should i give him another chance or move on?

What should I do?

  • Move on

    Votes: 80 97.6%

  • work it out

    Votes: 2 2.4%
  • Total voters
    82
  • Poll closed .
Nothing will change if you stay with this man, in this situation, if you stay with him the past will equal the future. Neither should you jump into a relationship so quickly with the other dude. You need some time alone with yourself and your kids.

You sound like someone who is striving for something better for yourself and your children and you also seem like someone who works hard. It is important to give yourself space to breath and reflect between relationships. Any man that wants to get into your pants will make himself look like a night in shining armour to you at this time and compared to your ex that armour would be even shinier.

Does your kids need a new Daddy at this time? They need time to adjust to this break-up also. If this guy is as good as he makes out then he will wait. If he cannot then it is his loss. There is no reason for you to jump into another relationship so soon. Take care of you and your kids. I hope I am wrong but you kind of sound like my beloved older sister who never goes without a man and she has always jumped from one serious relationship straight into another.

From personal experience it is so important to take time out between relationships to get to know yourself. See this time as an adventure for you and your kids. You can do it. You and your kids deserve it!
 
WOW- Do not pass go, do not collect $200. Chile, leave that man in the dust. After 8 years you are still going through that mess?? You should have been gone. Anyone that brings down your quality of life (happiness included) while they are around is not worth the time.
 
I do believe that people can have epiphanies and change, but it is not going to happen if the woman chooses to be with him hoping things will miraculously work out. It never happens that way.
Do the loving thing for yourself and don't entertain his crap. A man will only change if he decides that his behavior is not working out for him anymore. Don't jump into any new relationship right now. You need to heal from the trauma and find out what it is you want out of life, for yourself and your children.
 
SleekandBouncy said:
I'm going with negativo. Hell no jose is my 2nd choice.

It seems you've given him several chances with increasingly worse and worse results. The results will only be the same if you go down the same path. Insanity is when you do the same thing repeatedly and expect different results.

For the sake of your children and yourself I would not go back. You have three children and therefore you need to be very focused and deliberate in the choices that you make. Your mind needs to be on securing your future and by extension theirs. He will only serve as a distraction.
Additionally you have to set an example for how your children should go on to treat other people (esp. if they are boys) and what they should accept in return (esp. if they are girls). You are their first and primary example.
Click to expand...

That needed to be highlighted...

You already know what to do. Give yourself another chance instead, and move on.
 
Bunny77 said:
I remember that you are the poster that bought the 9000 dollar car from the shady dealership because you had no transportation and had to take three buses to work. Where was your man, the father of your three children, during all of this?
Click to expand...

Oh my goodness!:blush:

I want to take this time out to thank God for my own situation and to always remember that there is ALWAYS someone out there who has it worse than me apparently.

This thread just CANNOT be life!! Just when you think your life is effed up, Its NOT!

Just log on to the internet!
 
This is the true definition of a "Love TKO".

Move onwards and upwards. That should be your mantra each and every morning.
 
MizzBrown said:
Oh my goodness!:blush:

I want to take this time out to thank God for my own situation and to always remember that there is ALWAYS someone out there who has it worse than me apparently.

This thread just CANNOT be life!! Just when you think your life is effed up, Its NOT!

Just log on to the internet!
Click to expand...

:lol: You are all types of wrong for this post
 
I so agree. Whenever I may even think that something in my life is not going well, I always see, hear or read something (usually on LHCF) that makes me so thankful for my experiences.

I cannot even fathom having a man like the OP describes in my life, much less being the father of my children.

OP, I really hope that you can get out of this situation for your sake and your 3 kids.

MizzBrown said:
Oh my goodness!:blush:

I want to take this time out to thank God for my own situation and to always remember that there is ALWAYS someone out there who has it worse than me apparently.

This thread just CANNOT be life!! Just when you think your life is effed up, Its NOT!

Just log on to the internet!
Click to expand...
 
If you loved yourself and your kids you would want to be the best thta you can be. And youre on your way by getting an education. I wouldn't say go to the next guy though - it's too soon. Chill by yourself for a while. be friends with this dude.
 
MizzBrown said:
Oh my goodness!:blush:

I want to take this time out to thank God for my own situation and to always remember that there is ALWAYS someone out there who has it worse than me apparently.

This thread just CANNOT be life!! Just when you think your life is effed up, Its NOT!

Just log on to the internet!
Click to expand...

Wow... that was really sensitive. :rolleyes:
 
I had a friend with a man just like yours minus kids. He was verbally abusive and started openly cheating on her at the end of their marriage. It took her about 2 years of pure heck before she could walk away. She knew she needed to leave him and everyone around her told her she needed to kick him to the curb, but it took her really getting sick and tired to drop him. I couldn't for the life of me, understand why she held onto him for so long. But you are not the first and only woman to be in this situation and we have to recognize for some it does take considerable strength to leave someone you've been with for a long time plus ya'll have kids, so there is an attachment.

Even so you deserve better my dear. A man like that can only break your spirit and leave you worse off and it does sound like he's holding you back and that hurts your children as well. I agree with those who say you need to focus on school and your kids, they should be your top priority right now. If someone really loves and cares about you, you shouldn't have to worry yourself to death over trying to make them act right, they'll do it only if they want to.
 
The way I see it, this guy doesn't want to see you make progress(in referance to your children's father). It seems everytime you are doing something good, like going to school, he wants to steal your joy. In a relationship your man is suppose to support you and be your backbone, he isn't doing this. I will not say that your children shouldn't have a close bond with their father, but know the difference between the children's bond to this man, and your relationship. If you get caught up in this is the father of my children mentality..you will never be set free. As far as the new guy is concerned, he seems really kind..but of course he knows your weakness and how to get you to trust him. So if I were you I wouldn't hang too close to him either, especially since you have strong emotional ties to the father..hope this helps!
 
alwayzalady22 said:
now now now... you already know some folks think having any kind of man is better than having no man at all :rolleyes:
Click to expand...

For real?:perplexed Is that what that's about?

Some women would rather be with a man that:

doesn't speak to them weeks at a time
been with them 8 years and cheated repeatedly
mean and emotionally abusive
not supportive


Please. I'd much prefer to be by myself than endure this just to say I have a man.
 
Pretty Brown Eyes said:
For real?:perplexed Is that what that's about?

Some women would rather be with a man that:

doesn't speak to them weeks at a time
been with them 8 years and cheated repeatedly
mean and emotionally abusive
not supportive


Please. I'd much prefer to be by myself than endure this just to say I have a man.
Click to expand...

Don't forget... makes her take 6-8 buses to and from work AND to get her kids to and from places because there's no car in the household. And then has her feeling so desperate that she has to go to a shady car lot and put about $2000 down on a $9000 Ford Focus (a 2002 Ford Focus at that), and THEN have the engine in that car break down in less than a month and she's posting on a message board about what to do, because obviously HE ain't doin' shyt about it.

I keep bringing up the car thing for a purpose. Any woman who's seriously thinking about taking this kind of man back AND typing out a long story on a message board asking for opinions on whether she should take him back really needs to look at herself.

And the fact that THREE kids are suffering because of this man and her choice to be with this man really needs to make her take a look at herself and why she is making such choices when it comes to men.
 
Hello, let me first say that I already made the decision to leave and I am sticking to it. I just started thinking of my kids and how they feel but they will get over it. I just wanted opinions thats all. You live and you learn. I'm cool, content and a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. If there are any other ladies going through this type of situation trust me you can leave and when you do it will feel great.

Thanks ladies
 
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