2012 Relationship Random Thoughts.... Part III

[SummerSolstice]

I was thinking about this yesterday. I don't have any real female friends, like someone I can just call up and be like "oh, let's do x, y or z". The girls I used to hang with, they always wanna go to the same places and do the same things, then wonder why none of us can find a man. Umm, we hang out with senior citizens, what do you expect?

But I'm starting to realize that in general, Boston really is single Black female hell.

I have one white friend from Boston, and from what she tells me and how she acted when we first met... I would NEVER!!! live there. EVER!!

 

[Maracujá]

I'm supposed to meet up with this guy on friday, at first I was excited but now...not so much. He's a Congolese student from South Africa here for a PhD in Hydrology (sp?), we met on the bus, started talking and really hit it off. But iono...

 

[Mortons]

Its the saddest thing to witness, a woman who does not know how to accept kindness and caring, because they have never had it before.

 

[MzLady78]

Cute! Start with some scissors and/or water. j/k

I thought about the water.

I have some personal issues I need to address before I even think about trying to meet someone, but I'm glad to know that it is possible for someone else to pique my interest. That's a good sign.

 

[deltadreamland]

I thought about the water.

I have some personal issues I need to address before I even think about trying to meet someone, but I'm glad to know that it is possible for someone else to pique my interest. That's a good sign.

Good idea. It took me about a year or so to work through my personal issues before allowing myself to get into anything serious with this guy. Some people require more time; some require less. I continued to meet a few guys while working through my issues, but I didn't allow myself to get serious with any of them...until now.

 

[meesch]

every time we spend too much time apart i start thinking about all the reasons i want to break up with him

 

[firecracker]

every time we spend too much time apart i start thinking about all the reasons i want to break up with him

meesch that ain't nothing but that dreaded monthly cycle cycling and messing with yo mind plus emotions. Don't entertain the thoughts. Rebuke them.

MzLady78 I agree with Deltadreamland work on your issues but keep the light on/be open because you never know what could happen or change down the road.

 

[MzLady78]

I have one white friend from Boston, and from what she tells me and how she acted when we first met... I would NEVER!!! live there. EVER!!

Well damn!! She left that good an impression, huh?

Boston isn't THAT bad, but it's definitely not the best place for people of color, IMO. I've been saying for years that I don't think I'm gonna meet Mr. Right here, but I'm a little indecisive right now about leaving.

Good idea. It took me about a year or so to work through my personal issues before allowing myself to get into anything serious with this guy. Some people require more time; some require less. I continued to meet a few guys while working through my issues, but I didn't allow myself to get serious with any of them...until now.

See, I have a hard time doing this, and that's why I think it's best that I don't even put myself in that position. I have a bad habit of getting too invested in situations where I should really be more guarded and all those deep emotions should be left on the shelf. That's exactly what happened with this current guy. I knew it wasn't an ideal situation, so I thought we would keep it light and casual but I effed around and fell in love. Which wouldn't have been as bad if he didn't fall in love with me too.

 

[Theo]

I dunno, Boston isnt as bad as I thought it was gonna be. I've only lived here for a yr but I've had fun. The restaurant scene is great (I really like food ). There are not as many black ppl as Chicago, but it was a welcome change in scenery for me. In Chicago it felt like i was seeing the same ppl over and over again .... but it would probably feel like that in boston after a few yrs too...

I've met a lot of black men too... I feel like there are a lot of black men here who love and wan to be in a genuin and healthy relationship with another black woman. Its nice.

Anyway, I like the city... I'mma apply here for residency. I feel like I'd have a better chance getting married here than say, ATL.

 

[MzLady78]

I dunno, Boston isnt as bad as I thought it was gonna be. I've only lived here for a yr but I've had fun. The restaurant scene is great (I really like food ). There are not as many black ppl as Chicago, but it was a welcome change in scenery for me. In Chicago it felt like i was seeing the same ppl over and over again .... but it would probably feel like that in boston after a few yrs too...

I've met a lot of black men too... I feel like there are a lot of black men here who love and wan to be in a genuin and healthy relationship with another black woman. Its nice.

Anyway, I like the city... I'mma apply here for residency. I feel like I'd have a better chance getting married here than say, ATL.

Wait, why come I didn't know you were in Boston? We should meet up for a drink or something one day. I tried to put together a meet up a few times, but it never quite worked out, I'd love to meet some other Bostonians in person.

That's interesting that you've had that experience in a year and mine is totally different when I've been here my whole life.

 

[lushcoils]

What makes Boston a bad place for single black women?

 

[CarLiTa]

Boston isn't bad at all when your dating scene is the grad student pool. There are many black men who prefer black women. They are well educated and very cosmopolitan-- some of what I am looking for. It's easier to tap into the dating pool if you're a grad student or are connected to the group through college... either old friends or acquaintances, or friends of friends.
Only thing is, many see their time here as temporary. They are here for the professional development for a few years, and then they're out, which may be in your benefit if you also intend to leave. I do. On the other hand, it's tough if you're working (not a student). The school schedule is very different than general work schedule, and they go away for stretches of time... That's not good for getting to know each other.
In the summer, though, that dating pool dries up significantly

Other than that group, I'm only familiarly with the finance crowd... Which consists mostly of white, American men. These generally aren't my type, and I don't think I am theirs either. They're jocks who talk hockey and baseball and whose parents own homes on the cape and who live in Back Bay or Brighton. Not for me. It's weird hanging out in those groups bc, often, the only black women there are the ones I show up with

One final thing, bc this post is getting so long. I think it matters where you live (if you're in your mid-20s and are single). There are parts of town that are primarily populated by single young people and other that have tons of couples. These couple areas tend to be further out... Either people are married of cohabitating. There are few venues for young single people to get together and mingle. I and a couple of friends made a conscious decision not to even look for apts there, bc that would probably hurt our dating lives.

So, overall, so many factors.

 

[CarLiTa]

Oh, and um, I barely even touched upon race. That's another thing. The more racially or ethnically diverse friends you have, the better, IMO. Also would prob help to be open to dating non-Black men, as generally, you see those more.
A lot of the Black women I see regularly in my neighborhood are either in interracial relationships, or I never see them with a companion.
I think Boston is so weird racially.
When I was dating the Californian, one time he and I were hugging closely against some window, and all these people inside the establishment were just staring at us, even the band members who initially had their backs to us turned around. I've also seen white people giving weird looks to couples of Indian women/white man, and white woman/Asian man. Maybe those are unusual pairings??
Of course, no one blinks an eye when it is an Asian woman and a white man. That is normal here.

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

You really just made my day with the bad situation that I'm in you made me take my mind off of it and pumped me right on up..this isn't a race and it's scary but your worth being around..things will line up for the best for both of us.

 

[curlcomplexity]

I just posted this in a hair thread also:

One of my oldest male friends (A.K.A. the secret love of my life) sent a text message to me early Sunday morning saying that he had just had a dream that I went completely bald and it was gorgeous...that he saw me in the dream and he was in awe! I told him that was strange because I'm going natural and I planned on doing the BC soon. He said to me that I should go ahead and do it because either way I'll be beautiful.



...I love this man

I've mentioned him here before. He's a great man...it sucks sometimes that we're just friends. I wish I had the courage to tell him how I feel *sigh*

 

[LaBelleLL]

so last night, after several pauses, he asked if i would visit him in DC (in sept). i was stunned and not expecting him to mention anything about DC until after finals. despite my surprise, i calmly said "yes i would. it's an easy commute. would you visit Philly?" he said yes and "ok just curious". and that was that. i didn't probe or ask more questions. we just went back to watching television. well it's good to know that he's thinking about "us" in the fall. just didn't expect even the slightest mention of that topic so soon.

 

[SweetNic_JA]

So...his package arrived today. He was soo happy that I sent him some powdered fufu - they don't have that stuff in Kenya. I loved seeing how happy he was when he opened his box, thanx to Skype.

 

[A856]

I know I drive this man crazy... God knows I know I do.
I like the way he show's his love, when I'm driving him crazy...I need to stop playing with him, before I run him off.

 

[meesch]

hes really being my superman right now... maybe i should just shut up and leave it at that.

 

[LovelyNaps26]

What makes Boston a bad place for single black women?

i think it's like D.C just fewer black folks smart men for sure and ways to meet them. if you're connected to one of the schools that makes it easier. some are just vain and conceited. Harvard Business School guys seem to have the most notorious reputation...then again they'll be making the most money so that explains it. i've met nice guys in PhD programs, though i've only known them on a friendly level.

i don't think it's that bad personally. certainly better than Los Angeles and maybe better than DC in some respects.

ETA: i can't speak for everywhere in the Boston area but the city of Cambridge is a pretty nice area. I look forward to finishing my dissertation and bouncing but this really is one of the nicest places i've lived. some would disagree but i think it's a great place for a young person to live unless you like clubs open all hours. definitely not nyc.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

He called some woman fancy -_- I don't know if I'm being petty, but I don't think that **** is cute. Where do they do this **** at? He shares too much. Shut up sometimes!

We talk about people all the time and I always ask for descriptions, but "fancy" caught me offguard. After last night I was ready to come in here and gush about him but today he gets on my damn nerves. -_- Talkin about some damn fancy. Take your country a** on somewhere.

 

[A856]

He called some woman fancy -_- I don't know if I'm being petty, but I don't think that **** is cute. Where do they do this **** at? He shares too much. Shut up sometimes!

We talk about people all the time and I always ask for descriptions, but "fancy" caught me offguard. After last night I was ready to come in here and gush about him but today he gets on my damn nerves. -_- Talkin about some damn fancy. Take your country a** on somewhere.

I'm sorry your post made me .

I too feel some kind of way when SO says silly/stupid stuff....
He'll say "Oh you don't know nobody cause you got your hair done" (he'll even add the head roll with the finger snap)..it can be a little annoying at times, especially if the chick is *****.

I have to tell him quit being so damn friendly, you don't have to speak to everyone.

 

[Theo]

so last night, after several pauses, he asked if i would visit him in DC (in sept). i was stunned and not expecting him to mention anything about DC until after finals. despite my surprise, i calmly said "yes i would. it's an easy commute. would you visit Philly?" he said yes and "ok just curious". and that was that. i didn't probe or ask more questions. we just went back to watching television. well it's good to know that he's thinking about "us" in the fall. just didn't expect even the slightest mention of that topic so soon.

Aww... that's so sweet. My (maybe) future long-distance boo hasn't said a damn thing and we're leaving in a bout a month . The commute isn't as easy as yours would be tho... Plus DC is a better city than Philly (IMO) so you would have the incentive to go down there anyway. Mine would be a 4-hr commute, and Detroit sucks .

But I know he'd be open to driving out to Chicago... I was telling him about Lollapalooza and he wanted to come. I was happy he had even considered making the drive. Baby steps. But realistically, I doubt he'd even have the energy for all that, his schedule is gonna be ridic. I would probably have to be the one coming to him but I don't really like driving.

 

[mandii]

I cant understand why someone will ask for advice, then do the complete opposite, or continue what they were doing in the first place. Just because he's the father of your son, does not mean that he's a keeper. It just means that he is capable of making babies. He's such a loser...

 

[LaBelleLL]

Aww... that's so sweet. My (maybe) future long-distance boo hasn't said a damn thing and we're leaving in a bout a month . The commute isn't as easy as yours would be tho... Plus DC is a better city than Philly (IMO) so you would have the incentive to go down there anyway. Mine would be a 4-hr commute, and Detroit sucks .

But I know he'd be open to driving out to Chicago... I was telling him about Lollapalooza and he wanted to come. I was happy he had even considered making the drive. Baby steps. But realistically, I doubt he'd even have the energy for all that, his schedule is gonna be ridic. I would probably have to be the one coming to him but I don't really like driving.

yes, just wait. we part ways (he CA, me haiti) in a little less than a month. we still haven't talked about what we will do over the summer. i hope he mentions skype, emailing, etc. he'll be busying studying and i'll be super busy working in haiti. either way, i'm waiting for him to bring this all up. it helps me gauge where his mind is at. i know where mine is i find him a little difficult to read (though we are still getting to know each other).

and yes baby steps. you never ever know with guys i think!!! have you mentioned this new boo? i feel like this is the first time i'm hearing of him.

 

[InchHighPrivateEye]

I'm sorry your post made me .

I too feel some kind of way when SO says silly/stupid stuff....
He'll say "Oh you don't know nobody cause you got your hair done" (he'll even add the head roll with the finger snap)..it can be a little annoying at times, especially if the chick is *****.

I have to tell him quit being so damn friendly, you don't have to speak to everyone.

lol. I really got offended. I guess it's my own personal problem, but I tend not to deal well with complimentary language that is directed at people who are not me.

 

[SummerSolstice]

EEEEEE can't wait to get outta here and get some hugs =D

 

[Softerlove]

Damn, am I the only single one in this thread?!

Side note, cute tall man with tatts at Rite Aid just now could get it.....

 

[lavaflow99]

OMG did this guy pull the vanishing act on me? i am trying to think the best about this situation (he's starting a new business and is super busy) but no communication yesterday (we don't speak/text daily) then no response to my good morning text today. we usually don't go more than a day without some form of communication. things seemed to be OK after our sunday race and after our phone convo on Monday.....

i'll give him till friday (his birthday) then i'll chuck deuces......

 

[meesch]

long weekend with the bb boy... and then next month... im thinking things will be MUCH easier from then....

oof... these two weeks have been ENTIRELY too long