Wife School - I Know Ya'll Saw This Yesterday...

[Crackers Phinn]

I don't understand why women care so much about making their man happy? Especially as a wife? Wife school? Meaning figuring out how to be a better wife to your husband? lmao who cares?

I consider myself lucky to have turned into a hopeful romantic in my old age. I love my husband. He has upgraded my life in ways I didn't know I needed an upgrade. Got me out here luvin on bees and ****. So I'm pretty invested in tryna make him happy. I'm very much a reciprocator with people in general in that if I see where you're trying to do for me or help me out I feel compelled to do nice things for you.

With all the mouf I got on me, I was able to check off everything on that Wife School list of stuff that I don't do because as @hopeful says, I have a man who covers me. That ain't to say that I don't struggle with a couple of those things tho.

The issue with these wife school principles is that every man ain't worthy. Also, I'm a little puzzled since I noticed folks took exception at the concept of a man taming his wife but 90% of ya'll polled said you were dealing/only dealt with Alpha males and keeping folks in line is at the top of their to-do list.

 

[Honey Bee]

I consider myself lucky to have turned into a hopeful romantic in my old age. I love my husband. He has upgraded my life in ways I didn't know I needed an upgrade. Got me out here luvin on bees and ****. So I'm pretty invested in tryna make him happy. I'm very much a reciprocator with people in general in that if I see where you're trying to do for me or help me out I feel compelled to do nice things for you.

With all the mouf I got on me, I was able to check off everything on that Wife School list of stuff that I don't do because as @hopeful says, I have a man who covers me. That ain't to say that I don't struggle with a couple of those things tho.

The issue with these wife school principles is that every man ain't worthy. Also, I'm a little puzzled since I noticed folks took exception at the concept of a man taming his wife but 90% of ya'll polled said you were dealing/only dealt with Alpha males and keeping folks in line is at the top of their to-do list.

All of this. I'm in the middle of this process. It totally snuck up on me, but yes, I love this man madly. *sigh* He has never- not once!- said, 'I can't do that for you'. And thus, he has earned my respect. I've been working on the shut up thing for a few years now, I'm finally hitting my stride. 'Less is more', etc.

What I find is, I could have 'turned him bad'. If I had kept going as I was (@qchelle ) , he wouldn't be the man he is today. He would be a 'guy' I was dating, not a man worth marrying. But here's why there's 'wife school' and not 'husband school': because they're built to respond to us in that context. When they want us, they give us what we want. Is it their fault a lot of us want certain things, but don't know how to create the environment to get them? If you want a man who can make decisions without 'checking in with Mommy' , you cant flip on him when he makes a decision you don't like. If you want to encourage him to take over the world, you can't be in his phone pestering him about when he's coming home from work. Etc.

So, yeah, wife school does make some sense. But not how she's doing it. It's a tad... ham-fisted.

 

[hopeful]

I consider myself lucky to have turned into a hopeful romantic in my old age. I love my husband. He has upgraded my life in ways I didn't know I needed an upgrade. Got me out here luvin on bees and ****. So I'm pretty invested in tryna make him happy. I'm very much a reciprocator with people in general in that if I see where you're trying to do for me or help me out I feel compelled to do nice things for you.

With all the mouf I got on me, I was able to check off everything on that Wife School list of stuff that I don't do because as @hopeful says, I have a man who covers me. That ain't to say that I don't struggle with a couple of those things tho.

The issue with these wife school principles is that every man ain't worthy. Also, I'm a little puzzled since I noticed folks took exception at the concept of a man taming his wife but 90% of ya'll polled said you were dealing/only dealt with Alpha males and keeping folks in line is at the top of their to-do list.

Right, Alpha men tame and they win one way or the other.

 

[Southernbella.]

All of this. I'm in the middle of this process. It totally snuck up on me, but yes, I love this man madly. *sigh* He has never- not once!- said, 'I can't do that for you'. And thus, he has earned my respect. I've been working on the shut up thing for a few years now, I'm finally hitting my stride. 'Less is more', etc.

What I find is, I could have 'turned him bad'. If I had kept going as I was (@qchelle ) , he wouldn't be the man he is today. He would be a 'guy' I was dating, not a man worth marrying. But here's why there's 'wife school' and not 'husband school': because they're built to respond to us in that context. When they want us, they give us what we want. Is it their fault a lot of us want certain things, but don't know how to create the environment to get them? If you want a man who can make decisions without 'checking in with Mommy' , you cant flip on him when he makes a decision you don't like. If you want to encourage him to take over the world, you can't be in his phone pestering him about when he's coming home from work. Etc.

So, yeah, wife school does make some sense. But not how she's doing it. It's a tad... ham-fisted.

Yeeeessssss to the bolded. I especially see moms making this mistake and then wondering why their dh never helps with the kids. Who cares if he fastens the diaper a half inch to the left of where you normally fasten it? Who cares if the baby's socks don't match?

I learned pretty quick that trusting your partner to do things makes them more likely to do things. It's simple but so many of us miss it and create a mother/son environment with our husbands.

 

[qchelle]

Yall, that's so sweet! *real tears* thank heavens I'm no one's wife I was serious when I said I can't wait for someone to tell me about how I won't let him be a man. I have never experienced this and I want to cuz I think it's truly hilarious. Like what you mean? Did your penis fall off when you walked through the door? Why you telling me? Then go git it, fool! Hurry!

 

[Honey Bee]

Yall, that's so sweet! *real tears* thank heavens I'm no one's wife I was serious when I said I can't wait for someone to tell me about how I won't let him be a man. I have never experienced this and I want to cuz I think it's truly hilarious. Like what you mean? Did your penis fall off when you walked through the door? Why you telling me? Then go git it, fool! Hurry!

I know it sounds crazy. But it's usually the only verbal warning you get that something's wrong. So if you hear it, know that the relationship is basically over. Either yall break up or he starts showing out in non-verbal ways. Or you start shutting tfu. Think about it: one of the highest compliments a man can give is that you make him feel like a man. Yes, it sounds needy, but they do, in fact, need us.

 

[Britt]

All of this. I'm in the middle of this process. It totally snuck up on me, but yes, I love this man madly. *sigh* He has never- not once!- said, 'I can't do that for you'. And thus, he has earned my respect. I've been working on the shut up thing for a few years now, I'm finally hitting my stride. 'Less is more', etc.

What I find is, I could have 'turned him bad'. If I had kept going as I was (@qchelle ) , he wouldn't be the man he is today. He would be a 'guy' I was dating, not a man worth marrying. But here's why there's 'wife school' and not 'husband school': because they're built to respond to us in that context. When they want us, they give us what we want. Is it their fault a lot of us want certain things, but don't know how to create the environment to get them? If you want a man who can make decisions without 'checking in with Mommy' , you cant flip on him when he makes a decision you don't like. If you want to encourage him to take over the world, you can't be in his phone pestering him about when he's coming home from work. Etc.

So, yeah, wife school does make some sense. But not how she's doing it. It's a tad... ham-fisted.

Well said!

 

[Southernbella.]

I know it sounds crazy. But it's usually the only verbal warning you get that something's wrong. So if you hear it, know that the relationship is basically over. Either yall break up or he starts showing out in non-verbal ways. Or you start shutting tfu. Think about it: one of the highest compliments a man can give is that you make him feel like a man. Yes, it sounds needy, but they do, in fact, need us.

A Nigerian guy, salesman, actually complimented my dh on my temperament He said that usually the black couples he helps have the woman overtalking the man and trying to make all the decisions but I was so quiet and sweet and let dh do all the talking. 10 years ago that might have bothered me but I'm older and wiser now.

 

[qchelle]

I know it sounds crazy. But it's usually the only verbal warning you get that something's wrong. So if you hear it, know that the relationship is basically over. Either yall break up or he starts showing out in non-verbal ways. Or you start shutting tfu. Think about it: one of the highest compliments a man can give is that you make him feel like a man. Yes, it sounds needy, but they do, in fact, need us.

Roger that. But not before I get my video to take with me for fond, funny memories

"I don't feel like a man when I'm with you"
*hits record*
"So you gay now?!"

"Baby please. I need your help to feel like a man. Only you can save my manliness"
*hits record*
"Aight. Damb. Let me call 911, maybe they can save you"

"Why don't you let me be a man?!"
*record*
"OK babe. *shuts the *** up*
*we go out, around other people, still recording*
"Yall. Yesterday he asked me to let him be a man I said ok baaaaaahaaaa!! *hilarity ensues*"

Tomorrow, I think I may tell SO to let me be a woman, pretty please. "I don't feel like a woman. I need to be a woman. Why won't you let me?! Give me back my vagina!"

Yes yes, I understand what you're saying. But come on, the wording is pretty hilarious, no? Lol

 

[Honey Bee]

A Nigerian guy, salesman, actually complimented my dh on my temperament He said that usually the black couples he helps have the woman overtalking the man and trying to make all the decisions but I was so quiet and sweet and let dh do all the talking. 10 years ago that might have bothered me but I'm older and wiser now.

We get that a lot too from 'culturally masculine' men, ie ME, Russians, and some Africans. If I have something to add, I tell my man and then HE handles it. The local bodega owner, Yemeni, told SO, 'You're lucky you got a southern girl.'

 

[Honey Bee]

Tomorrow, I think I may tell SO to let me be a woman, pretty please. "I don't feel like a woman. I need to be a woman. Why won't you let me?! Give me back my vagina!"

Yes yes, I understand what you're saying. But come on, the wording is pretty hilarious, no? Lol

You're a mess.

The women's version is, 'He makes me feel beautiful/ taken care of/ cherished.'

eta: Or, sadly, he doesn't.

 

[qchelle]

You're a mess.

The women's version is, 'He makes me feel beautiful/ taken care of/ cherished.'

eta: Or, sadly, he doesn't.

Ahh, ok. See, "You don't make me feel needed/you make me feel worthless/I can't do anything right" doesn't incite the same bubbling over of laughter feeling from me. That's actually sad to me, immediately. Awww whereas I would have to compose myself if a man said to me I don't feel like a man lmao.

"You don't even need me. I'm outta here"
"Aww babe, yes I do *takes his credit card* see babe? *goes shopping*"

"You don't make me feel like a man"
"*looks around incredulously* is it national Coming Out Day? Is this a cry for help?"

 

[Honey Bee]

Ahh, ok. See, "You don't make me feel needed/you make me feel worthless/I can't do anything right" doesn't incite the same bubbling over of laughter feeling from me. That's actually sad to me, immediately. Awww whereas I would have to compose myself if a man said to me I don't feel like a man lmao.

"You don't even need me. I'm outta here"
"Aww babe, yes I do *takes his credit card* see babe? *goes shopping*"

"You don't make me feel like a man"
"*looks around incredulously* is it national Coming Out Day? Is this a cry for help?"

@ the bold, Yaaaas, now you're getting it!

To be fair, women tend to be the wordsmiths of our species and we spend quite a bit of time explaining our feelings , so it really shouldn't be a surprise that men would .be weirdly inarticulate on the subject

 

[qchelle]

@ the bold, Yaaaas, now you're getting it!

To be fair, women tend to be the wordsmiths of our species and we spend quite a bit of time explaining our feelings , so it really shouldn't be a surprise that men would .be weirdly inarticulate on the subject

But of course lol.

Yes, very weirdly. I would definitely have to laugh at him first, tho. If he's gonna be weird, then I am well within my rights to laugh lol.

 

[Crackers Phinn]

Roger that. But not before I get my video to take with me for fond, funny memories

"I don't feel like a man when I'm with you"
*hits record*
"So you gay now?!"

"Baby please. I need your help to feel like a man. Only you can save my manliness"
*hits record*
"Aight. Damb. Let me call 911, maybe they can save you"

"Why don't you let me be a man?!"
*record*
"OK babe. *shuts the *** up*
*we go out, around other people, still recording*
"Yall. Yesterday he asked me to let him be a man I said ok baaaaaahaaaa!! *hilarity ensues*"

Tomorrow, I think I may tell SO to let me be a woman, pretty please. "I don't feel like a woman. I need to be a woman. Why won't you let me?! Give me back my vagina!"

Yes yes, I understand what you're saying. But come on, the wording is pretty hilarious, no? Lol

Any dude who lets the words 'you won't let me be a man' come out of his mouth needs to go somewhere by his damn self and marinate until he figures out that he's the only one who can 'let' himself be a man. If a dude over 30 says this run cuz it's too late for him to learn.

The only thing I'd say about the commentary above is that more times than not silence is better than having the last word. Instead of provoking a ridiculous circular argument your time is better spent going through your mental rolodex considering who is going to take Mr. Let Me Be A Man's place.

 

[Dee-Licious]

Not to derail the thread but I have epic SCS tea...let me see if I can find the last thread

Post here.... and tag me

 

[Honey Bee]

Any dude who lets the words 'you won't let me be a man' come out of his mouth needs to go somewhere by his damn self and marinate until he figures out that he's the only one who can 'let' himself be a man. If a dude over 30 says this run cuz it's too late for him to learn.

The only thing I'd say about the commentary above is that more times than not silence is better than having the last word. Instead of provoking a ridiculous circular argument your time is better spent going through your mental rolodex considering who is going to take Mr. Let Me Be A Man's place.

When we get with a man, we domesticate him, we gentle him. We ask him to pick up his draws when maybe he didn't, we ask him to call and 'report his movements', lol, when maybe he never did, etc. Sometimes, by mistake, we go too far. We ask him to stop doing things that, unbeknownst to either, undergird his own sense of masculinity. He may blurt out that offensive phrase in an unguarded moment. I wouldn't hold it against a man I loved and felt was worthy of my patience.

(My man has never said those words, but I think that's because he didn't realize what was happening. I noticed the problem first.)

 

[qchelle]

Any dude who lets the words 'you won't let me be a man' come out of his mouth needs to go somewhere by his damn self and marinate until he figures out that he's the only one who can 'let' himself be a man. If a dude over 30 says this run cuz it's too late for him to learn.

The only thing I'd say about the commentary above is that more times than not silence is better than having the last word. Instead of provoking a ridiculous circular argument your time is better spent going through your mental rolodex considering who is going to take Mr. Let Me Be A Man's place.

oh, I don't need to have the last word. I just need to start the argument so that he can go off the rails and I can get some laughs. I wouldn't say any "real" responses, I'd just laugh. What is there to say to that, except jokes? Lmao. My vocab ain't that good either. He's a man, he can understand that. Oh wait, but he's not a man tho

The person who says this to me is in for a heap of mess. Poor guy! Lmao

 

[Honey Bee]

My vocab ain't that good either. He's a man, he can understand that. Oh wait, but he's not a man tho

Poor thing, I feel bad for him already.

(don't be offended, they been saying that to me as long as I can remember )

 

[Honey Bee]

Post here.... and tag me

Oh, what is SCS? I want some tea too.

@Femmefatal1981

 

[yardyspice]

I don't understand why women care so much about making their man happy? Especially as a wife?

Every wife should care.

.he should be in HUSBAND school, no?

Yes.

This woman's language is abusive IMO. I guess she figures she has to beat down her customers to make them think they need her services. I don't believe in wife/husband school separately. I think people need to use therapy to work out their issues and figure out how to work out their relationship issues together e.g. Imago workshops

 

[qchelle]

Oh, what is SCS? I want some tea too.

@Femmefatal1981

Shannel cooper-sykes I think.

 

[qchelle]

Every wife should care.



Yes.

This woman's language is abusive IMO. I guess she figures she has to beat down her customers to make them think they need her services. I don't believe in wife/husband school separately. I think people need to use therapy to work out their issues and figure out how to work out their relationship issues together e.g. Imago workshops

Yea joint therapy is something I could totally get on board with. Just not -I'm at WIFE school while he off somewhere feeling like a woman he should be at wife school with me, according to him, shoot

 

[Supervixen]

She lives in Paris now. Good for her.

 

[Supervixen]

Fwiw, I believe I have seen something about husband school on her FB page.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

Post here.... and tag me

Basically her husband is a cheater and he only married her because the women he wanted told him he wasn't about ish. I got this from someone who saw the text messages between he and the ex before the wedding.

 

[qchelle]

Basically her husband is a cheater and he only married her because the women he wanted told him he wasn't about ish. I got this from someone who saw the text messages between he and the ex before the wedding.

That's so sad!

 

[naijamerican]

Basically her husband is a cheater and he only married her because the women he wanted told him he wasn't about ish. I got this from someone who saw the text messages between he and the ex before the wedding.

Oh wow! I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting some financial scandal, not this. This is very unfortunate.

 

[Femmefatal1981]

Oh wow! I wasn't expecting that. I was expecting some financial scandal, not this. This is very unfortunate.

I said it was epic

 

[Femmefatal1981]

oh, I don't need to have the last word. I just need to start the argument so that he can go off the rails and I can get some laughs. I wouldn't say any "real" responses, I'd just laugh. What is there to say to that, except jokes? Lmao. My vocab ain't that good either. He's a man, he can understand that. Oh wait, but he's not a man tho

The person who says this to me is in for a heap of mess. Poor guy! Lmao

By the time a man verbally tells you that he feels emasculated he's has already made a plan to get his manhood back. Even the most passive guy will find his "inner alpha".