2012 Relationship Random Thoughts.... Part III

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CarLiTa said:
Him: well in a way I am excited to hang out with someone who plans to the detail.
:lol:
Says to self: yeah, you better be.
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CarLiTa is the non-planning thing something you can deal with on a long term basis? I remember one of the things you liked about you last relationship was the detailed Excel based planning.

I'm dealing with something similar and wondering if it would drive me crazy when married.
 
I hope SO's meeting goes extremely well tomorrow, it would make a great week for both of us and he's been working so hard on this thing.

Aside from that I have this guy friend who was interested in me years ago start texting me again and he's just as annoying and corny as he was years ago.Im trying to find a non-rude way in letting him know his bible quote signature takes up 2-3 separate texts and that's just ridiculous.
 
That moment when SO tells you to be "ready" the next time he comes over. :blush::blush:

ETA: He wants to come over a day early. :lol:
 
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BGT said:
That moment when SO tells you to be "ready" the next time he comes over. :blush::blush:
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Boyfriend and I were talking on the phone before I got to his place a few weeks ago. He was like "are you almost here? be ready" I thought he meant for dinner....I was soo wrong :grin:
 
SweetNic_JA said:
CarLiTa is the non-planning thing something you can deal with on a long term basis? I remember one of the things you liked about you last relationship was the detailed Excel based planning.

I'm dealing with something similar and wondering if it would drive me crazy when married.
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SweetNic_JA, girl, I don't know yet... So many of the guys I am meeting seem to revel in not planning anything... they call it "being spontaneous" and they take on that label with pride, like :grin: "me: man. spontaneous." And I'm feeling like oh yeah?:ohwell: Ugh.

My ex and I and all our planning... well, it took a lot for us to get there:lol: He used to call me a regulator... I'd refuse to do lots of things because I thought they were all "too soon."
Basically, I just wasn't jumping through hoops, because that's just not my style (not even games or rules or whatever, I just don't do that...), and maybe that confused him because he's been more or less conditioned to experience that from women he's dated.

I think it's the same situation with this guy. Roommate and I were just talking about him. She knows him better than I do. I was telling her I was a little turned off by my conversation with him today... that I can't really GET AT what he's thinking. Does he:
a) think that his life is so great that I or anyone would want to go with HIS activities once he proposes them?
b) think that because we are dating, my schedule is automatically open to spend time with him?
c) NOT UNDERSTAND that I've got friendships that I cherish, people I want to spend time with, including myself??

To all of these: :nono:

The oddest thing in all this is that he doesn't deliver these words with a self-important air. But the stuff that comes out of his mouth has me like: "Um? :look: come again?"

Roommate suggested that this could be because he has dated YT (:look:) girls in the past... He's African, btw. Roommate is also African. She says she sees it with her male cousins, how these girls are jumping through hoops, and that's what he's come to associate with "interest." This guy has spoken very fondly of this past relationships (I think that's a good thing. I'm side-eying anyone who talks about how batsh!t crazy his exes were:look:)... but even in his descriptions it sounds like these women were overly... available. Like, he'd have all these whims (part of his awesome life:lol:), and they'd be on-board, ticket in hand for all these travels:yep:

Yeah, as fun as this all sounds, I don't roll like that. I've got a life-- and it doesn't mean that I'm jet-setting every weekend, but... I've got a life, I've got friends, personal commitments, etc., and I more or less try to uphold them (when I don't flake out:look:)
Roommate thinks he probably thinks I'm playing hard-to-get:lol:... but these aren't games. But she said he sounded smitten the last time she spoke to him about me, which was at the end of our last date this weekend. So, I'm confused.

I don't get why he's harping so much about my desire to know details... I think he thinks it translates into being a wet blanket who doesn't have fun:rolleyes:. I'm only asking for some logistics... INCREDIBLY IMPORTANT logistics given the stage of our "courtship" (:rolleyes:) cause, like, where am 'gon' sleep if we go on a trip together?:look: cause, you can't touch me, bro. and what will it mean if I go with you?
This is all non-consequential if we are just friends and we have other company with us (roommate has gone on trips with him before, as part of a group). I can do that too, but like, I don't know you enough to open my schedule up like that. In fact, I have no inclination to!

Ok, so this was more a vent/journal entry:lol:

Is this something I can live with long-term? At his stage, girl, I don't know. I know that as soon as I decide that he's pretentious, I will be done with him and will stop accepting dates. I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt:look: and wait longer.

I'm not looking for a rigid planner... and I don't mind handling caring more about the logistical stuff. But I need someone who will engage in conversation with me, who will partake in the planning with me, even if I am carrying the heavy weight, and who will not scoff at the planning. **All of this conditional on whether we are already in a relationship. Not before.
***In addition, I will not plan EVERYTHING. I need someone who will be romantic enough to surprise me sometimes, and that requires planning. I'm not creative nor romantic, and I want a man who is:yep:
 
bahamababe242 said:
Anyone with advice on how to plan for divorce and a new baby at the same time, please PM me! Google isn't much help at all, ugh!
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bahamababe242 My heart goes out to you. You might want to check out the divorce forum. I did it and at 16 no less, the judge wouldn't grant my divorce because I was showing. But...that new baby just turned 32 and I know as hard as it was I made the best decision for all parties.

You can do it!
 
Flowing like water...no heavy lifting. Feeling blessed that both ex-wives have made the trip to reality. I've prayed for both of them to not be, but to continue to be happy. Good ole Law of Attraction and I think it worked.

The second ex has finally stopped the drunk texting and the daughter's mom has stopped with the nonsense of no over-nights. So we are taking both our baby girls and going hang out on the beach this weekend.

FH and I attended group bible study this week. I selected the class for blended families. It was really nice listening to other couples share how they worked through various issues with the ex spouses and the bonus kids.

I am so proud of this man when he speaks. I have to say he does make me feel a bit (in need of knowledge) :look: because he can turn to any book and passage in the bible without going to the index...like I have to do. It's a bit hard to impress me...but he does it everytime. I like this guy!
 
CarLiTa and SweetNic_JA I can totally understand where you guys are coming from. I like to plan out things and throw in a little spontaneous here and there. That motto "Life w/o a plan, is a plan for failure" is real for my hyper behind. I think after a while men fall into line with planning things out when they see it can often make things flow very smoothly w/o alot of unexpected wrenches being thrown at you. LOL

Carlita thanks for the words of encouragement and compliment.

Hey ElizaBlue glad to see you around. Missed you. I'm glad you guys are taking advantage of all the different ministries at church. You are lucky your sweetie doesn't need any bible beatings or conversion. That is super sexy!! :o) Being open and ready is a great thing!!

Waking up to all these wack but hella funny History Channel backwoods shows is starting to rub off on me. I now go looking for his fav bs tv aka Ax Men, Top Shot and Swamp People. LOL a damn shame but not really if I'm wasting time on black reality shows.

I hate to plan things for Friday night if its not early or super late stuff. I always fall asleep or get too tired before its time to go out. I have to take a nap before going out once its dark out. I hope to go to First Fridays/open mic at church tonight and recite Langston Hughes. Totally forgot about it and want to see who turns up.

We are going to stop by my cousins to see the fight since its local/on the way from the concert. We will get something to eat prior to going over there. LOL I no longer feed the cousins and their friends. He supports my stance because he knows my cousins wife is foul, unappreciative and hate filled. I cannot stand her and no longer have to fake the funk! LOL
 
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LaBelleLL said:
I definitely think to each her own. But what I don't understand is why dating means the result is that you have mental baggage. As long as you have physical boundaries (that you stick you) and you have a discerning eye, it is very possible to not develop mental baggage. The worst that could happen is that you may get frustrated in sifting through people. Otherwise, it's possible to maintain optimism, etc.

Did your sisters never date or something? I think it's hard to compare yourself to people.....
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Thanks for your viewpoint. In my case, even with physical boundaries it's proving to be hard not to carry all of that weight of disappointment after disappointment with me, it is what it is I guess. And no my sisters never dated. In other news: I asked the guy I was dating whether he was single and he said no. Moving on.
 
Maracuja sorry to hear about the guy you were dating. At least he was honest when you asked him that directly. Sadly that is what you have to do so they can cannot lie by omission. I'm sure its hard to leave the ghost of the past in the past but rest assured it can be done. You did the right thing by shutting it down before anything could get started or catching feelings for a situation going nowhere fast.

Just keep loving yourself and not accepting mediocrity. You know your worth and what you deserve.

Stay strong and keep your head up.
 
so we are going to a fancy restaurant! gives me an occasion to buy a new dress and shoes (and lose 10 lbs or more in three weeks :look:) i picked three weeks from now because by then i'll have gotten my hair done... i just can't with the natural poof anymore right now :lol: i need a break!
 
VeryBecoming said:
I can't wait to see him this weekend. :infatuated:

I'm thinking about making fajitas, margaritas and cupcakes for Cinco de Mayo.
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Yah we're entertaining this weekend for the fight as well. I wanted to make it Mexican themed....but I'm not cooking soooooo I'll let him do what ever he want's to do.:yep:
I just requested that he has my 1800 coconut tequila on ice!:lick:
 
LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. They do always come back.

I can understand the ex that I spent the better part of a decade with contacting me (I don't like it, but I get it), but this random dude that I dated for a year after that and he thought he was God's gift and started dating a mutual friend of ours directly after (and probably during) that? And they're still together? :smirk:

He sent me a message that said "I just realized I haven't talked to you in a while and it makes me sad. What are you up to?" I sent him a message back that said "Winning!" :look:
 
quick question: Do you have to be in a relationship to post in this thread? Is there a random thought for singles?
 
Between Nov 2011 and July 2012 coming up, I will have attended 17 baby showers, bridal showers or weddings combined. All of close friends or coworkers or family members. And all in my age group or younger (I'm 32 now). I'm just so depressed with my singleness. Its like I'm invisible or have some repellant on me that keeps available men away. Yet, all around me, peeps are finding love, making love, growing in love and so forth. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for each of them, but when I got one more announcement in the mail yesterday, I just shook my head and had a mini sad moment that dragging into today. It just feels like I will be single forever and have been too. (well over 3 1/2 years since serious dating/ over 6 years since a real relationship)I know my decision to stay celibate till marriage plays a factor and being a single mom raising my tween daughter alone makes it challenging to get out and date but it shouldnt be that hard nor impossible. Anyways, guess I'm just having one of those days that I'm feeling weak and tired of living in single city, population 1.

Um, wow, no joke, as I'm standing outside on my break typing this message on my ph, I peep from the side of my eye a little lizard start getting it on with another little lizard that it was peeping from afar for a few seconds. I kid you not. :nono:Really!? Even the animal kingdom is......eghhh, I give up. No use wasting my breath being sad; I gotta admit that was funny. Happy Funky Friday to me:spinning:. Single life sucks sometimes!
 
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Smiley79 said:
Between Nov 2011 and July 2012 coming up, I will have attended 17 baby showers, bridal showers or weddings combined. All of close friends or coworkers or family members. And all in my age group or younger. I'm just so depressed with my singleness. Its like I'm invisible or have some repellant on me that keeps available men away. Yet, all around me, peeps are finding love, making love, growing in love and so forth. Don't get me wrong, I'm so happy for each of them, but when I got one more announcement in the mail yesterday and I got to 17, I just shook my head and had a mini sad moment. It just feels like I will be single forever and have been too. Guess I'm just having one of those days.

Wow, no joke, as I'm standing outside on my break typing this message on my ph, I peep from the side of my a little lizard start getting it on with another little lizard it just stepped to. Lol, I kid you not. Really!? Even the animal kingdom is......eghhh, I give up. No use wasting my breath being sad.
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i know you're venting but :lol::lol::lol:

thinking about a lizard stepping to another lizard.
 
This guy posted this on FB



I know this will sound weird but, I need to confess. My girlfriend completely and utterly sweeps me off of this earth with her beauty. At night when she sleeps, I often watch her, wondering-- could she be ANY more perfect? Every day that follows-- I am once again BLOWN AWAY. As I sit accross from her, while I'm treating her to lunch-- my body feels almost as if she and I are in an abstract field of happy hearts-- of which we fit perfectly together. I will forever be your puzzle piece, my love. Forever. Place me as you wish-- and I will forever be yours. My apologies for the way that I stare at you-- there is nothing more beautiful than you, and my eyes are only for you. I cannot resist the temptation to express my feelings for you, at almost every minute-- of every day. I love you AMR.
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Wow, well my Friday keeps getting better! So I'm back at my desk, and I see I got an email from my Orthodontist office announcing that he is getting married. Office will be closed for one week; reschedule appts as needed. Really, first the lizard, now my orthodontist. Sorry y'all, I had to post that. Ok I'm done. I'm not checking emails, mailboxes, nothing for the rest of the year!
 
CarLiTa, okay so you are willing to work with him, because there's potential to improve on this short coming. That makes sense. As for the rest of your post, I would advise (if my advice is welcomed) to take it slowly. Let him show who he is and you show him who you are. Compromise when it is needed and it doesn't change who you are at the core. It sounds like you may be over thinking/stressing somethings, and you may find, after a while, that you had pegged all wrong. Take it easy and enjoy the fun stage :)

As for me, it definitely is worth it to work with my SO. He's a great guy with a lot on his plate. He is willing to plan things out with just the right bit of prodding from me. Sometimes I want all the details right then and now, and I need to understand that it's not always realistic.
 
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