Which technique has worked better for you?
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envybeauty
New Member
Are you more likely to approach a man or wait for a man to approach you? Which technique works best in terms of actually starting a relationship?
(Yes, I am strategizing for my own single self)
I have found that men like it when you make that initial move to indicate your interests in them. For the guys who are looking for a relationship.
By initial move, it was a simple as taking their card and contacting them as a followup to a networking event. For the guys who are looking for a relationship, they then think you are interested (even if you aren't
) -- and they test the waters by suggesting that you go out for a drink sometime. If you take them up on their offer, they think you took the bait and are looking too. If you decline or mention a boyfriend, then they know that you must not be interested. Some guys are more forward and willl call you before you call them. So be it. But I am now careful as to what I do and how I do it when dealing with guys who are single.
FemmeCreole
Island Gyal
I am sort of the "go getter" and I am that way in all ascpects of my life including men. If I find a man that I believe matches what I want in a guy, then I will not wiat for him to make the first move. The worst he can say is no *shrugs*
audacious1
New Member
^^That's how i look at it, for the most part.
Here's my things though. When I'm looking for fun (as I am now), I will be more direct and go after them.
If I'm looking for a relationship, then I let them chase me... I like being chased
Here's my things though. When I'm looking for fun (as I am now), I will be more direct and go after them.
If I'm looking for a relationship, then I let them chase me... I like being chased
I'm old school, so I like being chased. I like for men to intiate first, because if you do it and get into an relationship with them, it's most likely that you will be making all the decisions instead of as a couple. Men have gotten real lazy nowadays. We have to give birth to their kids, clean the house, cook dinner, etc. Now we have to ask them out?????? I'm sorry but that's not my job. Also, Men who approach women have confidence, and that's sexy.
reallynow
Well-Known Member
I agree with Val.......I was the one who always let a man approach me because that is what I was taught. As I got older I started doing the approaching and it worked out well for me. I'm ok with a man saying no, because I surely say it all of the time. The one time I went out of my way to approach a man was my husband. I just knew he was for me and I made the first move and then I let him woo me. No regrets.
miss Congeniality
New Member
I let men approach me, but the ones that do are garbage.
The ones that I do like, I am too much of a punk to approach them.
Can't win for losing.
The ones that I do like, I am too much of a punk to approach them.
Can't win for losing.
Zuhus
Active Member
Wow..ok. That was inspirational, coz I just did something stupid
erplexed. I approached a man today...a friend actually! I suddenly started having 'these' feelings 
for him since a month now (we've been friends for a year and he was there for me when I broke up with my ex..as a friend). Now, he too confesses he likes me, but thing is..I dont believe him. I think he's saying that just coz I told him so. I am so confused, yet excited now. But I'm all chickening out and I'm actually thinking of saying it was all but a mistake . Lol...ok I need help 
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bLackButtaFly
Well-Known Member
I don't do the actual approaching, but I will do little things to get the ball rolling. Like I'm good for "accidentally" bumping intoa guy I'm interested in. I did twice to the guy I'm seeing now
, but after that it's on him. I also will make sure i'm in their vision, and then do something like smile or just look alittle flirty, not like my tough new yorker face, so they know they could approach. this way I don't get my feelings hurt if they don't follow through, and they know I'm interested.
, but after that it's on him. I also will make sure i'm in their vision, and then do something like smile or just look alittle flirty, not like my tough new yorker face, so they know they could approach. this way I don't get my feelings hurt if they don't follow through, and they know I'm interested.
reallynow
Well-Known Member
Wow..ok. That was inspirational, coz I just did something stupid
Noooooo don't chicken out, just ask him to be truthful with you. I'm a firm believer in going with your gut, so if you feel that he is just playing along then that may be true, but who knows he might be just as nervous as you and that is just the vibe he's putting out. Have a conversation to make sure you are both on the same page. Good Luck!
WhipEffectz1
Well-Known Member
Either or.......
KEWLKAT103
Well-Known Member
I don't do the actual approaching, but I will do little things to get the ball rolling. Like I'm good for "accidentally" bumping intoa guy I'm interested in. I did twice to the guy I'm seeing now
This is my style also. I let them know that I'm interested so, if they are too, they can do the approaching.
esoterica
New Member
Well said!
esoterica
New Member
I'm a WMLB kinda girl, so no, I will not be taking over the man-role any time soon. If he's too scared to approach me then that's his problem, not mine. The way I see it, if a man is willing to let me slip away then who am I to alter that sequence of events? He better man up real quick if he wants this. I don't want to be with a man who has less balls than me.
splendid10
Member
When I get an indication from a man of his interest, I will confirm his interest by some sort of contact (i.e., e-mail, telephone call, meeting, lunch, etc...). I love being in control and I do not wait for some one’s actions to validate my loveliness (this goes for all people). I tend to be the initiator for contact/communication for most relationships (man, woman, child, mother, father, brother, sister, etc…) and I must say I am a part some of the most amazing relationships with most people in my world. My SO demonstrated his interest and I followed up. My litmus test is: as long as I am consistent with my behavior with my SO as with everyone else that is equally significant in my universe, I can never go wrong. It is only when I deviate from that; I begin to have challenges…(misplaced expectations) Lastly, you have to find the approach that works best for who you are; everything doesn’t work for everybody…
Yes, the approaching and p being the aggressive one isn't me. I like being pursued and I love confident men. IF he's too scared or shy to approach me, than he's not my type anyway. That's how I see it.
naturalmanenyc
Well-Known Member
I've done both...approached and waited to be approached. My husband hates aggressive women so thankfully I didn't approach him. lol lol lol
january noir
Sunny On a Cloudy Day
My experience has led me to believe that it didn't matter what technique.
I've been approached many times and many times I initiated conversation and interest. The approach or technique did not determine if the meeting was successful or not. It was dependent on the people involved and if there was chemistry.
Again, no one technique was better than the other. They are both effective.
I've been approached many times and many times I initiated conversation and interest. The approach or technique did not determine if the meeting was successful or not. It was dependent on the people involved and if there was chemistry.
Again, no one technique was better than the other. They are both effective.
tinkat
Well-Known Member
ITA! I have learned that if they really want you, they come at you.
glamazon386
Well-Known Member
I was just having a convo about this last night with some guy friends. They said any female that's ever approached them wasn't worth talking to. I thought that was a crock of bs but looking at the women they date they shouldn't be complaining.
In my experience, approaching the man is taken as you're coming on too strong. It could be a red flag for the man. I usually just wait to be approached. Also, if you're eyeing somebody more than likely if you make eye contact or speak, they'll eventually come over and talk to you. It's like you're giving them the okay by interacting with them.
In my experience, approaching the man is taken as you're coming on too strong. It could be a red flag for the man. I usually just wait to be approached. Also, if you're eyeing somebody more than likely if you make eye contact or speak, they'll eventually come over and talk to you. It's like you're giving them the okay by interacting with them.
envybeauty
New Member
largely depends on the guy. not every guy is worth approaching imo
Tee
Active Member
I didn't go after guys. I figured if they were interested, they would open their mouth.
Once I got to the age of wanting a spouse, I believed in God to send my husband to me. Now, if I was out there chasing behind them, then that wasn't God. (but be careful of some of these fools. God will not send just anything your way! Weed them out! lol)
Tee
Active Member
I was just having a convo about this last night with some guy friends. They said any female that's ever approached them wasn't worth talking to. I thought that was a crock of bs but looking at the women they date they shouldn't be complaining.
In my experience, approaching the man is taken as you're coming on too strong. It could be a red flag for the man. I usually just wait to be approached. Also, if you're eyeing somebody more than likely if you make eye contact or speak, they'll eventually come over and talk to you. It's like you're giving them the okay by interacting with them.
ITA. My male cousins and god-brothers said the same thing. They basically said if females approached them, that some easy *** and not worth anything other than that.
*I clutched my pearls.* lolglamazon386
Well-Known Member
ITA. My male cousins and god-brothers said the same thing. They basically said if females approached them, that some easy *** and not worth anything other than that.
They think the women that apporach them are desperate too. In most cases I would agree with that. They said the ones that approach them usually weren't even good enough for sex. I busted out laughing at the table. It just struck me as funny the way he said it. It was wrong but funny. They always have the most candid way of looking at things.
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Opalsunset
New Member
I used to be the one to make the first move... The last guy I did that with, He flirted with me first and from there I made a move..trying to just get to know him better and he just backed off after that...though I didnt give up and we did get to know each other better within the 8 months I really got to know him but I just let go after a while because It was like.this guy could care less about me. So I stopped chasing after him..and now everytime I see him, hes always checking me out, saying hello first (something he didnt do back when) and am friendly but not overly friendly..and I think now more than ever hes trying to get back to me. Well I am interested in another guy that is incredible..though I decided this time to not persue him, and so far so good with that. So for me I suppose being passive is the best way to go.
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