When men cheat, is it the woman's fault?

[Stormy]

Well... did y'all see Norbit? That wasn't his fault!

Just kidding. I voted it's the cheating man's fault. I'd also like to add it's the trifling *****'s fault who cheats with him and contributes to breaking up a relationship when she knows better. I think there would be a lot less cheating going on if the other party didn't participate in it. As they say it takes two to tangle.

 

[MzTami]

It's the cheating man's fault. No one can control what he does.

 

[*Michelle*]

It's the cheating man's fault. No one can control what he does.

EXACTLY!!!!!!

 

[Farida]

There are things you can do/not do that would open your spouse up to the attention/affection of someone else, but it still involves CHOICE on his part. I mean, the bible says don't withhold sex from your man lest temptation get the better of him. It is true if you don't give it up he'll have more sexual energy and think about it all the time, but he still has a choice and should say no.

I chose other, and I'll say it is not your fault that your man cheated, but many times there are things you did/didn't do that may have led him astray.

 

[gone_fishing]

I want to know which one of you said it's HER fault so I can make mental notes to keep your homewreckin self away from my family and friends

 

[Indigo's Hair]

Do you all honestly believe that the ONLY reason a man cheats is because the woman isn't taking care of business?

I have never understood why women who sleep with involved men make this assertion? Is it so they can feel better about what they are doing? I don't get it.

I've seen men who did cheat and then afterwards realize how wrong they are and that the woman they cheated on is now really the only woman they want. I've had men crying in my office over women who now wanted a divorce. Some women leave and the man feels sorrow for a long time but some women stay and forgive and they make it.

If the only reason a man cheated was because she wasn't doing something correctly, then that circumstance I mentioned above would not exist.

Uuuuuhhhhhhh NO! If a man is not happy in a relationship, he is always free to leave. Cheating is not going to make whatever is going wrong in the relationship better. In fact, things are GUARANTEED to get worst. So, why would the man hold on to this woman he is not happy with and cheat with another? Doesn't make sense to me.

 

[thiccknlong]

havent read the responses, but this is one of the stupid things I think men have used to brainwash women.

and worse is some females even buy into it !

there is no reason in the world, that you can validly say, that another person is the reason why ANOTHER grown ARSE man or woman, cheated. That doesnt even MAKE logical sense. Even Oprah has gotten rather stupid in that area..."and what is your responsibility in his cheating". I was like, okay, now I've finally seen one of Oprah's weak points. Sad.

If its that bad, leave or work it out.

 

[cocoberry10]

I believe cheating ultimately begins with a choice. And often this "choice" started with some type of compromise. For example, let's say your relationship was going through an unhappy time. That's probably not the time for a man or woman to go out with that attractive co-worker alone and tell them all of their relationship problems.

Some people want to remove responsibility from themselves in situations like this. I'm not buying it.

However, I do recognize that sometimes one SO/spouse takes the other completely and totally for granted. However, we must take personal responsibility for this. If you are being wholly taken advantage of, the answer is to stand up for yourself, not to cheat. I know this is easier said than done, but it's also a lot more simple. If you put the breaks on a situation (i.e. a spouse that takes advantage of you), you would be a lot better off than doing damage control after you cheated. JMHO!

 

[thiccknlong]

I believe cheating ultimately begins with a choice. And often this "choice" started with some type of compromise. For example, let's say your relationship was going through an unhappy time. That's probably not the time for a man or woman to go out with that attractive co-worker alone and tell them all of their relationship problems.

Some people want to remove responsibility from themselves in situations like this. I'm not buying it.

However, I do recognize that sometimes one SO/spouse takes the other completely and totally for granted. However, we must take personal responsibility for this. If you are being wholly taken advantage of, the answer is to stand up for yourself, not to cheat. I know this is easier said than done, but it's also a lot more simple. If you put the breaks on a situation (i.e. a spouse that takes advantage of you), you would be a lot better off than doing damage control after you cheated. JMHO!

It usually gets harder. I try to live my life to avoid problems and resolve problems. I'm just starting this lol.

Can u imagine the number of ppl who would still have their sister or brother or momie or daddie if only more ppl would do what you said in the bolded ?

Lot of broken hearts, lost minds, childrens lives gone astray, financial probs cause soemone decided to cheat. easier said than done but thats life, whats easy in life anyway?

I agree 100% here.

 

[cocoberry10]

It usually gets harder. I try to live my life to avoid problems and resolve problems. I'm just starting this lol.

Can u imagine the number of ppl who would still have their sister or brother or momie or daddie if only more ppl would do what you said in the bolded ?

Lot of broken hearts, lost minds, childrens lives gone astray, financial probs cause soemone decided to cheat. easier said than done but thats life, whats easy in life anyway?

I agree 100% here.

That's true, and that's what makes these situations so sad and unfortunate. Most of them were completely unnecessary!

 

[wantlonghair25]

havent read the responses, but this is one of the stupid things I think men have used to brainwash women.

and worse is some females even buy into it !

there is no reason in the world, that you can validly say, that another person is the reason why ANOTHER grown ARSE man or woman, cheated. That doesnt even MAKE logical sense. Even Oprah has gotten rather stupid in that area..."and what is your responsibility in his cheating". I was like, okay, now I've finally seen one of Oprah's weak points. Sad.

If its that bad, leave or work it out.

I love when you post a reply you are sooooo wise. It's exactly true that is a lame excuse that men tell the "other" woman so she can keep doing what she does for him. It's like come on if she was so wonderful and all this and that why is he still with his SO? I do not believe it is the SO's fault let it be man or woman, there should never be a reason to cheat. If you are unhappy why play games, just leave!

 

[SouthernTease]

Cheating is selfish... has nothing to do with the women.
Cheating is WHACK!!!

 

[cocosweet]

Men cheat because at the end of the day, they want to. I have yet to hear of someone who was forced to cheat. Some are greedy, some are too darn punkish to end the unsatisfactory relationship they're in first.

 

[Nefertiti0906]

Men cheat because at the end of the day, they want to. I have yet to hear of someone who was forced to cheat. Some are greedy, some are too darn punkish to end the unsatisfactory relationship they're in first.

ITA...................................

 

[Caramela]

I used to think that there was no excuse to cheat, and there really still isn't, but I now believe that when a man cheats (or a woman cheats, for that matter) that their partner has set the stage for them to do so. There's a book I read that really makes a whole lot of sense called HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS by Willard F. Harley, Jr. I suggest ALL ladies read it although it's written to the husband/wife situation. The basic premise of the book is that in relationships women and men have very different basic needs. Women do more of what women would want men to do, and vice versa. The book teaches spouses how to identify their own needs, the needs of their partner and govern themselves accordingly. So to answer the question, blunty, yes a woman can and probably plays a bigger part in her man's cheating than she even realizes.
We've all seen it, and wondered why a man cheats with the sloth when he has a dime at home... simply put, that sloth connected with him on a level that his woman/wife/gf didn't.
Read the book, y'all. I'm telling you... it will open your eyes on how to keep your man happy... and if you read it with your partner like I did, it will help him identify and satisfy your needs as well.

 

[wantlonghair25]

I used to think that there was no excuse to cheat, and there really still isn't, but I now believe that when a man cheats (or a woman cheats, for that matter) that their partner has set the stage for them to do so. There's a book I read that really makes a whole lot of sense called HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS by Willard F. Harley, Jr. I suggest ALL ladies read it although it's written to the husband/wife situation. The basic premise of the book is that in relationships women and men have very different basic needs. Women do more of what women would want men to do, and vice versa. The book teaches spouses how to identify their own needs, the needs of their partner and govern themselves accordingly. So to answer the question, blunty, yes a woman can and probably plays a bigger part in her man's cheating than she even realizes.
We've all seen it, and wondered why a man cheats with the sloth when he has a dime at home... simply put, that sloth connected with him on a level that his woman/wife/gf didn't.
Read the book, y'all. I'm telling you... it will open your eyes on how to keep your man happy... and if you read it with your partner like I did, it will help him identify and satisfy your needs as well.

There is still no excuse to cheat. If people are not happy that is where "communication" should come in, not cheating.

 

[sky_blu]

Number 3 sums the answer up perfectly.

 

[Halana Malie]

No.

If someone cheats (man or woman) it is his or her fault alone.

***I agree***

 

[cocoberry10]

I used to think that there was no excuse to cheat, and there really still isn't, but I now believe that when a man cheats (or a woman cheats, for that matter) that their partner has set the stage for them to do so. There's a book I read that really makes a whole lot of sense called HIS NEEDS, HER NEEDS by Willard F. Harley, Jr. I suggest ALL ladies read it although it's written to the husband/wife situation. The basic premise of the book is that in relationships women and men have very different basic needs. Women do more of what women would want men to do, and vice versa. The book teaches spouses how to identify their own needs, the needs of their partner and govern themselves accordingly. So to answer the question, blunty, yes a woman can and probably plays a bigger part in her man's cheating than she even realizes.
We've all seen it, and wondered why a man cheats with the sloth when he has a dime at home... simply put, that sloth connected with him on a level that his woman/wife/gf didn't.
Read the book, y'all. I'm telling you... it will open your eyes on how to keep your man happy... and if you read it with your partner like I did, it will help him identify and satisfy your needs as well.

I agree with wantlonghair25, although I do understand where you are coming from. Although there are situations where the person was not getting fulfilled, this still does not give a person a “right” to cheat. For example, I’ve had professors that did not “teach” me. I came to class to learn, having read the material, etc. and was not taught. These professors have their Ph.D’s from prominent schools (and I went to a prominent school) and are viewed as experts in their field. However, they didn’t teach, so I was forced at times to teach myself. Does this give me an excuse to cheat on a test? I think we all know the answer to this question is absolutely not. I know that when weak, we can “fall.” But this is when it’s so much more important to separate yourself from the temptation to cheat. If your marriage is lacking, you will definitely be more tempted to cheat. Even if you have a dime at home. By the way, this book might actually be a great one!

 

[tatiana]

Men and women cheat for various reasons and there are differently ways of cheating. People like to think cheating is what they see on t.v. and it is always about sex but cheating is more complex then that.

First off you have different kinds of cheaters. You have the man who always cheats. This man loves women and won't limit himself to one. You have the sex addicts who need it 6 times a day every day and if his woman can keep up good for her but if not sex addict is going go somewhere else. You have the men who cheat once in awhile, he got caught up in a moment of lust and feels guilty later. You also have men that thinks its okay to cheat and depending on the man cheats once awhile to quite frequent.

Second you have the who. Who is he cheating with? I knew a married man that slept with ladies of the night and he didn't see anything wrong with it. He didn't think his wife knew about because he did every once in awhile. I had a friend whose boyfriend would sleep with his ex-girlfriend whenever he went to his parent's home state. And then there are women who have no clue the man had a SO.

Third you have the why. It isn't always about sex but other times it is more. Some men feel powerful/needed/wanted only if they have a slew of women. Older men have affairs with younger women so they can feel younger. A woman may sneak off to the movies or dinner with a man but nevers has sex with him because she feels she can't talk to her boyfriend like she can with so and so. Some people never got over their exes.

When people cheat, I think the cheater are being selfish and in some cases a punk. They want to have their cake and eat it too. They don't care how they are messing with other people's lives.

 

[BEAUTIFULBLACKHAIR]

THE CHEATER IS AT FAULT, WHETHER IT'S MAN OR WOMAN.A CHEATER KNOWS IF HE OR SHE IS UNHAPPY IN THEIR RELATIONSHIP. IT IS THE RESPONSIBILITY OF THAT PERSON TO BE HONEST W/ THEIR PARTNER INSTEAD OF LIVING A LIE.

 

[Much2much41]

I believe a person should end the relationship if they are unhappy. However, I know of several instances where a woman was withholding the "goods" and was being a bytch 99% of the time, and their husbands cheated. I'm not saying that the men were right; they were 100% wrong. But I believe their wives fostered an environment where cheating was easier. I don't believe all the blame should be on the men in cases like these, nor do I believe wives that behave like this are "victims".

 

[Caramela]

I agree with wantlonghair25, although I do understand where you are coming from. Although there are situations where the person was not getting fulfilled, this still does not give a person a “right” to cheat. For example, I’ve had professors that did not “teach” me. I came to class to learn, having read the material, etc. and was not taught. These professors have their Ph.D’s from prominent schools (and I went to a prominent school) and are viewed as experts in their field. However, they didn’t teach, so I was forced at times to teach myself. Does this give me an excuse to cheat on a test? I think we all know the answer to this question is absolutely not. I know that when weak, we can “fall.” But this is when it’s so much more important to separate yourself from the temptation to cheat. If your marriage is lacking, you will definitely be more tempted to cheat. Even if you have a dime at home. By the way, this book might actually be a great one!

Re-read guys... I did say there is still no reason to cheat... however, not fulfilling your man (or in a man's case, his woman's needs) sets the stage for them to do so... it may not even be the partner's original intent but it winds up turning into cheating.... the book gave examples and I'll paraphrase to demonstrate the theory....
1) man cheats on woman:

Man has a strong desire to go to sporting events, would love his lifepartner, his wife, to join him. Wife hates sports, wife refuses to come. Urges husband to go to sporting events without her. Husband goes. Single woman who loves sports befriends him. Single woman and husband begin to bond on strictly friendly basis. Because wife is not doing what single woman will, husband starts to look forward to time spent with single woman at sporting events and bond begins to strengthen beyond sports, into friendship, into fondness, into caring....on and on and on... eventually cheating. When his desire intially was to share this experience with his wife.

2) woman cheats on man:

Husband loves wife and wife husband. Husband has been taught that to be a good husband/father, he is to be a provider. Husband works like a Hebrew slave. Doesn't spend time with his wife and family, but believes since he's providing financially, he's doing "his part". Husband isn't affectionate with wife. Wife feels lonely and abandoned. Co-worker, just friendly guy, is known for draping his arm around people as he talks to them, men and women alike. One day, coworker drapes arm around wife, giving her a squeeze. Wife feels wonderful. Keeps looking forward to this man's touch... and begins developing feelings whcih eventually lead to cheating... if husband were to meet her needs intially, there wouldn't have been that problem.

The book doesn't say cheating is right. It's not ever right. But the cheater is OFT times pushed in the direction of cheating, if their partner isn't meeting their needs.

HTH.

 

[locabouthair]

I was talking with one of my guy friends last night. He's been with his gf for 3 years but he met a girl at his job that he says feeling really hard. He tells me straight he just wants to **** her. So I say to him "is it because you're not getting any at home?" He says, "No. It's not that. I'm just curious (about the other chick)"

When men cheat (most of the time) it doesnt have anything to do with the other woman. some men just can't be faithful. They are always looking for something new because they are "curious".

 

[tocktick]

Women often make this assertion because the men blow their heads up, pitting the SO/wife as a terrible person, and the new girl as the most wonderful thing he has ever come across.

pretty much. but i can't let the other women not take responsibility for what she chooses to believe. she knows damn well she's wrong and even if the wife/so is as horrible as the man is saying she is, then the other woman needs to be real with herself and ask, "then why is he still with her if she's that bad?" men with kids might try to feed her that "for the kids" bull but only a total fool will believe that tired old line. and imo, the ones who do are only in denial because they want the man so bad. if a man is with a woman who is truly detestable or they are out of love, then they can up and leave and many men do. there is never an excuse for cheating even if your so is not treating you well. i've heard people use that excuse even on this very forum to justify their actions. if your so is not treating you how you want to be treated, you leave first and foremost.

 

[Maddy]

Re-read guys... I did say there is still no reason to cheat... however, not fulfilling your man (or in a man's case, his woman's needs) sets the stage for them to do so... it may not even be the partner's original intent but it winds up turning into cheating.... the book gave examples and I'll paraphrase to demonstrate the theory....
1) man cheats on woman:

Man has a strong desire to go to sporting events, would love his lifepartner, his wife, to join him. Wife hates sports, wife refuses to come. Urges husband to go to sporting events without her. Husband goes. Single woman who loves sports befriends him. Single woman and husband begin to bond on strictly friendly basis. Because wife is not doing what single woman will, husband starts to look forward to time spent with single woman at sporting events and bond begins to strengthen beyond sports, into friendship, into fondness, into caring....on and on and on... eventually cheating. When his desire intially was to share this experience with his wife.

2) woman cheats on man:

Husband loves wife and wife husband. Husband has been taught that to be a good husband/father, he is to be a provider. Husband works like a Hebrew slave. Doesn't spend time with his wife and family, but believes since he's providing financially, he's doing "his part". Husband isn't affectionate with wife. Wife feels lonely and abandoned. Co-worker, just friendly guy, is known for draping his arm around people as he talks to them, men and women alike. One day, coworker drapes arm around wife, giving her a squeeze. Wife feels wonderful. Keeps looking forward to this man's touch... and begins developing feelings whcih eventually lead to cheating... if husband were to meet her needs intially, there wouldn't have been that problem.

The book doesn't say cheating is right. It's not ever right. But the cheater is OFT times pushed in the direction of cheating, if their partner isn't meeting their needs.

HTH.

This is sooo accurate. I have cheated and been cheated on. I won't get into the whys but this is exactly how it happens (sometimes).

 

[tylertown]

WOW!
The fact that this question was even raised say how much we as women have to go.

That line "if she was...." is something a MAN came up with. Some man who was cheating and wanted to deflect the blame from him to someone else.

And that line came from the "other woman"..."if she had been...".

Come one ladies. I know you guys are smarter that THAT

 

[tocktick]

^^ but virtually no one in this thread has said that a man cheating is even in a small way partially due to his wife. the general consensus is that there is no reason to cheat and that those who do are totally to blame. imo, "we" don't really have a way to go since most people have their heads screwed on correctly. oh, minus that 1% who were so bold to choose the first option of this thread.

there have been so many "controversial" threads in this forum and imo, this is one the least. i don't think op was even suggesting those who are cheated on are in anyway to blame. on the contrary, it seems she didn't understand this viewpoint as in another thread some women had this mindset. however, these women were in the minority. in a social group, if only the minority share a certain point i do not think that says the rest of the group need to make some great leap into thinking the opposite view since they must already hold this view. the best example i can think of is that some muslims want jihad/terrorism etc, these are in the minority; the rest want to live their lives peacefully and can interact successfully with others. should we say that the minority are now representative of the entire group and thus muslims as a whole must change? nah.

 

[MariposaSexyGirl]

Re-read guys... I did say there is still no reason to cheat... however, not fulfilling your man (or in a man's case, his woman's needs) sets the stage for them to do so... it may not even be the partner's original intent but it winds up turning into cheating.... the book gave examples and I'll paraphrase to demonstrate the theory....
1) man cheats on woman:

Man has a strong desire to go to sporting events, would love his lifepartner, his wife, to join him. Wife hates sports, wife refuses to come. Urges husband to go to sporting events without her. Husband goes. Single woman who loves sports befriends him. Single woman and husband begin to bond on strictly friendly basis. Because wife is not doing what single woman will, husband starts to look forward to time spent with single woman at sporting events and bond begins to strengthen beyond sports, into friendship, into fondness, into caring....on and on and on... eventually cheating. When his desire intially was to share this experience with his wife.

2) woman cheats on man:

Husband loves wife and wife husband. Husband has been taught that to be a good husband/father, he is to be a provider. Husband works like a Hebrew slave. Doesn't spend time with his wife and family, but believes since he's providing financially, he's doing "his part". Husband isn't affectionate with wife. Wife feels lonely and abandoned. Co-worker, just friendly guy, is known for draping his arm around people as he talks to them, men and women alike. One day, coworker drapes arm around wife, giving her a squeeze. Wife feels wonderful. Keeps looking forward to this man's touch... and begins developing feelings whcih eventually lead to cheating... if husband were to meet her needs intially, there wouldn't have been that problem.

The book doesn't say cheating is right. It's not ever right. But the cheater is OFT times pushed in the direction of cheating, if their partner isn't meeting their needs.

HTH.

This is so true and sadly many people don't understand this.

 

[TCatt86]

I'm speaking from personal experience. When I cheated I wasn't happy in my relationship. I wasn't that he was doing anything wrong or it was his fault, I just was missing something and the other man fulfilled it. I didn't end it because I was selfish and I loved my man and I wanted them both, it ain't right but that's how it was. I finally realized my ex wasn't the man for me, so I finally broke it off. I think most people cheat for that reason, men and women. They are missing something in the relationship that they are currently in, they go and look for it elsewhere. Now they may find what they were looking for wasn't what they wanted or they may find what they were looking for was better. It just depends. But the other woman/man should never think the spouse or S/O is doing something wrong. Because that's hardly the case.