Your man in the strip club...

[vtoodler]

I'm totally against it. Why would he need to visit a strip club when he has me? Totally unacceptable!

 

[DaPPeR]

Only for an occasion like a bachelor party....

 

[MissYocairis]

You covered every base! Excellent post! ((((let me stop puttin folk business up on here)))) POINT: It doesn't matter whether it's a strip club, a research lab, the church choir or the corner store...if dude has it in him at this stage in his life, he has it in him. There was nothing that wife could have done to prevent him from being a douche.

Ok...I gotta mouthful

I've been to strip clubs. I was a shooters girl/cocktail waitress and I've worked at 3 strip clubs--it's NOT that big of a deal.

1. Ppl go for a variety of reasons. To look at women. To get lapdances. To conduct business. To stalk a stripper or waitress. To chill and play pool. To get sex. Whatever...

2. All women who strip don't 'look' like strippers. Common Misconception that all strippers are beautiful. Half the time the waitresses and bartenders are the only ones in the club who are on point!

3. All strip clubs aren't the same. With some--you know there's sexin and 'extras' being provided/ going on. There's drug use. Strippers/drugs and drug-dealers go together like rum and coke! Like PB&J.
There's alcohol. The men are younger so they tend to lose their minds. The VIP rooms are closed off and separate (sometimes). So you know there's sometning going on in there besides light touching.

In others...the rules are enforced. The bouncers are quick to beat down any man who messes with the females. The age limit is increased. No touching is allowed. No drugs allowed. The VIP rooms are open or installed with cameras. The men act decently , mostly because the young bucks aren't old enough to get in.
The dress code takes care of the old heads who act young-minded.
The girls are actually pretty...which means the club can be selective about who they let in. Everything is clean. There's a bathroom attendant and valets.
It's a true gentleman's club where men go to strip clubs not necessarily to strip--but to do normal things. Like...eat lunch.
Have a midday drink before going home.
Have brief meetings (with other males).
LOL It's funny stuff.
Although I never worked days. I worked primetime hour. Fri and Sat 9 to 3am.

4. I don't believe in this 'boys will be boys' mess. "Well he's a decent man but if a woman should strip down butt-naked in front of him he just may lose control of himself because he has been seduced by the vile temptress...so I gotta watch him"

Yeah ok--and prostitutes can't be raped.
Anyway I've gone to a female strip club.
If I can look at a naked man and not have an urge. Not have sexual contact. HE can look at a naked woman and not have an urge. Not have sexual contact with her.
Same difference.
I mean if you're worldy...it's not a big deal. Been there done that. When I do go it's because I'm dragged there by my friends and my man knows I'm not going to do anything. I just drink laugh and spectate. I don't let them dance on me. Or I should say I try not to let them dance on me. Some ppl are overly aggressive though.
Chasing tips...

But--Y'know one of my good friends had a girlfriend. Really good friend of mine.
He was FINEEEE. But you know what---he had a woman and I respected that.
HE thought I was fine too, child. But he respected his woman. We just hung and played video games and went out to eat.
Honestly.
But his woman was skeptical of our relationship.
Wanted us to stop hanging out. He was confused by her behavior--but I just backed off because thats his woman and I respect the relationship.
LOL Apparently he told her she was being insecure!
Men always say the wrong things. Lord a fight that must have been.
He was just confused and didn't understand where she was coming from.

But whyyyy did he tell her that? Of course she's insecure; her man is hanging out with another female! Plus--she'd been cheated on.
And as I told him, "...she does not know me... No--it doesn't matter if you introduced me to her. We don't hang out. She don't KNOW me. I could easily be one of those females who are trying to get at you...It doesn't matter what wouldn't bother me. It bothers her. And we are two diffeent types of females... We can still hang out at work...no biggie..."

The dept in which I worked had females throwing it at him. Literally...
He did not cheat on his girl. Not once--and lord knows he could have. He could have established a little harem. He was so sexy. But he stayed faithful.

I've had male friends with girlfriends who have told me of other females showin up at the their places naked trying to proposition them. Did they sleep with them? Some did; some didn't.

AND....I had a female friend who cheated on her boyfriend with like 5 dudes including a married man the entire time they were together.
I have a female friend who is married with children who has also been cheating for the past yr with an old boyfriend.
And what of that?

The point is: a**holes and cheaters come in both genders. Men ain't the only ones who can be triflin. Just because a man is a 'man' doesn't mean he can't control himself.
It doesn't necessarily mean he even has urges.
Just because a man is a 'man' doesn;t mean he's going to sleep with every female who throws it at him. Some men have standards.
I've seen dudes have to physically push overly amorous females off them (when they became to grabby with his pelvic regions).

I think it's bull that most women hold men to different standards. Men and society feed women these lies so that the woman will have ready access to an excuse for when he eventually cheats on her.

Now of course if a man is there every night--that's a problem. But sporadic strip club visits evry few moths with the guys---I have no issue with.

Some women have told me, 'oh you're being blind to the fact..."
Oh really...well to those women I usually say: This is not about being blind to the fact.
For starters--what 'fact'? The 'fact' of what....all men cheat? That men have no self-control?
Let's not begin projecting issues onto each other. Which is the more reasonable conclusion to come to here:
a. That all men are lying, cheating untrustworthy pigss
b. Or...just YOURS
--because you're making a lotta assumptions. And why are we just assuming the behavior of an individual based on their gender, what *we think* society dictates to him and how *we feel* he's going to respond to it?

Is your man that weakminded to be so led?
>>sigh<<
Sucks to be you...

Anywho--from my perspective and life experiences it's not about sex--it's about HIM. Even if he cheat...it still doesn't have a thing to do with me. It's all about him.
It's about the Character and INTEGRITY of the man. The level of love and respect he has for you.
It is on THAT foundation that trust is built.

If he couldn't be trusted--if there was no honesty within him.I wouldn't be with him. There is no gray area for me.

So...I'm not going to forbid anyone to go anywhere.
It's one thing to discuss the matter. I'ts one thingto have your man so he just doesn't like that sort of thing.
But some women will be all, "You're not gonna do this...you're not gonna do that...because I'm insecure..."
...and while you're watching perceived threats. you're oblivious to the more realistic threats going on right under your nose. A person can cheat at the grocery store. You can carry on an affair with the choir director at your church! With the next door neighbor. With your female relative.

So what..you gon forbid him from being around other women?

You're gonna watch him around your friends (i know females who do this, btw. It's sad.) too?

 

[newbiemom]

I don't mind if it is occasionally or for a bachler party or something. But not all the time. My hubby and I have been together for 10 yrs and he has only gone 2 x for bachler partys.

 

[Christina Dior]

Hell to tha Naw! Our rule is "if you would not want me to work there, then you don't patronize that business". That goes BOTH ways! I don't go to see the male reviews even though lots of my friends and family members go once a month.

Besides strip clubs are overrated. I was an "exotic dancer" for a spell in college and whenever funds get low I always joke that I can go make $3K on a weekend. DH doesn't find my joke funny. But he knows me. If I saw his car at a strip club, I promise yall I would run up in there, jump on that stage and shake it like a salt shaker!

He knows I'm not just talking either! I will do it just as sure as I breathe and pray about it later! That keeps him in line. Besides, we cannot afford to be supporting strippers. Stripper clothes cost $$ and I have enough costumes and tramp gear to keep him entertained 365!

I agree! If you dont want me working there then the hell u need to go for nugga?!

 

[bamachic08]

i dance at a strip club and have done so since 2003....i dont think this is cheating until the men approach me and ask for something deeper than a lap dance.also i can see someones hubby getting a dance from a naked woman can be a form of cheating.i guess you have a point op

 

[PeanutButterandHoney]

I used to be okay with it
But, now I'm not
I don't like the 'culturalization" of the strip club
and the glorification of the strip club culture
I don't like how strip club culture is being intertwined with r&b and hip hop=the new blackness.

Occasionally, my man can go, but thats occasionally.
They are expensive to get in,
The men compete with each other by throwing bigger bills
and IMO it desensitizes the men into believing that all women somehow subject their bodies and being to the amount of money they have.
At the end of the day, it's about looking at another woman's body and I am not okay with that.

 

[kismettt]

i asked him if he'd ever go to one & he said "no, it's degrading to women"



but i really wanna go to one, so....

 

[kkamara5]

I agree with you. Why expose him to that? If one day you discover that he's been having an affair, could you really be mad at him and wonder what happened? You were cool with letting him frequent a strip club.

Hell yes I can be mad at him! Who else am I gonna/suppose to be upset with? Myself?

Its something called trust...If I trust that you can go and behave yourself accordingly, and you prove yourself wrong, then I dont have anyone else to blame but the one conducting the wrong doing. Never would I blame myself for the wrongdoing of a selfish, inconsiderate man!

 

[awhyley]

Besides strip clubs are overrated. I was an "exotic dancer" for a spell in college and whenever funds get low I always joke that I can go make $3K on a weekend. DH doesn't find my joke funny. But he knows me. If I saw his car at a strip club, I promise yall I would run up in there, jump on that stage and shake it like a salt shaker!

Everybody (at work) turned and looked at me when I started to burst out laughing
I had to play it off That's keepin' the money at home. (And I like your rule)