Women pursuing men

[CandiceC]

I've never chased a man - he has to indicate that he is into me for me to even be interested in him.

I have given a man my number without him asking for it, though. It only happened once, it was at the end of an amazing conversation and I had to catch a bus, and I refused to leave without being sure that if he wanted to, he could get in touch with me. The conversation was that good - hit my primary brain buttons.

I ended up marrying that dude. And that was about the only 'pursuing' of him I did - he carried the ball after that.

Same here! There are men I didn't even think about liking until I knew they liked me. That was part of the attraction!

 

[ladysaraii]

Nope.

I don't believe in me chasing. I've done it before, doesnt work out, not again.

My friend now wants me to start approaching men and giving them my number. Like I dont even have to really be interested, but its some lesson in learning to approach men. :rolleye: Apparently she is trying to remedy my single situation.

Not gonna happen. One I'm not putting myself out there randomly. Two, there aren't any guys I'm remotely interested in around here and three, not trying to give my number or go out w/ men I know I won't date.

Ugh

 

[Ashleescheveux]

I was having this discussion with my friends. Each of them have approached a guy before and I haven't.

Theres this one guy I find attractive and Im being told by people around me that he thinks Im pretty. I mean, I'd love for him to approach me first but I also feel like I should slightly hint towards his way since Im not being as obvious as he is. I think my mentality is whats keeping me single, the whole "I want to be approached first" ordeal especially since I sometimes come off unapproachable and "stuck up".

 

[JollyGal]

No.

Men are supposed to pursue the woman. It's what they do. History has shown that

IMHO having seen what my friends went through, the man will always see you as the pursuer and you will have to do a lot of the chasing in the relationship.

I don't believe that men are shy when they encounter the woman of their dreams

 

[Theo]

I don't believe in "chasing" either. At least not obviously. But little things, like starting a conversation, smiling, dropping hints, inviting him out places, things like that are okay.

That works for me, it may not work for someone else. I do things like that because I've come to learn that a lot of guys find me very intimidating, so in my case a little bit of encouragement goes a long way.

You have to find what works for you though. I think every woman should have her own style, her own way of drawing men in. Developing this will come with some trial and error, but I think its worth it in the end.

 

[DayStar]

What exactly is chasing?

Starting a convo?

 

[HoneyA]

What exactly is chasing?

Starting a convo?

No, starting every single convo be it via texting, calling, emailing or initiating dates, planning dates, asking him out, asking when you can see him, trying to think of other examples...but that sort of thing. I guess others can chime in but that's how I view it and that is NOT cool.

 

[Godyssey]

There was a time when I would've answered with a no, but now that I'm older, I definitely don't think that it's bad for a woman to make the first move. I can't play that game of sitting around and wondering if he likes me etc., to me that's for children.

However, I don't feel that it's attractive for a woman to "chase" a man. It's super important not to come off as being too agressive or as a pest. You can be straight forward and if he likes you, you can both go from there. If he isn't into you, get over it and move on.

 

[BlairWaldorf]

What exactly is chasing?

Starting a convo?

Chasing is when you're the one putting in all of the effort and initiating contact while he just decides whether or not to respond back or entertain it. Starting a conversation is fine just to get the ball rolling ,however if you're the only one putting in effort constantly instead of letting them come to you then just charge it to the game and let it go.

 

[LivingDol1]

obviously i think this is a "no". i didn't put in much effort to begin with but it didn't work and so i will never do it again.

men need to suck it up, grow a pair of balls, or drop the ones they have, and ASK a girl OUT!

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

men need to suck it up, grow a pair of balls, or drop the ones they have, and ASK a girl OUT!

Preach

I never understood how a man could ask this girl over here out but just stare at you and wait for you to approach them erplexed

 

[LisaLisa1908]

I voted 'other.'

I don't believe in chasing, but I don't believe in being passive, either. I do think that you can use non-verbal communication to indicate interest, but if a man can't catch a clue I've literally tossed INTO HIS HANDS, I'm cool.

 

[MzLady78]

I have to say that most situations where I've been the initiator, things didn't go well. In fact, I'm dealing with the repercussions of this right now.

What I've found is that it gives the guy the impression that he doesn't have to do any work or put in any effort, they figure they already got you without having to do anything so there's no need to step it up.

I guess I thought I was being "progressive" by going after what I wanted, but it's bitten me in the *** enough times to know that it's not a good strategy.

 

[Coil Tresses]

obviously i think this is a "no". i didn't put in much effort to begin with but it didn't work and so i will never do it again.

men need to suck it up, grow a pair of balls, or drop the ones they have, and ASK a girl OUT!

Hello! They act like they are insecure, that's the vibe I pick up, also the other is that they know not to step to certain Sistahs cause they know we are not with the bullcrap, so they don't come with it. Good, save me the headache.

 

[Arcadian]

If a man is interested he will pursue, no if ands or buts. A man that wants the woman to do it all...is a man thats not truly interested.

Yes I've called men before, but I do not chase men. No woman should chase a guy. I will do enough to let a man know if I'm interested or not, and its up to him after that. Guys do need encouragement after all. So I was good for that

Where my husband was concerned, he was more than happy to chase... While its true I made some first moves, its because he wanted me to be sure thats what I wanted. When I look back on it, where I thought I was doing the leading, I wasn't... He just let me think I was.


-A

 

[Coil Tresses]

If a man is interested he will pursue, no if ands or buts. A man that wants the woman to do it all...is a man thats not truly interested.

Yes I've called men before, but I do not chase men. No woman should chase a guy. I will do enough to let a man know if I'm interested or not, and its up to him after that. Guys do need encouragement after all. So I was good for that

Where my husband was concerned, he was more than happy to chase... While its true I made some first moves, its because he wanted me to be sure thats what I wanted. When I look back on it, where I thought I was doing the leading, I wasn't... He just let me think I was.


-A

I feel that, he will pursue and that is what I want! I don't want to pursue some man, because what I have to do to get him, I won't continue to keep him. He better want me for me. Not to sound cocky but I'm a nice looking woman, with intelligence and a lot to offer. The funny thing is, I'm just not ready for a relationship, so until I make room for somebody in my life, he won't get that shot at the title until I'm ready, I don't believe in being desperate--when the time is right it'll happen, and he'll be looking for me. Plus, I'm so picky now, because I have settled and trust and believe that is NOT the move!!!

 

[grow_N_Him09]

OK, so I voted no for reasons already stated...it seems desperate, he's not really into you if he's not pursuing, yada yada yada...

Weeeellll, I'm wonderin', what if I just wanna be friends with the dude? Is it OK to pursue a man if I don't want a romantic relationship w/him???

I know my slip is probably showing and you ladies can tell I'm "reaching," here But the guy I'm thinking about in particular would really make a good friend, if nothing else. And we seem to have a lot in common...and I just want to talk with him, dang it!

So what say you? Is there a way to "safely," initiate a friendship without it seeming like I'm chasing him down, bloodthirsty for a ring (...though if if ends up that way, that would be cool )

 

[Coil Tresses]

OK, so I voted no for reasons already stated...it seems desperate, he's not really into you if he's not pursuing, yada yada yada...

Weeeellll, I'm wonderin', what if I just wanna be friends with the dude? Is it OK to pursue a man if I don't want a romantic relationship w/him???

I know my slip is probably showing and you ladies can tell I'm "reaching," here But the guy I'm thinking about in particular would really make a good friend, if nothing else. And we seem to have a lot in common...and I just want to talk with him, dang it!

So what say you? Is there a way to "safely," initiate a friendship without it seeming like I'm chasing him down, bloodthirsty for a ring (...though if if ends up that way, that would be cool )

Sounds like you really like him, and you've decided that if it happens it happens, but be careful in not to fool yourself though, not insinutating that you will let that that occur. Our most important relationship first and foremost is with Jesus Christ, our man will come on God's time, and there is nothing wrong with having male friends, I think that's cool, as long as you set your boundaries and never cross them, cause a man will be a man.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

OK, so I voted no for reasons already stated...it seems desperate, he's not really into you if he's not pursuing, yada yada yada...

Weeeellll, I'm wonderin', what if I just wanna be friends with the dude? Is it OK to pursue a man if I don't want a romantic relationship w/him???

I know my slip is probably showing and you ladies can tell I'm "reaching," here But the guy I'm thinking about in particular would really make a good friend, if nothing else. And we seem to have a lot in common...and I just want to talk with him, dang it!

So what say you? Is there a way to "safely," initiate a friendship without it seeming like I'm chasing him down, bloodthirsty for a ring (...though if if ends up that way, that would be cool )

Hmm...sounds like you SECRETLY like him! :scratchch

Usually most women don't just yearn to be "Friends" with a guy that they don't at least find attractive in SOME way (whether it's physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, etc.).

Honestly, I don't think you can force a friendship with a guy any more than you can force a friendship with a girl. If someone wants to be your friend, it will just happen....naturally.

I say continue to be nice, friendly, and "cool", and see where it goes from there. Believe me, most guys don't just befriend a girl either unless they like SOMETHING about her or are attracted in SOME way. So, just be a cool person and maybe strike up a few convos, but I wouldn't try to FORCE anything or go out of my way for a friendship with a guy. Idk...that just seems kind of pressed IMO. erplexed. In some cases it can work, and I've seen the girl "pal" turn into the girlfriend..... but you have to make sure 100% that you don't have ANY feelings for the guy if you go that route. If you have even a smidgen of feelings of attraction to him, it can cause you to get frustrated and upset if he doesn't return your "friendly" overtures. Sometimes people can even sense if you're trying to be their friend due to ulterior motives if you know what I mean.

I seem to be getting the impression that you kind of like this dude, but that you *think* you'd be okay with just being his friend if things dont' work out romantically.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

I don't believe in "chasing" either. At least not obviously. But little things, like starting a conversation, smiling, dropping hints, inviting him out places, things like that are okay.

That works for me, it may not work for someone else. I do things like that because I've come to learn that a lot of guys find me very intimidating, so in my case a little bit of encouragement goes a long way.

I've spoken with a number of my guy friends and they have ALL told me that they love it when they are given signals that a woman is interested and won't shoot them down if they pursue her. To them, it's a relief. But once you give them the "all systems go" signal, it should be up to them to proceed.

 

[Coil Tresses]

I've spoken with a number of my guy friends and they have ALL told me that they love it when they are given signals that a woman is interested and won't shoot them down if they pursue her. To them, it's a relief. But once you give them the "all systems go" signal, it should be up to them to proceed.

Exactly, if he is pursing her. But, Sistahs gotta be careful on his motives, not to go around being paranoid, but have your "full of sh*t dectors" up too. I mean if yall are flirting mutual, and he has no ulterior motives, but you have to "watch" to see who this dude is in the first place in order to assess what he is about, and why he wants you. I don't profess to be some sort of relationship expert, please--not me. I'm older and thankfully I wised up from my past mistakes. Still I gotta watch myself too, trust and believe that.

 

[grow_N_Him09]

Sounds like you really like him, and you've decided that if it happens it happens, but be careful in not to fool yourself though, not insinutating that you will let that that occur. Our most important relationship first and foremost is with Jesus Christ, our man will come on God's time, and there is nothing wrong with having male friends, I think that's cool, as long as you set your boundaries and never cross them, cause a man will be a man.

Thanks for the reminder, sis! God will def remain Numero Uno.
Actually slipped up and made a mistake in that area before. The results weren't as tragic as they could have been, but enough to keep my tail from doing it again!

And I second the bolded! Not that it is all bad because I very much like a man to be a man. But, uh yeah. Men can try, but I know what time it is!

Hmm...sounds like you SECRETLY like him! :scratchch

Usually most women don't just yearn to be "Friends" with a guy that they don't at least find attractive in SOME way (whether it's physically, mentally, emotionally, intellectually, etc.).

Honestly, I don't think you can force a friendship with a guy any more than you can force a friendship with a girl. If someone wants to be your friend, it will just happen....naturally.

I say continue to be nice, friendly, and "cool", and see where it goes from there. Believe me, most guys don't just befriend a girl either unless they like SOMETHING about her or are attracted in SOME way. So, just be a cool person and maybe strike up a few convos, but I wouldn't try to FORCE anything or go out of my way for a friendship with a guy. Idk...that just seems kind of pressed IMO. erplexed. In some cases it can work, and I've seen the girl "pal" turn into the girlfriend..... but you have to make sure 100% that you don't have ANY feelings for the guy if you go that route. If you have even a smidgen of feelings of attraction to him, it can cause you to get frustrated and upset if he doesn't return your "friendly" overtures. Sometimes people can even sense if you're trying to be their friend due to ulterior motives if you know what I mean.

I seem to be getting the impression that you kind of like this dude, but that you *think* you'd be okay with just being his friend if things dont' work out romantically.

You caught me! I admit I kinda "got a thing," for him. :blush3:

And I think most of the intrigue is really just wanting to get to know him more. Our interaction has been very limited...but I really like what I have seen so far...and I want to see more!

I think I'm capable of keeping it platonic. But I feel you on the bolded and I'm going to tread lightly at first. Make sure I don't get things twisted. I'm trying to break my overactive imagination and stop "reading in," to guys.

In reading some other posts, I think my problem is a break the cardinal rule of "putting all my eggs in one basket." I mean, I meet a great guy and dive in, feet first. I gotta get some "options," goin' and diversify for the greatest long-term investment.

 

[Coil Tresses]

Men can try, but I know what time it is!

And the choir said: 4real!!

 

[Celestial]

It's never okay for a woman to pursue a man. A woman has no business asking for a man's phone number, following him around, proposing a marriage, etc... It is tacky, aggressive, and out of a woman's place. Any woman that condones this needs counseling. Any woman that thinks chasing and following a man is cute needs to get slapped.

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

It's never okay for a woman to pursue a man. A woman has no business asking for a man's phone number, following him around, proposing a marriage, etc... It is tacky, aggressive, and out of a woman's place. Any woman that condones this needs counseling. Any woman that thinks chasing and following a man is cute needs to get slapped.

Um...I don't think it's THAT serious

Women just need to realize that over 90% of the time, if a man is interested, he will let you know, thus if he's not indicating interest, he's NOT interested and any sort of "chasing" is useless.

I stand by my earlier comments that there's nothing at all wrong with giving guys signals that it's okay to approach or helping them out in the beginning if they are particularly shy (i.e. you see he's looking and would like to talk to you, so you strike up a convo with him - my guy friends have confirmed that they LOVE that).

 

[NYLegalNewbie]

In reading some other posts, I think my problem is a break the cardinal rule of "putting all my eggs in one basket." I mean, I meet a great guy and dive in, feet first. I gotta get some "options," goin' and diversify for the greatest long-term investment.

I've had this problem in the past too (heck, this problem led to me ending up in my last relationship...).

 

[Celestial]

Um...I don't think it's THAT serious

Women just need to realize that over 90% of the time, if a man is interested, he will let you know, thus if he's not indicating interest, he's NOT interested and any sort of "chasing" is useless.

I stand by my earlier comments that there's nothing at all wrong with giving guys signals that it's okay to approach or helping them out in the beginning if they are particularly shy (i.e. you see he's looking and would like to talk to you, so you strike up a convo with him - my guy friends have confirmed that they LOVE that).

I don't find anything wrong of what you said. But it can get that serious. I knew a girl who bought a ring for her long time boyfriend (not fiance). She told me she was going to ask him to marry her and asked what I think of it. She even felt something wasn't right about it. I just told her to follow her "heart."

 

[Livingmylifetothefullest]

^^^ So, what ended up happening to your friend and her BF?

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I don't find anything wrong of what you said. But it can get that serious. I knew a girl who bought a ring for her long time boyfriend (not fiance). She told me she was going to ask him to marry her and asked what I think of it. She even felt something wasn't right about it. I just told her to follow her "heart."

^^^ So, what ended up happening to your friend and her BF?

LOL! Please don't tell me she proposed to that man!

Look at what happened to Britney Spears....enough said.

 

[aribell]

OK, so I voted no for reasons already stated...it seems desperate, he's not really into you if he's not pursuing, yada yada yada...

Weeeellll, I'm wonderin', what if I just wanna be friends with the dude? Is it OK to pursue a man if I don't want a romantic relationship w/him???

I know my slip is probably showing and you ladies can tell I'm "reaching," here But the guy I'm thinking about in particular would really make a good friend, if nothing else. And we seem to have a lot in common...and I just want to talk with him, dang it!

So what say you? Is there a way to "safely," initiate a friendship without it seeming like I'm chasing him down, bloodthirsty for a ring (...though if if ends up that way, that would be cool )

Now, you said he would make a good friend and that you two have a lot in common...When you say you don't want a relationship with him, that means you're not romantically interested in him at all? From what I've usually seen, men and women don't generally go out of their way to make a purely platonic friendship with someone of the opposite sex.

It's different if the friendship just arises out of being around one another at work, school, wherever; but intentionally trying to draw closer is more than friendly, imo.

I mean, if he's an interesting person, then why not strike up a conversation with him. I just think things get tricky if the goal is to become a close friend. That probably stems more from romantic feelings than anything else.