently my sister interjected, lol. How coincidental he happened to call to have THAT conversation while I was with the boo.

It ended up in them conversing. My dad is an extremely difficult to please and I was taken aback by how well they conversed. I completely blushed when my boo said "I want to thank you Mr. Rastafarai for raising such a fine woman...a good woman is hard to find"....they are due to meet later this year when my dad visits the country. YAY!!!!!

Hope you all have a great weekend with your respective hunny, ladies!
 
I think I just offended my friend who always says that my SO reminds her of this guy she's been messing with for years. She alllllllllways says that and today I was talking about him (neither complaints or lovey dovey gushes about him, really) and she interrupted me and said that they are soo similar :look: and I was just like "no. They're not really similar at all to me..." and I think she got uncomfortable. But they're not. I don't know where she gets that from. The end. :look:

This guy won't commit to her and I've told her countless times she's too good to be treated the way he treats her, they've been doing whatever they're doing since 2008 and he always says that he doesn't want to be in a relationship, he moved away and when he comes back he goes to the "fun city" of our state because he has friends there and she has to drive and see him, last month he came there and she texted me repeatedly that she was embarrassed because he got drunk and berated the waitstaff because they spilled something on his $300 pants and it made her realize that she really loves this new guy she's been with for about a year. Which is good. He makes 6 figures but won't even get her a Christmas present. No, just no. My baby acts nothing like that. On his worst day. So I didn't get the feedback I wanted and she's mad because I said that, but honestly....where do you think they're alike? :look: After the thing last month where he was publically drunk and she ended up leaving him there and he text her that she had "nothing to offer" I'm quite offended at the constant comparison. But IDK why she would be offended that I say they aren't similar. She has a man she is happy with. I wasn't throwing shade. She's with a man that she says she's happy with. I don't have anybody to do girltalk with! :mad:
 
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I love how he can immediately tell when something is wrong with me. Like on sight, when I have a big smile he says "what's the matter?" Only my mom can do that and her's really works best over the phone.
 
When I'm mad I say my peace and I get over it like it didn't happen...when he's mad he shuts up and shuts down. Today did not go as planned unfortunately.
 
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