20 yr friendship over because no kids allowed

Congrats on your wedding. Your title is misleading. She is an acquaintance not a friend. I have no problem with inviting certain children. Personally I wouldn't have wanted this little girl as the flower girl because I know id have to deal with the mother. Go on and enjoy your wedding day. Pls don't let this stress you any more.
 
If she was an actual friend I'd encourage you to put forth more of an effort to salvage the friendship. But since there hasn't been a friendship in years, I say "deuces!".
 
I'm really really nervous about when my time comes. I feel like I need to read a book about what to do and most importantly what not to do.

The general consensus is that OP was in the wrong. I'm still scratching my head because I really don't get how that is the case. LAWD help me on my day!
 
OK the OP invites her bridesmaid and her kids because "they need to be treated fairly", then everyone else gets mad and asks to bring their children cause they want to be treated "fairly" as well. Its a slippery slope she shouldn't even try to go down. I would just decline any and all kids period.
 
I attended a wedding where this one child who was supposed to be in the wedding CRIED like no tomorrow. I swear she looked about 3 and all she did was holler for NO darn reason to me!!! Whenever the person stood up with her, the crying stopped. When I tell you it was ridiculous it was INSANE! This little girl was handed off to two other folks and would still do the whole crying, falling backward in their arms. One person took her on the outside of the hall and you could STILL hear her outside just hollering! Everyone was looking at the adult and that child with darts in their eyes! A good pop on those little legs would have settled that. Even when given her bottle she would not stop. I couldn't take it at all! The only children present were only the ones in the wedding.
 
msdeevee said:
I'm sorry but I agree with this. I do not like children at weddings for all the same reasons and more. I've seen people have toddlers or children in their weddings & the kid will get belligerent when walking down the aisle & start crying or run back to Mommy. When I got married my Nephew was one year old. In our wedding video all you can hear is him crying all through the ceremony.

They waste food. They run around the venue their let on the loose while the parents are having a ball. I just went to a wedding one little boy screamed all through the introduction of the bridal party " I want a hot dog!" He finished up the evening laying in the middle of the dance floor almost tripping people .

I hope you and your friend can come to Some agreement. Unless y'all have not been real friends 20 years is too much time invested to never speak again because of something that is going to be so trivial in the long run.
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That is hysterical. I guess it depends on the person and how they see things. I would've cracked up and showed him the video when he was older.:lachen:
 
*CherryPie* said:
Op, you are wrong, and your friend did nothing wrong...even in her delivery. If at your age, even if you don't have kids, you don't know that excluding children like that hurts them, then your brain ain't working right. You are basically saying that you don't care about how they feel. My delivery would have been the same or worse. No way would I allow anyone to hurt my children's feelings.


By the way, is that the foreign guy? Did he get his **** together?
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I don't know her dating history but it hurts them. So what! So does one child being invited to a birthday party and not the other two. So does one child being smarter, or faster or more popular.

You sound as immature as her friend. Even in her disrespectful delivery she did no wrong. Wow. You ain't no friend :lachen: :cycle:

OP pick a team Kids or No kids
 
I've decided that my friends delivery was extremely hurtful to me and I honestly would prefer to keep my distance. Even when I get my God baby gifts she say you must bring gifts for the others and I would but now I realize she must think money comes easy for me or something. I was trying to cut cost but she thought I was offensive with my no kids rule. For the folks that think I'm wrong for just having the kids walking come and not their siblings I respect your opinions but I don't have to agree. Btw I posted about this same friend earlier this year when she wanted to move into my apartment with her 3 kids and mom due to her apt being cock roached infested. Just to give you all an idea of why me and her are not super tight because of things like that. I feel a wedding should be a moment of Joy for everyone involved so if someone is upset I did not invite your kids then don't event step foot at my wedding. I don't need no bitter folks coming and cursing me please.
 
People with kids see things differently than those without kids. I always said no kids to all my events and never gave it a second thought. Then I got married and pregnant and now it's COME ONE -COME ALL. LOL!
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
I've decided that my friends delivery was extremely hurtful to me and I honestly would prefer to keep my distance. Even when I get my God baby gifts she say you must bring gifts for the others and I would but now I realize she must think money comes easy for me or something. I was trying to cut cost but she thought I was offensive with my no kids rule. For the folks that think I'm wrong for just having the kids walking come and not their siblings I respect your opinions but I don't have to agree. Btw I posted about this same friend earlier this year when she wanted to move into my apartment with her 3 kids and mom due to her apt being cock roached infested. Just to give you all an idea of why me and her are not super tight because of things like that. I feel a wedding should be a moment of Joy for everyone involved so if someone is upset I did not invite your kids then don't event step foot at my wedding. I don't need no bitter folks coming and cursing me please.
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Not cool :nono: @ boldfaced, I don't understand the purpose of stating this. This post comes off as you calling her a broke "la cucaracha" laden chick who thinks you're a bank. If the relationship with Ms. 20 years is over then the break should be clean and respectable otherwise your association with her sister and mom will go to wayside also.
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
I've decided that my friends delivery was extremely hurtful to me and I honestly would prefer to keep my distance. Even when I get my God baby gifts she say you must bring gifts for the others and I would but now I realize she must think money comes easy for me or something. I was trying to cut cost but she thought I was offensive with my no kids rule. For the folks that think I'm wrong for just having the kids walking come and not their siblings I respect your opinions but I don't have to agree. Btw I posted about this same friend earlier this year when she wanted to move into my apartment with her 3 kids and mom due to her apt being cock roached infested. Just to give you all an idea of why me and her are not super tight because of things like that. I feel a wedding should be a moment of Joy for everyone involved so if someone is upset I did not invite your kids then don't event step foot at my wedding. I don't need no bitter folks coming and cursing me please.
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Do the other kids really care if the sister goes to the wedding...really??? Kids are fine when left at home with some entertainment. I'm sure the others will be just fine at home. BTW..I have two of my own and STILL feel the friend made too much of it! It's your wedding not HERS and it honestly sounds like she is just trying to have an issue for nothing! Enjoy YOUR wedding!
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
I've decided that my friends delivery was extremely hurtful to me and I honestly would prefer to keep my distance. Even when I get my God baby gifts she say you must bring gifts for the others and I would but now I realize she must think money comes easy for me or something. I was trying to cut cost but she thought I was offensive with my no kids rule. For the folks that think I'm wrong for just having the kids walking come and not their siblings I respect your opinions but I don't have to agree. Btw I posted about this same friend earlier this year when she wanted to move into my apartment with her 3 kids and mom due to her apt being cock roached infested. Just to give you all an idea of why me and her are not super tight because of things like that. I feel a wedding should be a moment of Joy for everyone involved so if someone is upset I did not invite your kids then don't event step foot at my wedding. I don't need no bitter folks coming and cursing me please.
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she would probably kick your arse is she read half of this unnecessary stuff your wrote about her and is still calling her a "friend".......

People will say to the end of days that you should treat kids fairly especially siblings. Its not a hard concept and a parent that requires this does not have to be spoke about in this manner. Even if you dont agree i cant see this as any indication that she is using you for your money and before you add any additional offenses she has committed let me just say this .....

I believe birds of the same feather flock together...so what you say about her and her family and her apartment is a direct representation of the kind of company you keep and it speaks more about you then it actually does her.
 
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foxxymami said:
Why not have NO flower girl? Is that a possibility?

I understand you wanting it to be an adult-only affair. Nothing wrong there. But if you are going to make that a rule, then eliminate the exceptions.

I went to an adult-only wedding, the bride walked down the aisle minus a flower girl. And it was still a beautiful and loving ceremony.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
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sounds perfect.
msdeevee said:
I'm sorry but I agree with this. I do not like children at weddings for all the same reasons and more. I've seen people have toddlers or children in their weddings & the kid will get belligerent when walking down the aisle & start crying or run back to Mommy. When I got married my Nephew was one year old. In our wedding video all you can hear is him crying all through the ceremony.

They waste food. They run around the venue their let on the loose while the parents are having a ball. I just went to a wedding one little boy screamed all through the introduction of the bridal party " I want a hot dog!" He finished up the evening laying in the middle of the dance floor almost tripping people .

I hope you and your friend can come to Some agreement. Unless y'all have not been real friends 20 years is too much time invested to never speak again because of something that is going to be so trivial in the long run.
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This is why i will not be allowing ANY kids under 16 to my wedding euwwwwwwww
 
I don't see why the friendship has to end. You feel a certain way and so does she. Tis life with different perspectives. If it were me and my friend let me know it is a financial thing I would respect that. I would not get offended and just chalk it up to it being her wedding her rules. I'm sure those children have had outings where all have not joined in at the same time. I don't think it should be made out to be a big deal. It's not like it's Christmas and you come to the home with a gift for one and not the others.
 
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You are wrong dear. Its rude and hurtful to not invite the other two. Since your wedding is next Summer you simply need to find another flower girl and maybe another God Daughter. If you end the friendship whats going to happen to your relationship with said God Child? Is it that easy to walk away from that responsibility too. You do sound a little like a bridezilla.
 
I understand not inviting other children to the wedding but the siblings I really don't understand. I get that it costs to add children but it's also a cost to be in a wedding, outfit, travel, time off from work, accommodations. They are a member of the bridal party. So, the budget issue is unfair when they are incurring an expense for the one child to be in it. $25, a 20 year friendship being lost doesn't seem worth being 'right' about a rule regarding no children.
 
Zaynab said:
I understand not inviting other children to the wedding but the siblings I really don't understand. I get that it costs to add children but it's also a cost to be in a wedding, outfit, travel, time off from work, accommodations. They are a member of the bridal party. So, the budget issue is unfair when they are incurring an expense for the one child to be in it. $25, a 20 year friendship being lost doesn't seem worth being 'right' about a rule regarding no children.
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OP didn't mention that she was having a destination wedding or far from where she lives. The way OP has talked about the wedding it sounds like a local event. OP also stated when mom wants to hang out she has a baby sister for the children, surely she can find a sitter if she wanted to. It's $25 per child and OP said if she let other children attend the wedding, that her cousins would want to bring their 50-11 kids too. Imagine your cousin telling you, you can't bring your child but her friend brings their three kids. I doubt that wouldn't go over well. Rules are rules. Her rules are no children except those in the wedding party. Stop trying to change OP's mind about her feelings or decisions. I'm sure you had the wedding that you wanted and people had opinions about it. You couldn't accommodate everyone. Once you start bending, it never ends.
 
sj10460 said:
OP didn't mention that she was having a destination wedding or far from where she lives. The way OP has talked about the wedding it sounds like a local event. OP also stated when mom wants to hang out she has a baby sister for the children, surely she can find a sitter if she wanted to. It's $25 per child and OP said if she let other children attend the wedding, that her cousins would want to bring their 50-11 kids too. Imagine your cousin telling you, you can't bring your child but her friend brings their three kids. I doubt that wouldn't go over well. Rules are rules. Her rules are no children except those in the wedding party. Stop trying to change OP's mind about her feelings or decisions. I'm sure you had the wedding that you wanted and people had opinions about it. You couldn't accommodate everyone. Once you start bending, it never ends.
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Destination wedding or not, weddings are an expense for everyone involved. While I understand where you and the OP are coming from, the truth is she was wrong when it comes to etiquette. Of course, she can choose not to follow etiquette. However, etiquette dictates that she not split up families in the manner that she has. And the reason why etiquette dictates that is so brides such as herself could avoid the headache she has with these friends. The problem is most people do not know etiquette since it is not taught the way it once was back in the day. Again, herself and other brides planning weddings would do well to pick up an Emily Post or Miss Manner's etiquette book to guide through the planning as not to unintentionally ruffle any feathers.

However, OP's exclusion of the other siblings gave the friend no right to tell her off like the way she did. That was wrong and uncalled for.
 
tmhuggiebear said:
Destination wedding or not, weddings are an expense for everyone involved. While I understand where you and the OP are coming from, the truth is she was wrong when it comes to etiquette. Of course, she can choose not to follow etiquette. However, etiquette dictates that she not split up families in the manner that she has. And the reason why etiquette dictates that is so brides such as herself could avoid the headache she has with these friends. The problem is most people do not know etiquette since it is not taught the way it once was back in the day. Again, herself and other brides planning weddings would do well to pick up an Emily Post or Miss Manner's etiquette book to guide through the planning as not to unintentionally ruffle any feathers.

However, OP's exclusion of the other siblings gave the friend no right to tell her off like the way she did. That was wrong and uncalled for.
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Rules of etiquette has evolved over times and are specific to cultural and religious practices. It's all a matter of opinion actually and experts often have varying opinions on what is acceptable and appropriate. However, I'm pretty sure one common and popular wedding etiquette is to be consistent and avoid making exceptions. I don't accept rules of "etiquette" in most regards but I follow the golden rule, "treat others as you would like others to treat you."

As I've previously stated, I don't think the friend was wrong for her opinion just the way she expressed it. And I don't think OP is obligated to extend a plus two to a member of the wedding party.
 
If weddings are so expensive, why do you want to bring your extra kids? Dont you then have to find a dress for them or little tux for them and make sure they sit still yada yada? Isnt that harder than paying $25-$40 for a babysitter?
 
sj10460 said:
OP didn't mention that she was having a destination wedding or far from where she lives. The way OP has talked about the wedding it sounds like a local event. OP also stated when mom wants to hang out she has a baby sister for the children, surely she can find a sitter if she wanted to. It's $25 per child and OP said if she let other children attend the wedding, that her cousins would want to bring their 50-11 kids too. Imagine your cousin telling you, you can't bring your child but her friend brings their three kids. I doubt that wouldn't go over well. Rules are rules. Her rules are no children except those in the wedding party. Stop trying to change OP's mind about her feelings or decisions. I'm sure you had the wedding that you wanted and people had opinions about it. You couldn't accommodate everyone. Once you start bending, it never ends.
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The bridal party has a whole different set of rules. I'm not trying to change OPs mind. I'm stating why the budget issue is wrong when you're talking about someone using their money and time be IN the wedding. Its two totally different things and reasoning. Doesn't matter if it's local or not. Asking someone to invest money by being in a wedding but you don't want to pay an additional $25/$50 for two other kids?
 
tmhuggiebear said:
Again, herself and other brides planning weddings would do well to pick up an Emily Post or Miss Manner's etiquette book to guide through the planning as not to unintentionally ruffle any feathers.
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Pretty sure wedding etiquette states that you do not request additional additions to the wedding aside from your plus one.
 
Mortons said:
If weddings are so expensive, why do you want to bring your extra kids? Dont you then have to find a dress for them or little tux for them and make sure they sit still yada yada? Isnt that harder than paying $25-$40 for a babysitter?
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Well my kids have dress clothes for events like that so unless the mom doesn't, yes buying outfits for the other two would be an expense. But to be on the wedding, the mom already had to purchase the outfit for the child which I'm sure was more than $25 per plate issue. Regardless, I think they could have worked it out. The mom handled herself wrong but OPs rule could have been amended.
 
Zaynab said:
Well my kids have dress clothes for events like that so unless the mom doesn't, yes buying outfits for the other two would be an expense. But to be on the wedding, the mom already had to purchase the outfit for the child which I'm sure was more than $25 per plate issue. Regardless, I think they could have worked it out. The mom handled herself wrong but OPs rule could have been amended.
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But if she let those kids come she's going to have to let the kids in her actual family come too. At some point you just have to be firm. A wedding invitation is just that, an invite. You are not obligated to attend, you can decline. If you choose to accept the invitation then you have to follow the hostess decision.

Truthfully, the mom doesn't even have to come. She can stay home and watch her kids :look:
 
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