if you have your own place, how often can your SO stay over

[fattyfatfat]

good point. In my situation I worry about him staying here a lot, getting all the benefits of having a place to stay and getting too comfortable too soon. Additionally I KNOW my landlords look out their window and I dont want them seeing someone who is not on the lease, with a key, coming and going as he pleases. I know lots of young women around my age who let their SO come and go with a key whenever they please. Their situations have now turned into the worse. Im seeing here on the board if Im overreacting.

He asked me for a key once and I was like look:. Sorry cant get a key.

The only thing I'm questioning is if some of you ladies feel less uncomfortable about it becasue if you're not married it doesn't "look" right morally? I am finally moving into my own place 2 hours away from MisterMan in 2 months.

I am SO much more comfortable at his place than I am at home with my parents plus I work from my home office which means wherever I want to be from 9-5 (basically). I help him out by buying groceries and cleaning from time to time but he never asks me to and he still takes me out on dates and for the most part does not let me cook- he cooks and waits on me. It's been almost a year and he respects my desire to wait for sex until marriage and we have already started looking at houses and rings so I don't see what the big deal is. I feel like I'm looking out for all the pitfalls of cohabiting while getting all the benefits (meaning I get to know what's it's like to "live" with him and all of his quirks and habits and vice versa).

Besides now that we will be living farther away for the time being it would be mean to send him away after such a long drive after a few hours doncha think?

 

[Everything Zen]

good point. In my situation I worry about him staying here a lot, getting all the benefits of having a place to stay and getting too comfortable too soon. Additionally I KNOW my landlords look out their window and I dont want them seeing someone who is not on the lease, with a key, coming and going as he pleases. I know lots of young women around my age who let their SO come and go with a key whenever they please. Their situations have now turned into the worse. Im seeing here on the board if Im overreacting.

He asked me for a key once and I was like look:. Sorry cant get a key.

I agree. I think it depends on the individual situation. This is the first relationship I've had with cohabitation and it's undeniably the best I have ever had.

 

[BillsBackerz67]

if i had my own place he could stay over a few nights out of the week. the only thing i will not be doing is giving him a key to my home. thats bascially an open invitation telling him to come over when evr he pleases. there may edays where i dont feel like being bothered, and it will discourage "popping" up, or if we have a fight i dont have to worry about him trying to get in the house in case something shady happens. men are crazy these days.

 

[glamazon386]

When I lived by myself he would come over a few times a week if we weren't at his place. But he didn't have a key. I didn't feel comfortable with that. And if I left, he had to go too.

 

[unique4lyfe33]

matter of fact i will be gettin an apartment next year and so will my bf (seperate) and ill probably be over there 50% of the time and he'll be over mine 50% of the time. and by the way i have keys to his car (since i dont have one)

 

[Sunnum]

character limit

 

[Everything Zen]

Bold mine. Yep--My best friend is going through this now. She met her live-in boyfriend a year before I met my now-husband. Six years later--I'm at five years of marriage and she's not even close to engaged**. When I was dating my husband, he knew better: no getting comfortable and def. not living together before we were married (not a moral issue, but practical).

**Disclaimer: Not saying it's every woman's dream to get married, but it's definitely hers--interestingly enough, I didn't think I'd ever get married (no real desire to do so before).

Hmmm.... I wonder why this is? Granted we don't live together but we are very comfortable and have keys and what not. As a matter of fact my close friends in the area all had keys to my apartment as I had keys to theirs and when I move in June they will all once again have keys and vice versa. I would have a key to his car if I knew how to drive a stick.

 

[frankie]

I've never given an SO a key to my place, and I've never had keys to an SO's place...except the time I went to visit my now ex (out of town) and he had a set of keys made so I could come and go while he was at work. He said I could keep them, but I returned them before I left.

It took a while before I would allow him to stay in my apt. when I left...we worked different schedules, I usually had to leave in the morning before him.

 

[Much2much41]

He can't. He can marry me, and I'll go live with HIM. I don't believe in men moving in with me. I'm too old-fashioned for that.

 

[DaPPeR]

ladies, if you have your own place, how often can/does your SO stay over? does he have a key? if you leave for work can he stay or does he have to go? thanks.

He can stay as often as he likes as long as he chips in around the house. No he does not have a key. He has to leave once I leave. bottom line

 

[fattyfatfat]

Does that mean he can stay seven days a week? Not attacking....just asking

Do you have to ask him to do things or does he know to do them?

He can stay as often as he likes as long as he chips in around the house. No he does not have a key. He has to leave once I leave. bottom line

 

[CookieLAD]

I guess I'm kinda old school...... I don't want no man laying around on my stuff scratching, farting and belching on a regular unless he's contributing financially.

No cash.....no key......

 

[Keep1Belle]

ladies, if you have your own place, how often can/does your SO stay over? does he have a key? if you leave for work can he stay or does he have to go? thanks.

For me this typically works in reverse because of schedules, distance to work, etc.

but typically we have 1 overnight visit a week and then a 2 night visti on the weekends. We live 1 hour a part so its usually Wednesday night and then Saturday night and sunday night.

On the weekends I have been there when he was not and he has been at my place when im not. Its a matter of I want to see him or vice versa but to wit until the person gets home from work or other engagemnt would take to much time, or cut into time spent.

neither one of us have each others keys. But when he leaves to go out for a few hours, he will leave me a spare incase I want to come and go, etc.

We have only been dating 4 months, so exchanging keys is a little soon.

 

[aliceo]

Maybe your SO expected that but actually MisterMan does most of the cooking and serving me meals.

Yup. Me too. Wouldn't have it any other way.

I stay over at his place 6-7 days a week. I buy groceries sometimes. He takes care of most of the expenses though.

 

[january noir]

Oooooo Dani.. what's going on Chica?!

I have my own place, but my SO does not have a key and he rarely stays over. I can count the times he's stayed overnight on 2 hands.

We spend most of the time at his home. I have a key (gave it to me Valentine's weekend). Since November of 2007, I practically live at his house (closer to my job) and I use my place for my private den and "get-a-way" and closet for my clothes! .

Do what you think is best. Take it slow. If this is the right man for you, he'll help improve your situation (i.e. financially, emotionally, spiritually and socially) and hopefully you'll be spending more time at his house or sharing one as a committed couple. Good Luck!

 

[january noir]

Does that mean he can stay seven days a week? Not attacking....just asking

Do you have to ask him to do things or does he know to do them?

Watch and observe. If he is not fitting in to your lifestyle, THEN you tell him what the deal. If he is not cooking, ask him to cook, see if he has skills. If he doesn't, don't bother. Ask him to remove the garbage every Monday or when it is full. If he loves you, he will try to comply; it's harder for men to be domestic than it is for women generally.

Some men are as fastidious as women are percieved to be and some have to be taught. You have to discover if your rman is "teachable." If he's not, and most of his habits are deal breakers, then it's time to find another.

If he can't fit into your lifestyle comfortably, then you should limit the amount of time he spends at your home.

 

[fattyfatfat]

thanks for the advice everyone!!!!

january noir, how have you been?!

 

[january noir]

thanks for the advice everyone!!!!

january noir, how have you been?!

Hey Dani! Things are going great for you I see!

 

[vevster]

I don't like the implication earlier in this thread that if you let a guy sleep over he automatically won't marry you.

That is just not true.

 

[Xavier]

I don't like the implication earlier in this thread that if you let a guy sleep over he automatically won't marry you.

That is just not true.

Just like the whole cohabitation=doom to never get married.

I personally am not comfortable with living with a BF, but I have no problems allowing my BF to spend the night occassionally. No he does not have to contribute to my bills and yes if I trust him he can have a key to my place.

Different strokes for different folks.