20 yr friendship over because no kids allowed

sj10460 said:
This is diverting from the OP but tmhuggiebear I'm curious about baby shower etiquette. My cousin just had a baby shower this past weekend. This is his third child and another boy. His oldest is 5 and the youngest is 2. I didn't attend nor send a gift because I think they're having too many baby showers. Traditionally, you only had one baby shower, right? Is it proper to have a baby shower for every child? Wouldn't a celebration party be more appropriate?
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I don't think it's proper to have close baby showers like that. Someone I know... I saw her at brunch with mutual friends. She was almost 9 months preggo with her second child (the oldest is 3) & we had a mini baby shower for her. She had the baby but never informed half of us when the baby was born. Next time we saw her was at another brunch and now she's preggo with twins while the last kid is only 7 or so months old. Somehow all of us got an invite to the baby shower. :ohwell: Of course I did not go.
 
We had no kids in the bridal party and didn't deal with this kind of thing. However, we didn't invite an in-law but invited everyone else in the house. It ruffled feathers when the invitation arrived (DH mailed it days after the first set went out) but in the end everyone who attended had a fabulous, drama-free night and life went on. We haven't had to deal with this person in years, and it's been wonderful!
 
MD_Lady said:
^^^This^^^ And, even though the OP provided an explanation, I'm against the idea of saying you don't want kids at your wedding only to have a ring bearer and flower girl. :scratchch You really need to take an "all or nothing" approach because, when you don't, you open the door to drama and hurt feelings.
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umm it doesn't work like that.
 
sj10460 said:
This is diverting from the OP but tmhuggiebear I'm curious about baby shower etiquette. My cousin just had a baby shower this past weekend. This is his third child and another boy. His oldest is 5 and the youngest is 2. I didn't attend nor send a gift because I think they're having too many baby showers. Traditionally, you only had one baby shower, right? Is it proper to have a baby shower for every child? Wouldn't a celebration party be more appropriate?
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pbi but last i checked, people dont host their baby showers. If family/friends, want to throw one with every baby, thats on them.
 
It is because of the wide ranging opinions on things like this I don't really care to be in weddings or attend them either.
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
Umm she needs to call me to apologize. I did nothing wrong. When she was raising her voice I said sorry you feel that way but I'm not inviting any kids. She was like well none of us are coming good luck with your wedding!
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I wouldn't have gotten angry with you or ended our friendship. I simply would have told you to find another flower girl.

You both messed up. You for splitting up kids. Her for overreacting. Obviously your friendship wasn't that strong in the first place.
 
I skipped a few pages so this might have been answered but how old are the kids? The one that was in the wedding is at least 5 or 6 to be a flower girl right? Are the others toddlers?

I cant see why parents get offended over things like this. My mom went to all types of weddings, parties and showers without us. Me and my sisters never cared and im sure my mom enjoyed those well needed breaks from 4 girls!
 
danniegirl said:
i dont think its about that, OP is shading this all towards the friend but you see how she talks about the other children, she made a point to mention WELL BEHAVED children and she made another point mentioning that her friend had to tell her about bringing gifts for just one child .... .... OP is ostracizing those other children and she has done it in the past also that is why the friend is cursing her out the way she did. side note the mama and sister are the op guest they have nothing to do with the "friend" Im team Friend w kids
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I know. I caught that too. If she loved her God daughter like she says then why the shade? She was upset that they couldn't participate and now there are insinuations that they are ratchet kids. I think the OP is wrong excluding siblings of the wedding party.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
 
Kinkyhairlady said:
Those kids have fathers. When she wants to go out and have fun she has some where to leave them.
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So it sounds like she has a few baby daddies and was never married to any of them. This may have contributed to her hostility toward you because you are getting married and the children's fathers never cared enough about her to marry her so she never got a wedding day.

I would have a child-free wedding party. I've been to plenty of weddings and it's rare to see a flower girl in them. My brother got married 7 years ago and although children weren't excluded from coming, there was not a flower girl or ring bearer in it.
 
^ That's what I suggested in my first post as well.
There could have been some underlying reason for the lash out.
 
I vaguely remember the ages but they weren't toddlers...PM her.
She felt it was too much personal identifying information.
 
prettynatural said:
I know. I caught that too. If she loved her God daughter like she says then why the shade? She was upset that they couldn't participate and now there are insinuations that they are ratchet kids. I think the OP is wrong excluding siblings of the wedding party.

Sent from my iPhone using LHCF
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I'm not trying to derail the conversation (whatever is left of it). But I don't see why a God mother to one child, has to buy gifts for all the children. Each kid has their own Godmother. Her duty is to that Godchild. If the mother wanted the kids to be so equal, she should have given all of them the same Godmother. The mother is shady for having such expectation.
 
Y'all surprise me. I ain't never heard of dividing kids up by godparents and the like. All children should be treated equally. Not same, but with equal compassion.

More than anything, OP's attitude towards the situation seems more alarming than her actual actions. "Wanting a certain look," "why I have to buy presents for them other kids," etc. I don't think she really cares about that family much at all. Which is fine .... but why fake the funk by putting people in your wedding like you're close?

I don't see a point of having kids at a reception ... but if you're going to have them, why exclude the siblings? Especially when mama, grandmama, and auntie all going too. The "friend" should of declined without the cursing and that's it. What a weird arse friendship.
 
Keen said:
I'm not trying to derail the conversation (whatever is left of it). But I don't see why a God mother to one child, has to buy gifts for all the children. Each kid has their own Godmother. Her duty is to that Godchild. If the mother wanted the kids to be so equal, she should have given all of them the same Godmother. The mother is shady for having such expectation.
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Keen
I have friends who do this. It's not expected but two different friends typically bring gifts for all of the kids, not just their God child. I noticed it but never questioned them.
 
I agree the only child godparents have obligation to is their godchild.

I'm more disturbed by the crazy babymama friend's entitlement and also disturbed by the OP's entitlement thinkin she's owed an apology. No one owes anyone an apology. Neither one of them acted like a friend so *** it. Friendship over.
 
Not to derail the thread, the term "Godmother" is used so loosely these days.

My Godmother always treated my siblings, maybe not equal, but close to, what she did for me. At Christmas, my sisters got presents too and the like. Some, but not all, outings or events included my siblings too; my sisters God parents also treated me well, all of them.

Again, both the bride and the mother of the "flower girl" failed to be sensitive and flexible around this whole issue.

Obviously the term "Friend" is being used too loosely too.

Carry on.
 
january noir said:
Not to derail the thread, the term "Godmother" is used so loosely these days.

My Godmother always treated my siblings, maybe not equal, but close to, what she did for me. At Christmas, my sisters got presents too and the like. Some, but not all, outings or events included my siblings too; my sisters God parents also treated me well, all of them.

Again, both the bride and the mother of the "flower girl" failed to be sensitive and flexible around this whole issue.

Obviously the term "Friend" is being used too loosely too.

Carry on.
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My Godmother is my aunt, it is very clear who's godmother she is til this day.

It's nice that parents give their children siblings. Good for them. but that's a personal problem. Godparents are not a fast food restaurant for you to feed and drop off all their kids.

Martyrdom is a just a way for women to set themselves and other people up for disappointment and failure later.
 
I'm so ashamed of my godparenting...In my book, it's not that serious but clearly it is to some folks. I need to understand this before accepting. So many things we all should think harder about before accepting...such as allowing your child to be in a wedding where there are no children allowed or god parenting or the meaning of a 'friend' etc. etc. Social pressures!!!!!
 
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