WOULD YOU LEAVE YOUR DH/SO IF HE DIDN'T WANT KIDS?

[Nevaeh1282]

I wouldn't even marry a man who didn't want kids.
The subject of children MUST have come up before they were married... if it didn't then silly her. However if she feel so strongly about it she might as well just leave him because that is always going to be a bone of contention between them. Life is short... no sense wasting it trying to convince a man (who doesn't want kids) that y'all should have kids. Move on!

 

[tocktick]

i think i would know if my DH wanted kids or not before i married him. it would cause misery to both of us if we didn't know where each other stood. for example, if he didn't want kids but didn't realise i felt the same way, would it not be horrible for him to have me pretty much force my want for kids on him?

however, in the instance that i didn't know anything beforehand (which could only come about if he had tricked me), then i'd have to leave him. there are men out there who do want kids and so do i, therefore i couldn't stay in a marriage where i was ultimately being denied something that i wanted to have.

 

[tocktick]

The number of children can be an issue to. My SO has told me if we have more then we must have 2 because my son is too old to really be an involved sibling and he believes that raising children in 2's is easier (for whom - i'm not sure).

I mean he thinks they should be no more than 1.5 years apart.

i kind of agree yet disagree with your so. i am 10 years older than my youngest brother. my oldest brother is 12.5 years older than the little one. however, we are both involved siblings. we spend a lot of time with our brother, especially because we are both living at home. we have a close relationship with him.

however, like i say, we are both living at home. once we both get out, he won't see us as often and as a result we will ultimately have less contact with him and be less involved. i think it would have been nice for him to have a sibling his own age so he won't be so lonely and can have an instant friend. it's kind of too bad that he won't experience sharing his childhood with a sibling of the same age group. my relationship with him is totally different from the one i have with my older brother.

tbh, i would probably do things like you SO when to when it comes to having children by having them closer together.

 

[stinastina]

I would leave. A man who doesn't want to have kids with you does not want to commit to you for 18 years. Even Dr. Phil reversed his vasectomy when he overheard his wife saying she wished she had more kids (after the first son). He knew how much it meant to her, loved her and was committed to her.

 

[Connie]

My gf is going through this right now.

Her dh sort of flipped the script on her and told her he didn't want ANY kids. At first, he said he wasn't sure before they got married and now its a definite no. The 'not sure' would have stopped me from marrying him.

It would be a dealbreaker for me though

Same here. Children or no children is something to be certain about or it's the children who will suffer the most. If one of you isn't sure, the other one should put the breaks on the relationship before you're standing at the altar.

 

[Connie]

I have a guy friend going through this issue. He does not want kids but his girlfriend really does. She's been trying to change his mind because they've already dated 4 years and she doesn't want to throw the relationship away I can tell. I can't understand people who don't want to procreate with someone they deeply love, although I'm sure everyone has their reasons. I would definitely not marry someone who didn't want kids.

The key is to fall in love with someone who doesn't want to procreate as well. The problem is we can't always control who we fall in love with :-S

As much as I've happily resigned myself to the fact that I'm not having children, I honestly can't say that if I met a guy who made me fall head over heels in love with him I wouldn't want to have his baby.

I just pray that it doesn't happen when I'm 50 (yikes!)

 

[LunadeMiel]

Marriage and kids are things that cannot be compromised on. Either you do or you don't.

 

[meia]

Being honest my SO wants kids and shoot we have one on the way anyone- we both thought we couldn't.....

Just something to keep in mind- No one can change a man. If he doesn't want kids 9 times out of 10 its for a personal reason and he's adamant. It's best to leave and leave early- if anyone were to stay there because they really love the person you're only setting yourself up for disappointment because at the end of the day he still doesn't want what you want....

 

[amara11]

I highly doubt I would even marry a man that did not want children in the first place.

 

[secretdiamond]

I wouldn't leave. Hell, I'm not even sure I want kids. We discussed this before & he's not sure either. We figure we'd decide when it was time to really think about it. And we don't have sex so we don't need to worry about an unplanned pregnancy.

Even if I end up deciding I want kids & he was more strongly against it than I was for it, I'd still stay and support that decision. And he'd do the same vice versa. We love each other & would support each other no matter what choice was made.