Maa Maa omo mti
New Member
Do a search on whatever file-sharing program you use. I found myself a copy that way.
Thanks
Christian Carter - His insight on how to catch him and keep him
- Thread starter jade998
- Start date
Thanks
caribeandiva
Human being
This thread is pure gold. thank you for starting this. I liked the videos too. very funny in a serious way.
jade998
Active Member
THE MAGIC OF THE "HONEYMOON STAGE"
There are a few stages to love. The first, and by far the favorite, is the honeymoon stage we all know about. As I see it, the honeymoon stage is basically 50 to 100 times LESS important than any other stage because it's where all relationships start and thrive. But a majority of relationships start falling apart or end once the honeymoon is over. For lots of couples, love starts out as an intense "can't-be-apart-stay-up-all-night-talking-and-touching" experience.
When you're in love, you probably think about the guy ALL the time and want to spend every possible moment with him. And you and your guy share an intense connection. The chemistry's so thick you could cut it with a knife. And the world, people, colors, smells... everything seems brighter. The attraction level is unbelievable. The honeymoon stage does some crazy things to your body too.
Here's a few of the "Love symptoms" thatcome with these chemicals in the honeymoon stage:
-heightened awareness (your senses)
-reduced appetite
-increased heart rate
-increased energy level
-an increase in your sex drive
-feelings of euphoria (intense happiness)
Actually, I'm kinda feeling this way right now after my third cup of coffee here at Starbucks. Anyways... So that's the first stage of love we all know about, want to be in and want to keep going. It's no wonder that the honeymoon stage is often the easy part. But there's a simple and unpleasant fact about the honeymoon stage... If you don't what's going on with a man in each stage of love, and know what you're doing and how he perceives it, all the great parts of the honeymoon stage won't last forever.
WHAT MEN THINK ONCE THE HONEYMOON IS OVER
I get emails everyday from women wanting to know how they can "get back" to where things were when things started with a man. They remember how things used to be and wonder why they can't be that way now. So they ask themselves... "Why is he so distant?" "Why doesn't he share his feelingsanymore?" "Why don't I feel close to him, and why am I not getting my emotional and other needs met like I used to?" So why is this is so common to so many women? I've recognized what a big part of it is. CHANGE. When things are good, or more to the pointcomfortable or predictable in our lives, we DON'T like the idea of change... at all. In any relationship, after the initial attraction, mystery, intrigue, etc. passesand the honeymoon slows, guess what? Things start to change inside a relationship. Whether you like it, or not. And both the man and the woman are responsible to know how to see it, think aboutit and deal with it. And here's where TONS of women run intoa whole set of COUNTERPRODUCTIVE thoughts and SELF-DESTRUCTIVE behaviors. They get caught up in an almost hopeless battle to try and prolong the honeymoon stageand the ease by which they could connect andshare with the man. Especially when they don't see that the manis noticing or making the same effort they are. This usually shows up with things likethe following (tell me if any of these sound familiar?): -
Noticing that a man isn't as attentive or affectionate anymore, so you pull back to see if he'll notice and close the gap, but he doesn't and so you withdraw, leaving nothingbut distance between you two -Trying to CONVINCE a man to FEEL some way or act some way he used to or you want him to, which of course doesn't work because you can't "logically" make someone FEEL an EMOTION, and it all ends up backfiring as he sees you as needy or "nagging" and pulls away more -You start "trading" him for the normal caring things any couple should do for each other. Youonly act open or affectionate if he does somethingfirst. You only initiate things physically if he does something first, etc. The list goes on... Recognize anything here? Well, these unfortunately common behaviors actually work as a special high-grade form of "man-repellent" in a relationship. When men sense the emotionally uneasyfeeling these create, they most often do onething with a woman... WITHDRAW. And they start their own weird emotionalversions of the same kinds of destructive and distance-creating behaviors. The truth is, every woman is going to go through situations that are going to make her want to react in these COUNTERPRODUCTIVE way. But there's a better way... THE DANGEROUS SECRET OF MEN IN LOVE So what comes after the honeymoon stage? And how can a woman stay close and connected with a man so they both transition into the next stage together and enjoy it? And why do so many relationships fall flat during this time? The next stage in our emotional love cycle is what scientists have called the "bonding stage". This second set of feelings and experiences are the "settle-down-raise-a-family-spend-time-cuddling-watch-movies-together" ones. They're all about bonding, attachment, comfort and more long term stuff. And, I've been thinking about one big important question that I know tons of women want to know about which relates to all this. We all know that lots of men can have a hard time staying connected and close to a woman after the honeymoon. When the intense physical attraction changes and things become more "emotionally involved".
Lots of times they'll become, distant, boring, dispassionate, lazy, or ever worse... Unfaithful. Yikes. With all this going on, the question is... *Once you have love, how do you make it last?
Here's where I'm going tell you the secret that most women don't know about men and love. And it has to do with keeping things going strong once "the honeymoon stage" is over. Men have a dark secret they won't tell you about their views on love. And for most men, they couldn't eventell you if they wanted to, because theydon't even know it about themselves... It's also something that most women can't understand about men. I know you've wondered about it in the past and even said it to yourself. Well, you were right. Most men know about 1,000 times less than you do about real lasting love. About communicating about love, experiencing it, sharing it, feeling it intensely, keeping it going... all of it. And hey, maybe that wasn't such a secret to you... but you're finally hearing it from the horse's mouth here. (a man) Seriously though - we can be idiots when it comes to being open and close partners inlong term relationships. We don't understand some of the things that seem natural, intuitive and obvious to most women. And we often stop paying attention to theimportant aspects of a relationship, includingconsistent and communication, affection, honesty,you name it. I see it all around me, and sometimes within myself too, as a man. But the reality is that this is just the tip of the iceberg. Here's the thing... Some men weren't brought up with a real clear idea of what else there is to love for them besides passion, sex, social status and maybe having a family. Which leads me to another secret aboutmen in love... Deep down, men expect love to stay in the "honeymoon stage". Think about it. For lots of men, the honeymoon stage IS the only part of love they've ever even thought about or identified as being somethingthey really truly want. I'm talking about the chemistry, the attention and the ATTRACTION here that sooften drives men CRAZY and has them acting inways they'd be embarassed for their guy friends to know about. That's why, for so many men, when the "honeymoon stuff" isn't new anymore, they think love and passion have all but disappeared. And the truth is, for lots of men, they don't know what else love is about... so they start to think that maybe this really isn't what they thought it was. Men at this stage often say things like: "I guess she's NOT the one." Or... "I love her, but I'm not IN LOVE with her anymore..." Or... "She's not the person she used to be when we met, and that 'spark' is gone." A LOT of this can be chocked up to the fact that the man AND the woman aren't feeling all the intense honeymoon "stuff" anymore. And less mature, non-committal men don't plain DON'T KNOW what is "supposed" to happen, and how it works as love moves into the bonding stage. And they often end up making terrible ordisappointing boyfriends or companions. Scary, huh? WHAT CREATES A LASTING CONNECTION WITH A MAN-BEYOND THE "HONEYMOON STAGE" There's something FASCINATING that I recognized a few years back as I was studying and observing behaviors inside relationships. Some women actually had an EASY time inr elationships with men, while other women NEVER did, no matter what they tried.
In other words... Being close, committed, passionate, intimate-these were all relatively simple and almost effortless for some women to have in a relationship. While other women had to fight, argue and STRUGGLE just to try and share the things they felt were "the basics" in any relationship. Here's the thing...
The women I knew who were the most successful at finding and creating what they wanted in their love lives with men all had a few KEY TRAITS or "habits" in common. In other words, there are several specific actions and behaviors that these women do inside relationships that make a man FEEL close and deeply CONNECTED to them. After studying these things that some women do, and others don't with men, I've boiled them down to two basic "relationship skills". And these two things directly relate towhether a woman will have a strong, close andsecure connection or "bond" with a man beyond the honeymoon stage... Or if the man will start to question everything about the woman he's with and their relationship, and close off.
There are a few stages to love. The first, and by far the favorite, is the honeymoon stage we all know about. As I see it, the honeymoon stage is basically 50 to 100 times LESS important than any other stage because it's where all relationships start and thrive. But a majority of relationships start falling apart or end once the honeymoon is over. For lots of couples, love starts out as an intense "can't-be-apart-stay-up-all-night-talking-and-touching" experience.
When you're in love, you probably think about the guy ALL the time and want to spend every possible moment with him. And you and your guy share an intense connection. The chemistry's so thick you could cut it with a knife. And the world, people, colors, smells... everything seems brighter. The attraction level is unbelievable. The honeymoon stage does some crazy things to your body too.
Here's a few of the "Love symptoms" thatcome with these chemicals in the honeymoon stage:
-heightened awareness (your senses)
-reduced appetite
-increased heart rate
-increased energy level
-an increase in your sex drive
-feelings of euphoria (intense happiness)
Actually, I'm kinda feeling this way right now after my third cup of coffee here at Starbucks. Anyways... So that's the first stage of love we all know about, want to be in and want to keep going. It's no wonder that the honeymoon stage is often the easy part. But there's a simple and unpleasant fact about the honeymoon stage... If you don't what's going on with a man in each stage of love, and know what you're doing and how he perceives it, all the great parts of the honeymoon stage won't last forever.
WHAT MEN THINK ONCE THE HONEYMOON IS OVER
I get emails everyday from women wanting to know how they can "get back" to where things were when things started with a man. They remember how things used to be and wonder why they can't be that way now. So they ask themselves... "Why is he so distant?" "Why doesn't he share his feelingsanymore?" "Why don't I feel close to him, and why am I not getting my emotional and other needs met like I used to?" So why is this is so common to so many women? I've recognized what a big part of it is. CHANGE. When things are good, or more to the pointcomfortable or predictable in our lives, we DON'T like the idea of change... at all. In any relationship, after the initial attraction, mystery, intrigue, etc. passesand the honeymoon slows, guess what? Things start to change inside a relationship. Whether you like it, or not. And both the man and the woman are responsible to know how to see it, think aboutit and deal with it. And here's where TONS of women run intoa whole set of COUNTERPRODUCTIVE thoughts and SELF-DESTRUCTIVE behaviors. They get caught up in an almost hopeless battle to try and prolong the honeymoon stageand the ease by which they could connect andshare with the man. Especially when they don't see that the manis noticing or making the same effort they are. This usually shows up with things likethe following (tell me if any of these sound familiar?): -
Noticing that a man isn't as attentive or affectionate anymore, so you pull back to see if he'll notice and close the gap, but he doesn't and so you withdraw, leaving nothingbut distance between you two -Trying to CONVINCE a man to FEEL some way or act some way he used to or you want him to, which of course doesn't work because you can't "logically" make someone FEEL an EMOTION, and it all ends up backfiring as he sees you as needy or "nagging" and pulls away more -You start "trading" him for the normal caring things any couple should do for each other. Youonly act open or affectionate if he does somethingfirst. You only initiate things physically if he does something first, etc. The list goes on... Recognize anything here? Well, these unfortunately common behaviors actually work as a special high-grade form of "man-repellent" in a relationship. When men sense the emotionally uneasyfeeling these create, they most often do onething with a woman... WITHDRAW. And they start their own weird emotionalversions of the same kinds of destructive and distance-creating behaviors. The truth is, every woman is going to go through situations that are going to make her want to react in these COUNTERPRODUCTIVE way. But there's a better way... THE DANGEROUS SECRET OF MEN IN LOVE So what comes after the honeymoon stage? And how can a woman stay close and connected with a man so they both transition into the next stage together and enjoy it? And why do so many relationships fall flat during this time? The next stage in our emotional love cycle is what scientists have called the "bonding stage". This second set of feelings and experiences are the "settle-down-raise-a-family-spend-time-cuddling-watch-movies-together" ones. They're all about bonding, attachment, comfort and more long term stuff. And, I've been thinking about one big important question that I know tons of women want to know about which relates to all this. We all know that lots of men can have a hard time staying connected and close to a woman after the honeymoon. When the intense physical attraction changes and things become more "emotionally involved".
Lots of times they'll become, distant, boring, dispassionate, lazy, or ever worse... Unfaithful. Yikes. With all this going on, the question is... *Once you have love, how do you make it last?
Here's where I'm going tell you the secret that most women don't know about men and love. And it has to do with keeping things going strong once "the honeymoon stage" is over. Men have a dark secret they won't tell you about their views on love. And for most men, they couldn't eventell you if they wanted to, because theydon't even know it about themselves... It's also something that most women can't understand about men. I know you've wondered about it in the past and even said it to yourself. Well, you were right. Most men know about 1,000 times less than you do about real lasting love. About communicating about love, experiencing it, sharing it, feeling it intensely, keeping it going... all of it. And hey, maybe that wasn't such a secret to you... but you're finally hearing it from the horse's mouth here. (a man) Seriously though - we can be idiots when it comes to being open and close partners inlong term relationships. We don't understand some of the things that seem natural, intuitive and obvious to most women. And we often stop paying attention to theimportant aspects of a relationship, includingconsistent and communication, affection, honesty,you name it. I see it all around me, and sometimes within myself too, as a man. But the reality is that this is just the tip of the iceberg. Here's the thing... Some men weren't brought up with a real clear idea of what else there is to love for them besides passion, sex, social status and maybe having a family. Which leads me to another secret aboutmen in love... Deep down, men expect love to stay in the "honeymoon stage". Think about it. For lots of men, the honeymoon stage IS the only part of love they've ever even thought about or identified as being somethingthey really truly want. I'm talking about the chemistry, the attention and the ATTRACTION here that sooften drives men CRAZY and has them acting inways they'd be embarassed for their guy friends to know about. That's why, for so many men, when the "honeymoon stuff" isn't new anymore, they think love and passion have all but disappeared. And the truth is, for lots of men, they don't know what else love is about... so they start to think that maybe this really isn't what they thought it was. Men at this stage often say things like: "I guess she's NOT the one." Or... "I love her, but I'm not IN LOVE with her anymore..." Or... "She's not the person she used to be when we met, and that 'spark' is gone." A LOT of this can be chocked up to the fact that the man AND the woman aren't feeling all the intense honeymoon "stuff" anymore. And less mature, non-committal men don't plain DON'T KNOW what is "supposed" to happen, and how it works as love moves into the bonding stage. And they often end up making terrible ordisappointing boyfriends or companions. Scary, huh? WHAT CREATES A LASTING CONNECTION WITH A MAN-BEYOND THE "HONEYMOON STAGE" There's something FASCINATING that I recognized a few years back as I was studying and observing behaviors inside relationships. Some women actually had an EASY time inr elationships with men, while other women NEVER did, no matter what they tried.
In other words... Being close, committed, passionate, intimate-these were all relatively simple and almost effortless for some women to have in a relationship. While other women had to fight, argue and STRUGGLE just to try and share the things they felt were "the basics" in any relationship. Here's the thing...
The women I knew who were the most successful at finding and creating what they wanted in their love lives with men all had a few KEY TRAITS or "habits" in common. In other words, there are several specific actions and behaviors that these women do inside relationships that make a man FEEL close and deeply CONNECTED to them. After studying these things that some women do, and others don't with men, I've boiled them down to two basic "relationship skills". And these two things directly relate towhether a woman will have a strong, close andsecure connection or "bond" with a man beyond the honeymoon stage... Or if the man will start to question everything about the woman he's with and their relationship, and close off.
jade998
Active Member
1. THINKING AND COMMUNICATING WITH A MAN IN HIS "EMOTIONAL CONTEXT"
I learned something that works in every area of life by studying love and relationships. People who are great with people and relationships tend communicate in a way that is targeted or aimed at the OTHER PERSONS point of view, experience, and level of understanding. Translation for you = if you want to really connect with a man, then HIS LEVEL of "emotional awareness" becomes YOUR CONTEXT for conversations about love and relationships. Otherwise, he's not going to "get" or respond to anything you're talking about. And everything you say and do to try and get him to understand you, and make him feel or act differently, will BACKFIRE. And he'll become MORE DISTANT and LESS OPEN to communicating and understanding YOU. And yeah, I get that a man SHOULD get most of this stuff that you probably already do about a love and a relationship if he's in one with you- But if he doesn't... don't make the FATAL MISTAKE tons of women make here by trying to CONVINCE him of what you know and feel to be what he needs to think and feel too. Assume a man's got no idea of where you're coming from when you talk to him about something you'd like to be different in your relationship. Let me teach you a trick I learned by watching women who are great at commmunicating with men in relationships... An easy way to get in touch with his level of awareness and where he's at is to ask him what he thinks about the relationships of the couples you both know. You can learn a TON about how a man thinks about dating and relationships this way... And learn how to approach him and communicate with him as a result.
2. EMOTIONAL "INVESTING" (NOT SPENDING) A while back in my life, I started looking at relationships more like investments in people, instead of a way to get a pay-offf or myself. Investing usually means that you give up something big to get a little back consistentlyover time. In other words, you don't expect an immediate greater or equal return for what you're putting in. It's become the Golden Rule I've learned with people and relationships that helps keep me happy and sane: "You'll always give more than you'll get - but it doesn't "cost" you anything to give... so keep giving without any immediate expectation." So yeah, I'm saying for you to be the person to make things happen. Take the fate of your love life into your own hands. Be generous, take action, surprise him and be spontaneous instead of waiting for him to do it with you. I know this can be tough and frustrating. If you're like most people, then you want someone to just "get you" and give you the kind of love and attention you crave.
I learned something that works in every area of life by studying love and relationships. People who are great with people and relationships tend communicate in a way that is targeted or aimed at the OTHER PERSONS point of view, experience, and level of understanding. Translation for you = if you want to really connect with a man, then HIS LEVEL of "emotional awareness" becomes YOUR CONTEXT for conversations about love and relationships. Otherwise, he's not going to "get" or respond to anything you're talking about. And everything you say and do to try and get him to understand you, and make him feel or act differently, will BACKFIRE. And he'll become MORE DISTANT and LESS OPEN to communicating and understanding YOU. And yeah, I get that a man SHOULD get most of this stuff that you probably already do about a love and a relationship if he's in one with you- But if he doesn't... don't make the FATAL MISTAKE tons of women make here by trying to CONVINCE him of what you know and feel to be what he needs to think and feel too. Assume a man's got no idea of where you're coming from when you talk to him about something you'd like to be different in your relationship. Let me teach you a trick I learned by watching women who are great at commmunicating with men in relationships... An easy way to get in touch with his level of awareness and where he's at is to ask him what he thinks about the relationships of the couples you both know. You can learn a TON about how a man thinks about dating and relationships this way... And learn how to approach him and communicate with him as a result.
2. EMOTIONAL "INVESTING" (NOT SPENDING) A while back in my life, I started looking at relationships more like investments in people, instead of a way to get a pay-offf or myself. Investing usually means that you give up something big to get a little back consistentlyover time. In other words, you don't expect an immediate greater or equal return for what you're putting in. It's become the Golden Rule I've learned with people and relationships that helps keep me happy and sane: "You'll always give more than you'll get - but it doesn't "cost" you anything to give... so keep giving without any immediate expectation." So yeah, I'm saying for you to be the person to make things happen. Take the fate of your love life into your own hands. Be generous, take action, surprise him and be spontaneous instead of waiting for him to do it with you. I know this can be tough and frustrating. If you're like most people, then you want someone to just "get you" and give you the kind of love and attention you crave.
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envybeauty
New Member
Where do you sign up to get his emails?
jade998
Active Member
envybeauty
New Member
ichephren
New Member
Seriously ladies, just get the book. There's too much to boil down to tidbits of information. The things he says are true. That ebook plus WMLB will get you set. As I learned last year, applying one without the other is a recipe for having a guy like you a lot without going all the way. It takes time to get it right though!
Maa Maa omo mti
New Member
why are you using acronyms girl I have no idea what WMLB is. Did I miss something?
Maa Maa omo mti
New Member
thanks chiika
caribeandiva
Human being
I love that book!
SEMO
Well-Known Member
I was nodding my head agreeing with everything until I got to this part. Maybe I am misunderstanding what he's saying. I think that a man should be the one to do most of the work and take most of the initiative in the beginning of the relationship. He should be the pursuer and initiator.
Is his advice right here meant for couples that have already been together a few months who are trying to move to the "bonding" stage?
jade998
Active Member
I think that the man should be the pursuer, but what I am getting from his e-book is that a man likes a woman that looks like she has her life together or rather that she does indeed have a life , so rather than keeping things on hold because you are waiting for a man first before you do anything, I think he is saying enjoying your life and the man should at the end come along for the ride.
Hope that makes sense - At least that is what I got from that.
caribeandiva
Human being
I agree with you. That part took me off guard too. I too think the man should be the pursuer and make the first move. i'm confused about his message.
SEMO
Well-Known Member
I agree with what you're saying. I hope that's what he meant. Women should continue to live life, not sitting at home pinning away for a man.
BK Bombshell
Well-Known Member
What I got from this line is that you shouldn't be sitting around waiting for love to fall in your lap. Take action like getting out there and doing your thing. As for "surprising him" I think he meant that you should not be dependent on him to do things with you; again don't sit around if there's something you want to do but he doesn't want to do it with you. Be spontaneous and enjoy your life.
jade998
Active Member
I like this one because I feel like this is where it can always go wrong for me. The Talk - Man I have had the talk so many times 
I am learning so much from Mr Carter
and I feel that when I meet Mr Right, I will not do anything to mess it up. I will have to have cheat sheets with me at the begining till this becomes a part of me. I never saw this, but to be fair I have never had anyone tell me these things and I have never sought to find out before, this is what tells me I am ready to meet him
I also would say that if you het the e-mail alerts you are getting like 70% of the info already. The e-book adds the other 30%
..................................................................................................
Tons of women do this one thing.
And it must leave them feeling awful...
I wonder if you do it too?
I'm talking about women who hide their true
feelings from a man and fear sharing their
desire for a closer relationship and for love.
Ever felt this way?
It's happens when you won't communicate
directly with a man about your feelings because
you think you'll "scare him away".
Unfortunately, you're right... it could scare
him away.
The way you talk to a man about a relationship
turns out to be THE BIGGEST MISTAKE ANY WOMAN
CAN MAKE WITH A MAN.
I'll come back to this giant mistake in just
a quick second...
First, I'd like to talk about what I've
seen in the dating world as a guy and share a
FASCINATING story with you.
I've had women communicate their feelings
with me in all sorts of different ways from joy
to anger to frustration, and I know what each one
does to a man.
(and in a larger context, what communicating this
way does to any person in general - man or woman)
There's a pattern to the dating experiences
that I'd like to share.
THE STORY GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS...
(let's pretend I'm the man in this story and
you're the woman. You and I meet. We both like
each other... lucky me!)
Feelings develop for us both on several levels.
(physically, emotionally, socially)
You try to be "patient" and not express too
many feelings and what you want to play it cool.
We have a great "connection", but we never
talk about what we want in our future around
dating, a relationship or marriage.
Time goes by and things are great for us.
Eventually, you begin to see that you're not
getting what you want from me in the relationship.
You want more, but you're scared of talking
to me about it because you don't know where I'm
at.
You're scared because I've talked to you
about all the bad experiences I've had with
women in the past.
And sometimes I even make negative remarks
about women and their emotions.
You don't want to ruin the good things we
have going and rock the boat, but in the back
of your mind you know that you'll want to deal
with the negative emotions that are slowly but
surely building in your mind.
Then as I start to see us growing closer,
I begin to use my past issues to tell you that
I'm not looking for much more than what we have
right now.
So you don't say anything to me directly
to communicate what's going on for you and
your feelings.
And of course, being a normal guy, I don't
say anything either. (Of course, I'm a man!)
You become frustrated and confused that I'm
not acting how I used to act.
Things begin to change with the way I treat
you.
I don't pay as much attention to you anymore.
I don't surprise you or bring you flowers
anymore.
I'm tired everyday after work and just want
to watch tv when I get home.
I call you less frequently.
I don't initiate sex as much anymore.
You even consider that I could be seeing
someone else.
And after a few months - I've become more
and more distant.
And what happens next?
You decide you're not happy with where things
are and it's time to have a talk about where
we're at.
But you're SCARED of expressing your
feelings about what you want, so you let things
build up inside you until you begin to let your
frustrations with me show.
And to wrap the story up...
You make THE BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU CAN MAKE
WITH A MAN...
You start a conversation about the relationship
and then you "let me have it"!
(you get upset and lose your cool with me)
All your desires, fears, frustrations and
dreams that you've been holding inside away from
me all pour out in one big emotional explosion...
This "Big Mistake" can take the form of arguing
and yelling, but not exclusively.
Sometimes it's just extreme intensity, perhaps
tears.
It might include:
-Complaining about the current state of the
relationship
-Talking about the things he does wrong with you
-Showing your frustrations about what you feel
is missing
-Becoming upset that he doesn't feel how you'd
like him to feel
-Bringing up past issues, arguments or
disappointments
But it always creates a lot of emotional
tension and "drama". Especially in the guys mind.
This is THE LAST THING you want to do with
a man if you want to get some POSITIVE results
with him.
That tension that's created stays with him,
and he NEVER forgets it.
In his mind, he now thinks of you as
"hysterical" and full of issues.
His mind defines you by what he saw in
your behavior, and it scares him.
This is how you're going to act when you
don't like what's going on or you feel "stressed".
And this is what he's going to experience
more and more of with you if he stays with you
and becomes MORE COMMITTED to you.
Yep, I know it's not fair, but it's the
REALITY of how most men feel when they
experience these kinds of things with a woman...
No matter how much she loves him and wants
the relationship to work...
And no matter how good her "intentions" are.
I've heard hundreds, maybe thousands, of men
talk about this exact perception of a woman, and
how they fear being with a woman who they think
will act this way with them on a regular basis.
In fact, this fear is so great in most men,
and they want to avoid being around this kind of
thing with a woman, that when they see it even
once... that's it.
Yeah, I know... it's immature, selfish and
not fair on one level, but it's the reality of
the situation that lots of women end up in with
men.
So how do you avoid this if you still want
to express your FEELINGS?
I'll tell you how in THREE EASY STEPS.
I am learning so much from Mr Carter
and I feel that when I meet Mr Right, I will not do anything to mess it up. I will have to have cheat sheets with me at the begining till this becomes a part of me. I never saw this, but to be fair I have never had anyone tell me these things and I have never sought to find out before, this is what tells me I am ready to meet him I also would say that if you het the e-mail alerts you are getting like 70% of the info already. The e-book adds the other 30%
..................................................................................................
Tons of women do this one thing.
And it must leave them feeling awful...
I wonder if you do it too?
I'm talking about women who hide their true
feelings from a man and fear sharing their
desire for a closer relationship and for love.
Ever felt this way?
It's happens when you won't communicate
directly with a man about your feelings because
you think you'll "scare him away".
Unfortunately, you're right... it could scare
him away.
The way you talk to a man about a relationship
turns out to be THE BIGGEST MISTAKE ANY WOMAN
CAN MAKE WITH A MAN.
I'll come back to this giant mistake in just
a quick second...
First, I'd like to talk about what I've
seen in the dating world as a guy and share a
FASCINATING story with you.
I've had women communicate their feelings
with me in all sorts of different ways from joy
to anger to frustration, and I know what each one
does to a man.
(and in a larger context, what communicating this
way does to any person in general - man or woman)
There's a pattern to the dating experiences
that I'd like to share.
THE STORY GOES SOMETHING LIKE THIS...
(let's pretend I'm the man in this story and
you're the woman. You and I meet. We both like
each other... lucky me!)
Feelings develop for us both on several levels.
(physically, emotionally, socially)
You try to be "patient" and not express too
many feelings and what you want to play it cool.
We have a great "connection", but we never
talk about what we want in our future around
dating, a relationship or marriage.
Time goes by and things are great for us.
Eventually, you begin to see that you're not
getting what you want from me in the relationship.
You want more, but you're scared of talking
to me about it because you don't know where I'm
at.
You're scared because I've talked to you
about all the bad experiences I've had with
women in the past.
And sometimes I even make negative remarks
about women and their emotions.
You don't want to ruin the good things we
have going and rock the boat, but in the back
of your mind you know that you'll want to deal
with the negative emotions that are slowly but
surely building in your mind.
Then as I start to see us growing closer,
I begin to use my past issues to tell you that
I'm not looking for much more than what we have
right now.
So you don't say anything to me directly
to communicate what's going on for you and
your feelings.
And of course, being a normal guy, I don't
say anything either. (Of course, I'm a man!)
You become frustrated and confused that I'm
not acting how I used to act.
Things begin to change with the way I treat
you.
I don't pay as much attention to you anymore.
I don't surprise you or bring you flowers
anymore.
I'm tired everyday after work and just want
to watch tv when I get home.
I call you less frequently.
I don't initiate sex as much anymore.
You even consider that I could be seeing
someone else.
And after a few months - I've become more
and more distant.
And what happens next?
You decide you're not happy with where things
are and it's time to have a talk about where
we're at.
But you're SCARED of expressing your
feelings about what you want, so you let things
build up inside you until you begin to let your
frustrations with me show.
And to wrap the story up...
You make THE BIGGEST MISTAKE YOU CAN MAKE
WITH A MAN...
You start a conversation about the relationship
and then you "let me have it"!
(you get upset and lose your cool with me)
All your desires, fears, frustrations and
dreams that you've been holding inside away from
me all pour out in one big emotional explosion...
This "Big Mistake" can take the form of arguing
and yelling, but not exclusively.
Sometimes it's just extreme intensity, perhaps
tears.
It might include:
-Complaining about the current state of the
relationship
-Talking about the things he does wrong with you
-Showing your frustrations about what you feel
is missing
-Becoming upset that he doesn't feel how you'd
like him to feel
-Bringing up past issues, arguments or
disappointments
But it always creates a lot of emotional
tension and "drama". Especially in the guys mind.
This is THE LAST THING you want to do with
a man if you want to get some POSITIVE results
with him.
That tension that's created stays with him,
and he NEVER forgets it.
In his mind, he now thinks of you as
"hysterical" and full of issues.
His mind defines you by what he saw in
your behavior, and it scares him.
This is how you're going to act when you
don't like what's going on or you feel "stressed".
And this is what he's going to experience
more and more of with you if he stays with you
and becomes MORE COMMITTED to you.
Yep, I know it's not fair, but it's the
REALITY of how most men feel when they
experience these kinds of things with a woman...
No matter how much she loves him and wants
the relationship to work...
And no matter how good her "intentions" are.
I've heard hundreds, maybe thousands, of men
talk about this exact perception of a woman, and
how they fear being with a woman who they think
will act this way with them on a regular basis.
In fact, this fear is so great in most men,
and they want to avoid being around this kind of
thing with a woman, that when they see it even
once... that's it.
Yeah, I know... it's immature, selfish and
not fair on one level, but it's the reality of
the situation that lots of women end up in with
men.
So how do you avoid this if you still want
to express your FEELINGS?
I'll tell you how in THREE EASY STEPS.
jade998
Active Member
Step 1) Just Like A Man Needs To Understand
You... You Need To Understand What's Going On
Inside The Mind Of A Man....
Let me tell it to you straight, as a man.
Women secretly believe that their connection
with a man will "naturally" turn into something
deeper without any communication taking place.
(Wow I always thought that, I would think we are >>>here<<<)
Kind of like it's the unspoken truth about
what's going on.
Honestly... this isn't how it works for us men.
If you're "assuming" you have a relationship,
and that he feels like you do, you're wrong. [GOOD POINT]
Men don't assume that a connection, being
together, spending quality time and all the rest
means they're in a committed relationship.
Some men do, but not most.
For a man to know he's in a committed
relationship, and understand the things YOU
want in that relationship, YOU have to
communicate with him in CLEAR AND DIRECT
terms.
Yeah, that's right... You have to put
yourself out there and be vulnerable.
Scary!
But I hear lots of women think that other
women are just lucky to have found such a
great guy where everything just "falls into
place" since it's meant to be.
And while there are some men who are more
equipped and ready for a healthy situation
with a woman, it's NOT luck that women in great
relationships have found a way to COMMUNICATE
with their guy.
In other words... they've taken time to find
the right information, and to learn to integrate
a certain way of communicating with a man into
their relationship.
It's not easy, but there is a quick way to
do it.
Keep reading...
Step 2) You Need To Understand What Causes You
To Make "The Big Mistake"
EVERYONE wants to have THEIR needs met first.
It's basic human nature.
But being able to delay your gratification
is an AMAZING thing to develop in your life.
(in every part of your life!)
Most people (men and women) want to talk, talk,
talk about what THEY think and what THEY want.
The root of this problem basically boils down
to needs that are unmet.
So making "The Big Mistake" is really all
about being driven by your unmet needs and
desires and solely focusing on what YOU want the
relationship to be... without honestly and
critically considering the man's perspective, his
emotional state, his commuication skills (or the
lack thereod), and where he's coming from at
the same time.
When you do this with a man, you are
subconsciously telling him that you're more
interested in your feelings and what YOU want
than you are in his feelings and what he wants.
And men can read and pick up on women who do
this INSTANTLY.
I see a form of this "Big Mistake" communication
all the time in business too, by the way.
Some business professionals are the worst
at this self-absorbed "need" oriented
communication.
Like when someone calls me who wants to
get something from me or sell me something and
they're not very experienced or polished at it.
The first thing I pick up on is their selfish
agenda... and it instantly puts me on the
defensive.
But if they've done their "homework" on me
and understand at least something about MY NEEDS
and what I'm looking for... instead of what THEY
WANT from me... then when they talk it changes
everything.
The second I hear that they've thought about
what I want and know how to help me get it, they
immediately become someone of value.
Someone I will listen to.
It's very simple... but extremely powerful.
So let's take this concept directly back to
communicating with men.
It might sound cliche', but you've got to
learn to listen and understand where's he's
at and where's he's coming from.
This cliche' is a around for a reason.
It works.
Patience, empathy and understanding are the
first steps towards creating the relationship
you dream about.
But you've got to be careful to not become
the woman who gives him EVERYTHING and gets
walked on.
Use your common sense and intuition to
safeguard yourself - I know that your female
perceptive abilities aren't used nearly enough,
so put these strong tools to good use.
Step 3) How To Avoid Making The Big Mistake
Let me give you a vital piece of information
when dealing with men....
Men are CLUELESS when it comes to identifying
the things that are "obvious" to women in dating
and relationships.
I would know. It's taken me ten years to
begin to understand these things for myself -
and I spend a LOT of time thinking about it.
Sorry though, I'm "spoken for"...
(Oh Please, get over yourself Christian!!)
Ok, enough self-indulgent humor, back to you.
So we know men are AWFUL at initiating and
participating in conversations about deep
emotionsand relationships.
Sorry to break the bad news, but it's almost
always up to you to make this communication
happen.
It's important to remember to approach the
entire conversation from the perspective of
talking about what you want AND what he wants.
If you can make a guy feel like you put his
feelings and needs a priority in this
conversation, and always consider what he
wants, I promise he will LOVE YOU for it!
There's no rule that says you can't consider
another persons opinions and feelings first in
order to get what you want.
In fact, a key goal in negotiating is to let
the other person talk first.
When you get to listen first, you ALWAYS have
the advantage. You know exactly what the other
person wants... and knowledge is influence and
power.
I'm not saying you need to take on hard-core
negotiating here with a man, but some of the
same rules and principles about people and
psychology apply.
When you talk to a man from a positive place
of listening first, he will be 10,000 times
more receptive to what you have to say and what
you want once you bring it up than if you
approach him from a place of feeling hurt,
communicate need and projecting fear and anxiety.
Try this instead...
Ask a positive question or give a positive
statement such as, "Honey, I was thinking today
that I was happy to be with you."
It might sound submissive, corny or
difficult to say to someone you're having a
tough time with, but think about it...
If you're going through all the trouble to
worry so much about the future with this person,
this is already what you're thinking.
You... You Need To Understand What's Going On
Inside The Mind Of A Man....
Let me tell it to you straight, as a man.
Women secretly believe that their connection
with a man will "naturally" turn into something
deeper without any communication taking place.
(Wow I always thought that, I would think we are >>>here<<<)
Kind of like it's the unspoken truth about
what's going on.
Honestly... this isn't how it works for us men.
If you're "assuming" you have a relationship,
and that he feels like you do, you're wrong. [GOOD POINT]
Men don't assume that a connection, being
together, spending quality time and all the rest
means they're in a committed relationship.
Some men do, but not most.
For a man to know he's in a committed
relationship, and understand the things YOU
want in that relationship, YOU have to
communicate with him in CLEAR AND DIRECT
terms.
Yeah, that's right... You have to put
yourself out there and be vulnerable.
Scary!
But I hear lots of women think that other
women are just lucky to have found such a
great guy where everything just "falls into
place" since it's meant to be.
And while there are some men who are more
equipped and ready for a healthy situation
with a woman, it's NOT luck that women in great
relationships have found a way to COMMUNICATE
with their guy.
In other words... they've taken time to find
the right information, and to learn to integrate
a certain way of communicating with a man into
their relationship.
It's not easy, but there is a quick way to
do it.
Keep reading...
Step 2) You Need To Understand What Causes You
To Make "The Big Mistake"
EVERYONE wants to have THEIR needs met first.
It's basic human nature.
But being able to delay your gratification
is an AMAZING thing to develop in your life.
(in every part of your life!)
Most people (men and women) want to talk, talk,
talk about what THEY think and what THEY want.
The root of this problem basically boils down
to needs that are unmet.
So making "The Big Mistake" is really all
about being driven by your unmet needs and
desires and solely focusing on what YOU want the
relationship to be... without honestly and
critically considering the man's perspective, his
emotional state, his commuication skills (or the
lack thereod), and where he's coming from at
the same time.
When you do this with a man, you are
subconsciously telling him that you're more
interested in your feelings and what YOU want
than you are in his feelings and what he wants.
And men can read and pick up on women who do
this INSTANTLY.
I see a form of this "Big Mistake" communication
all the time in business too, by the way.
Some business professionals are the worst
at this self-absorbed "need" oriented
communication.
Like when someone calls me who wants to
get something from me or sell me something and
they're not very experienced or polished at it.
The first thing I pick up on is their selfish
agenda... and it instantly puts me on the
defensive.
But if they've done their "homework" on me
and understand at least something about MY NEEDS
and what I'm looking for... instead of what THEY
WANT from me... then when they talk it changes
everything.
The second I hear that they've thought about
what I want and know how to help me get it, they
immediately become someone of value.
Someone I will listen to.
It's very simple... but extremely powerful.
So let's take this concept directly back to
communicating with men.
It might sound cliche', but you've got to
learn to listen and understand where's he's
at and where's he's coming from.
This cliche' is a around for a reason.
It works.
Patience, empathy and understanding are the
first steps towards creating the relationship
you dream about.
But you've got to be careful to not become
the woman who gives him EVERYTHING and gets
walked on.
Use your common sense and intuition to
safeguard yourself - I know that your female
perceptive abilities aren't used nearly enough,
so put these strong tools to good use.
Step 3) How To Avoid Making The Big Mistake
Let me give you a vital piece of information
when dealing with men....
Men are CLUELESS when it comes to identifying
the things that are "obvious" to women in dating
and relationships.
I would know. It's taken me ten years to
begin to understand these things for myself -
and I spend a LOT of time thinking about it.
Sorry though, I'm "spoken for"...
(Oh Please, get over yourself Christian!!)
Ok, enough self-indulgent humor, back to you.
So we know men are AWFUL at initiating and
participating in conversations about deep
emotionsand relationships.
Sorry to break the bad news, but it's almost
always up to you to make this communication
happen.
It's important to remember to approach the
entire conversation from the perspective of
talking about what you want AND what he wants.
If you can make a guy feel like you put his
feelings and needs a priority in this
conversation, and always consider what he
wants, I promise he will LOVE YOU for it!
There's no rule that says you can't consider
another persons opinions and feelings first in
order to get what you want.
In fact, a key goal in negotiating is to let
the other person talk first.
When you get to listen first, you ALWAYS have
the advantage. You know exactly what the other
person wants... and knowledge is influence and
power.
I'm not saying you need to take on hard-core
negotiating here with a man, but some of the
same rules and principles about people and
psychology apply.
When you talk to a man from a positive place
of listening first, he will be 10,000 times
more receptive to what you have to say and what
you want once you bring it up than if you
approach him from a place of feeling hurt,
communicate need and projecting fear and anxiety.
Try this instead...
Ask a positive question or give a positive
statement such as, "Honey, I was thinking today
that I was happy to be with you."
It might sound submissive, corny or
difficult to say to someone you're having a
tough time with, but think about it...
If you're going through all the trouble to
worry so much about the future with this person,
this is already what you're thinking.
PoeticJustice
Active Member
Thanks Jade for your last posts. I read it thoroughly and will continue to read it again. This was very helpful for me as I've reached the point of wondering "where we're going" and I like his approach much better
jade998
Active Member
Thanks Jade for your last posts. I read it thoroughly and will continue to read it again. This was very helpful for me as I've reached the point of wondering "where we're going" and I like his approach much better
That is no problem, I have been learning so much from him too
, I am putting it all into practice this year.
jade998
Active Member
>>>> Question From A Reader
Hi Christian
I've just bought your book....I'm from
Thailand and I appreciated your book so much.
Unfortunately, I read the lesson about
Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how
to let a man wait for sex... but I've already
made that mistake and had sex with him. I want
a more serious relationship and I told him
afterwards, but as you told me he would, he
became impatient when we talked and it made
me so frustrated and upset.
Now he's acting distant. So, what should I
do to rewire our relationship and make him
see my worth?
I feel so disappointed about my actions.
Christian, please help me...
Best regards,
J from Thailand
>>>> My Response
I want to give you a big hug... and then
a good SLAP.
Ok, listen closely.
I'm about to share something with you that
I want you to NEVER, EVER forget.
It's the reality about how most men work
when dating.
Ready?
A man will NEVER see your "worth" just
because he's having sex with you.
It sucks, but that's the way men act
sometimes.
And guess what?
You're dating a man.
So let me be very clear here:
Just because a man has sex with a woman,
it doesn't mean that he's spent even a second
of his time deciding whether or not he wants
to be with her in the future.
Got it?
Ok, good.
Because even though you've already moved on
to how you're going to settle down together,
he hasn't even decided if he wants to try
anything "serious" out with you.
Sure, it would be great if a man let you know
this before he slept with you, but that's not
reality most of the time.
And I'm willing to bet you played a part in
this.
You're not entirely innocent.
Were you up-front and honest about what you
were looking for?
Or did your true feelings sneak up on you,
freak you out, and then freak him out too?
GIVING AWAY YOUR "SELF" TO A MAN
I've got an important question for you...
Who made this guy the final judge of your
"worth" as a woman?
The answer...
You did.
Cut it out.
And I'll bet I know WHY you did it.
I'm going to get a bit "deep" and
"spiritual" here with you, all in the name
of tough love.
You're seeking his APPROVAL in the worst
kind of way.
You're waiting and wanting HIM to show
YOU that you deserve the experience of open
and unrestrained love.
You're counting on him to be the strong
and masculine lover you've always wanted,
who will break through the barriers in both
of your hearts.
That way you can SURRENDER to the deep
kind of love that you truly desire from a man.
Unfortunately, that's not what's happening
or how he FEELS with you right now.
But deep down, you believe that if you
can come up with enough "proof" that he
should love and value you, and if you can
make things "perfect" between you two, then
he'll become the open and loving man you
imagine him to be.
It's time.
It's time for the little girl who's seeking
a man's approval in order to experience love
to grow up.
It's time for you to stop hoping that a
man will become the man you want him to be,
when he shows you that he doesn't even have
a clue about what love is or how to be with
a woman.
But you're so wrapped up in his perspective,
what he's doing, his feelings, his emotions and
his desires (or lack thereof) that you've all
but forgotten about something WAY MORE IMPORTANT.
What YOU really want.
I'll take a wild guess here and bet that
the kind of guy that you truly want isn't the
kind of guy who would act how this guy is acting.
As in, the kind of guy who would sleep with a
woman and then act distant and irritated with her
just because she wants to talk about how she's
feeling.
So, sorry for asking but...
What the h#ll are you doing!?
You're wasting your energy trying to get
the love and approval of someone who acts like
a person you don't even want to be with!?
Ok, now that we've verbally smacked you around
a little bit, we can move on from what NOT to do
to learning what to do.
LOVE, SEX AND THE MIND OF THE "MASCULINE MAN"
You need a lesson on who a man really is.
There are FASCINATING biological reasons
for why men act the way they do.
But the reasons that are the most important
for you to understand right now aren't the
"scientific" ones.
I'm going to get a tiny bit "out there" right
now, but stick with me...
There's a big difference between what I'll
call the "masculine" energy and the "feminine"
love or energy.
Pay careful attention here.
The feminine energy grows with fullness,
praise, connection and love, to allow a kind
of "surrender" in all kinds of joyful
experiences.
With sex, women surrender to the experience
with a man through love and connection, which
can make the man and woman as one.
But the masculine energy doesn't work this
way. At least not in the "darker" part of a man.
The masculine energy is VERY different.
The masculine energy seeks to break through
challenges all alone and arrive at its desire -
"emptiness" and "freedom".
Have you ever heard a man talk about how
he wanted his "freedom"... and you wondered
what the hell he was talking about?
And you could tell that he didn't even
really know what he meant by his "freedom".
This "freedom" or emptiness is actually the
masculine means of surrender and fulfillment.
Just as the feminine means is connection and
loving.
Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to
sleep or act like they're off somewhere else
after sex?
There are tons of pop-culture references to
men doing this in TV, movies, books, etc.
People know that men often behave this way.
It's "conventional wisdom".
But most people don't really know WHY men
act this way.
Here's my favorite way of explaining it...
Have you ever thought about why so many men
have a strong addiction to watching sports
events.
Well, each game is setup in a specific way
that draws a man's emotions into the
experience.
At the center of each game is a person or a
team that rises up to overcome.
It's a kind of trial where a man will break
through hardship, competition and challenge.
And when a team or player scores a goal or
a touchdown and celebrates, something
fascinating takes place.
The man "breaks through" the challenge into
"freedom" and the final emptiness of victory.
Then the men will celebrate as though their
greatest desires have been fulfilled and cry
out as they never have before.
Bizarre and fascinating...
Ok, back to Earth.
How does this relate to dating, sex and love?
With sex, a man doesn't "surrender" to
love and connection the way a woman does...
unless he learns to.
** And yes, a man can and should learn how
to surrender himself with his woman to love **
But instead, men often seek the physical
challenge of sex as a goal unto itself, where
they can break through to a temporary "freedom"
and emptiness.
Whoa... Heavy stuff.
Here's the point, in case you don't like
talking in myths and metaphors.
But first, don't go telling this story to
the man you're dating or with out of the blue.
He will think you're CRAZY - unless he's the
kind of guy that's already on a more spiritual
kind of "path".
This is for YOU to know and to work with.
So back to you....
Notice that in physical experiences with
women, or in life for that matter, most men
don't have the same strong drive to be deeply
and unwaveringly CONNECTED to the people
around them like most healthy women do.
Often times, they're driven by something
that has nothing to do with love, intimacy
and connection.
Yeah, I know. Men are CRAZY and messed up
and different.
But men don't have to be bizarre and
strange this way if they LEARN and become
AWARE.
Or...
If they have a woman who gets it, she can
lead and challenge him into finding freedom
through love and connected experience, not
through empty physical experience and isolation.
Hi Christian
I've just bought your book....I'm from
Thailand and I appreciated your book so much.
Unfortunately, I read the lesson about
Thinking in Time Frames where you taught how
to let a man wait for sex... but I've already
made that mistake and had sex with him. I want
a more serious relationship and I told him
afterwards, but as you told me he would, he
became impatient when we talked and it made
me so frustrated and upset.
Now he's acting distant. So, what should I
do to rewire our relationship and make him
see my worth?
I feel so disappointed about my actions.
Christian, please help me...
Best regards,
J from Thailand
>>>> My Response
I want to give you a big hug... and then
a good SLAP.
Ok, listen closely.
I'm about to share something with you that
I want you to NEVER, EVER forget.
It's the reality about how most men work
when dating.
Ready?
A man will NEVER see your "worth" just
because he's having sex with you.
It sucks, but that's the way men act
sometimes.
And guess what?
You're dating a man.
So let me be very clear here:
Just because a man has sex with a woman,
it doesn't mean that he's spent even a second
of his time deciding whether or not he wants
to be with her in the future.
Got it?
Ok, good.
Because even though you've already moved on
to how you're going to settle down together,
he hasn't even decided if he wants to try
anything "serious" out with you.
Sure, it would be great if a man let you know
this before he slept with you, but that's not
reality most of the time.
And I'm willing to bet you played a part in
this.
You're not entirely innocent.
Were you up-front and honest about what you
were looking for?
Or did your true feelings sneak up on you,
freak you out, and then freak him out too?
GIVING AWAY YOUR "SELF" TO A MAN
I've got an important question for you...
Who made this guy the final judge of your
"worth" as a woman?
The answer...
You did.
Cut it out.
And I'll bet I know WHY you did it.
I'm going to get a bit "deep" and
"spiritual" here with you, all in the name
of tough love.
You're seeking his APPROVAL in the worst
kind of way.
You're waiting and wanting HIM to show
YOU that you deserve the experience of open
and unrestrained love.
You're counting on him to be the strong
and masculine lover you've always wanted,
who will break through the barriers in both
of your hearts.
That way you can SURRENDER to the deep
kind of love that you truly desire from a man.
Unfortunately, that's not what's happening
or how he FEELS with you right now.
But deep down, you believe that if you
can come up with enough "proof" that he
should love and value you, and if you can
make things "perfect" between you two, then
he'll become the open and loving man you
imagine him to be.
It's time.
It's time for the little girl who's seeking
a man's approval in order to experience love
to grow up.
It's time for you to stop hoping that a
man will become the man you want him to be,
when he shows you that he doesn't even have
a clue about what love is or how to be with
a woman.
But you're so wrapped up in his perspective,
what he's doing, his feelings, his emotions and
his desires (or lack thereof) that you've all
but forgotten about something WAY MORE IMPORTANT.
What YOU really want.
I'll take a wild guess here and bet that
the kind of guy that you truly want isn't the
kind of guy who would act how this guy is acting.
As in, the kind of guy who would sleep with a
woman and then act distant and irritated with her
just because she wants to talk about how she's
feeling.
So, sorry for asking but...
What the h#ll are you doing!?
You're wasting your energy trying to get
the love and approval of someone who acts like
a person you don't even want to be with!?
Ok, now that we've verbally smacked you around
a little bit, we can move on from what NOT to do
to learning what to do.
LOVE, SEX AND THE MIND OF THE "MASCULINE MAN"
You need a lesson on who a man really is.
There are FASCINATING biological reasons
for why men act the way they do.
But the reasons that are the most important
for you to understand right now aren't the
"scientific" ones.
I'm going to get a tiny bit "out there" right
now, but stick with me...
There's a big difference between what I'll
call the "masculine" energy and the "feminine"
love or energy.
Pay careful attention here.
The feminine energy grows with fullness,
praise, connection and love, to allow a kind
of "surrender" in all kinds of joyful
experiences.
With sex, women surrender to the experience
with a man through love and connection, which
can make the man and woman as one.
But the masculine energy doesn't work this
way. At least not in the "darker" part of a man.
The masculine energy is VERY different.
The masculine energy seeks to break through
challenges all alone and arrive at its desire -
"emptiness" and "freedom".
Have you ever heard a man talk about how
he wanted his "freedom"... and you wondered
what the hell he was talking about?
And you could tell that he didn't even
really know what he meant by his "freedom".
This "freedom" or emptiness is actually the
masculine means of surrender and fulfillment.
Just as the feminine means is connection and
loving.
Ever noticed that lots of men fall right to
sleep or act like they're off somewhere else
after sex?
There are tons of pop-culture references to
men doing this in TV, movies, books, etc.
People know that men often behave this way.
It's "conventional wisdom".
But most people don't really know WHY men
act this way.
Here's my favorite way of explaining it...
Have you ever thought about why so many men
have a strong addiction to watching sports
events.
Well, each game is setup in a specific way
that draws a man's emotions into the
experience.
At the center of each game is a person or a
team that rises up to overcome.
It's a kind of trial where a man will break
through hardship, competition and challenge.
And when a team or player scores a goal or
a touchdown and celebrates, something
fascinating takes place.
The man "breaks through" the challenge into
"freedom" and the final emptiness of victory.
Then the men will celebrate as though their
greatest desires have been fulfilled and cry
out as they never have before.
Bizarre and fascinating...
Ok, back to Earth.
How does this relate to dating, sex and love?
With sex, a man doesn't "surrender" to
love and connection the way a woman does...
unless he learns to.
** And yes, a man can and should learn how
to surrender himself with his woman to love **
But instead, men often seek the physical
challenge of sex as a goal unto itself, where
they can break through to a temporary "freedom"
and emptiness.
Whoa... Heavy stuff.
Here's the point, in case you don't like
talking in myths and metaphors.
But first, don't go telling this story to
the man you're dating or with out of the blue.
He will think you're CRAZY - unless he's the
kind of guy that's already on a more spiritual
kind of "path".
This is for YOU to know and to work with.
So back to you....
Notice that in physical experiences with
women, or in life for that matter, most men
don't have the same strong drive to be deeply
and unwaveringly CONNECTED to the people
around them like most healthy women do.
Often times, they're driven by something
that has nothing to do with love, intimacy
and connection.
Yeah, I know. Men are CRAZY and messed up
and different.
But men don't have to be bizarre and
strange this way if they LEARN and become
AWARE.
Or...
If they have a woman who gets it, she can
lead and challenge him into finding freedom
through love and connected experience, not
through empty physical experience and isolation.
jade998
Active Member
(Continued from above)
LET'S TIE IT ALL TOGETHER
Here's the thing...
A man will NEVER see you exactly the way
you want him to see you, or value you exactly
the way you know you should be valued, if...
you're doing things just to seek and win his
love and APPROVAL.
Yes, you might have "goofed" by being
physical with him too early.
But stop being so hard on yourself. It's
the past, and it's not the problem now.
The real problem now is something entirely
different.
Sleeping or being physical with a man is
NOT a bad thing.
Trust me. wink, wink.
But you've got to create the right feelings
within him before and during the experience of
being together for it to truly bring you closer
in love.
Sorry, but just being there isn't going to
do it and reach a man's heart.
Wow, I just realized... men are actually so
high-maintenance.
Anyways...
So you want to know how to "re-wire" things?
Here's what to do first:
Stop wanting the fact that you've had sex
to magically win him over into being an open
and loving partner like you are.
Then go back and read the section in my book
inside Chapter 8 called "Triggering A Deeper Level
Of Attraction In A Man".
What you need to know is there.
(and read, re-read and put it to use this time!)
But let's keep going and I'll touch on a few
of the same points that are in there.
Ever thought about what a man really wants
in a woman to date or fall in love with?
I'm talking about mature, healthy men here.
** They want someone that they WANT **
They want to WANT a woman, to worship her,
to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her
off her feet with their physical and emotional
presence.
And for the woman to be utterly and completely
taken with them and what they do.
I'm sure you've seen or heard this kind of
male fairy tale before.
So why don't men just act this way with
women if this is what they want?
Ahhh... welcome to dating.
Because most women don't create the experience
that will make a man FEEL this way.
So here's a "center-piece" of the puzzle...
I call it the "Pursuit Gene".
There's a drive in men that makes them want
to be CHALLENGED... and to overcome that challenge.
I know it sounds clich?, but it's true.
Remember the "spiritual" story from earlier?
Men want to be challenged by the idea of
meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman.
And then they want to win the woman over
and feel stronger as a man for having done it.
Men deal with this in one of two ways:
1. They find more "freedom" and emptiness by
physically being with a woman in the short term
2. They find connection and love by physically
AND emotionally being with the woman in a deeper
and "longer-term" way
Here's the AMAZING part...
A woman helps him choose which it will be
with her.
Interesting...
The point is, men LOVE the chase.
Some men might tell you that they don't.
They do.
Men love the chase and the challenge not in
their "logical" minds, but down where it counts.
They love it in their FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.
It's part of their genetic make-up.
But if a woman loses control emotionally,
seeks HIS APPROVAL or thinks she can trade sex
to receive love before a man's experiencing an
intense desire to WIN HER OVER and to be with her,
then something bad happens.
The man loses that feeling of excitement
and challenge with her.
He recognizes that the woman has already
given over physical and emotional CONTROL to
him.
Which destroys the strongest "lead-in" to
creating lasting love with a man.
It's just one simple word.
ATTRACTION.
Men want to feel ATTRACTION.
And I don't mean that they want to talk about
it or analyze it so that it makes "sense".
They don't want to listen to what a woman
tells them is going on and then come to accept
and understand how and why they should be in love.
No. That's not how men work.
Instead, they want to FEEL their desire for a
woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving
them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting.
Get where I'm going here?
If you don't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for
you and trigger the emotional desire deep inside
him to win you over and be with you for the long
term, then there's no amount of talking, sharing,
or SEX that can change his mind.
LET'S TIE IT ALL TOGETHER
Here's the thing...
A man will NEVER see you exactly the way
you want him to see you, or value you exactly
the way you know you should be valued, if...
you're doing things just to seek and win his
love and APPROVAL.
Yes, you might have "goofed" by being
physical with him too early.
But stop being so hard on yourself. It's
the past, and it's not the problem now.
The real problem now is something entirely
different.
Sleeping or being physical with a man is
NOT a bad thing.
Trust me. wink, wink.
But you've got to create the right feelings
within him before and during the experience of
being together for it to truly bring you closer
in love.
Sorry, but just being there isn't going to
do it and reach a man's heart.
Wow, I just realized... men are actually so
high-maintenance.
Anyways...
So you want to know how to "re-wire" things?
Here's what to do first:
Stop wanting the fact that you've had sex
to magically win him over into being an open
and loving partner like you are.
Then go back and read the section in my book
inside Chapter 8 called "Triggering A Deeper Level
Of Attraction In A Man".
What you need to know is there.
(and read, re-read and put it to use this time!)
But let's keep going and I'll touch on a few
of the same points that are in there.
Ever thought about what a man really wants
in a woman to date or fall in love with?
I'm talking about mature, healthy men here.
** They want someone that they WANT **
They want to WANT a woman, to worship her,
to please her, to ravish her, and to sweep her
off her feet with their physical and emotional
presence.
And for the woman to be utterly and completely
taken with them and what they do.
I'm sure you've seen or heard this kind of
male fairy tale before.
So why don't men just act this way with
women if this is what they want?
Ahhh... welcome to dating.
Because most women don't create the experience
that will make a man FEEL this way.
So here's a "center-piece" of the puzzle...
I call it the "Pursuit Gene".
There's a drive in men that makes them want
to be CHALLENGED... and to overcome that challenge.
I know it sounds clich?, but it's true.
Remember the "spiritual" story from earlier?
Men want to be challenged by the idea of
meeting, attracting, and pursuing a woman.
And then they want to win the woman over
and feel stronger as a man for having done it.
Men deal with this in one of two ways:
1. They find more "freedom" and emptiness by
physically being with a woman in the short term
2. They find connection and love by physically
AND emotionally being with the woman in a deeper
and "longer-term" way
Here's the AMAZING part...
A woman helps him choose which it will be
with her.
Interesting...
The point is, men LOVE the chase.
Some men might tell you that they don't.
They do.
Men love the chase and the challenge not in
their "logical" minds, but down where it counts.
They love it in their FEELINGS and EMOTIONS.
It's part of their genetic make-up.
But if a woman loses control emotionally,
seeks HIS APPROVAL or thinks she can trade sex
to receive love before a man's experiencing an
intense desire to WIN HER OVER and to be with her,
then something bad happens.
The man loses that feeling of excitement
and challenge with her.
He recognizes that the woman has already
given over physical and emotional CONTROL to
him.
Which destroys the strongest "lead-in" to
creating lasting love with a man.
It's just one simple word.
ATTRACTION.
Men want to feel ATTRACTION.
And I don't mean that they want to talk about
it or analyze it so that it makes "sense".
They don't want to listen to what a woman
tells them is going on and then come to accept
and understand how and why they should be in love.
No. That's not how men work.
Instead, they want to FEEL their desire for a
woman inside their whole body, emotionally driving
them, and for it to be undeniable and unrelenting.
Get where I'm going here?
If you don't make a man FEEL ATTRACTION for
you and trigger the emotional desire deep inside
him to win you over and be with you for the long
term, then there's no amount of talking, sharing,
or SEX that can change his mind.
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
This is SOOO true!
Omg...this is so true. I wish I had realized this long time ago! A while back I was so wrapped up in him and his feelings, what he was thinking, feeling, what he was doing, who he was doing it with, or what his true motives/intentions were. UGH! 
What was I thinking?? 
I really should have been worrying about ME, and what I really want, what MY standards for a guy is, and whether or not he fit MY criteria. Why didn't I get this sooner??
Thanks for this info Jade.
This information is right on point. I have long since read (and re-read) the book WMLB. It seems author Sherry Argov was right! Here is a man (Christian) who has basically confirmed everything that Sherry has put in her book! 
If so many guys and men say that this is how men think, then it must be true! There must be some truth to it!Oh boy...GONE are the days that I'll be worrying about what a man thinks or feels, or how he perceives me. No way...not anymore! As long as I know that I'm a good person and that my opinions and feelings are just as important as his, I won't even care what he thinks about me. And if I feel like his ideas or opinions aren't agreeable with mine, I'll let him know it too.
I've come to the realization that men don't respect women who walk on egg shells for them, or who worship the ground they walk on.
Crystalicequeen123
Well-Known Member
Would you or anyone else happen to have Christian's chapter 8 "Triggering a Deeper Level of Attraction In a Man"?
This information would be extremely helpful to me!
I don't think I have any problem attracting the guys physically (and I'm not talking about sex either)...but when it comes to attracting a guy on a DEEPER level and getting a deeper connection (especially a guy that I'm attracted to as well)?? I'm seriously in the dark... 
Spongie Bloom
New Member
so with these questions and the one about waht kind of women do you respect can you ask a new boyfriend that?? or is it too late?
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