When should your SO give you a key....

[hopeful]

And this: "him saying no one will get a key to place..not even his mama." That there to me is a foul thing to say to the woman you supposedly love and want to marry. I do not like how he said that all. He seems to have a mean streak IMO.

 

[IMFOCSD]

whoaaa nelly. first, i think our posts got crossed as i just read them. nobody was being sarcastic about anything. i will say and type what i feel and if people don't like what's being written, tough shyt. don't read it. it's just that simple. this is a board where people are going to post their opinion. no one said you had to agree with it, plain and simple. once u put da bidness out there, it's open season for people to comment, etc.

it is what it is and i am who i am. sarcasm and all.

Okay babygirl, you right you can say what you feel...but the thread I made is not for negative comments..we are grown mature women and i am sayin this to anyone..if you cant be civil then post somewhere else. My biz is for grown mature women to respond to..and you were being funny or sarcastic in your first post..I dont have time for that..and I didnt expect to read so much negativity..if you are gonna give advice without being negative then do that if not KIM.

 

[libertysince05]

To answer your simple question:
Your SO should give you a key when he/she feels like it. ( You're allowed to decline to accept)

 

[VelvetRain]

Op you have little ones. You need someone who understands and cares about their welfare in addition to you. It's not very caring to have your girl and kids sitting out waiting for you in some damn parking lot waiting on dude to come home. Caring men do not do that ish. They show they care by their actions. What if it was late at night? That is dangerous for a young women and kids. People target the unsuspecting. I think you can do much better at this point.

 

[IMFOCSD]

His actions are not matching his words. Based on everything he says I can see why you are surprised he is arguing over the key. He is talking marriage and you moving in with him (this summer no less which is in like 2 months) and yet he is acting territorial and like you are invading his space or something. Definitely fall back and see how it goes. I don't see anything wrong with you moving there since you and your kids like the city better and he has a steady job, etc. but he is not handling things in a gentlemanly, considerate, consistent manner. Something is off and I hope you get to the bottom of it.

Thanks alot..I knew i wasnt trippin lol. It is deeper than just a key and i agree with your post.

 

[VelvetRain]

Sometimes I feel we as women sacrifice too much for men who show themselves not to be worthy of those sacrifices. We have got do much better in picking better partners.

 

[nappystorm]

And this: "him saying no one will get a key to place..not even his mama." That there to me is a foul thing to say to the woman you supposedly love and want to marry. I do not like how he said that all. He seems to have a mean streak IMO.

Really? I've told people the same thing No S.O. of mine will be getting a key until we are hitched and I wouldn't ask him for one. He would just have to be mad especially if he's not paying rent. He should have left it somewhere though.

 

[IMFOCSD]

Thanks for the responses...even the negative ones lol....

So after giving this situation some serious thought...which I shoulda did before making this thread. He is wrong for not giving me a key and for the way he handled the conversation. I asked people who actually know what we have both been through and know us personally, and they agree with me. you cant really give an opinion unless you know first hand what took place. So I just learned a valuable lesson making a thread here lol. i dont come to this form often...maybe once a year, but i needed advice and thought this would be a good place to do so.

Back to the hair forum i go lol...thanks for the advice once again but I know whats to do now.

 

[IMFOCSD]

Really? I've told people the same thing No S.O. of mine will be getting a key until we are hitched and I wouldn't ask him for one. He would just have to be mad especially if he's not paying rent. He should have left it somewhere though.[/Q

I have done so much for this man financially and other ways..more than you know

 

[pookaloo83]

Or maybe he could just make you a key and you leave it when you leave to go back home. Just pick up the key from his job when you arrive in town. That sounds reasonable to me.

 

[Imani]

I've had out of town boyfriends where we weren't even super serious yet (no marriage/engagment talk, etc) and they gave me keys no problem. I never asked, it was just more convenient and they trusted me, so they gave them to me. But I understand to each his/her own. But with all u claim ya'll have been through, I'd be giving homie/the entire relationship a serious side eye.

 

[Carrie A]

I don't know if he's hiding anything but it's not unusual for people to not give out permanent sets of keys to people they are dating. Now once you live together that's a different story. What I infer (which may be off) is that he's not that available when you come to visit. He's at work or wherever and you and your kids are at the house with no way to come and go. Ideally he should try to make himself more available but if not give you a temporary key for the days that you stay. One that you will return once you travel back home.

 

[IMFOCSD]

Or maybe he could just make you a key and you leave it when you leave to go back home. Just pick up the key from his job when you arrive in town. That sounds reasonable to me.

nah, just like he made himself a key to my car...I want my own key. the point of me having my own key is to avoid unneeded trips to his job which is an additional 45 mins away. That defeats the purpose I would rather jus keep using his key if imma just leave it berore i travel back home.

thanks anyway, it might be a good idea for someone else.

 

[IMFOCSD]

I've had out of town boyfriends where we weren't even super serious yet (no marriage/engagment talk, etc) and they gave me keys no problem. I never asked, it was just more convenient and they trusted me, so they gave them to me. But I understand to each his/her own. But with all u claim ya'll have been through, I'd be giving homie/the entire relationship a serious side eye.

This is real talk..

 

[hopeful]

Really? I've told people the same thing No S.O. of mine will be getting a key until we are hitched and I wouldn't ask him for one. He would just have to be mad especially if he's not paying rent. He should have left it somewhere though.

Yes, really. That is something you would say to most people and it would be no big deal. But IMO a man should not talk that way to the woman he says he loves, wants to marry, and wants to move in with him this summer. It's not so much him saying no, but it's how he said it. It's just not nice and I would expect more kindness and respect from a man who says he loves me.

 

[nappystorm]

Really? I've told people the same thing No S.O. of mine will be getting a key until we are hitched and I wouldn't ask him for one. He would just have to be mad especially if he's not paying rent. He should have left it somewhere though.[/Q

I have done so much for this man financially and other ways..more than you know

nah, just like he made himself a key to my car...I want my own key. the point of me having my own key is to avoid unneeded trips to his job which is an additional 45 mins away. That defeats the purpose I would rather jus keep using his key if imma just leave it berore i travel back home.

thanks anyway, it might be a good idea for someone else.

........

 

[IMFOCSD]

And this: "him saying no one will get a key to place..not even his mama." That there to me is a foul thing to say to the woman you supposedly love and want to marry. I do not like how he said that all. He seems to have a mean streak IMO.

This comment is what lead to the argument and me leaving his place and I dont plan on going back..i am def falling back.

 

[IMFOCSD]

........

Im lost

 

[IMFOCSD]

Yes, really. That is something you would say to most people and it would be no big deal. But IMO a man should not talk that way to the woman he says he loves, wants to marry, and wants to move in with him this summer. It's not so much him saying no, but it's how he said it. It's just not nice and I would expect more kindness and respect from a man who says he loves me.

thank you!

 

[pookaloo83]

So he made himself a key to your CAR, but you can't have one tho his place? Boy bye!

 

[nappystorm]

Yes, really. That is something you would say to most people and it would be no big deal. But IMO a man should not talk that way to the woman he says he loves, wants to marry, and wants to move in with him this summer. It's not so much him saying no, but it's how he said it. It's just not nice and I would expect more kindness and respect from a man who says he loves me.

Sounds like he was trying to be nice about it at first. In the OP, it said he didn't answer or something like that. I'm always nice initially but if someone keeps pushing the issue when I've already refused...Just saying

I'm not mad at him about not giving out a key permanently. I am mad about him not sliding the key under a mat or having someone let her in though. That's just plain inconsiderate. I wouldn't have waited an hour. I would have gotten a hotel room to rest, went back home the next day, and never came back.

 

[VelvetRain]

Op I am sorry if you felt slighted by comments here but let's be honest this board is a very tough crowd and folks don't hesitate to keep it one hundred. If anything you got unbiased opinions andsometimes that is helpful to be objective regarding a situation.

 

[IMFOCSD]

Sounds like he was trying to be nice about it at first. In the OP, it said he didn't answer or something like that. I'm always nice initially but if someone keeps pushing the issue when I've already refused...Just saying

I'm not mad at him about not giving out a key permanently. I am mad about him not sliding the key under a mat or having someone let her in though. That's just plain inconsiderate. I wouldn't have waited an hour. I would have gotten a hotel room to rest, went back home the next day, and never came back.

He never gave an answer so I asked again...i am not some random chick he just met, we have history, ups and downs, etc...and how is someone ready for engagement, marriage or for their mate to move in..but not ready to give up a key..that was def a redflag to me.

He does not know know his neighbors enought to give them his key..and neither do i..and he does not trust the whole leaving the key under the mat...neither do i.

 

[IMFOCSD]

Op I am sorry if you felt slighted by comments here but let's be honest this board is a very tough crowd and folks don't hesitate to keep it one hundred. If anything you got unbiased opinions andsometimes that is helpful to be objective regarding a situation.

I dont mind someone disagreeing with me and what not...however dont like when people are being negative and cussin and what not..totally uncalled for. We are all adults and a tought crowd doesnt phase me either especially when I dont personally know the crowd, I am not with the internet bickering thing lol

 

[nappystorm]

He never gave an answer so I asked again...i am not some random chick he just met, we have history, ups and downs, etc...and how is someone ready for engagement, marriage or for their mate to move in..but not ready to give up a key..that was def a redflag to me.

I don't think the key refusal is the red flag in this situation . I think that's what some of the other posters were implying. I spotted about 3 personally.

 

[IMFOCSD]

I don't think the key refusal is the red flag in this situation . I think that's what some of the other posters were implying. I spotted about 3 personally.

I spotted many redflags as I was typing and thinking...and him not giving me a key is one of them.

 

[nappystorm]

I spotted many redflags as I was typing and thinking...and him not giving me a key is one of them.

Well good luck and know that you deserve better, OP. Keep us posted

 

[SexySin985]

He never gave an answer so I asked again...i am not some random chick he just met, we have history, ups and downs, etc...and how is someone ready for engagement, marriage or for their mate to move in..but not ready to give up a key..that was def a redflag to me.

He does not know know his neighbors enought to give them his key..and neither do i..and he does not trust the whole leaving the key under the mat...neither do i.

OP, he did give an answer. I'm sure he heard the question so him refusing to verbally answer was all the answer you needed. I hope things get better for you OP

 

[ladylibra_30]

nah, just like he made himself a key to my car...I want my own key. the point of me having my own key is to avoid unneeded trips to his job which is an additional 45 mins away. That defeats the purpose I would rather jus keep using his key if imma just leave it berore i travel back home.

thanks anyway, it might be a good idea for someone else.

If you take it upon yourself to make a key to his home, you will have even bigger problems.

 

[Mai Tai]

This man has a right to his privacy, and a right to identify an appropriate time to hand out keys to his place. The key refusal itself is not a red flag situation , but here is what is:

1. Him making a key to her car, without her permission I assume, is a red flag.

2. Him not aranging other means to assure that OP and her babies made it indoors safely and comfortably AFTER a 5 hour drive is a red flag.

3. Him "talking" about marriage which involves the HIGHEST amount of trust and respect, yet making statements like "My own momma don't have a key to my place!" This translates to "If I won't give my own momma a key, what makes you think you are going to get one," thus placing OP, the woman he says he wants to marry, on an even lower playing field then his own mother. This is a huge freaking, billowing in the wind with blinking lights, red flag.

I know sometime here on LHCF, we are quick to write men off on any little indescretion, but this man is showing OP what he really is/isn't about. No man would even think of saying that to a woman he loves, cares for and cherishes, a woman who has stuck it out with him during the tough times, a woman with 2 small children who just traveled 5 hours to see his rusty behind, and definately not to a woman he "wants" to marry, and build a life with.