Do you approach or pursue men you are interested in?

Princess4real said:
I'll bite, I just don't think it's lady like. :nono: I've heard some men say that they do like when a women approaches them and when I hear that, I can't help but to think, what is wrong with the woman? I'm a little old fashion, blame my parents. :grin:
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Princess4real, I'm old fashioned, too. People at work are always telling me to step into the 21st century and go after the man I want. It was so bad that they went after him for me. Let me just say that I'm still picking my face up off the floor. It was such an uncomfortable situation!:wallbash:
 
ALWAYZL8 said:
Princess4real, I'm old fashioned, too. People at work are always telling me to step into the 21st century and go after the man I want. It was so bad that they went after him for me. Let me just say that I'm still picking my face up off the floor. It was such an uncomfortable situation!:wallbash:
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WTH? :lachen:As far as that 21st century crap, we women are turning these men into punks!!! Let a man be a man! Why do we keep making every thing so easy for them? In my next life maybe I will come back as a man. :yep: I will be able to lie, cheat, steal and still get poo poo by the pound. :yep:
 
Princess4real said:
WTH? :lachen:As far as that 21st century crap, we women are turning these men into punks!!! Let a man be a man! Why do we keep making every thing so easy for them? In my next life maybe I will come back as a man. :yep: I will be able to lie, cheat, steal and still get poo poo by the pound. :yep:
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You know!

Oh, maybe we should start asking folks who recommend this if it worked for THEM? I bet the answer is an overwhelming NO!
 
Ok I think there is a difference between approach and pursue. I will not actively pursue a man but I will intially approach him. But I do it in a way to say hey Im interested in you coming and talking to me. I might walk past and brush up his hand or if we are in a conversation Ill flirt with certain statements or even initiate the conversation. Whats wrong with that? I know too many woman that sit back and just wait for a man to come up and talk to them I always been proud of being a woman who is fun and flirtatous. Maybe I just might make a new friend if not a romantic relationship.
Now I will not actively purse him thats when I take the step back and see what he does. And then yes if a man wants you he will do what he has to do to get you. I believe that.

ETA I just read back Bunnys first reponse and would say I agree. Those intital little hints are cool and then let them do what they do! Girl its the scorpio in us we can help but flirt!!!!
 
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I don't pursue or approach men. If a guy doesn't approach and pursue me that means he's not interested enough to make the effort. End of story.
 
I don't know I guess I'm just different...No one that I'm interested in will ever have to approach me unless they are just that quick...I'm not into guessing games...or none of that other nonsense...If I want to know you...trust me I will! Besides how many men have you been with that pick up on all the signs and inuendos you put out there:look:? Exactly!
 
caribeandiva said:
I don't pursue or approach men. If a guy doesn't approach and pursue me that means he's not interested enough to make the effort. End of story.
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And there you have it! :cheers: That man will see pass all the women in the club or where ever, if he really wanted to get at you!
 
caribeandiva said:
I don't pursue or approach men. If a guy doesn't approach and pursue me that means he's not interested enough to make the effort. End of story.
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this has been true for me.

i've noticed that there will be guys i really like and at times it seems the attraction may be reciprocal. sometimes, i've been proven right and they approach/actively pursue me. other guys may like to check me out often...:look: and even talk to me but they've never verbally expressed any interest in me even when they've had multiple opportunities to do so.

i'm not an intimidating person and i think i'm nice and easy to talk to so i don't think i put guys off . therefore, what i've realised is that there is a difference between a guy just being attracted to you and one that wants to actually date you. so now i pretty much take it that if a guy isn't pursuing me, even if we both know the mutual attraction is there, then he just doesn't want to date me. i wont waste my time trying to get him to date me by perusing him either. it so happens that the guys i'm talking about here were/are not shy at all.
 
missty1029 said:
Ok I think there is a difference between approach and pursue. I will not actively pursue a man but I will intially approach him. But I do it in a way to say hey Im interested in you coming and talking to me. I might walk past and brush up his hand or if we are in a conversation Ill flirt with certain statements or even initiate the conversation. Whats wrong with that? I know too many woman that sit back and just wait for a man to come up and talk to them I always been proud of being a woman who is fun and flirtatous. Maybe I just might make a new friend if not a romantic relationship.
Now I will not actively purse him thats when I take the step back and see what he does. And then yes if a man wants you he will do what he has to do to get you. I believe that.

ETA I just read back Bunnys first reponse and would say I agree. Those intital little hints are cool and then let them do what they do! Girl its the scorpio in us we can help but flirt!!!!
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You and I are on the same page. Seduction is a lost art.
 
Bunny77, you did an excellent job answering the questions. men love the chase and are bummed out when you give in too easily. it's in their nature. Don't try to rationalize it cause men are not logical creatures. You can deny it all you want to but it's the truth. In fact i don't even drop hints. It seems the least interested i act the harder they try to win me over. If you ask a man this he will deny it. :rolleyes: It's something they do subconsciously.
 
caribeandiva said:
Bunny77, you did an excellent job answering the questions. men love the chase and are bummed out when you give in too easily. it's in their nature. Don't try to rationalize it cause men are not logical creatures. You can deny it all you want to but it's the truth. In fact i don't even drop hints. It seems the least interested i act the harder they try to win me over. If you ask a man this he will deny it. :rolleyes: It's something they do subconsciously.
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Me either and IMHO, I can only imagine what the man thinks, when a woman approaches them. :evilbanana:
 
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caribeandiva said:
:lachen:U too funny!:lachen: but yeah that's how i imagine they react. Then they tell all of their friends about this chick who's all over him. I've heard those stories.
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I work on a military base and I'm around men all the time! The stories aren't pretty, but I respect the guys because their being honest. They be expecting the female to pay their bills, let them move in with them, buy the clothes, etc. This all due to the fact that a female came on to them. These guys make out like a fat rats because of some lonely Betty. It's a turn off when guys start acting like flowers. :yep:
 
I asked a guy I know how he would feel if a woman approached him. We had the conversation a couple of weeks ago. He said he would be flattered. I think he just said he would be flattered to put ideas in my head and have me out there looking bad and he finds that humorous. I can't stand him!!!
 
caribeandiva said:
I don't pursue or approach men. If a guy doesn't approach and pursue me that means he's not interested enough to make the effort. End of story.
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Exactly. If he is happy to leave, knowing he may never see me again, who am I to insert myself into his life? This is how women get hurt. I don't want him any more than he wants me! Hell, if anything I want him less.:lachen:

You'll know when you find the right man. He won't need your "help" to approach you. Does the gazelle explain to the lion how to catch her? Gimme a break. Some men are just too lazy and they know the work involved in holding down a decent woman, and they just can't be bothered. Better believe that when his dream woman comes along he won't need any help leaving you and pursuing her!

Always remember, not every man wants the cream of the crop woman. some men want a dumber less attractive style woman so that they can put in less work. Its not always a bad thing when a guy doesn't pursue you. It's the process of elimination at work for your benefit!
 
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esoterica said:
Exactly. If he is happy to leave, knowing he may never see me again, who am I to insert myself into his life? This is how women get hurt. I don't want him any more than he wants me! Hell, if anything I want him less.:lachen:

You'll know when you find the right man. He won't need your "help" to approach you. Does the gazelle explain to the lion how to catch her? Gimme a break. Some men are just too lazy and they know the work involved in holding down a decent woman, and they just can't be bothered. Better believe that when his dream woman comes along he won't need any help leaving you and pursuing her!

Always remember, not every man wants the cream of the crop woman. some men want a dumber less attractive style woman so that they can put in less work. Its not always a bad thing when a guy doesn't pursue you. It's the process of elimination at work for your benefit!
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I agree, all that dropping stuff to see if he will pick up an item you dropped and pushing your butt out to see if he notices me, that's playing games! Who wants a man that she had to use tricks to get? :yep: Your right, that's how women feelings get hurt.
 
esoterica said:
Exactly. If he is happy to leave, knowing he may never see me again, who am I to insert myself into his life? This is how women get hurt. I don't want him any more than he wants me! Hell, if anything I want him less.:lachen:

You'll know when you find the right man. He won't need your "help" to approach you. Does the gazelle explain to the lion how to catch her? Gimme a break. Some men are just too lazy and they know the work involved in holding down a decent woman, and they just can't be bothered. Better believe that when his dream woman comes along he won't need any help leaving you and pursuing her!

Always remember, not every man wants the cream of the crop woman. some men want a dumber less attractive style woman so that they can put in less work. Its not always a bad thing when a guy doesn't pursue you. It's the process of elimination at work for your benefit!
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Yes, I have a relative EXACTLY like that!! He makes me want to HURL!!! You should SEE the swamp creatures he shows up with!! TRIFLIN!!!!
 
People are confusing "approach" and "pursuit." A smart woman knows they're not the same.

Newsflash: Men can leave regardless of who initiated the relationship.

Personally, I wouldn't trust a man who likes the chase too much, because this kind of man will pursue you relentless, but as soon as you give in, he'll be bored, and will be off to the next chase. I've dated some of those.
 
Jessy55 said:
People are confusing "approach" and "pursuit." A smart woman knows they're not the same.

Newsflash: Men can leave regardless of who initiated the relationship.

Personally, I wouldn't trust a man who likes the chase too much, because this kind of man will pursue you relentless, but as soon as you give in, he'll be bored, and will be off to the next chase. I've dated some of those.
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Great point, Jessy55.:yep:
 
It is true that with most men, the less interest you show, the more they will try to win you over... ever had a date where you weren't interested in him, but he was interested in you?? So you start dodging his calls, are too busy to talk to him, etc. Aren't these always the ones that start blowing up your phone, promising you the world, and professing how much they want you?? :perplexed

In my lifetime (and I am older than most of you and I have more dating experience than most of you here!!) I have found that (for me) it has NEVER worked out when I was the one who pursued the relationship, or showed a lot of interest. They simply lose interest when it's too easy, that's the bottom line. They wonder why someone as fabulous as you (and YES, we are all fabulous!!) would be coming on so strongly, and this puts them off. Yes, it may get you a date or two, and if you THEN start playing your cards close, it actually might work out, but just don't let them know how into them you are, cuz inevitably they'll start treating you like an old shoe!! :blush: Experience is the best teacher, so go on, try it... you'll see... :look:
 
This has been my experience as well. Men are strange creatures. :drunk: For some reason, when I am aloof and nonchalant... they are in the strongest 'pursuit' mode. Getting a man.. um ok, fine. But we should discuss how to KEEP a man. :rolleyes:
Lindy said:
It is true that with most men, the less interest you show, the more they will try to win you over... ever had a date where you weren't interested in him, but he was interested in you?? So you start dodging his calls, are too busy to talk to him, etc. Aren't these always the ones that start blowing up your phone, promising you the world, and professing how much they want you?? :perplexed

In my lifetime (and I am older than most of you and I have more dating experience than most of you here!!) I have found that (for me) it has NEVER worked out when I was the one who pursued the relationship, or showed a lot of interest. They simply lose interest when it's too easy, that's the bottom line. They wonder why someone as fabulous as you (and YES, we are all fabulous!!) would be coming on so strongly, and this puts them off. Yes, it may get you a date or two, and if you THEN start playing your cards close, it actually might work out, but just don't let them know how into them you are, cuz inevitably they'll start treating you like an old shoe!! :blush: Experience is the best teacher, so go on, try it... you'll see... :look:
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I have NEVER reaped favorable results when I've pursued a man. Now granted, I haven't pursued many, but let's just say that when I did, it did not work out. I used to sweat a guy friend of mine so much! I mean...I REALLY REALLY liked him. :dizzy: :love: So, I ended up pursuing/chasing him more than he was pursuing me (which was next to nil). Anyway, eventually I came to the realization that he just wasn't into me as much as I was into him, and I decided to move on.

Do you know that the second I moved on he is now pursuing ME?? :confused: Go figure! When I was fawning all over him he was all non-chalant and acted like he could take me or leave me. But when I started ignoring him and acting "aloof" around him this used to drive him CRAZY!! LOL! Now days however, I've long since seen the error of my ways and just "play it cool" with him. I'm no longer "aloof" with him (since this is not my real nature anyway) so I try to be open and friendly with him, but I'm definitely not calling him/pursuing him, or any of that ANYMORE EVER with ANY guy! :nono: Now look...homeboy is calling me! Coming up to ME, etc. That's how it should be anyway.

I'm not saying that chasing a guy down hasn't worked for some women. Because I'm sure that it probably has. But for MOST guys, they are usually just flattered (for a short while), and then they get bored easily and go on to chase the girl they REALLY want.

Remember ladies... WE ARE THE PRIZE! :yep: Does the prize ever chase after the runner of the race?? NO! The runner of the race works hard and puts forth effort in order to "WIN" the "prize". It's not the other way around. If you remember that analogy, you'll never lose sight of this very important fact. Now granted, there are a few men who are "SHY", or for a better word afraid of rejection. These men DO exist. I have no problem with women showing a man that she wouldn't be opposed to him by smiling, flirting, laughing at his jokes, etc. But actually pursuing HIM?? More than he's pursuing YOU?? Oh no.... :nono:
 
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Crystalicequeen123 said:
I have NEVER reaped favorable results when I've pursued a man. Now granted, I haven't pursued many, but let's just say that when I did, it did not work out. I used to sweat a guy friend of mine so much! I mean...I REALLY REALLY liked him. :dizzy: :love: So, I ended up pursuing/chasing him more than he was pursuing me (which was next to nil). Anyway, eventually I came to the realization that he just wasn't into me as much as I was into him, and I decided to move on.

Do you know that the second I moved on he is now pursuing ME?? :confused: Go figure! When I was fawning all over him he was all non-chalant and acted like he could take me or leave me. But when I started ignoring him and acting "aloof" around him this used to drive him CRAZY!! LOL! Now days however, I've long since seen the error of my ways and just "play it cool" with him. I'm no longer "aloof" with him (since this is not my real nature anyway) so I try to be open and friendly with him, but I'm definitely not calling him/pursuing him, or any of that ANYMORE EVER with ANY guy! :nono: Now look...homeboy is calling me! Coming up to ME, etc. That's how it should be anyway.

I'm not saying that chasing a guy down hasn't worked for some women. Because I'm sure that it probably has. But for MOST guys, they are usually just flattered (for a short while), and then they get bored easily and go on to chase the girl they REALLY want.

Remember ladies... WE ARE THE PRIZE! :yep: Does the prize ever chase after the runner of the race?? NO! The runner of the race works hard and puts forth effort in order to "WIN" the "prize". It's not the other way around. If you remember that analogy, you'll never lose sight of this very important fact. Now granted, there are a few men who are "SHY", or for a better word afraid of rejection. These men DO exist. I have no problem with women showing a man that she wouldn't be opposed to him by smiling, flirting, laughing at his jokes, etc. But actually pursuing HIM?? More than he's pursuing YOU?? Oh no.... :nono:
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:clapping: I couldn't it have said it better myself.
 
I usually pursued the guys I dated. I even pursued my husband and we have been together ever since.

I feel there is nothing wrong with going after what you want.
My hubby says he would have never came up to me cause I seemed like the type that would have turned him down. :lol: So I'm glad I made the first move. ;)
 
Bunny77 said:
I used to pursue men and NONE of those situations ever came to fruition. What I've come to realize -- whether I like it or not -- is that if a man wants you, he will do whatever it takes to get you.
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This has been my experience too.
 
Puddles said:
I usually pursued the guys I dated. I even pursued my husband and we have been together ever since.

I feel there is nothing wrong with going after what you want.
My hubby says he would have never came up to me cause I seemed like the type that would have turned him down. :lol: So I'm glad I made the first move. ;)
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this is the exception and very rare.
 
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