Plenty said:I don't believe going to the strip club is wrong. The type of man that interestes me doesn't visit the strip.
BlkManWithSomeSense said:Would you suggest he go? When did strip clubs become so mainstream? Everytime I've gone it's been the same thing. Loud music. Naked women. Poles and neon lights.
Men are very visual. No way could a man go to a strip club, come home, sex the wife and not think of 'Lola' with the DD chest and big lips. Is that where his head needs to be or does it even matter?
pebbles said:There's the problem right there. After being in that environment, how do you know it's really you he's holding and loving? How can he not think of Lola with the big chest and whatever else, especially if you don't happen to have all of her "attributes?" Even if he doesn't say anything about it, don't you think she's going to come to his mind every now and then?
BlkManWithSomeSense said:I'm just going to say this as it jumps off my mind.
Everything has suddenly become relative. Commitment,Truth, lies, friendship, deception, derrogative words are no longer defined understandings but now a matter of interpretation.
' It's not cheating if the other mate agrees to what happens'
' It wasnt a lie, it was an omission. You didnt ask the right question'
' I didnt deceive you. You assumed.'
' I promised never to tell my best friend's secrets but she's not my best friend anymore so all bets are off'
It's funny how so much in life today keeps coming back to interpretations. Is it any wonder why so many of us feel few people stand for anything but only to themselves? Is self discipline that hard to maintain? What good is the promise made in a commited relationship if the sacrifices made are few and small.
Lets not romanticize the situation. A nude woman is dancing seductively in front of YOUR man. After her dance on stage, she walks over to YOUR man, smiles and then bends over, sits down on YOUR man's lap and rubs herself on YOUR man and lets YOUR man touch her unmentionables. Then YOUR man takes YOUR money and puts it down HER G string. Then the man YOU love with all of YOUR heart leaves the club, comes home to YOU, tells YOU he loves YOU and then wants to make love to YOU.
Hellllllllllllllllllll Nawwwwwwww
Now to the technicalities. It doesnt matter whether he touches her unmentionables or gets a lap dance or if she's nude or half nude or if he gives her money or not or if thats his money and you have your own or whatever technicalities anyone wants to call out in my example, the principal question is still the same. ... what in the hell is the father of YOUR children, your soulmate, the man you have sworn undying love doing there in the FIRST place? There is a HIGHER level of accountability and representation at the commited level of a relationship. I have heard some women say that men will be men but in THIS case that does not apply. It is NOT harmless for a man to be at the strip club, sippin sizzurp, playing dominos and coming home at 3am in the morning. If he wants that type of lifestyle, why be commited? It's essential that we uphold the esteem and respect held and exhibited for marriages and relationships, no matter how many fall short and we must go beyond the comfort zone of relativities and expect better from our partners.
It's the same here. My marriage is solid! I'm not worried about a DARNED thing. Some women may not have a hubby like mine. To be honest, my marriage is one of a kind if you ask me. We tell each other everything. EVEN when the new guy or girl in the office is fine or has a fat arse!!! That's just us. It's been working just fine for 10 yrs now. He still worships the ground I walk on. We are human beings with eyes that behold beautiful things everyday. It's alittle absurd to think that you are the only woman your man will find attractive from the minute you say your "I do's". As long as we are honest and faithful "in all things" then it's all good... FOR MY MARRIAGE THAT IS. To each his ownbreezy said:And here is where we can agree to disagree. You've made a wonderful posts w/ some great points. However, I know my man. I know my relationship. It's a great visual kick for the both of us, it's something fun that we both enjoy doing together. Maybe other couples have the problems that you mentioned but we don't.
And if you really wanna get into like that, how do women know that when your man comes home all randy he's not thinking of Ginger or Mary ?Ann at work with the big rack or the nice ass? Or really, how do you know whether he frequents the strip club or not? Also, if he sees women out at a regular club or anywhere for that matter scantily clad and is turned on by them, is he then bringing that attitude home to his wife? There are way too many particulars and relationships vary too much by couple to sit there and make up a general rule and feel that all men apply to it.
If it's something that you and your wife feel is morally wrong, then the man shouldn't be going to the club, it's that simple. But if it's something the couple agree to and enjoy then I see nothing wrong with it.
My husband and I have a special relationship that is no holds barred, meaning we have an excellent line of communicatiion. If I were to develop a problem (which I don't forsee) then I would let it be known and things would stop immediately. Also, I didn't marry some jerk who compares me to strippers (and fortunately there is no comparison even after having children) and he would never lose his mind and get upset when I gain weight and use that as leverage to frequent a strip club. Men who do that aren't marriage material in my opinion, they're little boys so I have no worries in that department.
I can't understand why I can read a post on why a woman doesn't want her man going to a strip club and not get all hyped up w/ my defense, yet when I state my opinion all this is stated. I've said it once I'll say it again, it works for us. Do you. If it doesn't work for you don't have your ass in the strip club then. Maybe, just maybe, my marriage is strong enough to do things like that w/o it affecting our day to day lives, but I'll tell you what, I'll check in w/ you in 2013 when I've been married ten years and let you know.
Shalilac said:It's the same here. My marriage is solid! I'm not worried about a DARNED thing. Some women may not have a hubby like mine. To be honest, my marriage is one of a kind if you ask me. We tell each other everything. EVEN when the new guy or girl in the office is fine or has a fat arse!!! That's just us. It's been working just fine for 10 yrs now. He still worships the ground I walk on. We are human beings with eyes that behold beautiful things everyday. It's alittle absurd to think that you are the only woman your man will find attractive from the minute you say your "I do's". As long as we are honest and faithful "in all things" then it's all good... FOR MY MARRIAGE THAT IS. To each his own
BlkManWithSomeSense said:I'm just going to say this as it jumps off my mind.
Everything has suddenly become relative. Commitment,Truth, lies, friendship, deception, derrogative words are no longer defined understandings but now a matter of interpretation.
' It's not cheating if the other mate agrees to what happens'
' It wasnt a lie, it was an omission. You didnt ask the right question'
' I didnt deceive you. You assumed.'
' I promised never to tell my best friend's secrets but she's not my best friend anymore so all bets are off'
It's funny how so much in life today keeps coming back to interpretations. Is it any wonder why so many of us feel few people stand for anything but only to themselves? Is self discipline that hard to maintain? What good is the promise made in a commited relationship if the sacrifices made are few and small.
Lets not romanticize the situation. A nude woman is dancing seductively in front of YOUR man. After her dance on stage, she walks over to YOUR man, smiles and then bends over, sits down on YOUR man's lap and rubs herself on YOUR man and lets YOUR man touch her unmentionables. Then YOUR man takes YOUR money and puts it down HER G string. Then the man YOU love with all of YOUR heart leaves the club, comes home to YOU, tells YOU he loves YOU and then wants to make love to YOU.
Hellllllllllllllllllll Nawwwwwwww
Now to the technicalities. It doesnt matter whether he touches her unmentionables or gets a lap dance or if she's nude or half nude or if he gives her money or not or if thats his money and you have your own or whatever technicalities anyone wants to call out in my example, the principal question is still the same. ... what in the hell is the father of YOUR children, your soulmate, the man you have sworn undying love doing there in the FIRST place? There is a HIGHER level of accountability and representation at the commited level of a relationship. I have heard some women say that men will be men but in THIS case that does not apply. It is NOT harmless for a man to be at the strip club, sippin sizzurp, playing dominos and coming home at 3am in the morning. If he wants that type of lifestyle, why be commited? It's essential that we uphold the esteem and respect held and exhibited for marriages and relationships, no matter how many fall short and we must go beyond the comfort zone of relativities and expect better from our partners.
breezy said:And here is where we can agree to disagree. You've made a wonderful posts w/ some great points. However, I know my man. I know my relationship. It's a great visual kick for the both of us, it's something fun that we both enjoy doing together. Maybe other couples have the problems that you mentioned but we don't.
And if you really wanna get into like that, how do women know that when your man comes home all randy he's not thinking of Ginger or Mary ?Ann at work with the big rack or the nice ass? Or really, how do you know whether he frequents the strip club or not? Also, if he sees women out at a regular club or anywhere for that matter scantily clad and is turned on by them, is he then bringing that attitude home to his wife? There are way too many particulars and relationships vary too much by couple to sit there and make up a general rule and feel that all men apply to it.
If it's something that you and your wife feel is morally wrong, then the man shouldn't be going to the club, it's that simple. But if it's something the couple agree to and enjoy then I see nothing wrong with it.
My husband and I have a special relationship that is no holds barred, meaning we have an excellent line of communicatiion. If I were to develop a problem (which I don't forsee) then I would let it be known and things would stop immediately. Also, I didn't marry some jerk who compares me to strippers (and fortunately there is no comparison even after having children) and he would never lose his mind and get upset when I gain weight and use that as leverage to frequent a strip club. Men who do that aren't marriage material in my opinion, they're little boys so I have no worries in that department.
I can't understand why I can read a post on why a woman doesn't want her man going to a strip club and not get all hyped up w/ my defense, yet when I state my opinion all this is stated. I've said it once I'll say it again, it works for us. Do you. If it doesn't work for you don't have your ass in the strip club then. Maybe, just maybe, my marriage is strong enough to do things like that w/o it affecting our day to day lives, but I'll tell you what, I'll check in w/ you in 2013 when I've been married ten years and let you know.
BlkManWithSomeSense said:LOL. I 'm not hyped. It wasnt personally aimed at you. I spoke in passion. I thought about changing a few things to make sure it wouldnt be taken that way.. I'm sorry . It's cool to agree to disagree and of course you have to do what works for you. I still feel passionately about what I said but I know my views are on the conservative side of things. I look forward to your post in 2013 celebrating 10 great years but damn you know how old thats going to make me?...*sigh*...I do sense that you and your hubby have a great relationship. I wish it was as sound as some of my friends who let their husbands do the strip club thing but get mad if they look at a woman walking down the street.
I love reading your posts and look forward to many more.
breezy said:lol, sorry if I came off taking it personally, I just wanted to defend my stance! I see what you're saying and I can accept people having a different opinion than me and I actually respect when they stand their ground
I hope you're not using a walker or something when I make that post celebrating my anniversary j/k!
EwwwwwwwwwwBlkManWithSomeSense said:LOL No not on a walker but I might be hitting those Bran muffins a lil hard..LOL
breezy said:Ewwwwwwwwww
LocksOfLuV said:How about I askes SO lastnight "when are you taking me to the strip club" (I was dead serious, I want to check one out) and now this fool has the nerve to talk about he is against them now and doesn't think it is 'necessary.' Me and you might have to take a trip minus the guys-Just kidding, DH and SO will track our behinds down.
But seriously, man, I wanted to see some scrippas .
TempleGirl said:We went to a particular restuarant/club/place in Brazil, OBRIGADO BRASIL!!!! That was well beyond US standard subpar bullethole strippers. It was carnival and Mardi Gras all in one with fantastic food. I've been belly dancing since I was 23 and learned burlesque and pole work shortly after for our personal enjoyment and wanted to pick up some more tips in Rio, DH was happy to oblige me
TempleGirl said:^^^ You I am not speaking to, Lady M was veerrrry upset she didn't hear from you last night and frankly I was waiting to speak to "O" & "Q"
When I was pretending to be Carmen Electra some of us in the class decided to go to a real club to see how the work is actually done, those were some of these ghastliest "exotic dancers" I'd ever seen.
As to the topic, DH has his reservations on going to clubs and is more of waste his money on Texas Hold 'Em but that's him, if he came to me and said one day, I'm going to the Diamond Club, would I berate him to death, nope. I've been to Vegas
SummerRain said:For those who site the potential risk of temptation/ naked women/ etc as factors against allowing your mates to go....how do you address the temptations of every day?
If the desire to cheat is in a mans heart, there is little to nothing a woman can do to stop it. A man may guy to a strip club where perhaps his physical desires are aroused....but then he goes to his 9-5 Mon-Fri where he has an attractive co-worker who arouses his emotional or mental desires.
I personally don't think the environment plays that big of a role if a man is already inclined to cheating and dishonest ways.
BlkManWithSomeSense said:LOL I dont know if I agree. I may be able to offer a former alchoholic a drink and they would likely refuse. BUT if took them to a 'Liquorfest 2006 rally with all you can drink privilages, They may not hold up. Going to a 9-5 that has attractive women whom he can only admire from a far is not the same as a strip joint where if you have the money, will service him in almost any way. Some men can handle their weaknesses better than others.
MsDee4 said:Ummmmm... as it has been shown on this board alone, sometimes the women at his job can be more "tempting and aggressive" than the women at the strip club. It's what's in the man's heart and desire that matters.
He will ultimately do what he desires to do anyway.
BlkManWithSomeSense said:LOL I dont know if I agree. I may be able to offer a former alchoholic a drink and they would likely refuse. BUT if took them to a 'Liquorfest 2006 rally with all you can drink privilages, They may not hold up. Going to a 9-5 that has attractive women whom he can only admire from a far is not the same as a strip joint where if you have the money, will service him in almost any way. Some men can handle their weaknesses better than others.
SummerRain said:I know you're a man & all...thus by default, you should be the resident expert on how a man acts - but I couldn't disagree with you more.
IMH(but womanly)O - a man likes the chase...the hunt. A stripper willing to do anything for a few dollars is the equivalent of...well, we know what she's the equivalent of. Where's the hunt in paying for sex? but a woman who provides that chase, and has the phyiscal, emotional and mental attraction to boot is even more of a threat then homegirl swinging around a pole in 7 inch clear heels.
I know more men who cheated with co-workers, friends, women they met randomly - then those who cheated with strippers.
I can understand & accept the argument that the strip club environment as a whole just may not be healthy for a relationship (although it doesnt bother me personally) but I believe the tempation/cheating factor is a bit of a stretch & overstatement, primarily in the fact that prohibiting your partner from going to a strippin club shouldn't make you "rest easy" on whether or not he's being faithful.
If your man would cheat with a stripper - he'd cheat with his coworker, his so called "best friend", the neighbor, baby sitter, chick at McDonalds, etc...
I can't even begin to tell you the number of married men that hit on me DAILY and consistently AT WORK in a corporate environment. And they ain't the type of men that frequent strip clubs either
SummerRain said:I know you're a man & all...thus by default, you should be the resident expert on how a man acts - but I couldn't disagree with you more.
IMH(but womanly)O - a man likes the chase...the hunt. A stripper willing to do anything for a few dollars is the equivalent of...well, we know what she's the equivalent of. Where's the hunt in paying for sex? but a woman who provides that chase, and has the phyiscal, emotional and mental attraction to boot is even more of a threat then homegirl swinging around a pole in 7 inch clear heels.
I know more men who cheated with co-workers, friends, women they met randomly - then those who cheated with strippers.
I can understand & accept the argument that the strip club environment as a whole just may not be healthy for a relationship (although it doesnt bother me personally) but I believe the tempation/cheating factor is a bit of a stretch & overstatement, primarily in the fact that prohibiting your partner from going to a strippin club shouldn't make you "rest easy" on whether or not he's being faithful.
If your man would cheat with a stripper - he'd cheat with his coworker, his so called "best friend", the neighbor, baby sitter, chick at McDonalds, etc...
I can't even begin to tell you the number of married men that hit on me DAILY and consistently AT WORK in a corporate environment. And they ain't the type of men that frequent strip clubs either
pebbles said:For goodness sakes, are you available?? Beautiful post!!!