Married Ladies: What issues did you have in the early years of your marriage?

Re: Marreid Ladies: What issues did you have in the early years of your marriage?

sareca said:
The biggest issue I've had is he moves my stuff. He's obsessively neat. If I leave a writing tablet on the kitchen table and leave the room ... it's GONE!

That wouldn't be so bad if he knew where I kept my tablets, but he doesn't so he puts it in some random place. He STILL does this. After 2.5 years of marriage, I've decided it's a mental disorder and it's mean to yell at crazy people. :rolleyes:

Then there's...

1. sex
2. letting him rambling on about nothing (he's a seriously chatty kathy). i'm the one that needs the peace.
3. food. :)
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That probably shouldn't have been as funny to me me as it was:lachen::lachen::lachen::lachen:
 
Subscribing!

This is an awesome and much needed thread. I think that bridal showers should consist of women giving advice to the bride about marriage and what to expect. You go to school which prepares you for college which prepares you for your profession. No one ever prepares you for marriage. I'm not married and never have been. I dont know what to expect or how to prepare for it and it seems like something you just learn about as you go.

I am really grateful for everyone sharing their personal stories because this will help prepare me when its my turn. Hopefully soon. :yep:
 
bambieg said:
Subscribing!

This is an awesome and much needed thread. I think that bridal showers should consist of women giving advice to the bride about marriage and what to expect. You go to school which prepares you for college which prepares you for your profession. No one ever prepares you for marriage. I'm not married and never have been. I dont know what to expect or how to prepare for it and it seems like something you just learn about as you go.

I am really grateful for everyone sharing their personal stories because this will help prepare me when its my turn. Hopefully soon. :yep:
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I thought that was the main purpose of a bridal shower, besides giving presents.
 
Wow...this thread may have saved my marriage. Thanks to all of you women who shared such wisdom and awesome advice. You are truly a God-send. Blessings to all of you.
 
I keep seeing this thread and it makes me laugh. I wonder, what issues didn't we have, lol!

Living with someone is so much different than when you're just dating and living in seperate residences. Once we cohabitated, we argued a LOT about every little thing! It's weird being with someone that doesn't do things exactly as you do. Things that to you are common sense.

Someone mentioned competition. That was an issue that we've had and still have every once in a while. We always want to be the ones that is right, but the thing is, we are on the same team. So it's good to sometimes swallow your pride and let things go, even if you know you're right in a scenario. Also acknowledge him when he's right or makes a good decision.

Managing money was a big one for us...it's still an issue. Well not entirely. My husband and I manage and think of money VERY differently. After 15 years, I've just learned to compromise. He won't completely change in that arena and neither will I.

Actually, we've both learned to compromise on lot's of things. As I stated, money is our largest thing. With everything else (the little stuff), I just had to compromise or learn to pick my battles.

The cool thing is that because we've had so many dissagreements, we no longer or very rarely argue anymore. We've learned to live with eachother and pretty much have it figured out. I find this true with most couples that I know who love each other and stick together.
 
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I love this thread SO much! I hope more people come in with their experiences! I can't WAIT to be a good wife...it's def at the top of my LIFE GOALS list lol! Thank you ladies! I have cut and paste all of these points and sent them to my girls, they want to thank you all as well!
 
PoisedNPolished said:
I love this thread SO much! I hope more people come in with their experiences! I can't WAIT to be a good wife...it's def at the top of my LIFE GOALS list lol! Thank you ladies! I have cut and paste all of these points and sent them to my girls, they want to thank you all as well!
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Just curious...if it isn't too personal. What do you feel makes a pefect wife? It's never too late to take refresher courses. Is it okay if I take tips too?:grin:
 
Well... I know there is no such thing as a perfect wife. But ya know someone that takes AWESOME care of her family and loves them with everything in her. Someone like the Proverbs 31 woman. She is a good example. I don't really have any real examples because I am from a broken home. The only people really married in my family were my grandparents. I just want to break that mold by doing all I can when I do get married, to STAY married. And to stay happily married.
And you are right, it's NEVER too late to take notes. That's why I love this board, you always have something new you can research & learn :)
 
Seems like bridal showers consist of lingere and games, but not as much advice and marriage scenarios. SOmetimes we need explanations as to how men think and what their values are as opposed to women. We need to learn how to communicate. LOVE THIS THREAD!
 
sex peace and food got it im getting married in march we have been together for 10 years with 2 children ages 6 and 1 living together for 3 i love this man and i want my marriage to work i will need u ladies more and more thanks and
thanks in advance
 
I have only been married about 6 months. We lived together one year and were engaged 6 months. We were high school sweethearts that reconnected 12 yrs later.
This advice was given to me by family and friends with 20+ years!

Don't use sex as a weapon or punishment!!
(Men need sex to feel connected and it is a great stress reliever aim for 3-4 days a week) If you follow the 3-4 days a week mantra, you can get a lot further and you will probably argue less because he will be saying yes to everything you do:grin:!!

Have hobbies together but make sure to have something you do apart from one another once a month!!(Do not lose you)

Always fight fair !!(no name calling or put downs):nono:

Pick and choose your battles !!(everything does not require a discussion)

Let him help even he is not doing it right and say thank you!!

Understand that men are not mind readers !!(they are also unilateral thinkers women are bilateral)

Always put him first after God!! (It should be God, Spouse, and Children because children need to see healthy, loving, and connected parents.)

Also men are more sensitive and emotional than women!! ( romance him just like you want to be romanced...massages, cuddles..etc.)

Go to some kind of premarital counseling (religious or non-religious based) it will bring to light any issues you may have. Go to marital counseling every few months for a tune-up don't wait until you have problems.

MARRIAGE WILL NOT FIX AN ALREADY BROKEN RELATIONSHIP!! FIX ALL ISSUES BEFORE GETTING MARRIED!! You should be two wholes becoming one not two halves trying to become one!!


LAST BUT NOT LEAST.....KEEP FOLKS OUT OF YOUR BUSINESS!!! So far this has all worked for me!! Our relationship has been better since we got married!
 
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drkc01 said:
Let him help even he is not doing it right and say thank you!!

QUOTE]


That is a good one. I am a control freak and I want to do everything because it has to be done right. I end up tired and overwhelmed and resentful because he gets to chill. So i start letting him help me and showing him how I want things done. He loves to help and I make sure to thank him. It goes such a long way ladies...trust me ***wink***
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wow. i'm gonna try to make this short but I think its going to be a long one. I say wow because I hear so much stuff on this forum that is great ie sex, peace, food ( thats freaking awesome). then i read stuff that i just think hold on you are setting yourself up here for some disappointment. Now this is not to belittle anyone, having been in the church, born again since i was 19 I have seen and still see and hear some stuff, like pastors cheating on their wives, people getting divorced who taught about marriage.
Alot of what is taught is good in essence, but what we see, what people show us of marriage in churches is completely and utterly fake and for show for the most part though there are the few that are genuine. for instance the whole schmoozle about the proverbs 31 woman, I saw this scripture used by pastors to belittle women and to make them insecure really because that woman seems so perfect to so many women. please know that that woman is unobtainable for almost everyone, you have to do you and you know you arent perfect.

A real wife is first a companion (help meet) to her husband, a friend. you cant really be a loving friend to anyone if you dont know who you are, nor can you love them fully. I have seen so many marriages (christian) fail because they went into it with all these lies, that they had to be perfect, or if not perfect just about perfect. marriage is like money, it just shows you who you are, its a mirror into which you look and see the real you.
I have been married for about 10 months now, and i have just turned 40, and at this age you are more set in your ways. I thought that I was such a laid back person, so easy going. WRONG! i thought yeah i will always build up my husband never tear him down , WRONG! i'm going to be precious red ruby thingy, they shall praise my name in the gates and ... whatever... WRONG!. The thing about church is because it has become such a religious place, where people are not really intimate you dont know if who you think is you, is you until you practice intimate relationships.
Remember Juanita Bynum, who always taught about marriage then had that physical altercation with her husband in the parking lot?? The thing is, you can teach it but can you live it? some folk are great in theory but dont know how to do it in reality.

so my advice is: use the word as a guideline yes, but allow yourself to be involved in intimate relationships ( i dont mean sexual) with men and women prior to being married, see their weaknesses and be vulnerable enough to let them see yours. Be truthful with your truth, give it to god in prayer, allow your mind to be renewed using not only the word but what you know of yourself to be true. you will not, i repeat: WILL NOT, become a virtuous woman simply because you get married. You will be one because the word in you has been tried and tested BEFORE you say i do, by how you relate, love and give to others.
 
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WOW, if I want to talk about a problem and "he" doesn't, I DEFINITELY feel like I am going to explode...because while I NEED to talk to get it out, I surely don't want to use a confindant/friend for this purpose...I'd rather it be my DH instead of some "outsider" who will know our business...

what do you do to put that "fire" out until he is ready to talk????????????
 
I'm getting married in about 10 months and this thread is so on point. I have been copying/pasting like crazy, making sure to save all of these good posts. I plan to refer back to them leading up to and after we get married. I saw myself in plenty of these posts. Specifically:

- always thinking I'm right (know it all)
- making a big deal out of the little things (I realize that I'm trying to show my fiance that "I'm not the one" but hurting the relationship in the process)
- communicate openly (many times I shut down and don't speak for a while - I now see how destructive that is, b/c I am creating a bad pattern)

Thanks to all of you ladies for sharing your knowledge, experiences and advice. It is so appreciated!!!
 
The best advice I got and could pass on was to never start doing something on the regular that you don't want to continue doing for your entire marriage. It will breed resentment and anger on both sides when what was at first a kind gesture becomes an expectation.

Examples) Cooking dinner EVERY NIGHT, ALWAYS vacuuming or ALWAYS doing the laudry!!!!!
 
Hello LHCF. Been married three years and six days. Here are some things I have learned:

1. Self-confidence is important
Do you know the expression "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, you're usually right?" I think confidence is important in marriage, or else you'll be holding yourself back.

2. Never mind the in-laws
I let my crazy butt sister in law put a wedge between me and my MIL, make me angry at my husband, and drive me into depression all because she was jealous of me and my relationships.
Please, please do not make the same mistake I made. The marriage is between you and your husband, not you and your husband and his brother and sister and mother and father and dog and cat.

3. Learn your husbands love languages or at least his communication style. We both express our love through physical contact, but my husband likes words of affirmation while I like gifts. There is nothing wrong with this, this just just how we are. Learn your husband's love language and learn your own. (http://marriage.about.com/cs/communicationkeys/a/lovelanguage.htm)

4. Learn to pick and choose your fights
To his stupid comments: The best thing to do in this case is say nothing.

5. Give each other space
It's OK to have your own space away from him. This is normal and healthy.

*writes down: Peace, Sex, Food*
 
I just finished reading this thread....PRICELESS info in here.

My SO and I had a looooooooong talk last night about our future and where we see ourselves 1, 2, 5 years from now. I told him that I realize I am a work in progress and that I realize that I am not an easy person to get along with on occasion. What a wonderful and memorable evening we had together.

How many of you lived together before marriage? We moved in together shortly after meeting one another, mainly to prevent it from being a long distance relationship (he lives in NC, I lived in VA at the time). I feel like lots of the things discussed involve getting to know your partner's day-to-day habits, most of which I am currently learning. Any advice on this that hasn't been stated yet? If you did live together before marriage, what changed after the reception? What should I watch for? Dos and don'ts? Thanks in advance.
 
Tomorrow, Nov 1st, we will be married for 14 years. Yah! Lol. My best advice is:
1. Don't try to change each other- you both should commit to" refining" qualities your spouse may not like. Trust me, there will be something. :) For instance, my hubby refined his cleaning skills and I refined my boast skills. Lol.
2. Don't be stubborn to admit you're wrong
3. Settle the argument fast- you'll lose more time being upset than spending fun time together
4. Keep it on and poppin :) Oh yes, he'll be happy and so will you
5. Have fun and explore new adventures like rock climbing and/or hiking. This will help u bond and break the monotony of the daily work week
6. Know everyday will not be filled with rainbows and unicorns lol. Your marriage is a relationship that will have ups and downs. Just shoot for more ups :)

Hope this helps. Peace.

*Cam*
 
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