2012 Relationship Random Thoughts.... Part III

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Mortons said:
You have friends MzLady, come talk to us anytime :kiss: I understand how you feel, but you have the power to make changes and get on the track you want to be on. You have a full life ahead of you.
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Thanks chica. IDK, sometimes I feel bad being so negative in here all the time, but if there were people I could talk to IRL, I would. But I'm really dealing with all of this by myself.
 
MzLady78 said:
Thanks chica. IDK, sometimes I feel bad being so negative in here all the time, but if there were people I could talk to IRL, I would. But I'm really dealing with all of this by myself.
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Let it out. Don't bottle it up. You will be like me and be on medication for years until you realize you have got to have some sort of grieving or venting process. I'm an emo personality :lol: and that's how I go through my grieving. It makes sense to mourn a relationship and the loss of a person who was significant to your like. I'm not one of those, "Oh just get over it people". One of the people I'm dating now is like that and you see the horribly negative affects. :nono: Let it out.
 
Mortons said:
Let it out. Don't bottle it up. You will be like me and be on medication for years until you realize you have got to have some sort of grieving or venting process. I'm an emo personality :lol: and that's how I go through my grieving. It makes sense to mourn a relationship and the loss of a person who was significant to your like. I'm not one of those, "Oh just get over it people". One of the people I'm dating now is like that and you see the horribly negative affects. :nono: Let it out.
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I feel you.

I've looked up some therapists, but IDK, I don't really want to take a "pick a name" approach to it. I wish I knew someone that could make recommendation but I'm not trying to make "anyone know a good therapist" my Facebook status. :look:
 
MzLady78 said:
I hate this so much. I'm on the verge of tears every minute that my mind isn't occupied with other things. I'm starting to realize just how pitiful my life really is. No man, no prospects, no children, no friends and a job I hate and put just enough energy into to not get fired. I spent Saturday-Monday in my bed. Came home from work yesterday and was in my bed at 7:00. Nothing is going right and I feel so powerless and so alone.

I've been down before, but never like this. :nono:
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are you doing anything to change any of these situations? if you feel like you dont even have the energy to address these issues (which are all focal points of your life and should be contributing to your happiness) it's definitely time for professional intervention. otherwise you will just languish there forever feeling sorry for yourself to the point where change isn't even an option. and i know you dont want that life for yourself.
 
meesch said:
are you doing anything to change any of these situations? if you feel like you dont even have the energy to address these issues (which are all focal points of your life and should be contributing to your happiness) it's definitely time for professional intervention. otherwise you will just languish there forever feeling sorry for yourself to the point where change isn't even an option. and i know you dont want that life for yourself.
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I joined 2 meetups that are geared towards women of color, and I'm planning to attend to a few events later this month. I'm also actively looking for jobs, not just in Boston. While laying in my bed this weekend, I did manage to send out a few applications. So I was a bit productive while wallowing, which I guess is a good sign.

The therapy is more for my relationship issues. It's not in my best interest to even attempt to date again, etc., until I address some of these negative patterns I have.
 
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MzLady78 said:
I hate this so much. I'm on the verge of tears every minute that my mind isn't occupied with other things. I'm starting to realize just how pitiful my life really is. No man, no prospects, no children, no friends and a job I hate and put just enough energy into to not get fired. I spent Saturday-Monday in my bed. Came home from work yesterday and was in my bed at 7:00. Nothing is going right and I feel so powerless and so alone.

I've been down before, but never like this. :nono:
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Sending you hugs and prayers. Go to meetup.com website and you find group events from all types of things you are interested in- in your area; dating to book club.
 
alwaysinchrist said:
Sending you hugs and prayers. Go to meetup.com website and you find group events from all types of things you are interested in- in your area; dating to book club.
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Thanks. I mentioned in a later post that I did join a couple of meet-ups. I'm kind of an introvert, so it's hard for me to jump into situations where I don't really know anyone, but I'm actually looking forward to them. One group in particular seems really well-rounded, In addition to social events, they do a lot of volunteer work. For example, they recently did an event where they gathered prom dresses and accessories for underprivileged girls. I wanted to look into volunteer work as well, so this will be killing 2 birds with one stone.
 
MzLady78 said:
I feel you.

I've looked up some therapists, but IDK, I don't really want to take a "pick a name" approach to it. I wish I knew someone that could make recommendation but I'm not trying to make "anyone know a good therapist" my Facebook status. :look:
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I've found good therapists through the internet. Search for the type of therapists you want, then try to find the ones with websites. Many therapists who are passionate about what they do have great websites with poetry and testimonials, quizzes, etc. The website is sort of an introduction to them, a peek into how they practice. By the time you meet in person, by phone, or SKYPE or whatever you feel like you already know them. Your therapists could live almost anywhere. With e-mail, SKYPE, etc., your options are wide open. And a good therapists will help you in every area of your life, not just romantic relationships, everything is connected.
 
MzLady78 said:
I hate this so much. I'm on the verge of tears every minute that my mind isn't occupied with other things. I'm starting to realize just how pitiful my life really is. No man, no prospects, no children, no friends and a job I hate and put just enough energy into to not get fired. I spent Saturday-Monday in my bed. Came home from work yesterday and was in my bed at 7:00. Nothing is going right and I feel so powerless and so alone.

I've been down before, but never like this. :nono:
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WE LOVE YOU!!!! AND YOU ARE NEVER ALONE WITH ALL OF US HERE!!!!
 
:drunk:Ok now he's driving me crazy....but in a good way!:yep:


Something about the way he says certain things, that make me melt inside out..:look:
*c'mere (getting my attention)
*yea? (after I "voice" my satisfication):look:
*open your legs (self explanatory:yep:)

don't let him use them all in one sentence:yawn:

Can't.wait.to.get.off:lick:
 
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A856 said:
:drunk:Ok now he's driving me crazy....but in a good way!:yep:


Something about the way he says certain things, that make me melt inside out..:look:
*c'mere (getting my attention)
*yea? (after I "voice" my satisfication):look:
*open your legs (self explanatory:yep:)

don't use them all in one sentence:yawn:

Can't.wait.to.get.off:lick:
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in more ways than one eh!!! get it girl! :lol:
 
i don't usually post in here but i just wanted to share how happy i am for my mommy. She's finally dating a really wonderful, spiritual, loving man.
My parents were never married, had me young, and have been seperated since...since I was born, really. My mom has always put herself and her love/personal life on the back burner for us, and I'm tearing up right now for it cause I'm just so grateful for everything she's done for me.
Anyways, now that my sisters and I are older, and she decided to start paying attention to that part of her life, and I can truly say God sent a wonderful man into her life. I am so happy for her!!
I have already started planning the wedding. :look:
 
I love love it comes in all forms. When you take a risk you can get a good thing or something not as favorable.It's better to have tried than to stick with what is safe. At times what one may really want may be in front of them if they can wait. Waiting sometimes prepares you for what lies ahead. I remember reading about of the ladies here and how her and now dh went through to get to the point that they could marry. I may have to do some more waiting and continue to work on me until that man comes. I will be with someone before I'm 30. I have 3 years.
 
MzLady78 said:
I hate this so much. I'm on the verge of tears every minute that my mind isn't occupied with other things. I'm starting to realize just how pitiful my life really is. No man, no prospects, no children, no friends and a job I hate and put just enough energy into to not get fired. I spent Saturday-Monday in my bed. Came home from work yesterday and was in my bed at 7:00. Nothing is going right and I feel so powerless and so alone.

I've been down before, but never like this. :nono:
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You need to start to identify the things/hobbies that you as an individual enjoy.

Not too long ago, I was down and depressed from the most horrid break up I'd ever experienced, I lost my job and all 3 of my only friends who lived in this city moved across country, all at the same time. I knew that if I sat in the house, I'd eat and stay depressed.

Try to find a class or activity that you HONESTLY like doing. If you don't really like it, you're not going to stick with it. Something that will get you out of the house and have you busy... perhaps to the point where you don't have any other time except to work, shower, eat and crash in the bed. Something that you may have to set your alarm for on a Saturday morning. For me it was cosmetology school. If I didn't do cosmetology, I would have done culinary. It may sound crazy, but I beat depression buy getting and staying busy to the point that whenever I did have downtime, I was too tired to think about how depressed I was. Check your community colleges and trade schools. Often, being involved in just one thing can open the door and put you in an environment to have a completely different life; where if there are a whole bunch of things going wrong, at least you have 1 thing that you love and is all yours. Stay encouraged. :)
 
bfs driving all the way out my way after work... first time hes done that. and good. because today made me tired. i could use some of his sunny disposition.

sometimes he's pretty useful (which help to counteract all the times i feel like he's useless :lol:)
 
...And I just want to come back in here and say that if someone would have told me 3 years ago that I'd eventually be a licensed cosmetologist I would have laughed hard. At that time I had a cushy job, a nice salary, and I was narrowing which schools I'd apply to for my masters. Everything that I just mentioned will be there when I go after it. But how many more years do you really think you'll have to just pack up and go, or get licensed behind a hobby without the obligations that motherhood or serious relationships can bring? You're in a great place right now. :)

Also many MFT (marriage family therapy) students have to complete clinical hours at little to no cost to the patient. You might want to check the universities near you to get more info.
 
He was telling me about how one of his white friends suggested a bed and breakfast. It was sounding nice until he said that the bed and breakfast was located on a plantation. So, in my head I'm thinking "I ain't staying on no plantation :look:" and as he was telling the story he said, "so I was thinking: 'InchHigh ain't stayin on no plantation :nono:'" and I fell out. A non-historically opressive bed and breakfast would be lovely, though. (I know all of us don't have problems with plantations, because I actually had a friend that wanted to get married on one. But not I; not the kid :look:)

One of his uncles is actually having a birthday party in his hometown this weekend and when I asked if he was going he said "No. Not unless you wanna go. Wanna go?" To your hometown!? With all your people? No, not really--not yet. But I love that you asked me that :grin:


I wanna make him watch The Vow with me :look:
 
i wont even eat at restaurants with the word plantation in it. so you think plantations was so sweet you gonna name your restaurant after it huh? :nono:
 
^^Right!

And I really wasn't aware that it wasn't common knowledge that a black person might not like a plantation. I mean, I don't want anybody to feel like they have to walk on eggshells or be super politically correct, but a plantation? Really? :smirk:
 
I went out with him last night. Felt a friend vibe from the start and felt like... "i could walk away from this with an actual friend and be OK with this." We talked a bunch and I enjoyed his company.

But then he found the right moment to go in for a kiss and... Now I'm unsure/worried...

I like him. Liking him isn't practical. There are many things that scream "stop". But his character is by far better than most guys I've dated.

Snail's pace... My fear is getting too wrapped up too soon... I want to go slow.... If at all. He wants to go slow and take it easy. We haven't talked much about that. I want to say as little as possible...

I'm backing off for now though. Going on vacation. I won't see him for 2 weeks and this is becoming the norm.

I need to date more guys.
 
Cheekychica said:
My brother just moved in with me temporarily. There goes my private time.... :sad: This celibacy vow just got harder. :sad:
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You just sealed the nail in the coffin for telling my sister she can't visit me this summer. My new place is nice and I aint even for having to put her out of there.
 
cheap dinner, playful nighttime stroll through the quiet neighborhood, sex on the counter... then the floor :drunk:

yep....
 
Mortons said:
You just sealed the nail in the coffin for telling my sister she can't visit me this summer. My new place is nice and I aint even for having to put her out of there.
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At least it's just a visit with a set end date. My brother has moved in until he can get a new job/new place etc. Moved across the country. :ohwell:
_________________________

On another note... I am so close to giving in to Ex and saying "yes", but Co-worker is callin to me still. Our chemistry is outta this world and he is such a genuinely, genuinely good guy. Like too nice sometimes, very Christian. He's going through some things right now that make him extremely busy and I'm trying to wait it out so I don't have regrets etc. but dang, I have needs that won't be fulfilled until I'm committed to someone. :look:
 
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