When should your SO give you a key....

[IMFOCSD]

....to his place?

I am in a relationship with a guy and we have experienced so many ups and downs (his fault). I forgave him after a year of being apart. We both live in Texas but different cities...5hrs aprt. I came to visit him for the first time about a month ago and I had to take his key to get in and out the house which caused him to be locked out. I asked him then for a key to his apartment...no answer. I visited him again this past weekend and after driving for 5 hours me and my kids had to sit in my car for another hour because he was not home and of course I could not get into his place. The day after I had to keep his key while he was at work and he tells me I have to walk all the way to the front gate to let him in or having his key isnt gonna work. I asked him again for a key and we had an argument about it..him saying no one will get a key to place..not even his mama erplexed...huh??

I am starting to feel like he may have something to hide....or he is being controlling, either way its not cool. I wanted to tell him it was over..again. I have done alot for this person and been there for them and he was being so mean about a stupid key...the only time I would use it is when I would come visit him..maybe once or twice a month...am i wrong for asking for a key? I Dont wanna jump to conclusions.

 

[Syrah]

For me, it's engagement on the side of being close to being married (not the day after he pops the question, but getting closer to actually walking down the aisle).

Why do you ned a key to his place? Sounds to me like he could easily resolve your issues by being more timely, or realistic about his time schedule so that you're not waiting around on him.

Does he have something to hide? Maybe. Or maybe he just doesn't want you having unrestricted access to his place, which I 100% understand.

 

[Etherealsmile]

There is no reason for you to be upset that he refuses to give you a key to his placeerplexed.

He may or may not have something to hide but i look at it like this, I don't care if I've been in a relationship with someone for 2+ years, my home is my place to de-stress, i'm not comfortable with the knowledge that my SO could drop by any ole time he wants because i gave him access to my place via a key

your SO might be feeling the same way.

 

[ladysaraii]

I understand not having a key to his place, but it sounds like you and he need to do a better job of communicating or synching up visits so all this waiting wont happen.

I'd be peeved to is I drove 5 hours and had a sit in a car and wait. Can he leave a key somewhere that you can get when you come and you can just give it back to him when you leave.

 

[hopeful]

You guys seem to have a problem with communication. I don't like the idea of handing out keys to my home all willy nilly, but honestly, he does not seem to appreciate you driving 5 hours to see him. And if I were you, I wouldn't do it anymore. It is his job to figure out how to make your visit more pleasant. And honestly, if you live 5 hours away it's not likely you will be poppin' over his house unannounced if you had a key. Who knows if he's hiding something. But he certainly does not seem very appreciative or considerate.

 

[Etherealsmile]

OP does he visit you as well or are you always the one to drive 5hrs to see him?

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

*Lights up a newport one hunnit*

phuck da key. why u drivin to see him 5 hours away with ur kids in tow? dis is ur second visit to him. why can't he get in his car and inconvenience himself to see you?

chile puleez. i'm still tryna understand why yall had to sit in da car for anotha hour afta u got there. didn't he know yall was comin?

why u pressed for a key? let him come to ur house. dat'll solve all of that cuz i'd be dayum'd if imma git in my car, drive 5 hours, u know i'm coming...then gotta sit there n wait until he feels like comin home to letchu in.

i think u askin da wrong questions. gas hi as hell to be drivin some 5 hours to bytch about a key.

nobody should have the key to nobody's crib unless he has paid your rent for the past 6 months (on time) and even then...

or unless yall married. das it n das all. now, if his momma ain't gettin da key and you phuckin him, and you ain't gettin da key, dat to me says a lot.

 

[hopeful]

Also, I think you are doing too much. You said you may drive there once or twice a month. That's 5 hours each way, right? So 10-20 hours of driving a month to argue over a key. I wouldn't put my kids through that either. Let him figure how to see you if he wants to. Let him figure out the key situation.

 

[pookaloo83]

*Lights up a newport one hunnit*

phuck da key. why u drivin to see him 5 hours away with ur kids in tow? dis is ur second visit to him. why can't he get in his car and inconvenience himself to see you?

chile puleez. i'm still tryna understand why yall had to sit in da car for anotha hour afta u got there. didn't he know yall was comin?

why u pressed for a key? let him come to ur house. dat'll solve all of that cuz i'd be dayum'd if imma git in my car, drive 5 hours, u know i'm coming...then gotta sit there n wait until he feels like comin home to letchu in.

i think u askin da wrong questions. gas hi as hell to be drivin some 5 hours to bytch about a key.

nobody should have the key to nobody's crib unless he has paid your rent for the past 6 months (on time) and even then...

or unless yall married. das it n das all. now, if his momma ain't gettin da key and you phuckin him, and you ain't gettin da key, dat to me says a lot.

You never disappoint! I agree!

 

[VelvetRain]

Op your guy needs to step up a lot more. I'll be damn if I was doing that much driving and it wasn't reciprocated. Fall back on that and see if he initiates coming to see you. If you think he's hiding something he could very well be. Sometimes women underestimate their keen sense of intstinct.

 

[IMFOCSD]

Thanks for the responses

I will say this..me and this man is far past the dating thing. He has been begging me to move in with him or stay with him for the summer until my lease is up in November. He has been pressuring me about engagement and marriage. Like I stated once before me and this person have overcome alot of issues that were the cause of his actions. I finally told him that we can work things out as long as I see improvements. I am not gonna be traveling 5 hours every time he wants me to visit him just so me and my kids can sit in my car for hours until he gets home...he needs to man up.

 

[IMFOCSD]

*Lights up a newport one hunnit*

phuck da key. why u drivin to see him 5 hours away with ur kids in tow? dis is ur second visit to him. why can't he get in his car and inconvenience himself to see you?

chile puleez. i'm still tryna understand why yall had to sit in da car for anotha hour afta u got there. didn't he know yall was comin?

why u pressed for a key? let him come to ur house. dat'll solve all of that cuz i'd be dayum'd if imma git in my car, drive 5 hours, u know i'm coming...then gotta sit there n wait until he feels like comin home to letchu in.

i think u askin da wrong questions. gas hi as hell to be drivin some 5 hours to bytch about a key.

nobody should have the key to nobody's crib unless he has paid your rent for the past 6 months (on time) and even then...

or unless yall married. das it n das all. now, if his momma ain't gettin da key and you phuckin him, and you ain't gettin da key, dat to me says a lot.

He has done this a few times but he has two jobs and works everyday from 5am to 11pm. I am not working at the moment thats why we were talkin about me moving with him and I could find a job or go to school once I moved with him. Me and him had plans of doing things together, thats why I dont understand why he got upset about me having a key.

 

[IMFOCSD]

Op your guy needs to step up a lot more. I'll be damn if I was doing that much driving and it wasn't reciprocated. Fall back on that and see if he initiates coming to see you. If you think he's hiding something he could very well be. Sometimes women underestimate their keen sense of intstinct.

This is so true and I feel the same way.

 

[VelvetRain]

I hear you but honestly you are showing all this dedication to him and the relationship. The issue is where is he exhibiting any dedication in return to you? I def would not enter into a marriage where there are questions re level of dedication. Some of these men talk alot but their actions prove otherwise. Like others have said communication is lacking.

 

[ThickHair]

I have never given a key to my place and I have never received a key. With my Ex-husband, he didn't have full access until we were married. Surprisingly I didn't do many sleepover's either.

 

[IMFOCSD]

*Lights up a newport one hunnit*

phuck da key. why u drivin to see him 5 hours away with ur kids in tow? dis is ur second visit to him. why can't he get in his car and inconvenience himself to see you?

chile puleez. i'm still tryna understand why yall had to sit in da car for anotha hour afta u got there. didn't he know yall was comin?

why u pressed for a key? let him come to ur house. dat'll solve all of that cuz i'd be dayum'd if imma git in my car, drive 5 hours, u know i'm coming...then gotta sit there n wait until he feels like comin home to letchu in.

i think u askin da wrong questions. gas hi as hell to be drivin some 5 hours to bytch about a key.

nobody should have the key to nobody's crib unless he has paid your rent for the past 6 months (on time) and even then...

or unless yall married. das it n das all. now, if his momma ain't gettin da key and you phuckin him, and you ain't gettin da key, dat to me says a lot.

Okay Ms "thatjerseygirl"

First of all he gave me the gas to get to and from his house...secondly, he didnt get off work in tikme to be there when we got there...thirdly...aint nobody "bytchin" about no key. We are both adults 30 or more, I dont have time to play games with a man. You have alot of uncalled negativity in your posts that could been kept to yourself. I am def on some grown woman ish...and what are you talkin about payin somebodies rent for six months erplexed..where that come from. I am independent...I pay my own bills, I have a degree and I do me.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

He has done this a few times but he has two jobs and works everyday from 5am to 11pm. I am not working at the moment thats why we were talkin about me moving with him and I could find a job or go to school once I moved with him. Me and him had plans of doing things together, thats why I dont understand why he got upset about me having a key.

ok. but ur forgettin one small detail.

ur children. it's not ur problem that he is workin 2 jobs nor is that an excuse cuz i believe people, especially men will make time for what they wanna make time for. in other words, stop making excuses and makin da puddi convenient for him....bringing it to him via 5 hours.

now, ur tawkin bout moving in with him. this whole thing sounds messy from da jump. he needs to move closer to YOU and yours, not da other way around. it sounds to me as if ur making all of the decisions (moving in, finding a job, going to school, etc.). why can't you do that where you are?

what i'm gettin at is, how did yall go from not talkin/seein each other for a whole year to "i wanna see some improvements" to "he's pressuring me to marry him or get engaged" to "i can move in with u, find a job, go to school, etc.

u ain't workin and he workin like a hunnit jobs. something ain't addin up.
if he wanna marry u so bad, instead of working on gettin a key, why don't you work on urself (get a job, keep da roof over ur head). cuz see, he's doin him. whose doin u?

 

[IMFOCSD]

ok. but ur forgettin one small detail.

ur children. it's not ur problem that he is workin 2 jobs nor is that an excuse cuz i believe people, especially men will make time for what they wanna make time for. in other words, stop making excuses and makin da puddi convenient for him....bringing it to him via 5 hours.

now, ur tawkin bout moving in with him. this whole thing sounds messy from da jump. he needs to move closer to YOU and yours, not da other way around. it sounds to me as if ur making all of the decisions (moving in, finding a job, going to school, etc.). why can't you do that where you are?

what i'm gettin at is, how did yall go from not talkin/seein each other for a whole year to "i wanna see some improvements" to "he's pressuring me to marry him or get engaged" to "i can move in with u, find a job, go to school, etc.

u ain't workin and he workin like a hunnit jobs. something ain't addin up.
if he wanna marry u so bad, instead of working on gettin a key, why don't you work on urself (get a job, keep da roof over ur head). cuz see, he's doin him. whose doin u?

okay ..wow

I will say nobody is making excuses for anything..this whole thread is based off of something that justa happened lastnight and I needed adcove..so if anyone wants to be sarcastic and what not keep your comments to yourself and that goes for whoever. Everything that I stated in this thread are things that me and him have talked about and we were broken up for a year becase of some issues we had we still kep in touch tho. Us getting engaged/married were things he seemed so serious about and I said we will see. We were supposed to get engaged when I moved with him in November. I asked him for a key for convinience for me and him. I dont see anything wrong with asking a man for a key to his home when he claims he wants you there anyway.

ETA: I was thinking about possibly moving up there because I like the city he lives in more than where I live and so do my children whom by the way dont have a say so in what I do becasue I take care of them..I am the adult and they are the children. They have a great relationship with him and they are crazy about him and get excited whenever I tell them we are going to visit him..its not like he is a random guy I just met...

 

[VelvetRain]

Op not to be all up in your business but ask yourself why do you want to be with this guy? This situation/relationship sounds stressed. A fight over a key? Him acting mean over the situation? There is a level if trust that is missing here. If he's acting ridiculous over trivial things imagine how he will be with bigger issues. Hell my ex didn't hesitate to give me a key when things were getting serious. He wouldn't have fathomed me sitting out in my car waiting around for him alone.

 

[IMFOCSD]

Op not to be all up in your business but ask yourself why do you want to be with this guy? This situation/relationship sounds stressed. A fight over a key? Him acting mean over the situation? There is a level if trust that is missing here. If he's acting ridiculous over trivial things imagine how he will be with bigger issues. Hell my ex didn't hesitate to give me a key when things were getting serious. He wouldn't have fathomed me sitting out in my car waiting around for him alone.

I totally agree with the bolded.

The key situation was totally unexpected as far as his reaction and what not...I hope he did not think I would move with him and not get a key...or stay with him for an entire summer and not have a key smh. The only time I would even use the key would be when I am in his city and he is not home and i am not the pop up without letting you know type of chick..even though it shouldnt be a problem seeing as how he talkin bout engagement/marriage.

 

[IMFOCSD]

Thanks for the responses but I know what I am going to do. Game time is over....

Thanks ladies.

 

[Poohbear]

when he makes you his wife

 

[Poohbear]

Thanks for the responses

I will say this..me and this man is far past the dating thing. He has been begging me to move in with him or stay with him for the summer until my lease is up in November. He has been pressuring me about engagement and marriage. Like I stated once before me and this person have overcome alot of issues that were the cause of his actions. I finally told him that we can work things out as long as I see improvements. I am not gonna be traveling 5 hours every time he wants me to visit him just so me and my kids can sit in my car for hours until he gets home...he needs to man up.

Actions speak louder than words... With they way he's acting, it doesn't seem like he's been pressuring you about marriage or wanting you to move in with him...

 

[brittanynic16]

This whole place has become very interesting lately.

OP this is my philosophy on relationships ( not that I am an expert). I never ask a guy to do anything. I tell him what I would like or make suggestions. If he doesn't comply then I make my own choice.

In your case if I felt I needed the key I would tell him why I think I need a key. i would also let him know that because it has become an issue if he decides not to give me the key then i could only come see him when he was available to open his own door. At that point he makes the call. No need to argue since a solution is already out there. Just make sure to follow through.

You should not have to force him he should want to comply. You will see how important it is for him to see you. Either he will give in, make a better schedule or no nothing. If he does nothing it may time to move on.
Sent from my MB501 using Long Hair Care Forum App

 

[IMFOCSD]

Actions speak louder than words... With they way he's acting, it doesn't seem like he's been pressuring you about marriage or wanting you to move in with him...

Thanks for your response,

You are right and I am def feel that action speaks louder than words..and when I visited him..for the last time I observed all I needed. Now that I am sitting here thinking about everything I am not wrong for asking for a key.

It's been a long road and I have not stated in this thread everything that has taken place...just bits and peices so I can see why some of the posters dont feel where im comin from but its cool. I know what i have to do.

 

[Cien]

He should give you a key when HE feels ready to give you a key. Pressuring him about a key is only going to keep tension and strife in your relationship--not to mention, arguments.

I'm not sure if he has anything to hide, but I don't see anything wrong with him not wanting to take that step if he isn't ready.

Although, this wasn't the reason for your post, what I do find wrong is you strapping your kids up and driving 5 hours--one way--to see this guy. I agree with ThatJerseyGirl, when she said that, men make time for what they want to make time for.

He has already shown a lack of concern for you and yours when he KNEW that you all were in town----sitting in a car for an hour, outside of his home.

 

[IMFOCSD]

This whole place has become very interesting lately.

OP this is my philosophy on relationships ( not that I am an expert). I never ask a guy to do anything. I tell him what I would like or make suggestions. If he doesn't comply then I make my own choice.

In your case if I felt I needed the key I would tell him why I think I need a key. i would also let him know that because it has become an issue if he decides not to give me the key then i could only come see him when he was available to open his own door. At that point he makes the call. No need to argue since a solution is already out there. Just make sure to follow through.

You should not have to force him he should want to comply. You will see how important it is for him to see you. Either he will give in, make a better schedule or no nothing. If he does nothing it may time to move on.
Sent from my MB501 using Long Hair Care Forum App

Thanks for responding,

II explained to him why i need a key and it makes too much sense. The fact that he told me no was not why the argument began, its the way he said it. There is no way you are gonna get upset and then tell me nobody is getting a key to his place...dude please...so im jus gonna move with you and not have a key..nah. He has a key to my car which he did without asking me a while back and I said nothing because at the time he had it just as much as me.

All he had to say was no and give a good explanation as to why I cant have a key instead of being a d**khead about it.

 

[ThatJerseyGirl]

okay ..wow

I will say nobody is making excuses for anything..this whole thread is based off of something that justa happened lastnight and I needed adcove..so if anyone wants to be sarcastic and what not keep your comments to yourself and that goes for whoever. Everything that I stated in this thread are things that me and him have talked about and we were broken up for a year becase of some issues we had we still kep in touch tho. Us getting engaged/married were things he seemed so serious about and I said we will see. We were supposed to get engaged when I moved with him in November. I asked him for a key for convinience for me and him. I dont see anything wrong with asking a man for a key to his home when he claims he wants you there anyway.

ETA: I was thinking about possibly moving up there because I like the city he lives in more than where I live and so do my children whom by the way dont have a say so in what I do becasue I take care of them..I am the adult and they are the children. They have a great relationship with him and they are crazy about him and get excited whenever I tell them we are going to visit him..its not like he is a random guy I just met...

whoaaa nelly. first, i think our posts got crossed as i just read them. nobody was being sarcastic about anything. i will say and type what i feel and if people don't like what's being written, tough shyt. don't read it. it's just that simple. this is a board where people are going to post their opinion. no one said you had to agree with it, plain and simple. once u put da bidness out there, it's open season for people to comment, etc.

it is what it is and i am who i am. sarcasm and all.

 

[hopeful]

His actions are not matching his words. Based on everything he says I can see why you are surprised he is arguing over the key. He is talking marriage and you moving in with him (this summer no less which is in like 2 months) and yet he is acting territorial and like you are invading his space or something. Definitely fall back and see how it goes. I don't see anything wrong with you moving there since you and your kids like the city better and he has a steady job, etc. but he is not handling things in a gentlemanly, considerate, consistent manner. Something is off and I hope you get to the bottom of it.

 

[IMFOCSD]

He should give you a key when HE feels ready to give you a key. Pressuring him about a key is only going to keep tension and strife in your relationship--not to mention, arguments.

I'm not sure if he has anything to hide, but I don't see anything wrong with him not wanting to take that step if he isn't ready.

Although, this wasn't the reason for your post, what I do find wrong is you strapping your kids up and driving 5 hours--one way--to see this guy. I agree with ThatJerseyGirl, when she said that, men make time for what they want to make time for.

He has already shown a lack of concern for you and yours when he KNEW that you all were in town----sitting in a car for an hour, outside of his home.

Okay sigh..this is becoming overwhelming lol,

Nobody is pressuring anybody about a key...it was a simple question that could have been answered in a better manner. Me and my kids are always strapped up,in a car traveling...its something we enjoy doing..its our quality time. In this case he payed my way there and back both times. He was at work at when we got there...not at a club or bar. He cant just leave work so i kinda understood that. As I stated before he does not get off work until 11pm or later..which he thought he was getting off earlier but his boss said no. Like I said once before I dont expect anyone to agree with me becasue nobody knows the situation at hand. He is the one that wants what he want when he wants it. I dont ask for anything from him unless its a need, but you know it is what it is.