Which technique has worked better for you?

[BroadstreetBully]

I'm a WMLB kinda girl, so no, I will not be taking over the man-role any time soon. If he's too scared to approach me then that's his problem, not mine. The way I see it, if a man is willing to let me slip away then who am I to alter that sequence of events? He better man up real quick if he wants this. I don't want to be with a man who has less balls than me.

I really needed that! I'm no longer going to approach men anymore, it just hasn't worked in my favor. It's like they'll smile and flirt with you, and once you "approach" them, they back away, as if they never gave you the green light. Forget that. You are right. If a man wants me enough, he'll put his pride on the line...just for that chance. I've embarrassed myself plenty of times for a chance with a guy...so why can't he do the same? If he's too shy or whatever, that's unfortunate that he'll let some other man snatch me up. Another lesson learned for 2008...

 

[sugaplum]

I voted for "When the man approaches me" It shows interest on his part.

 

[sonce]

Are you more likely to approach a man or wait for a man to approach you? Which technique works best in terms of actually starting a relationship?

(Yes, I am strategizing for my own single self )

Ok, I accidentally voted for "you approach him." I meant to vote for letting him approach. I just don't believe in approaching men. I believe in being approachable and positioning oneself to be approached, but it's just not my style to pursue men.

 

[Social.Buttahfly]

Can we get clarification on what is done when you approach men that they are seeing as aggressive?

Is it initiating conversation or what is being said in the conversation that is aggressive?

If you see guy who looks like someone you would be interested in and strike up a conversation, you both realize during the conversation that you would like to exchange numbers and he initiates that portion what is the problem?

I am really not understanding all the blanket statements these men are making by saying these women are aggressive and easy.erplexed

Personally if I see a guy that I am interested in I will speak may even walk over and say hi but I have nor will I ever asked for his number or ask him to go out. Maybe it's because I am friendly too, I don't see the big deal in initiating a conversation with a man it has nothing to do with if he is confident or not he might not have seen you, lol.

 

[BroadstreetBully]

Can we get clarification on what is done when you approach men that they are seeing as aggressive?

Is it initiating conversation or what is being said in the conversation that is aggressive?

If you see guy who looks like someone you would be interested in and strike up a conversation, you both realize during the conversation that you would like to exchange numbers and he initiates that portion what is the problem?

I am really not understanding all the blanket statements these men are making by saying these women are aggressive and easy.erplexed

Personally if I see a guy that I am interested in I will speak may even walk over and say hi but I have nor will I ever asked for his number or ask him to go out. Maybe it's because I am friendly too, I don't see the big deal in initiating a conversation with a man it has nothing to do with if he is confident or not he might not have seen you, lol.

That seems to me to be normal. I don't just sit around and wait on a guy to approach me. I might initiate conversation, smile, etc...But after that it's up to him to make the next move.

I think they are talking about when women "chase" men. Unfortunately, I used to be that type of girl, and it never worked out.

 

[discobiscuits]

Me approaching them works every time. I approach them, but I still make it appear as if they are the man, in control and that it was all his idea.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

Hehe...I was just on vacation visiting family, and my young cousin (she's only 17) said: "We don't chase boys, we let the boys chase us." I was like: "that's right girl!" I taught her well. She was talking about this guy that she met that she's now talking to. They've been conversing for a few weeks now. She said that she won't call him unless it's in response to his call, or if it's to ask something pertinent. Otherwise, she lets him do the contacting! I'm like: "Wow....she's already got the right mind-set at her age".

Not to put a damper to ladies out there who like to put things in their own hands (afterall, I used to be one of them), but these days, I've learned from my past mistakes and experiences that it's really BEST to let the guy pursue you. There's nothing wrong with being nice, friendly, approachable, and striking up a casual brief conversation, etc. but I don't think women should be the ones to pursue or "approach" a man. I don't think a woman should be calling up a man just to "say hi" or "see how he's doing" if she's interested in him romantically.

For one thing, I think it shows that you have more self worth if you let the guy do the "chasing" or "approaching". Plus, you won't always be wondering in the back of your mind whether or not he really likes you for YOU, or whether he's just with you because you gave him attention/an ego boost.

Plus, for all those that say that "maybe he won't notice me if I don't approach him...". HA! That's a bunch of crock. Do you know how VISUAL men are?? Take the time it took you to notice him and divide that by half, and I'm sure he probably noticed you first in that amount of time. If you're nice, you smile, seem friendly and approachable, then there's no real good reason for him not to either approach you, or ask others about you if he's 100% single and REALLY interested in you. I hate to be so blunt, but that's basically the nitty gritty of it. Men are not blind.

There are exceptions however, and I've known for some women to always put themselves in the same situation/area where they know a guy they like is going to be, and after spending a lot of time with the girl, the guy eventually ends up liking her. That's cool! But to me it's much nicer and more flattering if the guy ended up liking me without so much coaxing. JMHO.

 

[discobiscuits]

To me, "approaching" is the same as "initiating contact". As it relates to a man persuing you, the initial contact is just that, the first hello or what have you. It is the door opening for him to walk through or not. The men that I've initated contact with have told me that they saw me and wanted to talk to me but were intimidated or, like all humans, they were afraid of rejection. Say what one will about a man is not a man if he is scared to approach a woman, but all of my friends are men and they all fear rejection especially if he is really attracted to the woman. In a group setting, bar, club, house gathering, ball game, whatever; if she is constantly being approached by men and shooting them down, some men would rather not be #6 to get the no. That is also why some people suggest that is how ugly men get pretty women, cause they feel they have nothing to lose anyway so go talk to her. In most cases that is so true. Bottom line - a woman initiating contact with a man does not exclude or preempt his pursuing her.

 

[myronnie]

Wait for the man to approach you. If you approach the guy 9 times outta ten he'll say yes because he wants to get that one thing..but if he approaches you it is more likely that he has real feelings..speaking from experience.

 

[Poohbear]

Letting the man approach you is best most of the time.

 

[Syrah]

Are you more likely to approach a man or wait for a man to approach you? Which technique works best in terms of actually starting a relationship?

(Yes, I am strategizing for my own single self )

I'd love to say some traditional nonsense that it's a man's job to approach women - but really, I choose to let me approach me, because I'm shy.

 

[CoCoEspresso]

Crystalicequeen!! You're my she-ro! You're always dropping knowledge!

I always let the men do the approaching because honestly, I'm never consciously looking for a man to approach. I notice that I am approached more often when I least expect it.

The last guy I talked to completely caught off guard. He approached me at work of all places. Later on, he told me that he thought I was standoffish when I first met him, yet he still pursued.

So ladies, men will go after what they want. They don't need convincing. If they are really attracted, then they will approach some how some way.

What I will say is that you if you want a man to approach then should obviously give off the vibe that you are approachable. Body language, demeanor and facial expressions all help give off this vibe. Think about the times that you don't want to be approached. You probably adjust yourself accordingly to stave off any unwanted attention.

 

[Lebiya]

If I know were both feelin’ each other, then I'll give him the signals that I’m interested, but I’ll ALWAYS wait for him to pursue me first!

..If someone really wants something bad enough, they'll go after it

 

[Pheonixx]

I'm old-fashioned on this note. The only place where I am forward is in the bedroom.

The initial meeting....no. I don't approach men and I've never had a problem getting a man.
I can see a very good reason for doing this: For one thing as another woman has stated it's easier to gauge a man's level of interest when he's in your face. Unless you look a HOT mess do you really think most men would not take a number from a woman who approached them?
Why would a man turn down potential sex especially if he doesn't have to work for it?

That's not to say that most men are sex-hungry but let's act like we've been on this earth longer than a day.
You don't have to like someone to sex them. You could be a complete Buttaface (but her face)---as long as you have a small waist, big butt and thighs (optional bosom) you're in there. If you're 'built like a horse', they will be trying to get up in that. Because Lord knows it's the thick girls (especially) who have an endless supply of dudes who are just trying to sex them.

Many men collect women like baseball cards. If they don't...they're either trying or have secretly wanted to (at least once in their lives). Whose to say he wants you like that? Are you that blown away by every dude who gets in YOUR face?
No--but you may date him (or deal with him) for the time being to see what he's about or until something better comes along...


Go for what you want of course.
But approaching is too closely aligned to 'CHASING' for my taste.
Some women have good sense...and if savvy enough they can reverse the roles but from what I've seen when you start off by approaching you'll end doing the bulk of the chasing.

Typically the minute a woman starts chasing a dude (constantly calling him, looking for him, wanting tot see him, trying to 'get to know him', being the main one to do for him and the relationship)...she's already lost.
I mean...fall back some. Seriously. Let him miss you.
What the hell are you chasing after him for?
You're the woman.
Women don't give chase. Women don't pursue.

Anywho--
This is just my opinion but certain roles and dynamics are defined by biology and nature. All the intellectual discussion and moves for 'enlightenment' in the world won't change these things.

Unless you're want to be the top dog and you have a dude who is soft, most women only get themselves hemmed up when they pursue the 'masculine' role, shrug off a man's support and generally won't allow a man to be a man.

I mean take for instance, there's been much discussion on the notion that chivalry is dead. But some females open their mouths and this is all you here:
"Don't open doors for me!"
"Don't do for me..."
"Don't pay for me; I pay myself...."
"I don't need a man for nothing. I'll do for myself! "

Of course there are seemingly no more gentlemen. They've been nagged out of existence!

And this Independent Woman mess...
Now--there's nothing wrong with being capable. Successful. I'm working on my Accounting degree. I hope to work for Deloitte and Touche (big four). I have huge goals. But you be a hard-driving, tough as nails, competitive b**** in the boardroom/office if you have to be.
You don't ever bring that mess home around your man.
That being said there is something wrong when a woman tries to compete for the role of Alpha Male. It's not a competition.

And again---of course there are seemingly no Gentlemen. They can't exist where they are treated as adversaries (as opposed to partners, lovers and friends).

Bottom line:
It's a game, I'm telling you.
But whatever you know....that's just my take on it.
All I know is my man approached me. I never called him every hour on the hour. I was never too available. MOST men tend to get bored with things that are readily available.
He chased ME. He continues to CHASE me. He holds my car door open for me. He bends over backwards for me.
Because I set it up in the beginning to be that way.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

OMG I just realized that I have NEVER approached a guy. I dont see anything wrong with it. But all the the guys that I have been interested in had a mutual feeling and approached me first. If they make eye contact with you more than twice, he will approach you. That works for me at least.

 

[Ms Red]

to the entire post

I'm old-fashioned on this note. The only place where I am forward is in the bedroom.

The initial meeting....no. I don't approach men and I've never had a problem getting a man.
I can see a very good reason for doing this: For one thing as another woman has stated it's easier to gauge a man's level of interest when he's in your face. Unless you look a HOT mess do you really think most men would not take a number from a woman who approached them?
Why would a man turn down potential sex especially if he doesn't have to work for it?

That's not to say that most men are sex-hungry but let's act like we've been on this earth longer than a day.
You don't have to like someone to sex them. You could be a complete Buttaface (but her face)---as long as you have a small waist, big butt and thighs (optional bosom) you're in there. If you're 'built like a horse', they will be trying to get up in that. Because Lord knows it's the thick girls (especially) who have an endless supply of dudes who are just trying to sex them.

Many men collect women like baseball cards. If they don't...they're either trying or have secretly wanted to (at least once in their lives). Whose to say he wants you like that? Are you that blown away by every dude who gets in YOUR face?
No--but you may date him (or deal with him) for the time being to see what he's about or until something better comes along...


Go for what you want of course.
But approaching is too closely aligned to 'CHASING' for my taste.
Some women have good sense...and if savvy enough they can reverse the roles but from what I've seen when you start off by approaching you'll end doing the bulk of the chasing.

Typically the minute a woman starts chasing a dude (constantly calling him, looking for him, wanting tot see him, trying to 'get to know him', being the main one to do for him and the relationship)...she's already lost.
I mean...fall back some. Seriously. Let him miss you.
What the hell are you chasing after him for?
You're the woman.
Women don't give chase. Women don't pursue.

Anywho--
This is just my opinion but certain roles and dynamics are defined by biology and nature. All the intellectual discussion and moves for 'enlightenment' in the world won't change these things.

Unless you're want to be the top dog and you have a dude who is soft, most women only get themselves hemmed up when they pursue the 'masculine' role, shrug off a man's support and generally won't allow a man to be a man.

I mean take for instance, there's been much discussion on the notion that chivalry is dead. But some females open their mouths and this is all you here:
"Don't open doors for me!"
"Don't do for me..."
"Don't pay for me; I pay myself...."
"I don't need a man for nothing. I'll do for myself! "

Of course there are seemingly no more gentlemen. They've been nagged out of existence!

And this Independent Woman mess...
Now--there's nothing wrong with being capable. Successful. I'm working on my Accounting degree. I hope to work for Deloitte and Touche (big four). I have huge goals. But you be a hard-driving, tough as nails, competitive b**** in the boardroom/office if you have to be.
You don't ever bring that mess home around your man.
That being said there is something wrong when a woman tries to compete for the role of Alpha Male. It's not a competition.

And again---of course there are seemingly no Gentlemen. They can't exist where they are treated as adversaries (as opposed to partners, lovers and friends).

Bottom line:
It's a game, I'm telling you.
But whatever you know....that's just my take on it.
All I know is my man approached me. I never called him every hour on the hour. I was never too available. MOST men tend to get bored with things that are readily available.
He chased ME. He continues to CHASE me. He holds my car door open for me. He bends over backwards for me.
Because I set it up in the beginning to be that way.

 

[discobiscuits]

Wow, PhoEnixX i really like your post. Very well said. I disagree, but I like the way you presented your case.

I consider myself old fashioned as well. So much so that I wish things were done like in the "olden" days when young ladies had chaperone and a man had to be introduced to the lady before they could communicate and such. Think Bronte novel type olden days. Alas, we are not in those days.

In modern US society, I don't think that men presume that they can get it or a young lady is easy or what have you just because she approaches him first.

All of my friends and close associates are men except for my BFF who obviously is a woman. 90% of my co-workers are men. My informal survey of these men have revealed that sometimes men are shy and no man likes rejection so it is just easier if he is approached.

By approached i mean what i said in my earlier post that it is a simple as hello. But it can include little "tricks" women play, like dropping something in his presence and he picks it up or some other trick that will open the door to communication. Once the communication begins, i feel it should be the man who pursues.

I have never been a fan of a woman pursuing. But positioning oneself is definitely a go for me. So I want to change the word from approach to First Contact (like Star Trek). I do not think there is anything wrong with a young lady making FC w/ a man but I do not think that a young lady should put herself out there and end up being taken for a 'ho' or similar.

 

[Covergirl5906]

Hehe...I was just on vacation visiting family, and my young cousin (she's only 17) said: "We don't chase boys, we let the boys chase us." I was like: "that's right girl!" I taught her well. She was talking about this guy that she met that she's now talking to. They've been conversing for a few weeks now. She said that she won't call him unless it's in response to his call, or if it's to ask something pertinent. Otherwise, she lets him do the contacting! I'm like: "Wow....she's already got the right mind-set at her age".

Not to put a damper to ladies out there who like to put things in their own hands (afterall, I used to be one of them), but these days, I've learned from my past mistakes and experiences that it's really BEST to let the guy pursue you. There's nothing wrong with being nice, friendly, approachable, and striking up a casual brief conversation, etc. but I don't think women should be the ones to pursue or "approach" a man. I don't think a woman should be calling up a man just to "say hi" or "see how he's doing" if she's interested in him romantically.

For one thing, I think it shows that you have more self worth if you let the guy do the "chasing" or "approaching". Plus, you won't always be wondering in the back of your mind whether or not he really likes you for YOU, or whether he's just with you because you gave him attention/an ego boost.

Plus, for all those that say that "maybe he won't notice me if I don't approach him...". HA! That's a bunch of crock. Do you know how VISUAL men are?? Take the time it took you to notice him and divide that by half, and I'm sure he probably noticed you first in that amount of time. If you're nice, you smile, seem friendly and approachable, then there's no real good reason for him not to either approach you, or ask others about you if he's 100% single and REALLY interested in you. I hate to be so blunt, but that's basically the nitty gritty of it. Men are not blind.

There are exceptions however, and I've known for some women to always put themselves in the same situation/area where they know a guy they like is going to be, and after spending a lot of time with the girl, the guy eventually ends up liking her. That's cool! But to me it's much nicer and more flattering if the guy ended up liking me without so much coaxing. JMHO.

well stated...this is nothing but the truth!

 

[Covergirl5906]

I'm old-fashioned on this note. The only place where I am forward is in the bedroom.

The initial meeting....no. I don't approach men and I've never had a problem getting a man.
I can see a very good reason for doing this: For one thing as another woman has stated it's easier to gauge a man's level of interest when he's in your face. Unless you look a HOT mess do you really think most men would not take a number from a woman who approached them?
Why would a man turn down potential sex especially if he doesn't have to work for it?

That's not to say that most men are sex-hungry but let's act like we've been on this earth longer than a day.
You don't have to like someone to sex them. You could be a complete Buttaface (but her face)---as long as you have a small waist, big butt and thighs (optional bosom) you're in there. If you're 'built like a horse', they will be trying to get up in that. Because Lord knows it's the thick girls (especially) who have an endless supply of dudes who are just trying to sex them.

Many men collect women like baseball cards. If they don't...they're either trying or have secretly wanted to (at least once in their lives). Whose to say he wants you like that? Are you that blown away by every dude who gets in YOUR face?
No--but you may date him (or deal with him) for the time being to see what he's about or until something better comes along...


Go for what you want of course.
But approaching is too closely aligned to 'CHASING' for my taste.
Some women have good sense...and if savvy enough they can reverse the roles but from what I've seen when you start off by approaching you'll end doing the bulk of the chasing.

Typically the minute a woman starts chasing a dude (constantly calling him, looking for him, wanting tot see him, trying to 'get to know him', being the main one to do for him and the relationship)...she's already lost.
I mean...fall back some. Seriously. Let him miss you.
What the hell are you chasing after him for?
You're the woman.
Women don't give chase. Women don't pursue.

Anywho--
This is just my opinion but certain roles and dynamics are defined by biology and nature. All the intellectual discussion and moves for 'enlightenment' in the world won't change these things.

Unless you're want to be the top dog and you have a dude who is soft, most women only get themselves hemmed up when they pursue the 'masculine' role, shrug off a man's support and generally won't allow a man to be a man.

I mean take for instance, there's been much discussion on the notion that chivalry is dead. But some females open their mouths and this is all you here:
"Don't open doors for me!"
"Don't do for me..."
"Don't pay for me; I pay myself...."
"I don't need a man for nothing. I'll do for myself! "

Of course there are seemingly no more gentlemen. They've been nagged out of existence!

And this Independent Woman mess...
Now--there's nothing wrong with being capable. Successful. I'm working on my Accounting degree. I hope to work for Deloitte and Touche (big four). I have huge goals. But you be a hard-driving, tough as nails, competitive b**** in the boardroom/office if you have to be.
You don't ever bring that mess home around your man.
That being said there is something wrong when a woman tries to compete for the role of Alpha Male. It's not a competition.

And again---of course there are seemingly no Gentlemen. They can't exist where they are treated as adversaries (as opposed to partners, lovers and friends).

Bottom line:
It's a game, I'm telling you.
But whatever you know....that's just my take on it.
All I know is my man approached me. I never called him every hour on the hour. I was never too available. MOST men tend to get bored with things that are readily available.
He chased ME. He continues to CHASE me. He holds my car door open for me. He bends over backwards for me.
Because I set it up in the beginning to be that way.

well stated and nothing but the truth!

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I'm old-fashioned on this note. The only place where I am forward is in the bedroom.

The initial meeting....no. I don't approach men and I've never had a problem getting a man.
I can see a very good reason for doing this: For one thing as another woman has stated it's easier to gauge a man's level of interest when he's in your face. Unless you look a HOT mess do you really think most men would not take a number from a woman who approached them?
Why would a man turn down potential sex especially if he doesn't have to work for it?

That's not to say that most men are sex-hungry but let's act like we've been on this earth longer than a day.
You don't have to like someone to sex them. You could be a complete Buttaface (but her face)---as long as you have a small waist, big butt and thighs (optional bosom) you're in there. If you're 'built like a horse', they will be trying to get up in that. Because Lord knows it's the thick girls (especially) who have an endless supply of dudes who are just trying to sex them.

Many men collect women like baseball cards. If they don't...they're either trying or have secretly wanted to (at least once in their lives). Whose to say he wants you like that? Are you that blown away by every dude who gets in YOUR face?
No--but you may date him (or deal with him) for the time being to see what he's about or until something better comes along...


Go for what you want of course.
But approaching is too closely aligned to 'CHASING' for my taste.
Some women have good sense...and if savvy enough they can reverse the roles but from what I've seen when you start off by approaching you'll end doing the bulk of the chasing.

Typically the minute a woman starts chasing a dude (constantly calling him, looking for him, wanting tot see him, trying to 'get to know him', being the main one to do for him and the relationship)...she's already lost.
I mean...fall back some. Seriously. Let him miss you.
What the hell are you chasing after him for?
You're the woman.
Women don't give chase. Women don't pursue.

Anywho--
This is just my opinion but certain roles and dynamics are defined by biology and nature. All the intellectual discussion and moves for 'enlightenment' in the world won't change these things.

Unless you're want to be the top dog and you have a dude who is soft, most women only get themselves hemmed up when they pursue the 'masculine' role, shrug off a man's support and generally won't allow a man to be a man.

I mean take for instance, there's been much discussion on the notion that chivalry is dead. But some females open their mouths and this is all you here:
"Don't open doors for me!"
"Don't do for me..."
"Don't pay for me; I pay myself...."
"I don't need a man for nothing. I'll do for myself! "

Of course there are seemingly no more gentlemen. They've been nagged out of existence!

And this Independent Woman mess...
Now--there's nothing wrong with being capable. Successful. I'm working on my Accounting degree. I hope to work for Deloitte and Touche (big four). I have huge goals. But you be a hard-driving, tough as nails, competitive b**** in the boardroom/office if you have to be.
You don't ever bring that mess home around your man.
That being said there is something wrong when a woman tries to compete for the role of Alpha Male. It's not a competition.

And again---of course there are seemingly no Gentlemen. They can't exist where they are treated as adversaries (as opposed to partners, lovers and friends).

Bottom line:
It's a game, I'm telling you.
But whatever you know....that's just my take on it.
All I know is my man approached me. I never called him every hour on the hour. I was never too available. MOST men tend to get bored with things that are readily available.
He chased ME. He continues to CHASE me. He holds my car door open for me. He bends over backwards for me.
Because I set it up in the beginning to be that way.

So true! So true!!!

Great post Phoenix! I have to keep reminding myself of some of these points. Usually I'm the slightly aloof, yet mysterious and friendly girl. But when I'm REALLY sprung on a guy, I turn into someone I dont' even recognize! I want to call him/text him/care for him/wonder about him 24/7, etc. UGH! IT's crazy I tell you.

But there has to be a healthy medium. I think in the beginning stages you can't be TOO available, or TOO accessible. Don't let a guy know that you want him/ a relationship TOO much. It will turn him off. Remember ladies...we have to make him think that being with us was all HIS idea. Otherwise, he'll feel like he got "suckered" into a relationship, and it wasn't really his idea. Do you know how emasculating that is for a guy???

But yet, you don't want to be TOO aloof, too standoffish, etc. Because guys WILL move on if you aren't giving them SOME attention. Eventually, they'll stop chasing. So, you want to be involved in your life, but not too aloof or bitter/cautious. Yet, you don't want to be overly needy/clingy/desperate either. Ugh...it's a juggling act I tell you. But Phoenix is right...it really is all a big game when you think about it.

 

[gn1g]

I've been thinking about this. Let's see if I can get my thoughts in words.
Most of the time men approach/choose the women and some women go out with the same wrong guy all the time/pattern. So maybe the woman should approach or pick the man and see if the guy is differnet from the previous ones. hmm just a thought.

I am traditional and a bit too shy to approach but I think I might try something different this time.

 

[LadyCee]

I've been thinking about this. Let's see if I can get my thoughts in words.
Most of the time men approach/choose the women and some women go out with the same wrong guy all the time/pattern. So maybe the woman should approach or pick the man and see if the guy is differnet from the previous ones. hmm just a thought.

I am traditional and a bit too shy to approach but I think I might try something different this time.

you are right aout this most of us are shy.. its so hard to get out off thte shy mode if your so use to it...

 

[Vinyl]

I prefer the man to approach me. The one man I approached ended up with me doing everything in the relationship. So I kind of have an "approaching men" phobia now. Don't want that to happen again!

 

[Likeyouneverseenme]

I deal horribly with rejection, so I would never actively approach a man.
If a man is interested I will let him take charge, I also like for the man to be the MAN, so I never really take control in general.

 

[Spongie Bloom]

for me its a bit of both, the majority of men approach me but im also very shy lol i cant do the whole maintaning eye cntact and remembering to smile lol so most of my bfs are pple who enter my social circle and that i get to hang out with more than once so they fall in love with me then ask me out with an exception of 3 bfs that i met when i was out and about in town

ive approached guys, one of the best bfs i had,i saw him at the mall standing with his friends, i was with my friends also. He was so hot lol so i said to my friends gosh i have to have that guy, how can i get him?? i made him notice me and we talked a lil that day and agreed to meet up the next day and he asked me out he was also shy but he did it lol and we started dating, he was lovely and very gorgeous (one of thse who are gorgeous but dont knw it) and no i wasnt doing AN in that relationship it was a gr8 relationship i often wonder if we would still be together if i hadnt moved to another country...

i have been rejected i dont even remember now how it felt when it happened so i guess its not that bad haha its not like him saying no will shatter my whole world (he didnt just say no lol he was a friend i developed a crush on, i didnt just go up to a stranger in a bar and say i love you) if i like someone i like them especially if you see the guy every day its oddly liberating cause either way u get a direct response and you can move on, i hate being in limbo in any aspect of my life.

 

[Iansan]

I always let the man approach me. This guy gave me his number to call him, and wouldn't take mine and because of that I doubt I'll call him, shows take it or leave it interest to me...

 

[CurliDiva]

I never approach MEN!

If he does not have enough interest (or the b**ls) to approach me then it is over before it got started!

 

[Windsy]

you are right aout this most of us are shy.. its so hard to get out off thte shy mode if your so use to it...

I think for women it is the shyness and being afraid of rejection. I've approached guys but they wind up being already in a relationship. I usually approach them and strike up a conversation that leads to a comment that will let me know if they are available or not. I don't just outright holla!!

 

[CurliDiva]

I've been thinking about this. Let's see if I can get my thoughts in words.
Most of the time men approach/choose the women and some women go out with the same wrong guy all the time/pattern. So maybe the woman should approach or pick the man and see if the guy is differnet from the previous ones. hmm just a thought.

I am traditional and a bit too shy to approach but I think I might try something different this time.

Just because a man approaches you, does not mean that you HAVE go out with him! Just say .........thanks, but no thanks.

If a woman keeps ending up with losers or the "wrong" guy time and time again then I think she should look at her standards and her behavior in relationships.

If her "good man" radar is off, wouldn't she get the same results if she did the approaching.

 

[username12]

Give him "the eye," it works everytime, Marilyn Monroe had it down packed. How it's done: you look down, look up at him coyly from the corner of your eye, smile slightly, look back down, and look back up at him from the corner of your eye again.

I never approach men, they approach me, and for the ones whom I'm interested it, I will give him the eye. Simple, yet effective.