CHAPTER 8 pointer (Here it is finally)
FROM CASUAL TO COMMITTED
1. Start with the end in mind, but do not be passive aggressive in gettng your point across
2.Common problem - A woman tries to impress a man by doing things to show that she is a good long term partner in the beginning, the secret is:If a man see's you as a long term partner, he will wait for things like sex. Sex should not come before deeper lvels of attraction and intimacy are met. Wait a minimum of 2 - several months
3. Men are good at sensing if a woman is trying to take a "shortcut" or desperate to get into a relationship quick. Once he sees this, he will withdraw and hold back once initial passion is gone
4. When a woman requires specific "minimums" from a man at the start, it has a profound effect on the way the man views the woman. He is much likely to be with her at the end. Example:I will only keep seeing you right now, if this is going somewhere and you are not seeing anyone now, because I am not and I don't want to waste my time
5.Communication is key! To start a conversation about the two of you, you would need:
1. The primer - Start a conversation on a fun, positive note. Tell him how much you like spending time with him and remind him of good times had. This will allow to set the mood, and the man feels like he can open up
2. Casual introduction - Keep talking about the positives, you don't want the man to shut down. Talk about the reality of your relationship, but based on what you would ideally like in a relationship. ie if you want a listner and he is a good listener, mention that
3. Applying positive strokes - tell a good, before the bad. Make the bad general - I Understand how different men and women are and that is okay
4. Non situational honesty - Speak of your ideal, but do not talk about how this relationship isn't what you want or how he isn't fulfilling what you want
5. Active listening - Men notice if you do, and apreciate it. they are now likely to open up. creating this environment makes you attractive to a man.
Get the man to think about the positives within the relationship, get him to see what is working in the relationship and reinforce all the positives that ome up.
HOW TO MAKE THE RELATIONSHIP LAST
1. Keep up the fun, unpredictable behaviour
2. Dont stop being curious about each other
3. Dont look at your love relationship as you main source of happiness and fulfillment
4. Work on developing other relationships, goals and plans
5. Give more than you expect to get in return
HTH
