Why do you think that is? That doesn't sound healthy.
i have no idea, and i think it only started recently. last week i had horrible anxiety all week. i went straight to his place friday afternoon and just got back today, and i didnt feel stressed about anything. now, it's all pouring back in, heavily and steadily, and the anxiety is starting up again.
i think part of it is because a.) when im with him, he takes care of everything. going places, doing things, getting things, eating things, whatever happens in the day - he has a way to make it easier (paying, driving, choosing, etc). so i dont have to worry about anything getting done or missing anything. (this is of course to say that when i am back in my life on my own, i do everything myself and it's way harder because i dont have all the things i need to make anything easier. its automatically a hassle.)
the other part of it b.) is all the things i have planned in the very near future that i am worried about pulling off to my high standards. there isnt enough time and yet im still pressuring myself to get things done. its like i decide something has to be done and i cant just ignore it after that. i have to try, and if theres the chance that i wont be able to do it, i dont think "well lets just not do it then." i think "i have to do it anyway" and i start panicking.
now its like when im back to just me i dont know how to get anything done. im not naturally the type to rely on others for things that are important to me - id rather keep it in my power entirely so that i know they will get done. its like i dont know how to do share my responsibilities; as if him helping with some things means ive forgotten how to do the rest on my own. im a pretty all or nothing person and i've ALWAYS had a problem with balance. this seems like a manifestation of that - i am panicking about things that i have ("have") to do.
it's just like... when it's only me, i have all the time in the world to focus on my goals. i'm extremely goal driven - it's just what i do. and i feel like for the next few months im not going to be able to complete the things i need done. he takes time out of my planning - spending whole weekends with him and wanting to progress our relationship etc... when, if i were single, i could look like crap all the time if i wanted to, it wouldn't be so imperative to have and accomplish this aesthetic/material bullsiht, and i generally wouldnt want to advance so far so quickly in creating that perfect picture. i could live extremely frugally and retreat inside my head in tunnel vision mode and not get distracted by needing to come out of my head at all. thats how i get things done. i block everything out and dont devote any time to external whatever and focus all my thoughts on jumping goal after goal. its the only thing that matters.
the irony of course is that he doesn't give a siht about all this superficial nonsense, and would never encourage me to focus on these things, particularly given how stressful im finding it. just being in this relationship inherently pulls me out of that focus, and i'm trying to manage them both and it's not working.