Women pursuing men

[Bunny77]

What about white women who boldly chase black men? Seems to be working for them.

Hmmm... maybe that's why I see all of these white women walking around by themselves with all of these mixed kids and no wedding ring or man in sight... and that's just in the U.S.

It's like epidemic proportions in the UK.

If that's "working," I'll pass.

(Plus, various estimates have no lower than 86% of black men married to black women, and most white women marry white men anyway. Black men ain't THAT in demand by other races, but they like to let everyone think that...)

 

[Bunny77]

That's right but apparently a great majority of them in this country are failing at that position. It appears that the men my age (25), want the woman to do everything.

Well, I would attribute that to the fact that you admitted that you live in an area full of busters!


Although I'm not a fan of pursuing, I think if one comes from a culture like Nina's and makes her pursuit naturally, it might work quite well.

The problem is, most women I see here who are considering pursuing seem to be doing so with men who aren't really worth pursuing in the first place! But everyone told them that they might "miss their man," or that someone else might "snatch him up," so dudes lay back and lap it up!

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

^^^ yeah, your right

 

[ellebelle88]

Hmmm... maybe that's why I see all of these white women walking around by themselves with all of these mixed kids and no wedding ring or man in sight... and that's just in the U.S.

It's like epidemic proportions in the UK.

If that's "working," I'll pass.

(Plus, various estimates have no lower than 86% of black men married to black women, and most white women marry white men anyway. Black men ain't THAT in demand by other races, but they like to let everyone think that...)

Well, there is no way to say for sure that those white women who have mixed kids were the pursuers. Nor do we know why the relationship didn't work. However, I'm not talking about how the chase ends, I'm talking about the chase itself...meaning that white women chase black men and are successful in the fact that they end up getting courted and dated in return.

As far as the statistic about how many of these end up marrying black men, I don't know. It could be relatively low, but there are also plenty of black kids running around without married parents.

 

[Bunny77]

Well, there is no way to say for sure that those white women who have mixed kids were the pursuers. Nor do we know why the relationship didn't work. However, I'm not talking about how the chase ends, I'm talking about the chase itself...meaning that white women chase black men and are successful in the fact that end up getting courted and dated in return.

As far as the statistic about how many of these end up marrying black men, I don't know. It could be relatively low, but there are also plenty of black kids running around without married parents.

Yeah, it's true we don't know what really goes down with various relationships after the chase.

I just think the whole "black men get so much play from white women" idea is overblown. Plus, people often use that in conversations as a reason why many black women stay single... that white women go after black men and maybe more black women should do that. When we don't know what said white women are actually getting out of the deal...

Now, if these particular white women are only after something short term, then hey, THAT does work!

 

[ellebelle88]

Yeah, it's true we don't know what really goes down with various relationships after the chase.

I just think the whole "black men get so much play from white women" idea is overblown. Plus, people often use that in conversations as a reason why many black women stay single... that white women go after black men and maybe more black women should do that. When we don't know what said white women are actually getting out of the deal...

Now, if these particular white women are only after something short term, then hey, THAT does work!

Yes it has been done to death and I too, am sick of reading about it. It seems there is a new article every time I log on whose argument is that Black women are single because they are too this and too that. Or they offer the only solution that they can think of which is for them to date outside of their race. NEW TOPIC! lol.

 

[MiamiHottie]

Ahh..this is right on time. I'm in a situation, where I know he won't approach me because it would be unprofessional on his part. I have gotten to the point of making small talk with him. Can I slip him my number and then fall back?

Please advise?

 

[Spiffy]

I think the 'chase' is highly overrated anyway. It's like a game of prey and predator and I think some of the neanderthal A-type men who get high off of the chase are only interested in just that, the chase.

While I would want a man to initiate, there has to be a balance after that. Otherwise if you act like prey, you'll get treated like prey.

 

[Nina_deF]

Nina Def I am fascinated by your POV, being from a different culture. I've read a lot of American women on expat forums cry and moan about how hard it is dating Swedish (and Danish) men... that they are SO passive and expect the woman to be aggressive with them. I guess playing by the rules of your culture is easy when you come up in it.

And the dating rules aren't hard over here!
1. The man pursues.
2. The man PAYS. Always.
3. The man should be the one to declare his feelings first (women often violate this one).

Easy peasy.

I'm not saying that Swedish men are better, in fact a happy medium between American and Swedish men would be nice. Most Swedes are TOO passive, makes a woman mean, ya know.

I'll throw out the rope but if you're just standing there waiting to be pulled in, I'm out.

I think #3 should be a global rule.

 

[FlowerHair]

True.
I noticed that American men get kind of speechless when approached.
But it worked on them too.
Well, everybody except Steven Segal, but that was my mistake.
He wasn't looking at me, he was looking at the mirror behind me.

So I'm wondering if it's not really the American woman who's stearing the whole thing.... really....

Not Steven Segal!

Nina Def I am fascinated by your POV, being from a different culture. I've read a lot of American women on expat forums cry and moan about how hard it is dating Swedish (and Danish) men... that they are SO passive and expect the woman to be aggressive with them. I guess playing by the rules of your culture is easy when you come up in it.

And the dating rules aren't hard over here!
1. The man pursues.
2. The man PAYS. Always.
3. The man should be the one to declare his feelings first (women often violate this one).

Easy peasy.

Swedish men can be extremely passive and it's really hard for someone like me who isn't as outgoing as Nina Def

Both my sisters in law have told me how they literally chased my brothers down and they've been happily married for many years now. That's what it takes, I guess. I think I'm one of those definately better suited for non-Swedish men. Maybe that's why they're not really attracted to me :scratchch
I always seem to attract black men or other ethnicities.

 

[Gemini Division]

Please advise?

how about if you invite him to something casual after work...most people do happy hour.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

What about white women who boldly chase black men? Seems to be working for them.

The rules for interracial dating are a little different, especially when we talk about black men/white women. I wonder how many black men would feel comfortable walking up on a white woman like that when her redneck father could be close by? Maybe in that type of situation, the white women knows that your average black man isn't going to risk such a thing and she needs to show that she's open to dating out. These same white women don't do that with white men. Books like The Rules and WMLB were written by white women. Most of the black women I know who are in fulfilling relationships with black men were pursued and chased by them.

 

[hopeful]

Please advise?

Ahh..this is right on time. I'm in a situation, where I know he won't approach me because it would be unprofessional on his part. I have gotten to the point of making small talk with him. Can I slip him my number and then fall back?

Hi, can you give us a few more details? From what you've shared so far I don't think I'd give him my number. How is he responding to you so far?

 

[Mis007]

Hmmm... maybe that's why I see all of these white women walking around by themselves with all of these mixed kids and no wedding ring or man in sight... and that's just in the U.S.

It's like epidemic proportions in the UK.

If that's "working," I'll pass.

(Plus, various estimates have no lower than 86% of black men married to black women, and most white women marry white men anyway. Black men ain't THAT in demand by other races, but they like to let everyone think that...)

Very true Bunny, it ain't working for them either...

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Please advise?

Check your PM!

 

[jupitermoon]

Good advice ladies. I know that having a man isn't the most important thing in life and being single isn't the worst thing that can happen to a person. My "problem" is so trivial.

This guy really isn't into me (what's new, lol), but a gal can wish. Wouldn't it be cool if it were possible to make people like you? Kinda like that mutant lady in the Wolverine movie?---I forget her name. LOL! Chasing doesn't work. I knew that...

 

[Highly Favored8]

Been there done that...DOESN'T WORK!
You will always feel like the pursuer in the relationship and it's not a good feeling.
I would never do it again....

ITA.... with all that you said.

 

[Highly Favored8]

Nope, Nope, and NEVER again. Men are naturals in pursuing women. JMHO.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Good advice ladies. I know that having a man isn't the most important thing in life and being single isn't the worst thing that can happen to a person. My "problem" is so trivial.

This guy really isn't into me (what's new, lol), but a gal can wish. Wouldn't it be cool if it were possible to make people like you? Kinda like that mutant lady in the Wolverine movie?---I forget her name. LOL! Chasing doesn't work. I knew that...

LOL... are you talking about Dr. Jean Grey?

Anyway...honestly though, you probably wouldn't like that either if you really think about it. You don't want a man to like you because you "made" him like you, or you used mind control to cause him to fall for you lol.

You want a man who likes you just for you just BECAUSE! HE saw something special in you and decided that he wanted to get to know you better and pursue YOU! Trust me, it feels MUCH better that way! Even if you had to "start the ball rolling", essentially you want a man who sees the "hints", and is interested enough in you to KEEP the ball rolling from that point on. You don't want some guy where you always have to initiate everything all the time.

Don't worry, in the future you will come across a guy who thinks you're wonderful, and you'll be head over heels for him and he'll be head over heels with you. You won't have to worry about any guessing games, it won't be like quantum physics trying to figure out if he is interested in you, and you won't even have time trying to think of ways to "get his attention", because you'll ALREADY have his full undivided attention! It's such a better feeling ladies.

I haven't found the MUTUAL feeling yet (on my end), but I am running more and more across guys who already find me special and it's a great feeling. I don't waste my time anymore on guys who aren't that into me. So when you only concentrate on the guys who ARE into you, then you can pick from the best. You're already starting off on a better foot.

Now all I have to do is find someone who's into me who I'm into as WELL!

 

[MiamiHottie]

Hi, can you give us a few more details? From what you've shared so far I don't think I'd give him my number. How is he responding to you so far?

Well, he is a trainer at my gym. I take his class twice a week. Its not like Bally's where everyone is fraternizing. He's very professional from what I observed. I'm not looking for anything serious.... just got out of a five year relationship. I'm crushing on him so hard but I don't want to make a fool out of myself. I have made small talk with him after class, but that's it. So I was thinking of slipping him my number after class. What do u think?

 

[Bunny77]

Personal trainer? Uh oh... not that they're all bad, but girl... just say no.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Personal trainer? Uh oh... not that they're all bad, but girl... just say no.

Uh-oh...Bunny you know something I don't know?? DO SHARE!!!

 

[MiamiHottie]

Personal trainer? Uh oh... not that they're all bad, but girl... just say no.

...I just want to have a little fun.

 

[Bunny77]

Uh-oh...Bunny you know something I don't know?? DO SHARE!!!

I don't know from personal experience, but trainers are usually pretty good looking (definitely have nice bodies) and have women throwing themselves at them quite a bit. I was taking a class with one cutie and it was ridiculous how so many women were flirting with him after class. I talked with my own trainer (a woman) about that experience in Nick's class, and she said, "Oh yes, Nick is pretty popular."

Now, no clue about whether or not Nick took advantage of any offers, but let's just say that the trainers at my gym definitely have offers... and female friends at other gyms say the same thing about the guys they know.

...I just want to have a little fun.

Well... now that's different...

 

[hopeful]

Well, he is a trainer at my gym. I take his class twice a week. Its not like Bally's where everyone is fraternizing. He's very professional from what I observed. I'm not looking for anything serious.... just got out of a five year relationship. I'm crushing on him so hard but I don't want to make a fool out of myself. I have made small talk with him after class, but that's it. So I was thinking of slipping him my number after class. What do u think?

...I just want to have a little fun.

Well if you really just want to have fun I'd do like someone else suggested and invite him to meet somewhere like a happy hour where others (your friends, etc.) will be, real casual. But still, I don't think I'd give him my #, I think that will feel kinda funny. But honestly? If it were me I'd leave it alone. You've already struck up a conversation and shown interest so if he's interested I think he'll find a way to show it. Also, he may want to not mix business with pleasure which in most cases is smart.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I don't know from personal experience, but trainers are usually pretty good looking (definitely have nice bodies) and have women throwing themselves at them quite a bit. I was taking a class with one cutie and it was ridiculous how so many women were flirting with him after class. I talked with my own trainer (a woman) about that experience in Nick's class, and she said, "Oh yes, Nick is pretty popular."

Now, no clue about whether or not Nick took advantage of any offers, but let's just say that the trainers at my gym definitely have offers... and female friends at other gyms say the same thing about the guys they know.

Oh yeah....I picked up on that myself. Yea see, that's yet another reason why I wouldn't chase after any guy (especially a guy who is used to a lot of women just throwing themselves on him ). If anything, YOU would stand out because you're NOT throwing yourself on him lol.

I don't like guys who think that they are the "total package", and therefore feel that they are all that and a bag of chips and so women should be fawning all over them. Oh no no boo-boo...this woman doesn't play that.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

I personally don't think there's anything wrong with approaching a guy or asking the guy out on either a first or second date, as long as you're getting the vibe from him that he's really interested. To me, that's not necessarily "chasing."

However, if after that, he doesn't pick up the ball and run with it, and initiate contact with you on his own, then forget it. Because at that point, you are in "chase" mode, and that's not cool.

 

[bluediamond0829]

I definietly say NOOOOOOO....ive learned from experience and the only one who is disappointed or hurt is me or that woman.

I just feel that the man will feel as if he can take advantage of the situation and some depending on their maturity will start acting cocky, who wants that to happen.

Thats why if im feelin him and hes not feelin me in that way i just keep it moving and think their is another man out their that will be feelin me and askin..

Now if its something where we are already dating and we both are showing general interest i dont feel like its nothin wrong with it...but if its straight out walkin up to a man and askin for a phone number nope i dont care what century or year it is its never cool.

Thats what happened one time that me and some of girlfriends went out. And one of my girlfriends she is very confidant and she actually approached a guy and they exchanged business cards but i dont she ever heard from him. And then when i mentioned how i thought this one guy was very handsome--i guess one of my girlfriends thought she would be my mouth and speak up for me...so dude just smiled and probably was enjoyin the attention he was gettin but he didnt once gesture to ask me for my number once my girlfriend made it a point to point out how i was admiring him. I was 400 degrees hawt at her for doing that. Because I still feel that a man should be approachin the woman and i think it sometimes shows and act of desperation...

 

[Coil Tresses]

I ain't desperate so I never go after a man. All women who I've seen do this always end up loving him more than he loves her. I heard Oprah say back in the day: "In a relationship there will always be one who loves the other one more."

 

[tinkat]

I would never want to be with a person that loves me more than I love them...that statement I just don't understand...I use to agree with it, now I don't. When people say that one always love more than another in a relationship, to me that means you are thinking about "power" instead of love...who seems to be more in "control".

But I don't see nothing wrong with pursuing a guy. There is a difference between being desperate and playing your piece right on your game board to work in your favor...Pursuing a guy can be as simple as starting up a conversation about something that you know you both have a common interest in.