2013 Whats happening Relationship Folks

[crlsweetie912]

Uhm... I was reluctant to make him wait so long, but I'm glad that I did. He was amazing y'all!! I'm going to be walking sideways for weeks, but it was worth it!

Sideways....go on girl!!!!!!

 

[AHeadOfCoils]

^ I'm still dealing w/ after shocks. That was VERY memorable!

 

[SuchaLady]

I was feeling a little about not having a boo to share my graduation and upcoming excitement with but the closer I get to graduation (next Saturday) the more I'm like what the heck ever I'm nearly over the moon with excitement.

 

[Rocky91]

I was feeling a little about not having a boo to share my graduation and upcoming excitement with but the closer I get to graduation (next Saturday) the more I'm like what the heck ever I'm nearly over the moon with excitement.

I really could have written this post myself, wow. It's a bittersweet feeling.
I was with my ex for just about all 4 years of undergrad and expected to have at my grad meeting all my fam, but meh i guess not.
*goes back to selecting nail polish colors for my grad mani*
Mine is next sat too!!

Sent from my phone-typos to be expected

 

[SuchaLady]

Rocky91 Ididn't date anyone in college. So not what I expected. I did not go into school with that objective but I figured it would just happen. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I never expected this outcome but I'm 22 not 50. It's not the end of the world lol
I chose these nails; I had to get them done early since I'm working everyday next week. :/

I really could have written this post myself, wow. It's a bittersweet feeling.
I was with my ex for just about all 4 years of undergrad and expected to have at my grad meeting all my fam, but meh i guess not.
*goes back to selecting nail polish colors for my grad mani*
Mine is next sat too!!

Sent from my phone-typos to be expected

 

[Incognitus]

My poor cousin. Not even married one whole month and her husband is already staying with his parents.

What in the hayle....? erplexed

 

[Fine 4s]

Idk but blatantly ignoring my texts is kinda wack- feels like ground for dismissal especially since I wouldn't do that to you!!!!!!!
You ain't got time for me, I ain't got time for you........

Haha- blowing me up, ringing my doorbell I laugh.
You might get a response tomorrow.....

Just rude what u did. I don't care that you've been doing double shifts 3 days in a row, a simple call back saying you're tired and didn't want to discuss the topic would have been enough.

 

[Fine 4s]

This situation got me thinking....

If men respond to action is what I'm doing enough? (I tend to be black and white anyway)
I ask because clearly he knows I'm upset and do not want to speak to him (been calling all day). But the bottom line is, I'm not going to leave him over this (although I can make leaps and say would I want a husband doing this to me?) and so if he knows this, why should he feel the need to change? He knows I'm going to come back at some point so....he can do this again and ill be upset again etc etc and starts the cycle over....

so how do I get him to understand that THAT cannot happen again!

hopeful
Vanthie
Lucie
deltadreamland
sylver2

And anyone else who wants to give feedback!

Pondering how do we really affect change. Maybe it's simply thy have to want to on their own.

 

[hopeful]

...

so how do I get him to understand that THAT cannot happen again!

...


Pondering how do we really affect change. Maybe it's simply thy have to want to on their own.

Three things:

1. Make it a dealbreaker, period. If he knows you will forgive and forget, he will do it again. You always have to be willing to walk away. Always. Never be so crazy about a guy that he knows you will always take him back.

2. Find someone who doesn't do the stuff that pisses you off.

3. Let it go and accept that doing things like that are a part of his makeup.

Sorry, that's all I got. You can't make a grown man do anything he doesn't want to do or stop doing something he doesn't want to stop.

 

[deltadreamland]

This situation got me thinking....

If men respond to action is what I'm doing enough? (I tend to be black and white anyway)
I ask because clearly he knows I'm upset and do not want to speak to him (been calling all day). But the bottom line is, I'm not going to leave him over this (although I can make leaps and say would I want a husband doing this to me?) and so if he knows this, why should he feel the need to change? He knows I'm going to come back at some point so....he can do this again and ill be upset again etc etc and starts the cycle over....

so how do I get him to understand that THAT cannot happen again!

@hopeful
@Vanthie
@Lucie
@deltadreamland
@sylver2

And anyone else who wants to give feedback!

Pondering how do we really affect change. Maybe it's simply thy have to want to on their own.

Hey Hon! So if you've decided that you're not going to leave him over this, then go on and communicate with him on this matter. In talking to him, just let him know that you will not accept being ignored and a simple/quick text or phone call stating "I'm tired and will be in touch in a few days" goes a lot farther than no communication at all. Just make sure you let him know that it is completely unacceptable and it should not happen again. NOW, if it does happen again after you have communicated your expectations, then its time to re-evaluate some things. Has this been an issue in the past?

 

[deltadreamland]

To add to my other post upstream:

And see, I'm hard on men. I admit that. But I truly believe that people communicate with whom they wish to communicate with...make time for whom they want to make time for....etc., however long or short that communication is. It only takes a second to send a text or make a quick phone call. Such things can be done while you are in the car, walking up to the house, taking your clothes off,etc.

My SO knows that I will walk in a HEART. BEAT. And he goes out of this way to make sure that I don't walk. I will know instantly that he no longer wants to be with me when he starts dropping the ball in areas that he works so hard to keep me. And I will walk away.

 

[sylver2]

This situation got me thinking....

If men respond to action is what I'm doing enough? (I tend to be black and white anyway)
I ask because clearly he knows I'm upset and do not want to speak to him (been calling all day). But the bottom line is, I'm not going to leave him over this (although I can make leaps and say would I want a husband doing this to me?) and so if he knows this, why should he feel the need to change? He knows I'm going to come back at some point so....he can do this again and ill be upset again etc etc and starts the cycle over....

so how do I get him to understand that THAT cannot happen again!

hopeful
Vanthie
Lucie
deltadreamland
sylver2

And anyone else who wants to give feedback!

Pondering how do we really affect change. Maybe it's simply thy have to want to on their own.

nip that in the bud asap. my so at first was just texting and not calling. now i cant get him off the phone..lol. teach theM from the beginning what u r willing to put up with. they will get it if they really want to try..and be with u. if they feel they may lose u over something like this they will straighten up. dont let it keep hapening because then he'll know you'll get over it. i say..nah act drastic the first time or two. like you are DONE lol
like deltadream said he knows i'll walk and im done son!! lol. he aint risking it

 

[sylver2]

To add to my other post upstream:

And see, I'm hard on men. I admit that. But I truly believe that people communicate with whom they wish to communicate with...make time for whom they want to make time for....etc., however long or short that communication is. It only takes a second to send a text or make a quick phone call. Such things can be done while you are in the car, walking up to the house, taking your clothes off,etc.

My SO knows that I will walk in a HEART. BEAT. And he goes out of this way to make sure that I don't walk. I will know instantly that he no longer wants to be with me when he starts dropping the ball in areas that the works so hard to keep me. And I will walk away.

yup, im very hard on my men. i took bs/crap from 1 man in my life and never again. i rather walk away then be disrespected, taken for granted or u acting like u nonchalant about me

 

[hopeful]

It's back to the WMLB's theory. Really good, decent men do not want women who are pushovers and put up with bs. If he's a really good man AND he is crazy about you, you will be surprised at what he will do to keep you. That being said, if he still continues said behavior, it is not a reflection on you. Sometimes people just have issues and cannot or will not change not matter how much you want them to and sometimes they are not capable of changing for all kinds of reasons. That's why you always have to give yourself the option to leave.

 

[Fine 4s]

I will sit with the advice and will think of how to communicate it clearly. I really don't want someone to treat me this way.

deltadreamland

No it's not a common occurrence but he did this to me last year and I was pissed but I never made it a deal breaker. I need to think if this as such going forward...

I suspect he knows that he can get a reaction out of me if he ignores me :$ because prior to the non responsiveness he asked me if I was coming over and I told him no.

 

[Fine 4s]

yup, im very hard on my men. i took bs/crap from 1 man in my life and never again. i rather walk away then be disrespected, taken for granted or u acting like u nonchalant about me

Yes! Perfect word to describe how I perceived his reaction towards the topic we were discussing!

 

[deltadreamland]

It is 9:30 at night and we are in the kitchen cooking together. Tilapia and homemade fries. I wanted to do him on the counter when I saw him making tartar sauce from scratch. We are going to get so huge eating this late in the evening.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

 

[BGT]

What in the hayle....? erplexed

He moved into her apartment after the honeymoon and he said he didn't like her bed. So SHE bought a new one. Then he said he just wasn't comfortable living there, so moved in with his parents.

 

[TayMac]

He moved into her apartment after the honeymoon and he said he didn't like her bed. So SHE bought a new one. Then he said he just wasn't comfortable living there, so moved in with his parents.

Wow. I wouldn't allow my married child to move back in with me over that. That sounds like a petty made up reason so I wonder what is the real story,

 

[Lucie]

This situation got me thinking....

If men respond to action is what I'm doing enough? (I tend to be black and white anyway)
I ask because clearly he knows I'm upset and do not want to speak to him (been calling all day). But the bottom line is, I'm not going to leave him over this (although I can make leaps and say would I want a husband doing this to me?) and so if he knows this, why should he feel the need to change? He knows I'm going to come back at some point so....he can do this again and ill be upset again etc etc and starts the cycle over....

so how do I get him to understand that THAT cannot happen again!

hopeful
Vanthie
Lucie
deltadreamland
sylver2

And anyone else who wants to give feedback!

Pondering how do we really affect change. Maybe it's simply thy have to want to on their own.

Fine 4s, actions speak louder than words. His behavior was not acceptable. You cannot get him to do anything he does not want to do. What you need to do is decide NOT to be disrespected! I was with a guy that tortured me. I am such a sweet woman, like yourself. I went above and beyond to make him happy, even when he was hurting me. He only was allowed to do those things because I allowed it. I hope that he sees his mistake and changes. But if not, you deserve better. xo

 

[Incognitus]

It is 9:30 at night and we are in the kitchen cooking together. Tilapia and homemade fries. I wanted to do him on the counter when I saw him making tartar sauce from scratch. We are going to get so huge eating this late in the evening.

Sent from my iPad using LHCF

Nothing sexier than watching a man in the kitchen....Well, there are other sexier things--but it's still sexy.

 

[sky_blu]

He's so not a romantic. He's a practical no surprise take care of you kind of man and I don't see surprise gifts in my future...he just asks me what I want and gets it SMH. I wish he would just listen to my hints and be more thoughtful...put some effort into it like I do when I get him things he likes. WIP we are.

 

[qchelle]

Yea, I love giving him head while he's in the kitchen, at the stove

We had another fun Saturday night We caught the subway downtown and went to this South African/Portuguese restaurant and it was gooooood. I paid and of course the cashier person commented on that. They always do! "Ohhh, so you're gonna let your wife pay?? *shameful look* " And they always always always refer to us as husband/wife, I mean allllllwaysss lol it's really weird. (By "they" I mean the general public)

Anyway, yea we walked around the harbor for a bit, chatting about how nice Baltimore used to be and how white people introduced crack and everything went to hell lol.
There was a Journey cover band rockin out in front of Hark Rock cafe. DONT stop BELIEVINNNnnnnnnnnn They were quite good!

Ohhhhmygoossssh you guys! Ok. On the subway omg! We saw a fight! These young girls were on there. And at first they seemed harmless; ghetto and harmless, but harmless nonetheless. And they started talking to us "awww yall go together? aww so yall gonna have kids? " And then they started talking about sucking thumbs and having sex and omg (They didn't mention his whiteness not one nary time! I was shocked and relieved lol. They seemed like the type to lol)
So ok, one of the girls was realllll reall big. Big girl. So at our next stop, this other girl got on. Really small girl. I guess the small girl 'looked' at the big girl the wrong way and the big girl starts going OFF! They start going back and forth and next thing you know BANG! Big girl bangs the mess outta small girl! So I'm sittin there trying my damdest not to burst into laughter and SO is, too lol. Small girl didn't stand a chance smh. So she got off at the next stop, in tears The rest of us are still on the train. So then, this big dude (grown man) starts going off on the big girl! lol Starts calling her all sorts of names for beating the small girl "ya ole big fat a** should pick on someone on your size; I bet you stink; ole obese a**" Big girl is getting visibly riled up "stfu nicca nicca nicca nicca *** *** *** blankity blankity blank" and is acting like she's about to hit this big grown a** man! But her friends are holding her back, so she doesn't. And big man gets off at the next stop.

That was some funny mess! And of course some of the other girls were recording every minute of it lol #WSHH Love my city

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

I went to SOs office today and today at about five he tells me there was a huge argument at work. Apparently what set it off was the girl who is always cheering awkwardly hard in my face tried to talk about me--one of the things she said is that I "need a trim"-- and her little feelings were hurt that SO wasn't in her amen corner and told her off. My informant tells me she cried I'm not about mess, but

Gotta go he's coming!

 

[Fine 4s]

Thank you @Lucie,

Absolutely right.
After talking about it however, I realized some things I did as well. The text I felt he ignored wasn't asking a question or required a response (but in my mind I wanted a reaction) but making an observation and I was being a lil' snarky. He was also upset that I didn't want to come see him so there we were too pissed off people. Then he went to sleep...

However, this was a good test to let him know that ignoring my texts is unacceptable going FWD. Saturday I completely ignored him until late at night lol had a great Sunday though.

I enjoyed the revenge!

Why are we making piña coladas at this time of night and I have to work in the morning?

 

[kandake]

I went to SOs office today and today at about five he tells me there was a huge argument at work. Apparently what set it off was the girl who is always cheering awkwardly hard in my face tried to talk about me--one of the things she said is that I "need a trim"-- and her little feelings were hurt that SO wasn't in her amen corner and told her off. My informant tells me she cried I'm not about mess, but

Gotta go he's coming!

Make sure you flip all that hair in her face the next time you see her... the nerve.

 

[crlsweetie912]

This mutual admiration is so new to me. Sad to say I'm used to kangs......yesterday he was leaving out and walking away. I was about to close the door and he ran back up and said "I need one more kiss to get me through the night".......

 

[PeaceFlow]

He's so not a romantic. He's a practical no surprise take care of you kind of man and I don't see surprise gifts in my future...he just asks me what I want and gets it SMH. I wish he would just listen to my hints and be more thoughtful...put some effort into it like I do when I get him things he likes. WIP we are.

Have you told him how you feel about this? Maybe there will be surprise gifts in the future if he knows how important it is to you.

I know some guys are terrible with hints.

 

[Incognitus]

This mutual admiration is so new to me. Sad to say I'm used to kangs......yesterday he was leaving out and walking away. I was about to close the door and he ran back up and said "I need one more kiss to get me through the night".......

crlsweetie912
Awwwwwww! I hate you for posting stuff like this......but, I forgive you.

But seriously though, on some days I gotta skip over you posts so I won't get too depressed over here. You're making me wanna run out there and find a man pronto! If only it were that easy....


I'm happy for you though.....warms my heart.

 

[crlsweetie912]

crlsweetie912
Awwwwwww! I hate you for posting stuff like this......but, I forgive you.

But seriously though, on some days I gotta skip over you posts so I won't get too depressed over here. You're making me wanna run out there and find a man pronto! If only it were that easy....

I'm happy for you though.....warms my heart.

Girl please......my old maid tail is 40 it's about time! Thank you so much. Y'all support is amazing. Trust me if I can find someone EVERYBODY can!