2013 Whats happening Relationship Folks

[Rocky91]

Rocky91

Some requests in relationships are reasonable and some just aren't.
There is no direct threat to him in what you're doing.
Can he see someone to help address his insecurities? Does his insecurity have anything to do with something you've done? Are you willing to compromise in other ways (I can't think of any way but).

Giving something up is not a guarantee that the relationship will work out in the end. So address the REAL issue (as you stated).

I have asked him if there are other ways he could see us compromising, but he seems to be dead set on this.
and i won't lie, i think the fact that I'm not needy and I'm a lot more social than he is has exacerbated his insecurity. there've been so many times when i have wanted to do things with other people, and he's interpreted it as rejecting him. I've tried to talk him through this, but he's not hearing anything unless it's "i step down from my position"

Rocky91

There was an old guy at my university, maybe 60 or so.

He dreamed all his life of going to university, but things didn't go the way he planned. By the time he got to university he LOVED IT. He learned stuff, talked to people and was doing really well in his degree.

The next year he didn't show up to the classes. Everyone was like where's Ralph Turns out Mrs Ralph didn't like the fact he was going to university, getting more confident and learning new things. She gave him an ultimatum, now he's gone. Lifelong dream over.

I have no problem with people having insecurities. It happens. However, when unreasonable demands get made, it just ends up in never ending requests. Instead of helping someone gain their own security you feed their insecurity. Instead of seeing that they are unreasonable they start talking about "if you loved me you would do this unreasonable thing". Emotional blackmail.

Your ex prob needs a bit of self help or therapy to build himself up a bit lol. I don't think you should have to choose between harmless things you enjoy and a partner. I would have ended it too.

Note

A lot of men and women are not happy about partners having opposite sex friends. Especially if anything has happened in the past that's more than friends.

I would say that insecurity is pretty common. Its the national competition bit that I find totally unreasonable. If the national competition involves you staying somewhere that these guys will be, maybe thats why. IDK.

oh my! That's a terrible story. mrs. ralph ought to be ashamed of herself
yea, i honestly think some therapy would help him a lot.
oh, and i mean i would likely stay in the same hotel where those guys are...but none of it matters cause i didn't win anyways lol. like he is literally putting our relationship at stake for the slim chance that the girl who won will break her ankle or something.

Rocky91 - stepping down wouldn't make him feel more secure. He would just keep making demands about what you can and can't do. He needs to address the root of the problem. Sucks that he took it there with the break up, but I think giving in would just lead to more ultimatums.

I totally agree with you. it's like, where would the ultimatums end??

thanks for your insight, ladies! FoxxyLocs Vanthie @Fine4s

 

[BGT]

Valentine's post coming up

Yesterday, SO picked me up from work and I treated him to Five Guys for lunch. He took me to Whole Foods where he got me some cupcakes, berry chantilly cake and a GORGEOUS pink rose bouquet. Then I went to his house after work and ate steak, sauteed asparagus and a stuffed baked potato.

Tonight, he picked me up and we went to one of my favorite sushi restaurants. Afterwards he took me across the street to a favorite local shop and held my purse while I walked around and tried on shoes and looked at clothes. He got me a watch and a monogram necklace and I got him a watch for $6 + 40% off, great deal! I had gotten him some v-neck tees (his fave) and a king size Snickers. I had a great two days.

 

[deltadreamland]

^We had a great Valentine's Day too. The awesome thing about my SO is that he has bought me flowers and gifts EVERY month for the past year, so Valentine's Day was just another day for us. He does not wait until one day out of the year to show his affections for me. But of course he showed up and showed out with flowers and a gift bag of Vday goodies.

My son is with his grandparents this weekend, so SO and I spent the day together. One of the most important things I love about him is that he is an avid shopper like me. We spent the day at the Mall of Georgia..shopping for us and the kids. I bought 3 pair of boots on sale...like I needed another shoe. He loves INC brand clothes from Macy's so he bought an INC vest. We bought the kids a few things from Justice. We had a late lunch at O'Charley's, then back to his house.

We watched the movie Abraham Lincoln (I'm a huge history buff) and he made us drinks with too much gin..lol. Now, I'm at home and he's off to a bachelor party. Tomorrow I'm cooking us dinner and I will probably spend the night since the little boy is with his grandparents until Monday and I plan on doing more drinking. I love this man and love my life with him.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

Private dining + red roses+ Tiffanys= yes.......he really surprised me!

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

^^That means congratulations are in order, right? Congratulations!!

 

[softblackcotton]

This guy (same weird o mentioned up thread) texted me earlier today to tell me he is in town and what were my plans. I had plans tonight and tomorrow. Hair washing weekend. Told him we could meet late afternoon tomorrow. He figures out I live 45 mins from him. I open my compromising heart and tell him I would meet him half way then. All of a sudden he thinks we should wait until the next group outing with mutual friends. Given he missed the last group outing because he didn't want to drive 20 mins out of his way to pick up his own friend. Now he doesn't want to drive 22.5 minutes to meet me halfway even though he has been bothering me for the past two weeks with calls and texts. He has shown me that he is selfish and a cheapskate. He will be on permanent ignore from me from this point on. I've already given one chance two many.

 

[Do_Si_Dos]

^^That means congratulations are in order, right? Congratulations!!

Thank you so much!

 

[softblackcotton]

Transcript of text that is the final straw. Am I being too harsh in shutting Selfish Cheapskate down?

 

[LaBelleLL]

long distance relationships are HARD.

 

[Briabiggles]

Private dining + red roses+ Tiffanys= yes.......he really surprised me!

You best be posting a pic of that rang in the wedding forum!

Sent from my iPad mini mini.

 

[hopeful]

softblackcotton
No, you are not being too harsh at all. He doesn't sound that interested.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

I am really trying to understand the male mind. They really are different than women!
Anyway, had a mostly good day with him and dd yesterday. He sometimes gets annoyed for the smallest things though which in turn annoys the hell out of me . But yesterday after it happened we got back on track. He went above and beyond for us over the last few days (treats, flowers, dd a video game for vd yes he thought of her too!, dinner, etc). He really doesn't ask for much but something small he wanted that I had the opportunity to buy yesterday went awry which lead to frustration. I didn't honestly know he wanted "that one" because sometimes he is very indecisive. I am learning that when it comes to certain things with him I need to just do it if he hints at it because it means he does really want it. I would have preferred that he just said that was what he wanted but our communication styles are a little different in some regards.

Anyway, I am going to get what he wanted plus I am going to ask him to please grill lunch or dinner for us which is one of his fave things in the world. I'll even buy what we need at the store because he just offered to get everything the other day. That will make his damn day. Very simple man I just have to remember that.....
I do think that sometimes I make things harder than they need to be, as does he.

 

[softblackcotton]

softblackcotton
No, you are not being too harsh at all. He doesn't sound that interested.

Honestly I'm not all that interested either. I lost interest after his initial set of shenanigans, but my best friend keeps saying I should be easy because he is really fronting to hide his insecurities. I'm too old to deal with this bs. I've been ignoring all his calls and texting him back only hours to days later but he keeps on calling and texting. I guess he can't take rejection either. Next time he texts or calls me I will tell him "Delete my number." And that will be the end of it.

 

[SuchaLady]

Maybe I should start dating? I don't want to but I know that will help me get over these losers I have somehow encountered consistently.

 

[PeaceFlow]

SO: Mmmm, very nice [looks at my figure]
Me: You're crazy, I look like a tramp right now!
SO: A sexy tramp
Me : (-_-)

 

[hopeful]

Yes, softblackcotton
Tell him to lose your number. I looked back on your posts about this guy and you said he chickened out on a date, an opportunity to meet you in person? He needs to leave you alone.

 

[polished07]

Im so ready to see my Hunni! Glad to hear everyone had a good Vday, I get to celebrate this weekend since we are long distance, he sent me an evite for a nite out on the town friday (were going to the see the brooklyn nets play and go to the 40/40 club after) which was so cute, on Sat nite (dinner and maybe the skrip club) and Sunday I go home . On thursday I fly in late so well prob go have cocktails at a lounge or something. I swear I get the same excitement I did 3 years ago to see him, I pray it never goes away, I love me some Hunni *in my Bey voice*

Oh and I got some really nice pieces of lingerie from this website, some very tasteful lace pieces and some really raunchy pieces but good quality if your into that kinda thing

http://www.lingeriediva.com/

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Got him the little thing he wanted plus he doesn't know that I got him a small gift card to the apple store. The simple things make him happy and feel appreciated. *repeat ten times*

Sent from the corner pay phone

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

He loved the stuff and I know he felt special. Now he is hustling trying to figure out where he is taking us all to eat

Sent from the corner pay phone

 

[Briabiggles]

SO came over and made dinner for me before I went to work.

Sent from my iPad mini mini.

 

[tinkat]

Ldr is not easy, especially when you are pmsing! I requested a day off from work on Thursday to have me time and relax. I get frustrated that I don't see him that much bc we are far from each other.

My so wants me to move to his state like it would be so easy. That is extremely risky and I do not have family up there. If I move and I have to be very comfortable with the decision in the event that it does not work.

 

[sylver2]

i'm so happy and full of butterflies. Ive had the best valentines day in over 8 years. He poured his heart out and said im the one. i love this feeling.
lovin My Boo

 

[PeaceFlow]

Ldr is not easy, especially when you are pmsing! I requested a day off from work on Thursday to have me time and relax. I get frustrated that I don't see him that much bc we are far from each other.

My so wants me to move to his state like it would be so easy. That is extremely risky and I do not have family up there. If I move and I have to be very comfortable with the decision in the event that it does not work.

How long has it been?

Don't do it until you are really sure. I've made that mistake with long distance before. Although the guy moved up to my city, but it was way before we knew each other properly and were SURE. Convenience and missing someone shouldn't come above that sure feeling. JMO from personal experience.

 

[tinkat]

How long has it been?

Don't do it until you are really sure. I've made that mistake with long distance before. Although the guy moved up to my city, but it was way before we knew each other properly and were SURE. Convenience and missing someone shouldn't come above that sure feeling. JMO from personal experience.

It's six months today as a matter of fact. I don't plan on moving there anytime soon. At least a year has to past unless I get a job offer. But even if I move up there I wouldn't live with him.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

He has a " surprise" for me lol. He was so giddy when he told me. I have a feeling it's going to be something simple and un surprise worthy but the fact that he is excited and thought about me makes my day

Sent from the corner pay phone

 

[Oasis]

we are thousands of miles apart and im at school/working from 4:30am-5:30pm every day. when i get home i just wanna talk and shoot the **** with him but lately i feel like im getting blown off for cricket and soccer. i mean, really, how many times a week do you need to play cricket? it's not like your team is any good anyway.

 

[Je Ne Sais Quoi]

Awww he bought the printer I needed to do my schoolwork love that man. He can not keep a secret

Sent from the corner pay phone

 

[SuchaLady]

So there's this guy

 

[A856]

Sooo I went on my trip, and that man damn near died without me. To the point where it got to be kinda sickening, he was extra clingy when I got home. BUT gave me the warm fuzzy feeling inside knowing I was loved & missed!!

Was it wrong of me not to buy him anything for Valentine's??? He got me a purse and some jewelry.

 

[Murjani]

i'm so happy and full of butterflies. Ive had the best valentines day in over 8 years. He poured his heart out and said im the one. i love this feeling.
lovin My Boo

Congrats to you! I could have written this myself..not sure I've been this happy in a relationship ever.