Women pursuing men

[jupitermoon]

What do you think? Is it okay for the woman to ask for the man's phone number, ask to go on a date, keep calling him, etc?

What if the man never initiates anything with the woman in return and she finds herself doing all of the chasing?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Hahahah..... no comment! LOL!!!

I shouldn't even comment on this thread because maybe my views will be a little "biased" , but the short answer of it IMO is NO. Women shouldn't "chase" men. Not necessarily because I have some strict political/relationship views or anything, but mainly it's because it DOESN'T WORK!!! Period!

Don't believe me?? Check out my "Rules" thread that I started a while back....almost all the ladies stated that chasing a man simply does not work. Now while I don't necessarily advocate following "The Rules" to a T....I do however definitely support the view that if a man is interested in you, then HE will be putting forth most of the effort. I advocate women allowing men to be MEN! Always do just a little bit LESS than he's doing for you in the beginning stages. Since he is the pursuer, he has to prove to you why he would be a good candidate for you to spend your time with. But when you chase/pursue a man....sure, he may be flattered, but I find that the man never really does view you as "special" or someone that he has to have.

I've had the unfortunate experience of getting a guy's number (before he asked for mine), calling him FIRST since we were "friends", and inviting him places, etc...only to have him treat me like dirt, play games with me, keep me on the backburner "just in case" , and end up seeing him getting engaged to ANOTHER woman anyway!


So no...chasing a man never works....or, at least I have YET to see it work with me and my girlfriends. It's okay to flirt or show a guy that you MIGHT be interested in him. But to make it so EASY for him (especially in the beginning) is just killing the "spark", and putting a damper on his attraction for you. Part of the attraction for men is the hunt. The guessing...the not knowing just whether or not you're into THEM. They THRIVE on proving their worth to you. Don't ask me why it's this way....it just usually is.


Plus... I just always FEEL better (more confident, more "secure" in the relationship, etc.) when the guy is the one doing most of the pursuing. When I'm chasing a man, or when I feel more interested in a man than he is interested in me, I always feel so desperate, anxious, "weak", and compromised in my position. I don't feel like a WOMAN. I feel like what I'm doing is going against nature or something. But when a man pursues you....you feel 100x better. You feel feminine, special, receptive, and HE in turn becomes MUCH more attractive.

 

[AnjelLuvs]

Yes she will be the chaser IMHO... It is not the natural law of things, Men are positioned to be the chasers

 

[Bunny77]

What do you think? Is it okay for the woman to ask for the man's phone number, ask to go on a date, keep calling him, etc?

What if the man never initiates anything with the woman in return and she finds herself doing all of the chasing?

Crystal already beat me to it!

My answer to all that... NO, NO and HECK NO!

If the man never initiates anything, then take that as a sign that he's not interested.


Now, some women might have had success asking for a man's phone number or asking him out. There are stories on this board of successful instances of that. However, in those stories, the man ALWAYS picked up the ball after the woman's initial approach and ran with it. If he doesn't pick up the ball after you called him and asked him out, he don't want you.

As for what works for Bunny77, I don't ask men out and I don't ask for their numbers. It never caused me a problem.

 

[PopLife]

Been there done that...DOESN'T WORK!
You will always feel like the pursuer in the relationship and it's not a good feeling.
I would never do it again....

 

[sidney]

You will never know if he's dating you out of convenience(because you are available) or if he is really truly into you. The best way to be sure he's really into you is to have him pursue you.

 

[jupitermoon]

Crystal already beat me to it!

My answer to all that... NO, NO and HECK NO!

If the man never initiates anything, then take that as a sign that he's not interested.


Now, some women might have had success asking for a man's phone number or asking him out. There are stories on this board of successful instances of that. However, in those stories, the man ALWAYS picked up the ball after the woman's initial approach and ran with it. If he doesn't pick up the ball after you called him and asked him out, he don't want you.

As for what works for Bunny77, I don't ask men out and I don't ask for their numbers. It never caused me a problem.

Then is it okay to give a man your phone number without him asking for it?

Hahahah..... no comment! LOL!!!

I shouldn't even comment on this thread because maybe my views will be a little "biased" , but the short answer of it IMO is NO. Women shouldn't "chase" men. Not necessarily because I have some strict political/relationship views or anything, but mainly it's because it DOESN'T WORK!!! Period!

Don't believe me?? Check out my "Rules" thread that I started a while back....almost all the ladies stated that chasing a man simply does not work. Now while I don't necessarily advocate following "The Rules" to a T....I do however definitely support the view that if a man is interested in you, then HE will be putting forth most of the effort. I advocate women allowing men to be MEN! Always do just a little bit LESS than he's doing for you in the beginning stages. Since he is the pursuer, he has to prove to you why he would be a good candidate for you to spend your time with. But when you chase/pursue a man....sure, he may be flattered, but I find that the man never really does view you as "special" or someone that he has to have.

I've had the unfortunate experience of getting a guy's number (before he asked for mine), calling him FIRST since we were "friends", and inviting him places, etc...only to have him treat me like dirt, play games with me, keep me on the backburner "just in case" , and end up seeing him getting engaged to ANOTHER woman anyway!


So no...chasing a man never works....or, at least I have YET to see it work with me and my girlfriends. It's okay to flirt or show a guy that you MIGHT be interested in him. But to make it so EASY for him (especially in the beginning) is just killing the "spark", and putting a damper on his attraction for you. Part of the attraction for men is the hunt. The guessing...the not knowing just whether or not you're into THEM. They THRIVE on proving their worth to you. Don't ask me why it's this way....it just usually is.


Plus... I just always FEEL better (more confident, more "secure" in the relationship, etc.) when the guy is the one doing most of the pursuing. When I'm chasing a man, or when I feel more interested in a man than he is interested in me, I always feel so desperate, anxious, "weak", and compromised in my position. I don't feel like a WOMAN. I feel like what I'm doing is going against nature or something. But when a man pursues you....you feel 100x better. You feel feminine, special, receptive, and HE in turn becomes MUCH more attractive.

I agree with everything you've said. Thanks for the link to that thread. I didn't think chasing a man works either.... That was wishful thinking on my part. Guys are so difficult, lol.

 

[Bunny77]

Then is it okay to give a man your phone number without him asking for it?

I REALLY wouldn't do that... if he asked for your number, that's one thing, but if he didn't ask? Well, I believe it's because he doesn't want to call...

 

[kayte]

What if the man never initiates anything with the woman in return and she finds herself doing all of the chasing?

chasing wind...wind chasing itself

honestly in ANY relationship if one is doing ALL the
initiating...chasing ...time.. to look..NOT at the relationship in question
time to look at the self..that's an esteem issue
imho

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Then is it okay to give a man your phone number without him asking for it?

Hmm...good question! Personally, after what I've been through, I probably wouldn't do this either....BUT, I have known some women to have success doing this. The ONLY reason I would do this is if the guy was always coming up to me and was "seeming" interested, but was quite "shy" or awkward in his "game" and didn't have the guts to ask me. I might give him my number....but I wouldn't ask for his, and I certainly wouldn't demand that he calls me either. If he has my number and never calls, then I would know right there that he's not that interested (or he's taken). *shrug* No harm, no foul.

But usually, I don't even give guys my numbers unless they ASK me. Period.

I may be young, but if there's one thing I've learned over the years it's that if a man is interested, he WILL eventually call (or text) you. It has never failed in my case. Even if the guy is calling or texting you for stupid reasons. If he NEVER calls, then...oh well! He's either not interested, or he doesn't have enough **** to call you. And would you really want a guy like that anyway?

I agree with everything you've said. Thanks for the link to that thread. I didn't think chasing a man works either.... That was wishful thinking on my part. Guys are so difficult, lol.

No problem girl! I'm like the "Don't-Chase-A-Man" Police Woman on these threads. I don't advocate it at all. And I don't want to see my fellow sisters potentially get into the same heartbreak cycle I went through. Chasing may have worked for some women, but it's not the norm unfortunately.

Honestly, if there's one thing I've learned, it's that men aren't really that complicated. If they're interested, then you will know eventually. If you have to guess, chase, "figure him out", or get frustrated because he's not making a move, then I would err on the side of caution and assume that he's either not that interested, or is taken already. In which case: "NEXT!"

 

[Avaya]

I think it is okay for some but it is not okay for me. The kind of man I want has to do the pursuing. I know quite a few women though that did the chasing and they are now happily married to the guy they pursued. That's just not who I am though.

 

[SleekyHair]

Ima have to say NO to this. Chasing a man just screams desperation to me. Chris Rock said it best on his latest stand-up: d*ck is free, p*ssy cost money . When a woman chases a man, he subconsciously thinks "she has no value, no one wants hers." Yeah, he might date her, but he won't value her as much as someone he would have had to chase to get.

When I think of relationships where the woman chased the man, I think of those relationships where the woman is working 2 jobs/overtime to pay for everything while her bum man is just sitting on his a** at home playing video games. He probably has a girlfriend on the side (that he chased) and he's probably spending all of woman #1's money on her.

This is just my extreme opinion, though. I'm sure there are some instances where this method is successful, but I just don't see why its necessary. As long as you are putting yourself out there and not hiding at home or church, there should be at least one man checking for you.

 

[Kerryann]

Hell nah i will never chase a man. Natural order of things is men are suppose to chase women.

 

[DivineNapps1728]

To me chasing a man is a no no. I do however think it's okay to show interest by flirting or initiating conversation then waiting to see where he takes things; being friendly as opposed to forward is the key.

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Yes to rustling leaves and cracking twigs so he can be aware there is prey to be chased :wink2: Sometimes a man may assume a certain woman is out of his league or is not open to dating him (due to his race for example) so you gotta let them know you COULD be possibly interested. This can be done via subtle body language cues.

But as far as giving a man your number without him asking, asking him for HIS number, calling him up all the time, asking him on dates? No, nej, niet, nien, non. NO. You are basically telling him "Want some free ussy?" Most men won't turn it down, but they won't value it too highly either.

 

[Mis007]

No I wouldn't pursue a man, if he is passive in that area he would also be in others...

 

[JustKiya]

I've never chased a man - he has to indicate that he is into me for me to even be interested in him.

I have given a man my number without him asking for it, though. It only happened once, it was at the end of an amazing conversation and I had to catch a bus, and I refused to leave without being sure that if he wanted to, he could get in touch with me. The conversation was that good - hit my primary brain buttons.

I ended up marrying that dude. And that was about the only 'pursuing' of him I did - he carried the ball after that.

 

[Nina_deF]

What do you think? Is it okay for the woman to ask for the man's phone number, ask to go on a date, keep calling him, etc?

What if the man never initiates anything with the woman in return and she finds herself doing all of the chasing?

I voted other because "chasing" either way is stupid. Why play games?
If I don't want to date him today, that is not gonna change because of pestering.
And from my experience men do not need "chasing" anyway.

Should a woman initiate the first contact?
Sure, why not?

Have I've given my phone# unasked?
Nope, but I have taken one or three myself.

If I see something I'm interested in, I don't wait around for him to gather enough courage to come to me. I have no problem approaching a man and introducing myself and, maybe, striking up a conversation. If there is no interest from his part, that's fine, if mine ceases when he opens his mouth, that's fine too, I KIM.

If I am interested, I'll call and ask him out on a date, no problem.
If I get a "no" I'm not about to pester hm again, too many men in this world for that.

I know about the American dating rules and it was so much to keep track of it wore me out.

It really doesn't have to be that hard.

They ARE JUST MEN.
We are the complicated ones.

Sometimes they are too shy to approach, think your too pretty or taken or a b*th, don't want to be shot down.
It would be too bad if you missed him just because he his confidence isn't at 100% quite yet.
He has plenty of time to woe you anyway (yes, I do know that they need to do this), a smile and a" Hi, I'm Nina" has opened doors to me I might otherwise have missed.

 

[carolinetwin]

No I wouldn't pursue a man, if he is passive in that area he would also be in others...

you are so on point

 

[BroadstreetBully]

I voted other because "chasing" either way is stupid. Why play games?
If I don't want to date him today, that is not gonna change because of pestering.
And from my experience men do not need "chasing" anyway.

Should a woman initiate the first contact?
Sure, why not?

Have I've given my phone# unasked?
Nope, but I have taken one or three myself.

If I see something I'm interested in, I don't wait around for him to gather enough courage to come to me. I have no problem approaching a man and introducing myself and, maybe, striking up a conversation. If there is no interest from his part, that's fine, if mine ceases when he opens his mouth, that's fine too, I KIM.

If I am interested, I'll call and ask him out on a date, no problem.
If I get a "no" I'm not about to pester hm again, too many men in this world for that.

I know about the American dating rules and it was so much to keep track of it wore me out.

It really doesn't have to be that hard.

They ARE JUST MEN.
We are the complicated ones.

Sometimes they are too shy to approach, think your too pretty or taken or a b*th, don't want to be shot down.
It would be too bad if you missed him just because he his confidence isn't at 100% quite yet.
He has plenty of time to woe you anyway (yes, I do know that they need to do this), a smile and a" Hi, I'm Nina" has opened doors to me I might otherwise have missed.

Dating rules are definitely different across cultures and I've seen firsthand that the 'American' way doesn't work everywhere with everyone. I had to explain this to a friend of mine who moved here recently from another country. He was interested in this girl but felt like she wasn't into him. When he explained what was going on, to me, it seemed like a culture clash. She was doing the typical 'American' thing of waiting on him to initiate everything and he took that as disinterest. He's not from a dating culture, and I had to explain to him that the American way is big on dating, and the man is expected to chase the woman. Now he gets it and his dating life has greatly improved because of this.

However, when it comes to American guys--the chase is big. Many men get a rush out of it.

 

[Nina_deF]

Dating rules are definitely different across cultures and I've seen firsthand that the 'American' way doesn't work everywhere with everyone. I had to explain this to a friend of mine who moved here recently from another country. He was interested in this girl but felt like she wasn't into him. When he explained what was going on, to me, it seemed like a culture clash. She was doing the typical 'American' thing of waiting on him to initiate everything and he took that as disinterest. He's not from a dating culture, and I had to explain to him that the American way is big on dating, and the man is expected to chase the woman. Now he gets it and his dating life has greatly improved because of this.

However, when it comes to American guys--the chase is big. Many men get a rush out of it.

True.
I noticed that American men get kind of speechless when approached.
But it worked on them too.
Well, everybody except Steven Segal, but that was my mistake.
He wasn't looking at me, he was looking at the mirror behind me.

So I'm wondering if it's not really the American woman who's stearing the whole thing.... really....

 

[LadyPaniolo]

Nina Def I am fascinated by your POV, being from a different culture. I've read a lot of American women on expat forums cry and moan about how hard it is dating Swedish (and Danish) men... that they are SO passive and expect the woman to be aggressive with them. I guess playing by the rules of your culture is easy when you come up in it.

And the dating rules aren't hard over here!
1. The man pursues.
2. The man PAYS. Always.
3. The man should be the one to declare his feelings first (women often violate this one).

Easy peasy.

 

[Lylddlebit]

~~~~~~Deleted~~~~~~~~~~.

 

[discobiscuits]

What do you think? Is it okay for the woman to ask for the man's phone number, ask to go on a date, keep calling him, etc?

all of these things are fine except to keep calling.

What if the man never initiates anything with the woman in return and she finds herself doing all of the chasing?

as for the above, she needs to let it go if she is chasing and he never initiates. that is a nono

 

[MiamiHottie]

Ahh..this is right on time. I'm in a situation, where I know he won't approach me because it would be unprofessional on his part. I have gotten to the point of making small talk with him. Can I slip him my number and then fall back?

 

[Ashleescheveux]

100% agreed.

I voted other because "chasing" either way is stupid. Why play games?
If I don't want to date him today, that is not gonna change because of pestering.
And from my experience men do not need "chasing" anyway.

Should a woman initiate the first contact?
Sure, why not?

Have I've given my phone# unasked?
Nope, but I have taken one or three myself.

If I see something I'm interested in, I don't wait around for him to gather enough courage to come to me. I have no problem approaching a man and introducing myself and, maybe, striking up a conversation. If there is no interest from his part, that's fine, if mine ceases when he opens his mouth, that's fine too, I KIM.

If I am interested, I'll call and ask him out on a date, no problem.
If I get a "no" I'm not about to pester hm again, too many men in this world for that.

I know about the American dating rules and it was so much to keep track of it wore me out.

It really doesn't have to be that hard.

They ARE JUST MEN.
We are the complicated ones.

Sometimes they are too shy to approach, think your too pretty or taken or a b*th, don't want to be shot down.
It would be too bad if you missed him just because he his confidence isn't at 100% quite yet.
He has plenty of time to woe you anyway (yes, I do know that they need to do this), a smile and a" Hi, I'm Nina" has opened doors to me I might otherwise have missed.

 

[kismettt]

i don't think either should be "chasing". i do not understand why men "chase" me when it is VERY clear that i'm not interested. & somehow society & media lie to them, telling them that's what women want. (most romance movies are stalkerish/encourage a culture of stalking...because that is "love"/"romantic")

no a woman shouldn't be chasing a man who is clearly not interested, nor should a man do the same. if i am constantly calling/etc him, he's not feeling me. if he is constantly calling/etc, i'm not feeling him. i hate how "men as the chaser" gives him license to bother me because i MUST be playing hard to get. ugh go away. erplexed

 

[LifeafterLHCF]

I say no because I have done it and it made me feel lesser than.However that how I really felt about myself and believed that fat girls or your unAmerican beauties have to pursue a man because they won't want you for you..now 5 years later I know that is a lie and I know that fat girls,short ones,tall ones etc get good solid men everyday so the outside doesn't dictate the inner worth..

 

[ellebelle88]

What about white women who boldly chase black men? Seems to be working for them.

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

Men are positioned to be the chasers

That's right but apparently a great majority of them in this country are failing at that position. It appears that the men my age (25), want the woman to do everything.