Wow!
I can't believe it's been a whole year since I've been on this thread!
Well, even though a year has gone by...I'm still sticking to my claim. It is BEST for the guy to do the approaching and pursuing. Now when you two are actually in a commited relationship, then I think it's okay to initiate calls, and dates, or outings or whatever. But in the beginning stages...it's ALWAYS better (IMO) to let the guy lead.
I'm old school, so I like being chased. I like for men to intiate first, because if you do it and get into an relationship with them, it's most likely that you will be making all the decisions instead of as a couple. Men have gotten real lazy nowadays. We have to give birth to their kids, clean the house, cook dinner, etc. Now we have to ask them out?????? I'm sorry but that's not my job. Also, Men who approach women have confidence, and that's sexy.
I concur whole-heartedly.
I prefer to be "chased" as well. I don't know about other women, but it just feel so much more
NATURAL to me. I mean honestly, if you were to ask women what they would rather prefer:
-Having that cute guy that they are interested in walk over to them, approach them, strike up a conversation, ask for their number, call them, and plan a date with them....
OR
-Having the woman spot the man from across the room, walking over to him, approaching HIM, striking up a conversation with him, and then hinting for his number, or giving him their number, and maybe even inviting the guy out in a subtle way for coffee or whatever....
Which do you think they would prefer??
Which would YOU prefer??
If the latter scenario seems more preferable to you, and would give YOU pleasure, then by all means...go ahead and chase away! But if the first scenario would make you happier, seems more natural, and gives you those little goosebumps, then I think you know what the answer is! It is in men's nature to pursue, and in woman's nature to be PURSUED! Plain and simple.
I think some women only purusue a guy (instead of waiting for him to pursue her) because they are scared or fearful that if they DON'T pursue him, he won't pursue her. I know I was.
What we fail to realize (and what I later had to learn after heartbreak, bad experiences, etc.) is that the guys who aren't making the moves, or who aren't that interested in us enough to puruse shouldn't be crossing our minds at all anyway! I had to learn this the hard way.
Also keep in mind too that allowing a man to pursue is good advice for women who are really looking for a serious commitment/marriage. If a woman isn't looking for marriage/a serious commitment, then that's fine! That's okay! I say go ahead and approach/ask out that cute guy sitting at the bar, or that hot co-worker that always flirts w/you at work, etc. Have fun!
But if you're looking for a
serious relationship/marriage (like me), then NO....don't chase. I will not be approaching or chasing a guy that I'm romantically interested in anymore.
I had to learn the hard way that it does not work. Plus, even if I got the guy by approaching him, I'd always be insecure, and I don't want that type of relationship.
I'm a WMLB kinda girl, so no, I will not be taking over the man-role any time soon. If he's too scared to approach me then that's his problem, not mine. The way I see it, if a man is willing to let me slip away then who am I to alter that sequence of events? He better man up real quick if he wants this. I don't want to be with a man who has less balls than me.
Amen sister Esoterica! *virtual high-five*!
I completely agree.
I was just having a convo about this last night with some guy friends.
They said any female that's ever approached them wasn't worth talking to. I thought that was a crock of bs but looking at the women they date they shouldn't be complaining.
In my experience, approaching the man is taken as you're coming on too strong. It could be a red flag for the man. I usually just wait to be approached. Also, if you're eyeing somebody more than likely if you make eye contact or speak, they'll eventually come over and talk to you. It's like you're giving them the okay by interacting with them.
Oh wow... did they say what they constituted as "approaching" in thier minds? Because IMO there is a slight difference between a woman casually striking up a conversation w/a man, and a woman asking a man out, calling him, e-mailing, etc. They are both pursuing, but to varying degrees.
Crystalicequeen!! You're my she-ro! You're always dropping knowledge!
I always let the men do the approaching because honestly, I'm never consciously looking for a man to approach. I notice that I am approached more often when I least expect it.
The last guy I talked to completely caught off guard. He approached me at work of all places. Later on, he told me that he thought I was standoffish when I first met him, yet he still pursued.
Aww...thanks!
I always try to share my experiences so that my fellow sisters can be informed and won't potentially have to go through some of the same things I went through when I didn't know any better.
