Married Ladies: What issues did you have in the early years of your marriage?

NaniDiamond said:
WOW, if I want to talk about a problem and "he" doesn't, I DEFINITELY feel like I am going to explode...because while I NEED to talk to get it out, I surely don't want to use a confindant/friend for this purpose...I'd rather it be my DH instead of some "outsider" who will know our business...

what do you do to put that "fire" out until he is ready to talk????????????
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Keep an online journal
 
I have a question. What is the difference between a girlfriends role and a wife's role? Can someone like break it down. I know as a gf im not supposed to clean cook etc but how far do i take that and what is my job as a gf to be a supportive friend that he has sex with? I know I may sound silly but in my defense I'm young!!! lol (22)
 
Re: Marreid Ladies: What issues did you have in the early years of your marriage?

There is some fabulous advice in this entire thread. This is the first thread ever to which I am subscribing. Thank you to everyone for being so candid.


Opulence said:
I've been married five years. The first year was very hard. I wanted out. But my husband and I are extremely spiritual people and we were both determined to make it work with each other and with God. Oh my goodness I remember some days sitting on the bed crying my eyes out wondering what I had done.

As hard as it to admit. Looking back on the first year. I was the problem. No, my husband wasn't perfect, but my God I was blessed with a good man. It really hit me one day when I came home unexpectantly and I overheard my husband praying. He was crying (this is the first time I had ever seen or heard him cry). He was literally begging God to help him be a good hsuband and to remove whatever pain was in my heart so that I could see just how precious I was to him and to God. He repeatedly thanked God for giving him such a good wife and proceeded to expound on my good qualities! He asked God to search his heart and show him if there were things he was not doing. But he also apologized to God for sometimes wanting out of our marriage. That sometimes he wasn't happy and he didn't know what to do to make it work. He wanted to make it work and he was trying but he needed the strenght that only God could give to make it. He repeated how much he loved me he thanked God for bringing us together. But he felt he didn't know this woman that he had married.

I was floored. I couldn't stop crying, and I was just standing there with tears streaming down my eyes. I went down the stairs as slowly as possible and got back in my car and drove to the farthest part of our property near the water. I felt like crap. I started self medicating myself with shopping not long after we got married. I was never one to spend a lot of money on anything, but it was the only thing that would make me feel better for the time being. And that day was one of my shopping sprees. My SUV was completely full of shopping bags. I looked at all the bags, i looked at my purse, my car, my wedding rings. I had EVERYTHING a woman could ever want. I was young, in great shape (at the time), beautiful, I had a beautiful home, luxury car, a career, a handsome husband who even loved me despite myself, even though my husband is very frugal I wasn't in want of anything, he gave me whatever I wanted within reason, my inlaws loved me and adored me. My family was comfortable and all in good health, grandparents as well. But I was miserable! Completely and utterly unhappy. And I didn't know why.


You would think that I would have gone home and apologized and confess about hearing his prayer and thanking him and all that, but no, crazy me went home with an attitude, he could tell I was in "one of my moods" so he left me alone. I cooked dinner, got in bed and called it a night. of course I woke up feeling like crap the next morning. I went for a walk that morning. I must have walked for like 3 hours! Aroung and around and around. I prayed the whole time. I finally realized that I was dealing with some unresolved childhood issues. I started writing a journal to get everything out. Sometimes that's the disadvantage of getting married young and moving from your mother's roof to being married. You have no time to yourself to really sort out and resolve things in your life. especially repressed memories. You get married hoping your husband will fill some void in your life. or you don;t even realize that you have these grand expectations of him, but subconsciously you do and when you realize that he is not fulfilling them you are mad at him and mad at life because you are not getting what you need/want.

so basically my husband became my therapist, he got me to talk about my youth and my anger and pain etc. I started to let go and forgive.

We had created the worst patterns. I'm from a family that does not communicate well. When we are upset we don't talk and we isolate ourselves. So naturally that is what I brought to our marriage. My husband is the complete opposite. He has to talk about it right away and express himself and in two minutes he's over it and we're friends. But because i didn't function the same way it would frustrate him. so he eventually gave up on trying to get me to talk. He became like ME! Stopped talking when he was upset and isolated himself. So as you can see this was a great recipe for distaster. But we were both still very commited to our creator and to each other, and we slowly just started applying things we learned in the bible. even if i didn't want to speak and I felt that if I did I would say something evil. I would just blurt something out. anything to make him undersrtand or get a glimpse of what I was feeling. no matter how inaudible it was. most of the time I would be screaming and crying hysterically (thanks to my mom). then I would collapse on my bed crying uncontrollably and apologizing for being the worst wife.

Let me tell you God is what made our marriage work, and just doing everything the bible tells you to do. It has the best advice. But marrying someone who loved God more than he loved me really helped. I could see him making all kinds of adjustments and changes in his life to try and make our marriage work and it made me feel bad that I was being so stubborn, it motivated me to want to make changes. So I did. And we started to grow up and grow closer. Looking back I feel like I was such a different person then. Partly because I was. I ended up changing my birth control (i was on the patch) and I didn't realize how much it had contributed to my depression. After being off the patch for six months I could feel the difference. I was more positive. Happier, and my sex drive was out of control. I was in such a dark place in my life when I was on that patch.

Marriage is still not easy but we have the tools we need to make it a success and we are committed to that. We so enjoy each other's company and we really consider ourselves best friends. No one makes me happier or makes me laugh like he does.

So what have I learned?

- Marrying someone who loves God more than he loves you.
- Make sure he is God fearing as well, because a man that truly fears God will not do anything to hurt you
- Marrying someone with a really good sense of humor. They can make you see the humor in things that you take so seriously. They really help to humble you too because they make you realize how ridiculous you are being. and help you learn to laugh at yourself
- Try to take a trip abroad or do some traveling before getting married, traveling helpes you widen your perspective on life
- Figure out what you want out of life, set goals for yourself and your future husband
- Don't look for someone to make you happy or complete you. Resolve all those issues before you get married. Your husband can't be that father that walked out on your family when you were 7 and he's not the father that beat your mom for 7 years of your life. Your husband is your husband. Love him for who he is and for the man God will make him. Don't expect something else of him. He will not fill that void in your life, he may make it easier to deal with and even help you forget it at times but he will never fill it.
-Learn to forgive for past mistakes and move on. You rob your husband of the possibilities of greater happiness when you hang on to pain from your past and allow it to dictate who you are and what you do now. Call on God and allow him to call you to peace.
- say how you feel, but not with the intent to hurt. sometimes I couldn't separate how hurt I was from the mean things I wanted to say, so I would tell him that I needed some time to sort out my feelings. I would try to get at the root of what was bothering me without generalizing. then we would sit and talk.

- DO NOT GO TO BED ANGRY. Make peace, it makes for a good's night sleep.

- learn what you like and dislike before you get married. define your personlity but don't be stuck in your ways, especially when it would be in your best interest to change for the better. but learn who you are
- don't be afraid to admit when you are wrong and be excited about making changes in your personality. God has this image of the woman and wife he wants you to become and he's ready and willing to mold you, but when you refuse to make changes especially when it's apparent that you need to you're pushing away God's hand and you put yourself farther and farther away from the woman and wife he knows you can become.
- treat your husband like a king. and you'll always be his queen. Pamper him, dote on him, spoil him. He deserves it. And if he's a goood man, he'll treat you the same and then some. and you'll feel so good doing it. Trust me, it's so much fun.
- remember that money and material things are not everything. Never live beyond your means. SPending all your time working and spending trying to chase some "american dream". People will have you believe that having a big home and a nice car and a certain type of job, a lavish wedding, a certain size wedding ring is true happiness, that you really don't have it all. But if you are loved, adored and cherished, even just by one person. You have it all. That is peace, that is happiness, that is success, THAT is priceless.
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We are still early in our marriage but I have realized that it really is about Peace, Piece and Food.:grin:

Our home is a place of solitude and all my friends/family members know that I need to get dinner prepared so that once DH is home, I most likely getting off the phone. DH's friends/family know that if his cell phone is off, he's at home so they need to leave a message. Of course that is not a daily thing since I am sometimes in the office or out of town but more often than not it's a given for me.

Only follow a man who is following God. I know that not everyone is religious but most people do believe in a higher power. I do not recommend marrying a man with an "I'm just doing me" attitude.

Nobody can read minds and just because you think it's common sense or that everyone should know what to do or how to respond in a given situation does not mean your husband will react/know to do it that way. Marriage is a learning and a teaching experience.

Many married women these days make more than their husbands and "statistics" show that these men tend to cheat more often. I think the era of the "independent woman" can result in failed marriages because the men feel emasculated. Women in this position need to go out of their way to make sure that their husband feels like he is the head of the family. Go out of your way to include him in the decisions that affect the family i.e., how much should we spend on the new television, where should we buy the new furniture, how should we discipline our child, where should we go on vacation, what should we buy for dinner....etc.
 
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Re: Marreid Ladies: What issues did you have in the early years of your marriage?

This is great information. So true!!

Farida said:
This is really important! Before I got married my grandma, mom and aunts all told me this. It is VERY important!

Whenever you talk ish about each other in public you are exposing the vulnerabilities of your marriage. A marriage should be like a military armory. Only select people are welcome, only during certain times for certain reasons, high-security and tough-screening. You wouldn't tell people what time the armory guards do a change in shift, hours when the armory is unmanned, the code to the safe...and as such should you treart your marriage.

I have an acquaintance who does this and I don't think we are close enough to talk about this. Maybe I'll muster the guts to bring it up to her. She is always talking about how DH mishandles finances :nono:, how he isn't clean:nono:, how he is immature:nono:, his family acts crazy, spoils their kids and their home is a mad house:nono:....I could go on and on. I see he doesn't like it either but he brushes it off.

You know what, she's lucky I am a principled woman, a married woman and a woman who has no interest in her man. I could run a number on them in a heartbeat! She has given all this info up, so all I would have to do is stroke his ego to the utmost. And throw in a whole bunch of - "well, if I had a man like you, I would____." And say, I think your family is so warm and a whole bunch of other stuff. All he would need would be a moment of weakness.

Do you know how many affairs begin with a seemingly innocent comment of affirmation where the spouse has failed? Guard your marriages!
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Re: Marreid Ladies: What issues did you have in the early years of your marriage?

Zaynab said:
One more thing, men want sex, peace (hate drama, arguing, confrontation) and food. I promise if you do all of those things, make him feel kingly, they are just as happy as pigs in mud. They are just really simple creatures:yep::yep:

After I got all of these things downpat, I have honestly never had problems in my marriage. It still amazes me how sex and good food can change the whole course of a man's mood, odd.
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This sounds like mine sex, peace, food.
But I had to learn to let go go when he does not want to discuss some thing, that is very difficult and finally with a son the every few hours cleaning had to go as it was so exhausting.
 
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Re: Marreid Ladies: What issues did you have in the early years of your marriage?

Opulence said:
I've been married five years. The first year was very hard. I wanted out. But my husband and I are extremely spiritual people and we were both determined to make it work with each other and with God. Oh my goodness I remember some days sitting on the bed crying my eyes out wondering what I had done.

As hard as it to admit. Looking back on the first year. I was the problem. No, my husband wasn't perfect, but my God I was blessed with a good man. It really hit me one day when I came home unexpectantly and I overheard my husband praying. He was crying (this is the first time I had ever seen or heard him cry). He was literally begging God to help him be a good hsuband and to remove whatever pain was in my heart so that I could see just how precious I was to him and to God. He repeatedly thanked God for giving him such a good wife and proceeded to expound on my good qualities! He asked God to search his heart and show him if there were things he was not doing. But he also apologized to God for sometimes wanting out of our marriage. That sometimes he wasn't happy and he didn't know what to do to make it work. He wanted to make it work and he was trying but he needed the strenght that only God could give to make it. He repeated how much he loved me he thanked God for bringing us together. But he felt he didn't know this woman that he had married.

I was floored. I couldn't stop crying, and I was just standing there with tears streaming down my eyes. I went down the stairs as slowly as possible and got back in my car and drove to the farthest part of our property near the water. I felt like crap. I started self medicating myself with shopping not long after we got married. I was never one to spend a lot of money on anything, but it was the only thing that would make me feel better for the time being. And that day was one of my shopping sprees. My SUV was completely full of shopping bags. I looked at all the bags, i looked at my purse, my car, my wedding rings. I had EVERYTHING a woman could ever want. I was young, in great shape (at the time), beautiful, I had a beautiful home, luxury car, a career, a handsome husband who even loved me despite myself, even though my husband is very frugal I wasn't in want of anything, he gave me whatever I wanted within reason, my inlaws loved me and adored me. My family was comfortable and all in good health, grandparents as well. But I was miserable! Completely and utterly unhappy. And I didn't know why.


You would think that I would have gone home and apologized and confess about hearing his prayer and thanking him and all that, but no, crazy me went home with an attitude, he could tell I was in "one of my moods" so he left me alone. I cooked dinner, got in bed and called it a night. of course I woke up feeling like crap the next morning. I went for a walk that morning. I must have walked for like 3 hours! Aroung and around and around. I prayed the whole time. I finally realized that I was dealing with some unresolved childhood issues. I started writing a journal to get everything out. Sometimes that's the disadvantage of getting married young and moving from your mother's roof to being married. You have no time to yourself to really sort out and resolve things in your life. especially repressed memories. You get married hoping your husband will fill some void in your life. or you don;t even realize that you have these grand expectations of him, but subconsciously you do and when you realize that he is not fulfilling them you are mad at him and mad at life because you are not getting what you need/want.

so basically my husband became my therapist, he got me to talk about my youth and my anger and pain etc. I started to let go and forgive.

We had created the worst patterns. I'm from a family that does not communicate well. When we are upset we don't talk and we isolate ourselves. So naturally that is what I brought to our marriage. My husband is the complete opposite. He has to talk about it right away and express himself and in two minutes he's over it and we're friends. But because i didn't function the same way it would frustrate him. so he eventually gave up on trying to get me to talk. He became like ME! Stopped talking when he was upset and isolated himself. So as you can see this was a great recipe for distaster. But we were both still very commited to our creator and to each other, and we slowly just started applying things we learned in the bible. even if i didn't want to speak and I felt that if I did I would say something evil. I would just blurt something out. anything to make him undersrtand or get a glimpse of what I was feeling. no matter how inaudible it was. most of the time I would be screaming and crying hysterically (thanks to my mom). then I would collapse on my bed crying uncontrollably and apologizing for being the worst wife.

Let me tell you God is what made our marriage work, and just doing everything the bible tells you to do. It has the best advice. But marrying someone who loved God more than he loved me really helped. I could see him making all kinds of adjustments and changes in his life to try and make our marriage work and it made me feel bad that I was being so stubborn, it motivated me to want to make changes. So I did. And we started to grow up and grow closer. Looking back I feel like I was such a different person then. Partly because I was. I ended up changing my birth control (i was on the patch) and I didn't realize how much it had contributed to my depression. After being off the patch for six months I could feel the difference. I was more positive. Happier, and my sex drive was out of control. I was in such a dark place in my life when I was on that patch.

Marriage is still not easy but we have the tools we need to make it a success and we are committed to that. We so enjoy each other's company and we really consider ourselves best friends. No one makes me happier or makes me laugh like he does.

So what have I learned?

- Marrying someone who loves God more than he loves you.
- Make sure he is God fearing as well, because a man that truly fears God will not do anything to hurt you
- Marrying someone with a really good sense of humor. They can make you see the humor in things that you take so seriously. They really help to humble you too because they make you realize how ridiculous you are being. and help you learn to laugh at yourself
- Try to take a trip abroad or do some traveling before getting married, traveling helpes you widen your perspective on life
- Figure out what you want out of life, set goals for yourself and your future husband
- Don't look for someone to make you happy or complete you. Resolve all those issues before you get married. Your husband can't be that father that walked out on your family when you were 7 and he's not the father that beat your mom for 7 years of your life. Your husband is your husband. Love him for who he is and for the man God will make him. Don't expect something else of him. He will not fill that void in your life, he may make it easier to deal with and even help you forget it at times but he will never fill it.
-Learn to forgive for past mistakes and move on. You rob your husband of the possibilities of greater happiness when you hang on to pain from your past and allow it to dictate who you are and what you do now. Call on God and allow him to call you to peace.
- say how you feel, but not with the intent to hurt. sometimes I couldn't separate how hurt I was from the mean things I wanted to say, so I would tell him that I needed some time to sort out my feelings. I would try to get at the root of what was bothering me without generalizing. then we would sit and talk.

- DO NOT GO TO BED ANGRY. Make peace, it makes for a good's night sleep.

- learn what you like and dislike before you get married. define your personlity but don't be stuck in your ways, especially when it would be in your best interest to change for the better. but learn who you are
- don't be afraid to admit when you are wrong and be excited about making changes in your personality. God has this image of the woman and wife he wants you to become and he's ready and willing to mold you, but when you refuse to make changes especially when it's apparent that you need to you're pushing away God's hand and you put yourself farther and farther away from the woman and wife he knows you can become.
- treat your husband like a king. and you'll always be his queen. Pamper him, dote on him, spoil him. He deserves it. And if he's a goood man, he'll treat you the same and then some. and you'll feel so good doing it. Trust me, it's so much fun.
- remember that money and material things are not everything. Never live beyond your means. SPending all your time working and spending trying to chase some "american dream". People will have you believe that having a big home and a nice car and a certain type of job, a lavish wedding, a certain size wedding ring is true happiness, that you really don't have it all. But if you are loved, adored and cherished, even just by one person. You have it all. That is peace, that is happiness, that is success, THAT is priceless.
Click to expand...
God is awesome and thank you for this. Testifying is what makes us stronger.
 
Re: Marreid Ladies: What issues did you have in the early years of your marriage?

Zaynab said:
One more thing, men want sex, peace (hate drama, arguing, confrontation) and food. I promise if you do all of those things, make him feel kingly, they are just as happy as pigs in mud. They are just really simple creatures:yep::yep:

After I got all of these things downpat, I have honestly never had problems in my marriage. It still amazes me how sex and good food can change the whole course of a man's mood, odd.
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I remember reading this thread as a single and it was insightful to me, now as a newlywed I am approaching a valley in my marriage. The above here ^^ is what I believe to be true. But the struggles I'm facing at the moment is that I feel like I'm giving all of this, all of me; but then what is left for me to receive. Sounds stupid, but ladies what does your Husband do for you in return? What is he saying to his friends "do x, x and x and your wife will be 'as happy as a pig in mud' "

Anyone feel me?
 
Re: Marreid Ladies: What issues did you have in the early years of your marriage?

Amour said:
I remember reading this thread as a single and it was insightful to me, now as a newlywed I am approaching a valley in my marriage. The above here ^^ is what I believe to be true. But the struggles I'm facing at the moment is that I feel like I'm giving all of this, all of me; but then what is left for me to receive. Sounds stupid, but ladies what does your Husband do for you in return? What is he saying to his friends "do x, x and x and your wife will be 'as happy as a pig in mud' "

Anyone feel me?
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Bumping..... I wanna know to
 
Wow, this is an awesome thread! I'm reading as a single but will follow alot of the great advice when I marry. I really like the advice to marry a god fearing man. Thank you ladies!
 
Re: Marreid Ladies: What issues did you have in the early years of your marriage?

Zaynab said:
One more thing, men want sex, peace (hate drama, arguing, confrontation) and food. I promise if you do all of those things, make him feel kingly, they are just as happy as pigs in mud. They are just really simple creatures:yep::yep:

After I got all of these things downpat, I have honestly never had problems in my marriage. It still amazes me how sex and good food can change the whole course of a man's mood, odd.
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OMG! Amen! Amen! My husband is a completely different man if I take too long to give him his fix. When he starts acting crazy, the first thing I ask myself is, "When was the last time I gave him some?" if the answer is more than 3 days (or God forbid a week) then I know what the problem is and can fix him up, adjusting his entire attitude and mood in an hour!

BTW, we've been married going on 14 years. Took me near bout 10 to figure that out!
 
Interesting read! I'm a looong way from marriage, but interesting nontheless.

I have a question about the sex thing that kinda irks me for various reasons. So are u basically having sex sometimes when u really don't want to? And does that not feel...weird?
 
Imani said:
Interesting read! I'm a looong way from marriage, but interesting nontheless.

I have a question about the sex thing that kinda irks me for various reasons. So are u basically having sex sometimes when u really don't want to? And does that not feel...weird?
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I found that I have only had that sex issue just a few times since we have been married (15yrs). I *just* encountered it this week, and yes I know it is TMI. We did it that night, and then he woke up and wanted to do it again. THEN, the kids were all outside playing, and we were sitting in the bedroom on our iPads, and this fool wanted to do it again. I was like "are you serious!?" So I did it, and totally didn't want to. It didn't feel weird, just inconvenienced! :lol:
 
snilloh said:
I found that I have only had that sex issue just a few times since we have been married (15yrs). I *just* encountered it this week, and yes I know it is TMI. We did it that night, and then he woke up and wanted to do it again. THEN, the kids were all outside playing, and we were sitting in the bedroom on our iPads, and this fool wanted to do it again. I was like "are you serious!?" So I did it, and totally didn't want to. It didn't feel weird, just inconvenienced! :lol:
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Wow kudos on 15 years. Love your siggy as well
 
My issue was not knowing how to pick my battles. Everything was a big deal. No one wants to live with someone like that.
 
This thread is :sweet: !!! There is so much invaluable information I just HAD to take notes. I'm not married or engaged, but I am in a serious relationship and I am glad I could read all of your stories ladies! Some of you had me :cry3:,:yay:, and :lachen:!! THANKS! I feel like such a :babyg:, soaking it all in! Please keep the info coming!
 
I just sat here with pen and paper and took 5 pages of notes!:grin:
You ladies have really helped me feel better prepared, as I anticipate getting married someday soon:yep:
LOVE this thread!!!
Clicking the thanks button isn't enough:drunk:
 
I learned to play. Life gets serious sometimes. But a man who often has simple reasons to play and laugh at home is a happy man, and he feels more in tune with you, plus when you need to say something about a serious problem he is more prone to listening.:lol:

Look at men's friendships: they have fun together, they make stuff happen, they build fun memories, very simple yet effective. Look at women's friendships: they like experiencing but it is important for them to talk seriously, we love it. Important difference I hadn't noticed.
 
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Ok I havent read this thread except the last few pages....so im go and start from the beginning and take some notes LOL. I am in the process on reconciling my marrige...so we will see what happens
 
Thanks for this sticky ladies.

I've been a member for a while, a lurker not a poster. Just saw this thread today. Yesterday I decided to threw in the towel. But before it fell on the ground I stumbled upon this thread. First page had me in tears. Wish I knew all this way back but hey must be a reason why I just saw it today.

Always had the feeling that it was all his fault but this thread made me see my own mistakes. Relationships are difficult. It will get rocky sometimes but throwing in the towel seems like the easy thing to do. I just hope it isn't to late to make some changes.
 
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This is the best thread that I've read in awhile. I recently remarried in October 2011 and it has been so rocky. I am 34 and was previously married for 15 years. The last couple years I was single and did everything on my own. My biggest problem right now is control. I try to control everything that my husband does. He constantly complains how he sacrified his relationship with his friends and family to be with me. To the ladies that have control issues, can you tell me how you were able to break out of it? Thanks
 
I hope it's not too late for you either Latifah...this is a great thread. I will be referring to it from now on when I feel the need to "go off"...LOL because to be honest I am realizing that it's my NEED to be in absolute control that is creating the issue that we (I) am having.

Latifah said:
Thanks for this sticky ladies.

I've been a member for a while, a lurker not a poster. Just saw this thread today. Yesterday I decided to threw in the towel. But before it fell on the ground I stumbled upon this thread. First page had me in tears. Wish I knew all this way back but hey must be a reason why I just saw it today.

Always had the feeling that it was all his fault but this thread made me see my own mistakes. Relationships are difficult. It will get rocky sometimes but throwing in the towel seems like the easy thing to do. I just hope it isn't to late to make some changes.
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Ms_Delikate said:
I hope it's not too late for you either Latifah...this is a great thread. I will be referring to it from now on when I feel the need to "go off"...LOL because to be honest I am reazing that it's my NEED to be in absolute control that is creating the issue that we (I) am having.
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Ms_Delikate...it wasn't to late. Things are getting better real fast. I learned so much about myself in these past two months. Seems like I turned into my mom...lol. I also have a control issue. It's getting better though.
I started watching the Anthony Robbins videos about relationships (on repeat!) real eye opener. Would def recommend these, especially at moments when you feel the need to go off :).
 
Thanks for the rec...I will def check them out.

Latifah said:
@Ms_Delikate...it wasn't to late. Things are getting better real fast. I learned so much about myself in these past two months. Seems like I turned into my mom...lol. I also have a control issue. It's getting better though.
I started watching the Anthony Robbins videos about relationships (on repeat!) real eye opener. Would def recommend these, especially at moments when you feel the need to go off :).
Click to expand...
 
Re: Marreid Ladies: What issues did you have in the early years of your marriage?

Zaynab said:
One more thing, men want sex, peace (hate drama, arguing, confrontation) and food. I promise if you do all of those things, make him feel kingly, they are just as happy as pigs in mud. They are just really simple creatures:yep::yep:

After I got all of these things downpat, I have honestly never had problems in my marriage. It still amazes me how sex and good food can change the whole course of a man's mood, odd.
Click to expand...

THIS....Men just like peace.

Been married 5 years:

--Its important to let a man be a man. Don't embarrass him in front of his friends or family to the point of disrespect. Even if ya'll are having a tough time....Yes he is a big baby behind closed doors, and you have seen the side of him even his mama hasn't before, but never disrespect him. Especially in public...Makes things worse and if you have a real concern or issue, he won't hear it....

--Always have each others back.

--Don't get between him and HIS family. Let him work it out. If the time comes for you to say your peace on it, then pray on it and do so THEN, but not at the beginning.

--Be assertive: CONTROL was a big issue because in observing his dad (my FIL) as sweet as he was his dad just expects his wife to do what he says, and follow all of his advice and suggestions...I'm not like that. We bumped heads A LOT. I am very independent, I make good $$, and feel I have a say in how things should go. So we had to come to an agreement. We discussed our expectations and roles before marriage, and met in the middle. He doesn't like to be questioned...I learned he wasn't raised to discuss, just order. So it was a big adjustment for him...but for the better.


--Finally: But learn how to talk to him. I hate to say it, but I have learned to get the things I need and want by speaking to him at just the right moment. Don't try to get your way and he's watching a game....We talk a lot during car rides, or in bed....Know the time and place. Watch your tone...Sometimes I can say something one way and he be like "Woman what you said?" with that sideways look or a dumb look....Then other times I can say the SAME thing....a different way....and he be like..."okay baby." Lawd.................men.
 
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