Would you date a white man if he didn't make as much money as you?

[Lynnerie]

Hey ladies. I need your thoughts on this topic and my situation.

There is this white guy who is cute, he adores me and wants to be exclusive BUT he doesn't make as much as me. He does not have a degree but he was in the Marine Corps and now works for the government. He has told me that in a few years he will be making much more(he has a plan) and he wants me to be patient with him. He is 29 and I'm 28.

I have dated black guys in the past who have made less than me and I have had to deal with their insecurities because of this and their level of education. I do not sense any insecurity with him and he has even said that as a man he will provide for me. Honestly my track record with the brothers hasn't been good at all but I guess I always thought that if I ever did date a white guy he would be on my level. (I've never dated a white guy before)
Am I wrong to feel this way? Should I give him a chance?

 

[jada1111]

Give him a chance. Only time will tell if he's going to make you apart of WIP (White Improvement Project).

And try not looking at him as a "white" guy, but just as a "guy" period.

In time you will see that ALL men are the same if you let them take advantage of you and don't call them out on their bullcrap.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

Hey ladies. I need your thoughts on this topic and my situation.

There is this white guy who is cute, he adores me and wants to be exclusive BUT he doesn't make as much as me. He does not have a degree but he was in the Marine Corps and now works for the government. He has told me that in a few years he will be making much more(he has a plan) and he wants me to be patient with him. He is 29 and I'm 28.

I have dated black guys in the past who have made less than me and I have had to deal with their insecurities because of this and their level of education. I do not sense any insecurity with him and he has even said that as a man he will provide for me. Honestly my track record with the brothers hasn't been good at all but I guess I always thought that if I ever did date a white guy he would be on my level. (I've never dated a white guy before)
Am I wrong to feel this way? Should I give him a chance?

Well I'm prior military and from what I'm told by many folks govt. jobs make a lot of money esp. if you are prior military. You get vet preference. I believe him when he says he will be making much more because most govt jobs get paid a pretty penny.

I say so long as he has a job and is able to support himself stick it out.

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

If you like him, and he doesn't feel insecure.... why not

 

[Honey Bee]

Personally, I could never see the point of gettin with a broke white dude. I know it's cold, but, we, as women, have to look out for ourselves and our progeny (shout-out to TB and Eric ).

I have the same standards for black men too, btw, but you asked about a white guy. Then again, I'm down with a realistic plan. So, to you, does his plan sound realistic, or is it one of those 'if there's a full moon, and I wear my lucky socks, and we start war with Oceania, me and you gon be GOOD' type of plans?

 

[Lynnerie]

I'm offended on behalf of all that successful black men out there.

I have nothing more to say.

Sorry to offend you its just I haven't dated any successful black men. I know they are out there though. The black men I've dated have let me know that they didnt like the fact that I have a grad. degree and they felt behind even though I never speak about my income or level of education. I prefer to date black men and like I said in my first post I've never been with a white guy. I've dated black men who didn't make as much but just never saw myself dating a broke white guy and I'm just keeping it real.

 

[oooop2]

I'm offended on behalf of all that successful black men out there.

I have nothing more to say.

Yeah...That last comment rubbed me the wrong way also. But hey, she's speaking HER truth.

 

[Lynnerie]

Personally, I could never see the point of gettin with a broke white dude. I know it's cold, but, we, as women, have to look out for ourselves and our progeny (shout-out to TB and Eric ).

I have the same standards for black men too, btw, but you asked about a white guy. Then again, I'm down with a realistic plan. So, to you, does his plan sound realistic, or is it one of those 'if there's a full moon, and I wear my lucky socks, and we start war with Oceania, me and you gon be GOOD' type of plans?

His plan is realistic and I know I should have the same standards for black and white men because people are people. I guess I'm just more willing to work with a brotha because thats what I want.

 

[frida1980]

Don't be offended. She just said that the black men she's personally dated had problems with her making more money. Successful black men are out there, just not as plentiful as a lot of people seem to believe. I don't think dating a white man some how diminishes the accomplishments of black men.

As for the situation, depending on where he grew up he may be more used to gender equality than some men. Military men can be money since they obtain very valuable skills in the military. Depending upon his assignment and experience, he could end up making a really good salary. I know several Navy vets that are paid really well. But that all depends on his individual circumstances.

I think the best question is how you feel about him and how he makes you feel. If you've never done an IRL by now, you need to be prepare to what that entails. There's a lot of things other than money that you should decide on too. Give it sometime and some thought. If this guy is worth it, you'll know.

 

[frida1980]

His plan is realistic and I know I should have the same standards for black and white men because people are people. I guess I'm just more willing to work with a brotha because thats what I want.

If a brother is what you want, you may be settling. Give this some serious thought. You don't have to settle, if he's not what you really want.

 

[Pink_diamond]

Let's be real, most likely he will out earn you simply because he's a white male; AND he served his country too!? You dun hit the jackpot!

J/k (well...the jackpot part). If you like him and feel that he has potential, I say go for it.

 

[Chocolatelove2010]

Sorry to offend you its just I haven't dated any successful black men. I know they are out there though. I prefer to date black men and like I said in my first post I've never been with a white guy. I've dated black men who were broke but just never saw myself dating a broke white guy and I'm just keeping it real.

ahaha disregard my 1st comment. I was bored. I edited, and gave you my real response.It's all e-love baby gurlllllllll... do you

ETA: Ya'll chill.... don't do a jackie chan on me. I was messing.

God bless

 

[LivingDol1]

i too have also dated the broke or not making near my salary range guy.... i wouldn't do that again but that's just me. BUT dude has a plan. i like a man with a plan.

but if you know deep down that you don't want to be with a white guy... i dunno. does it really bother you? you like him as a person... that counts...

 

[Crackers Phinn]

The only hesitation I have in advising you to go for it is you being 29 and rolling the dice with your biological timeclock on 'his plans'.

That said, his plan sounds reasonable and based in reality (he ain't telling you he's in the studio waitin on his big break) and he's already talking about you as a part of his future and what he is willing to do for you, so he seems promising as a prospect.

I say if he isn't exhibiting any eyebrow raising behavior and that you already see proof of him going in the direction that he claims to be going in then give ole dude a chance. But if at any point your female intuition tells you something is going awry then cut your losses.

 

[Enyo]

I would. It seems like you are passing up something wonderful because of money. Unless he is in terrible debt or has no ambition, what does it matter if he's working his way up? I'd rather make more than my partner and be loved, respected, and taken care of than be equal financially and have the issues that you suffered through. I think that says a lot about his sense of masculine security, personally. But if you really want a Black guy, I wouldn't waste this guy's time. He seems like a good catch and he shouldn't be bothered with someone who doesn't see him as a first draft pick.

Sometimes I think it's easier to have certain assumptions without being presented with an actual situation to test them. I always assumed I couldn't get with White American guys and my current male bf is a White guy from Nebraska. The fact is, I couldn't conceive meeting a White guy from the US who I could be totally in sync with in every way that tight friends should. My assumption was false. Yours may be too. Besides, are you going to marry the guy? This is just dating, right? Go for it.

BTW, I don't see the hoopla about IRR, especially if they are with men who prefer Black women or are military. They are generally more cool and more "prepared" than the average first-timer White dude.

Good luck!

 

[frida1980]

I would. It seems like you are passing up something wonderful because of money. Unless he is in terrible debt or has no ambition, what does it matter if he's working his way up? I'd rather make more than my partner and be loved, respected, and taken care of than be equal financially and have the issues that you suffered through. I think that says a lot about his sense of masculine security, personally. But if you really want a Black guy, I wouldn't waste this guy's time. He seems like a good catch and he shouldn't be bothered with someone who doesn't see him as a first draft pick.

Sometimes I think it's easier to have certain assumptions without being presented with an actual situation to test them. I always assumed I couldn't get with White American guys and my current male bf is a White guy from Nebraska. The fact is, I couldn't conceive meeting a White guy from the US who I could be totally in sync with in every way that tight friends should. My assumption was false. Yours may be too. Besides, are you going to marry the guy? This is just dating, right? Go for it.

BTW, I don't see the hoopla about IRR, especially if they are with men who prefer Black women or are military. They are generally more cool and more "prepared" than the average first-timer White dude.

Good luck!

I don't think he'd have a problem with an IRR. But if she really wants a brother, the staring, comments, and other pesky little things might start to bother her.

The truth is sounds like a catch. If you don't really want him throw him back so someone else can catch him.

 

[qchelle]

Military? Gov't job? Yea, he's gonna be makin that paper

If you like him, go for it. If you don't like him because he's white, don't go for it, and send him my way If you can only think of him as your 'white boyfriend' and not just 'your boyfriend' after a while....send him packing my way

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

Military? Gov't job? Yea, he's gonna be makin that paper

If you like him, go for it. If you don't like him because he's white, don't go for it, and send him my way If you can only think of him as your 'white boyfriend' and not just 'your boyfriend' after a while....send him packing my way

.....................

 

[Charz]

Nevermind..

 

[Lynnerie]

The only hesitation I have in advising you to go for it is you being 29 and rolling the dice with your biological timeclock on 'his plans'.
That said, his plan sounds reasonable and based in reality (he ain't telling you he's in the studio waitin on his big break) and he's already talking about you as a part of his future and what he is willing to do for you, so he seems promising as a prospect.

I say if he isn't exhibiting any eyebrow raising behavior and that you already see proof of him going in the direction that he claims to be going in then give ole dude a chance. But if at any point your female intuition tells you something is going awry then cut your losses.

Thanks for responding. I'm 28 and he's 29 and he's talking about wanting to get married and how since we're both getting close to 30 he is ready to have kids.

 

[Lynnerie]

I don't think he'd have a problem with an IRR. But if she really wants a brother, the staring, comments, and other pesky little things might start to bother her.

The truth is sounds like a catch. If you don't really want him throw him back so someone else can catch him.

He does prefer black women my parents don't have issues with IRR and neither do his parents. My father has already told me that I may have to date outside my race and not to be afraid to. But I am afraid though because I'm concerned about what others will think. I wonder will others think is I don't like myself if I date someone who looks so different from me? I've already gone places with him and we're getting that look from whites and blacks. He doesn't care about it but it bothers me. I know I need to get over this cause he is a good man.

 

[MrsHdrLe]

It seems to me that you're not really into this guy. "If it don't fit, don't force it just relax and let [him] go." I'm sure plenty of other women would be fine with that, seeing as how he's got a plan, isn't trying to string you along for a 10 year ride along, and is willing to take care of you and your potential children. But I understand if you can't get with stares from strangers who don't know you and quite honestly don't care about you, but if you can't you just can't. There's plenty of men out there, just trade him in.

 

[DayStar]

I cant even get mad at your comments cause I use to think like this. GO FOR IT. DATE HIM. From what you have relayed to us, he seems like a keeper, dont play yourself. When is he tryna get married .?

eta: granted you dont have any issues with him not have degrees.

He does prefer black women my parents don't have issues with IRR and neither do his parents. My father has already told me that I may have to date outside my race and not to be afraid to. But I am afraid though because I'm concerned about what others will think. I wonder will others think is I don't like myself if I date someone who looks so different from me? I've already gone places with him and we're getting that look from whites and blacks. He doesn't care about it but it bothers me. I know I need to get over this cause he is a good man.

 

[DirtyJerzeyGirly]

OP although your bf doesn't have a degree at the moment I'm sure in the near future he will get one. It's not like he won't have to pay for it either, because he'll have the GI Bill and that will pay for his education.

 

[Xerxes]

Hey ladies. I need your thoughts on this topic and my situation.

There is this white guy who is cute, he adores me and wants to be exclusive BUT he doesn't make as much as me. He does not have a degree but he was in the Marine Corps and now works for the government. He has told me that in a few years he will be making much more(he has a plan) and he wants me to be patient with him. He is 29 and I'm 28.

I have dated black guys in the past who have made less than me and I have had to deal with their insecurities because of this and their level of education. I do not sense any insecurity with him and he has even said that as a man he will provide for me. Honestly my track record with the brothers hasn't been good at all but I guess I always thought that if I ever did date a white guy he would be on my level. (I've never dated a white guy before)
Am I wrong to feel this way? Should I give him a chance?

Short Answer: HELL NO!!!

Longer Answer: IR relationships require a great deal of effort to become successful. I would not waste that time or energy on a man who makes less than me, unless he is in grad school/residency and will out-earn me in the near future. If I want a broke man, I can get a black one for less drama and probably better looking.

 

[Xerxes]

He does prefer black women my parents don't have issues with IRR and neither do his parents. My father has already told me that I may have to date outside my race and not to be afraid to. But I am afraid though because I'm concerned about what others will think. I wonder will others think is I don't like myself if I date someone who looks so different from me? I've already gone places with him and we're getting that look from whites and blacks. He doesn't care about it but it bothers me. I know I need to get over this cause he is a good man.

Ok, so what makes him "a good man"?

Seriously, would you be proud to introduce him to friends, family and coworkers?

If you are on the fence about how you feel, I say just date him for fun, but keep your options wide open. I am leery of IR guys who "prefer BW". It just reeks of a fetish. Anywho, if you are young and just want some fun, date him with no expectations and see what happens. There's nothing wrong with a free meal and you always attract more men when you are seen in the company of another male...

 

[MD_Lady]

As far as him making less than you is concerned, I think the bolded is the most important aspect of this issue:

...I do not sense any insecurity with him and he has even said that as a man he will provide for me...

If he's cool with it, and you're cool with it, I say go for it.

I also don't think your decision to date a white man should be contingent upon his salary unless you use it as a factor for everyone else. If you don't feel comfortable dating a white man, I don't think you should because you'll spend whatever time you have together feeling self-conscious. If you are cool with it, I say go for it as long as you're holding all men to the same standards.

He does prefer black women my parents don't have issues with IRR and neither do his parents. My father has already told me that I may have to date outside my race and not to be afraid to. But I am afraid though because I'm concerned about what others will think. I wonder will others think is I don't like myself if I date someone who looks so different from me? I've already gone places with him and we're getting that look from whites and blacks. He doesn't care about it but it bothers me. I know I need to get over this cause he is a good man.

If you're going to be bothered by how people feel (or how you think they feel) about your relationship, then interracial dating isn't for you unless you can find a way not to care about other people's issues with your personal life.

 

[HennaRo]

I have spent most of my life concerned about what people thought about me, and it has given me grief to no end. I can't be me and experience what I want when I'm always worried about what other people thought, it's tiring and pointless honestly. Your giving other people power over your decisions, I know I've done it countless times. Yes we get all kinds of looks when we go out together, I see it all the time-he on the other hand is oblivious to it.

Now with him making less. My husband made less than me when we met, dated and even married. But now(six months after our wedding) he's making more money than I have ever made. If you can see a future with him then stay and plan that wedding!

 

[Enyo]

Ok, so what makes him "a good man"?

Seriously, would you be proud to introduce him to friends, family and coworkers?

If you are on the fence about how you feel, I say just date him for fun, but keep your options wide open. I am leery of IR guys who "prefer BW". It just reeks of a fetish.

Why is being more drawn to an ethnic group outside your own a fetish ? I always found that attitude to be hypocritical, despite what people say about how folks are "supposed" to prefer their "own kind". My male bestfriend is a White guy and he prefers Black women to date and hang out with. He likes the way we look and our strong attitude. He was married to a BW for over 11 years, and I think that if they had not married so young, they would still be together.

Folks need to recognize what a fetish is. You don't have deep, meaningful, long-term relationships with someone who is the object of a fetish. People who use you as a fetish are not interested in understanding who you are and what you're about as a human being. All they care about is that you play into the fetish (Asian girls giggling behind their hands, Black women being super-domineering, etc.) for their personal sexual satisfaction. If the person doesn't play into the fetish, then then the fetishizer leaves. It's almost like a pedophile, but less perverted. A pedophile is attracted only to pre-pubescent children (not to be confused with hebephiles). When their victim is no longer a child, then they leave because the sexual attraction was based on their physicality and not their personality.

As for your comment about the young man's income, making less than someone else is not the same as being broke (unless you don't make much yourself). But I find a lot of military people go through a shaky financial period while they transition to civilian life. And the ones who are successful are the ones who have a plan like this young man. It's kind of stupid to assume just because someone makes less than you now that it will always be so. My ex went from make $29k in the military to $70k outside of it, but it took him a few years to tweak his work experience and get into the right company.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

I HATE when people assume that the only way WM will only like BW and no other ethnic groups is because of a sick fetish Is it uncommon? yes. But I think If I where a WM Id prob be attracted to mainly black women too . Like Enyo said most fetishes are based on pure sexual desires and with that said this man would not be wasting the OP's time talking about marriage and the possibly of having kids if it was jut to satisfy a fetish.