I know a secret (Please advise)

Wow this is tough....:ohwell: I really would want to know if someone I dated had done something like that. Now she is probably on pins and needles about the past....girl im scared for you.:sad: Because either way could be trouble.
 
Most people remember faces. Even if she didn't remember your name at that instance or put the fact that this "ThickHair" that she was being introduced to is the same "ThickHair" she knew way back when...eventually it will come to her. And if all of a sudden her new man says "I know what you did", you better believe that the finger will be pointed at you. Shoot...even if it isn't you that tells, if he finds out within the next month or so, she might still think it's you.

This is scary, because at the same time, if someone knew that my man was crazy and was locked up for 20 years...I WOULD WANT TO KNOW!! Sigh...do you know how long they've been dating? If it's a few months, I would push it to the side and let it go. Maybe they'll break up anyway for other reasons. However, if they're about to get the ring and plan the honeymoon...I might be more inclined to say something..but I hope you have a safe place you could go to if you do.

And to the ladies who said she may have already told him...that is a possibilty, but think about it: If you found out your man was a killer (even if it was at 13 years old) wouldn't you be ..ummmm..... how to we say "Out like a newborn?".....:look:
 
This is a tough decision and I know that you are struggling with knowing this girl's horrible past. Sorry but at the age of 13 you are able to reason, understand cause and effect, and the consequences of your actions (unless you are mentally unstable). Boy oh boy does this story just send a chills up my spine. :nono:
 
lizjoseph said:
Sigh...do you know how long they've been dating? If it's a few months, I would push it to the side and let it go. Maybe they'll break up anyway for other reasons. However, if they're about to get the ring and plan the honeymoon...I might be more inclined to say something..but I hope you have a safe place you could go to if you do.
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It is fairly new, because that was the first time that I know that she has been "around". He was introducing her to everyone. I am usually at all the family get together's and such and I would have known if I saw her before. Thinking back, I have never known him to be with any woman longer than six months. My luck, she would end up being the one.
 
I would tell.

No doubt about it.

My goofy behind would have said something then...

"Heyyyyyy, Aren't you...."

That ish is scary though, but if that was my friend/cousin, I would definitely tell. Yes, she did her crime/time, but if she wants to be anony she needs to move out of town. JMO
 
There is no reason to tell something about someone else's life that does not involve you. All that will do is create drama. Involving yourself in her life drama makes it your life drama too, along with the consequences.

I know of people who have done what I consider some horrifying things in their lives. As far as I know, some have done the time. Some may have received therapy. However, I don't associate with them or try to dig up their past--it isn't my business how they choose to live their lives.
 
jenniferohjenny said:

if it were me, i would want to know about the person i'm dealing with and i would be very grateful for a heads up before i became a victim or something.
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I too would want someone to let me know if I was dating someone who killed their parent when they were a teenager. I would want to know. Then I can make up my own mind as to if I want to continue the relationship or not. If the girl has already told the cousin and he is fine with it, cool. Some people can get past the fact that someone has committed murder. But what if he would be horrified if he knew?

I understand that the girl has already "served her time", but I feel that human penalties/sentences do not absolve or cure people of what they've done. What kind of scars has such an act left on the girl's psyche? This act she committed at the age of 13 will stay with her for the rest of her life. Hopefully, she's done work on herself emotionally and spiritually, and is in a totally different place, but a prospective partner has the right to know.
 
I am very perplexed over why its ok to tell someone that the person you're dating has a crimminal history - but its not ok to tell someone that the person they're dating is cheating on them.

And I know a "history of murder" vs "immediate infidelity" doesn't exactly balance... but the reasons for telling in both cases are because the person who is unaware is facing a potential risk of life threatening harm.

Everytime a thread has been started on this board with the subject matter of "Should I tell him/her that their SO is cheating right now??" The overall response has been a near-violent NO. "Stay out of it!!" "Not your business!" "What if she thinks you're trying to get with her man?"

But now its "Should I tell him/her that their SO murdered somebody several years ago, served their time and .... ???" NOW telling is some sort of moral obligation?

So are we supposed to speak up depending on the method under which the uninformed SO might be harmed and/or die?

A slow death because of disease he caught from his cheating GF vs her sudden Lifetime Movie style reversion to girl she was at age 13 and taking him out in the middle of the night?

Aside from specific instructions from a few people in my circle, I have and will tell if I see someone I care about being hurt. We don't know that in this case. He may know all about her history and dealt with it. And she may have done whatever kind of work that's required to put all of that behind her. She was a child.

I don't know. I guess telling could be wrong in both cases. I've learned from the women here that it is our own specific responsibility to know who we're sleeping with and the history they bring into our lives. In terms of safety of the people we care about, we're supposed to pray and hope and even assume that everyone is doing their homework on the SO in their lives.

And if they get burnt, then its their fault and they can't blame us for not telling them what we knew.

Very eye-opening thread.
 
Laginappe said:
I am very perplexed over why its ok to tell someone that the person you're dating has a crimminal history - but its not ok to tell someone that the person they're dating is cheating on them.

And I know a "history of murder" vs "immediate infidelity" doesn't exactly balance... but the reasons for telling in both cases are because the person who is unaware is facing a potential risk of life threatening harm.
Click to expand...

The bolded should answer your question, IMO, as the potential risks of life threatening harm are not the same.
 
I would have said something while we were at the party. He'd know that she was a murderer and she'd know that I told on her.
 
I'm just WOW at this whole thing.

I don't know, I wonder if she's rehabilitated? Also, I mean she should have to pay for this for the rest of her life? Which is presumably why she changed her name, etc. Surely, she got caught up in some crazy teenage drama and it went OVERBOARD. I don't know if I'd tell him. I'd have to know if she was a sociopath, or what.

But, what am I saying, I guess if you kill your mother, you are a sociopath....

just WOW....
 
TELL HIM! Tell the cousin. If something goes wrong and she hurts him how will you feel if you said nothing? Leave it up to him. He is dating a murderer, a premeditating murderer at that. NOT COOL!:nono:

I woulda called her out right then, fake name and all. "Aint you ____ ____? When did you change your name? You got married? Oh you dont remember me from the 6th grade? Yea I remember all that trouble you and ______ ______ got in...." Im sure the dude will have PLENTY of questions as soon as he found out she was lying about her name.
 
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lizjoseph said:
Most people remember faces. Even if she didn't remember your name at that instance or put the fact that this "ThickHair" that she was being introduced to is the same "ThickHair" she knew way back when...eventually it will come to her. And if all of a sudden her new man says "I know what you did", you better believe that the finger will be pointed at you. Shoot...even if it isn't you that tells, if he finds out within the next month or so, she might still think it's you.

[/SIZE]
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I agree. I think I would stay out of it and just pray for him. Chances are that someone else will remember this woman, and they might tell him. If she could kill her own mother, she could kill anyone. Sure we don't tend to think and behave the same way we did as a child, but I wouldn't take any chances on her getting crazy on me.
 
ThickHair said:
UPDATE:
Well, she told him. They had been dating longer then I was aware. She did remember me. He said he was cool with it since she did it when she was younger and served her time. He said she expresses regret because she doesn't have any immediate family. No siblings and she never knew her father.

He wants to marry her since she was so honest with him and she is expecting their child in 6 months and she is working on getting her other children, yes, I said children returned to her.

My thing is, she didn't have any children in middle school. What the heck did she do after being released that she lost her kids? BTW I don't know how many are in question. He just said her children.

Not trying to call her a ho or anything, but I never realize or saw that he had "Captain Save a Ho" tendencies. Like I said, I was friends with his cousin.
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Let him save that "Ho" and stay away from the both of them!!! :yep:
 
Well then, if he chooses to be with her knowing her past, that's entirely up to him. You've done your part. Just wish him well and hope for the best.
 
MissScarlett said:
I'm just WOW at this whole thing.

I don't know, I wonder if she's rehabilitated? Also, I mean she should have to pay for this for the rest of her life? Which is presumably why she changed her name, etc. Surely, she got caught up in some crazy teenage drama and it went OVERBOARD. I don't know if I'd tell him. I'd have to know if she was a sociopath, or what.

But, what am I saying, I guess if you kill your mother, you are a sociopath....

just WOW....
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Wow is right. ITA.
 
Re: I know a secret (Please advise) Update 5\22\08

ThickHair said:
UPDATE: 5\22\08
Well, she told him. They had been dating longer then I was aware. She did remember me. He said he was cool with it since she did it when she was younger and served her time. He said she expresses regret because she doesn't have any immediate family. No siblings and she never knew her father.

He wants to marry her since she was so honest with him and she is expecting their child in 6 months and she is working on getting her other children, yes, I said children returned to her.

My thing is, she didn't have any children in middle school. What the heck did she do after being released that she lost her kids? BTW I don't know how many are in question. He just said her children.

Not trying to call her a ho or anything, but I never realize or saw that he had "Captain Save a Ho" tendencies. Like I said, I was friends with his cousin.
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So how did you find out that he already knew? And forgiveness is something huh.
 
Re: I know a secret (Please advise) Update 5\22\08

itismehmmkay said:
So how did you find out that he already knew? And forgiveness is something huh.
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We, as in myself, friend, guy in question and a few other folks, not the girlfriend went to Dave and Busters last weekend. He announced he was marrying her, the baby....... and all the hoopla followed. We were playing skeeball next to each other and he said hey, my girl said she remembers you from middle school, that you 2 played b-ball together. I broke out in a sweat at that point. I said yeah, then he said, she told me what happened in 8th grade with her mom. I just said "ok". I guess he was waiting for more but that was it. Nothing explosive or anything.
 
Re: I know a secret (Please advise) Update 5\22\08

ThickHair said:
We, as in myself, friend, guy in question and a few other folks, not the girlfriend went to Dave and Busters last weekend. He announced he was marrying her, the baby....... and all the hoopla followed. We were playing skeeball next to each other and he said hey, my girl said she remembers you from middle school, that you 2 played b-ball together. I broke out in a sweat at that point. I said yeah, then he said, she told me what happened in 8th grade with her mom. I just said "ok". I guess he was waiting for more but that was it. Nothing explosive or anything.
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Im so glad you didnt say anything, seems like she was waiting to see if you were gonna say something.:blush: I know her past is her past but if she islosing kids etc something is still not right. :nono:
 
Re: I know a secret (Please advise) Update 5\22\08

ThickHair said:
We, as in myself, friend, guy in question and a few other folks, not the girlfriend went to Dave and Busters last weekend. He announced he was marrying her, the baby....... and all the hoopla followed. We were playing skeeball next to each other and he said hey, my girl said she remembers you from middle school, that you 2 played b-ball together. I broke out in a sweat at that point. I said yeah, then he said, she told me what happened in 8th grade with her mom. I just said "ok". I guess he was waiting for more but that was it. Nothing explosive or anything.
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Praise God :pray:

I knew that girl remembered you. And thank God she just took it upon herself to do it. Have you seen her since?
 
Re: I know a secret (Please advise) Update 5\22\08

Having kids with someone who previously had their kids taken from then and NOT returned? Ol' boy got ISSUES if he cant see this is a bad idea.:perplexed
ThickHair said:
I have this guy who I am friends with and we have been friends for a while. We dated in high school and we are now in out late 30's. I went to a party over his house and ran into his cousin who is dating this girl who I knew in middle school. She didn't recognize more or rather she didn't acknowledge knowing me. His cousin introduced us and all. Problem is (it's a doozy), when were were in 8th grade, she and her 19 year old boyfriend killed her mother. As in stabbed her, rolled her up in a carpet and tried to get rid of the body because her mother didn't want them together. Do I inform my friend to inform his cousin that this woman committed this crime as a teen? I can't just say, "Tell X to stay away from that broad she is crazy". You know I will be labeled a hater.

What is a sista to do???

Needless to say I was shocked and a stomach ache came on all of a sudden and I went outside to get some air. I guess she was released when she was 21 or something. 8th grade you are all of 13 or so.

ETA: She does not go by the same name. She has a new first and last name, but I know it is her because of this scar under her eye. We were in homeroom with each other for 3 years. It is her. CRAZY, I tell ya.

UPDATE: 5\22\08
Well, she told him. They had been dating longer then I was aware. She did remember me. He said he was cool with it since she did it when she was younger and served her time. He said she expresses regret because she doesn't have any immediate family. No siblings and she never knew her father.

He wants to marry her since she was so honest with him and she is expecting their child in 6 months and she is working on getting her other children, yes, I said children returned to her.

My thing is, she didn't have any children in middle school. What the heck did she do after being released that she lost her kids? BTW I don't know how many are in question. He just said her children.

Not trying to call her a ho or anything, but I never realize or saw that he had "Captain Save a Ho" tendencies. Like I said, I was friends with his cousin.
Click to expand...
 
Re: I know a secret (Please advise) Update 5\22\08

ThickHair said:
I
UPDATE: 5\22\08
Well, she told him. They had been dating longer then I was aware. She did remember me. He said he was cool with it since she did it when she was younger and served her time. He said she expresses regret because she doesn't have any immediate family. No siblings and she never knew her father.
Click to expand...

Wow! The bolded above is so self-centered and nuts to me. Her regret has everything to do with her, what SHE lost, and not about taking a life or that her mother's friends, family, coworkers etc. lost someone in a horrific way.

Leave both of them alone, especially her!
 
Geez, this sounds crazy. I was wondering the same thing you typed about what happened between the time she got out and now being that she lost her kids in that time period. Mayn Im not marrying anybody that could kill their parents no matter what age they were when they did it. Uh uh
 
Re: I know a secret (Please advise) Update 5\22\08

starfish said:
Wow! The bolded above is so self-centered and nuts to me. Her regret has everything to do with her, what SHE lost, and not about taking a life or that her mother's friends, family, coworkers etc. lost someone in a horrific way.

Leave both of them alone, especially her!
Click to expand...


Wow...I don't know how I missed this thread. From what's been said this chick sounds like a psych/sociopath :nono:
 
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