Would you want to know all of the details...

blasianbeauty

blasianbeauty

New Member
If your DH/SO cheated and you planned on working things out? Or would you just acknowledge that it did happen but not want to know the details? When I say "details" I am referring to:

- How she look
- How they met
- What happened
- Length of time knowing her
- Was sex involved
- If he took her out on dates and if so, where did he take her and what did they do?

Etc...

I say yes my friend says no (not married) my sister says yes also (married 10+ years). How would knowing or not knowing have an impact on the relationship?
 
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Not all the details. But I'd want to know..how long had it been going on (was it during a rough patch for us or were thing "ok"...what does she look like? (is he not attracted to me anymore?)
 
I have an excessively overactive imagination, so I would want to know the details/truth of what had happened - it would most likely be less 'ugly' than what my head could make up........ I'd actually have to hear the details before I made the determination of whether we could 'work things out'......
 
TayMac said:
Not all the details. But I'd want to know..how long had it been going on (was it during a rough patch for us or were thing "ok"...what does she look like? (is he not attracted to me anymore?)
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I'd definitely want to know what she looks like to...and if he was taking her out places and where.
 
JustKiya said:
I have an excessively overactive imagination, so I would want to know the details/truth of what had happened - it would most likely be less 'ugly' than what my head could make up........ I'd actually have to hear the details before I made the determination of whether we could 'work things out'......
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:yep::yep::yep:
 
I think I'd want to know how long it went on, who knew and if sex was involved. I'd be curious as to if it was protected but it's doubtful one would get an honest answer, so I'd just get him to do an STD test. I wouldn't want to know the finer details - I really just do not see the point, especially if I'm going to try and stay with him "until death do us part" :ohwell:.

Tbh, it's having to ask these kinds of questions and being put into that kind of humiliating position that makes me feel like if an SO/DH cheated, I would have to leave asap.
 
If the sex was unprotected, that's an automatic 'Bye Dude!' in my book - not only did you violate our vows, but you risked MY life? That's right up there with laying hands on me, to be honest.
 
JustKiya said:
If the sex was unprotected, that's an automatic 'Bye Dude!' in my book - not only did you violate our vows, but you risked MY life? That's right up there with laying hands on me, to be honest.
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Yeah, that's really true. Although I personally would not expect a cheater who is desperate to save the marriage to even answer the question correctly. In fact, I'm sure he'd lie about it along with most of the other questions thrown at him. Honestly, if an SO/DH cheated on me irl, I wouldn't stay let alone ask these kind of questions.
 
No.
Because he would be gone after that.
I don't see how that would help the situation.
Men don't go for prettier or better, they go for new..that's all it is.
 
blasianbeauty said:
If your DH/SO cheated and you planned on working things out? Or would you just acknowledge that it did happen but not want to know the details? When I say "details" I am referring to:

- How she look
- How they met
- What happened
- Length of time knowing her
- Was sex involved
- If he took her out on dates and if so, where did he take her and what did they do?

Etc...

I say yes my friend says no (not married) my sister says yes also (married 10+ years). How would knowing or not knowing have an impact on the relationship?
Click to expand...

Hillarious. Well of course:lachen:

I wouldn't want to know because women get bogged down in details, they aren't necessary. Women look at the details to validate themselves or dismiss the other woman, like she is she ugly/pretty/fat/short/skinny. None of that matters IMO.

I wouldn't want to know the details, if we were gonna stay together. It would seem more hurtful.

I'd just want to focus on the WHY. The WHY is never about sex and it's never about the wife.
 
I wouldn't take someone back now but no I wouldn't want to know I don't think. It hurts already without the whole mental picture thing.
 
It's very hard for me to think hypothetically because cheating is AUTOMATIC grounds for divorce in my marriage. :nono: That said, since secrets were a large part of the problem, I think putting it all out there would be a step in the right direction.
 
I know myself and I'd ask questions, and I'd want to know lots of details (not intimate details). I want to know what was going on during those times that I could have looked at in retrospect and said "Aw, that's why things were a little off".
 
Yeah I wanna know and I asked her..

She had no problem telling me and i had no problem telling her because she got info she needed and i got info that I needed.

I even wished her good luck and offered some advice....Didn't want her to be a victim either.
 
blasianbeauty said:
If your DH/SO cheated and you planned on working things out? Or would you just acknowledge that it did happen but not want to know the details? When I say "details" I am referring to:

- How she look
- How they met
- What happened
- Length of time knowing her
- Was sex involved
- If he took her out on dates and if so, where did he take her and what did they do?

Etc...

I say yes my friend says no (not married) my sister says yes also (married 10+ years). How would knowing or not knowing have an impact on the relationship?
Click to expand...

Yeah IF I planned on working it out... I believe I'd want to know the details. I would rather be single than welcome infidelity into my marriage. I'm not sure if I could even get over it to begin with. But IF, and I do mean IF... I believe I would want to know what's up with the chick and he.

I despise adultry with a passion. I have small children. I have seen this type of thing rip families apart and I understand why. I believe if I chose not to find out the details I would wonder about the details the rest of my life.

I would need to know what was so important about that chick that he would risk loosing his family over. It seems like knowing the details from beginning to end IF I'm going to work it out with him would at least have me not wondering for the rest of my life.
 
I would want to know, but I would not want to know if that makes sense. I can't even bear hearing about him before we met. It's like I'm curious but I just get mad so I just don't bother.
 
If I decided to stay, I want to know who, what, where, when, why and how. I want all the details. Like someone posted earlier, my imagination run WILD. I need it played out for me so that I am not playing it out myself. Full disclosure is the only way to move on, otherwise there will always be nagging thoughts.
 
I would want to know too, but I think usually a cheater is a liar too, so he may not give you honest answers.
 
Zaynab said:
Hillarious. Well of course:lachen:

I wouldn't want to know because women get bogged down in details, they aren't necessary. Women look at the details to validate themselves or dismiss the other woman, like she is she ugly/pretty/fat/short/skinny. None of that matters IMO.

I wouldn't want to know the details, if we were gonna stay together. It would seem more hurtful.

I'd just want to focus on the WHY. The WHY is never about sex and it's never about the wife.
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I agree. That would be my first question: WHY?!

But then...I would still become obsessed with other questions: did I miss any signs? Is it my fault?:rolleyes: Who is she?! Etc...

Yep, as you can tell, been there, done that! I wasn't married, though, just in a 7 year relationship. He only agreed to give me the details after I had calm down and made it seem like I wanted to work things out. After my curiosity was filled, I bounced!
 
~~HoneyComb~~ said:
Cheaters, imo, are liars, and they may lie in giving you honest answers because they think they are sparing you further hurt:rolleyes:
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Naturel said:
I would want to know too, but I think usually a cheater is a liar too, so he may not give you honest answers.
Click to expand...

See that's what I'm saying... I'd doubt I'd even be able to work it out. I would feel obligated to toss him in the pile with the other losers...That's a difficult question to answer.:spinning:
 
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