What If You NEVER Get Married?

[Xerxes]

Ok, we all know the stats, 45% of BW have never been married and aren't likely to ever marry.

This is a fact, but even while knowing this, could you live happily ever after without ever marrying?

If you couldn't imagine living without ever marrying, what are you doing now or have done to better your chances of walking down the aisle?

I'm all about being independent and I thoroughly enjoy being single and having options, but I don't think I would want to give up on marriage. Also, I'm a Christian so I've been saving myself and could not imagine never getting to have sex. If I died while still a virgin, I'd like beg Jesus to send me back to earth for 5 minutes just to get some action. LOL

If sex weren't tied to marriage for me, then I would be able to live without having a husband.

 

[Ramya]

I could live without being married. I kind of like the idea of a lifetime of service BUT I like the idea of having a husband even more. I can't say that I'm doing anything special to "up my chances" but I doubt my chances are that slim to begin with.

 

[Xerxes]

I could live without being married. I kind of like the idea of a lifetime of service BUT I like the idea of having a husband even more. I can't say that I'm doing anything special to "up my chances" but I doubt my chances are that slim to begin with.

Hmm, well that sounds good. What makes you confident you will marry? Are you already engaged? If so, congratulations.

As far as things I was thinking that might help a girl stand a better chance of marrying is not wasting time seriously dating men that don't fit her criteria for a husband. That's what I've started to do.

 

[LunadeMiel]

I would be really unhappy ...
I'm 24 with no prospect and I'm really worried ...

 

[Ramya]

Hmm, well that sounds good. What makes you confident you will marry? Are you already engaged? If so, congratulations.

As far as things I was thinking that might help a girl stand a better chance of marrying is not wasting time seriously dating men that don't fit her criteria for a husband. That's what I've started to do.

No I am not engaged but I practice courtship vs. dating so I don't waste my time and emotions on men that don't want nor deserve me. I know what I want and what I bring to the table. If he's not it, I keep it moving . I don't speak negatively about the statistics because maybe I'm in the majority of black women who DO get married. That's what I focus on.

ETA: I'm 21 years old.

 

[awhyley]

Heh heh, boyfriends and batteries

I don't know about the getting married part, but I would like to have a companion later on in life, even if we never tie the knot. I'm still in my twenties, albeit, late twenties, but I'm not worried about it just yet. Maybe when I'm in my late thirties/early forties wondering where m ylief went wrong, I'll look back on this thread.

 

[Bunny77]

Interesting that you bring this question up, because I was having this discussion with someone else recently and I didn't know how to respond... but after thinking about it, I do now.

I don't ask myself that question anymore because I know that I will be married. I don't entertain the thought that I won't be married, because that isn't in the realm of possibility for me.

I see progression to marriage as a natural and normal part of my life as an adult woman (again, this is for ME, not speaking for everyone else), and just as I said I would get a degree, pursue my career, etc., I also say that I will get married.

I think this requires a different mindset though than I used to have, one that is more practical than pie-in-the-sky. I think if you take the idea that you have to wait until this one great love of your life drops into your lap, you'll feel less likely to be married. If you are looking for someone who will first and foremost be a good husband and father and that love is a choice, I think you have more options.

Now, I'm not saying I will marry any ole' dude who I barely like just to say I'm married. Heck, I'd be married now if that was the case! But I think that I have more options since I'm looking at men in a more practical way instead of trying to make things happen with a guy who I have instant chemistry with. That stuff is overrated.

So anyway, that question isn't one that I entertain anymore. I will be married. (but I like discussing why I don't entertain it!)

 

[BillsBackerz67]

I'll answer this thread when and if that happens. As of this point.... eh Im neutral Now if you ask me about kids ...I can def see myself not having any and wouldnt be sad about it But more than likely Ill b popping out a few provided that I do get married.

 

[lexi84]

I'm not gonna sit here and lie and speak that old tired rhetoric of "Oh I dont need a man, I'm a strong black woman. All I need are batteries baby!!" Naw, thats a lie. We need and want them just as much as they need and want us. Thats just the way it is. So yea, I hope to be married one day, but if I'm not, oh well. I'll cross that brigde when I get there.

But I'm certainly not going to live my life under the fear of being alone one day. I'd rather be alone than hanging onto a hopeless and unhappy relationship because of a fear of being lonely one day. Naw.

 

[Xerxes]

I would be really unhappy ...
I'm 24 with no prospect and I'm really worried ...

Shoot, I'm 28 and I see nothing but potential guys and I'm not sweating yet, so you should be on top of the world at 24.

What do you want a husband for? Thinking about this helps you feel more secure in waiting for the right guy.

 

[Xerxes]

No I am not engaged but I practice courtship vs. dating so I don't waste my time and emotions on men that don't want nor deserve me. I know what I want and what I bring to the table. If he's not it, I keep it moving . I don't speak negatively about the statistics because maybe I'm in the majority of black women who DO get married. That's what I focus on.

ETA: I'm 21 years old.

Aw, you're only 21, how cute. I remember how that used to feel, not caring about the statistics...LOL However, knowing the statistic gives you power to control your situation; it's not a negative thing.

I think you're going to be part of the other 55% and be ok, just keep on doing what you've been doing.

 

[Xerxes]

Heh heh, boyfriends and batteries

I don't know about the getting married part, but I would like to have a companion later on in life, even if we never tie the knot. I'm still in my twenties, albeit, late twenties, but I'm not worried about it just yet. Maybe when I'm in my late thirties/early forties wondering where m ylief went wrong, I'll look back on this thread.

LMAO!!

I hope this thread is deleted in cyberspace by the time you hit your 40s! As long as you're accomplishing your personal goals and not settling for less than what you want, you should be fine. So are you happy right now? If so, keep on with whatever you have been doing.

 

[Xerxes]

Interesting that you bring this question up, because I was having this discussion with someone else recently and I didn't know how to respond... but after thinking about it, I do now.

I don't ask myself that question anymore because I know that I will be married. I don't entertain the thought that I won't be married, because that isn't in the realm of possibility for me.

I see progression to marriage as a natural and normal part of my life as an adult woman (again, this is for ME, not speaking for everyone else), and just as I said I would get a degree, pursue my career, etc., I also say that I will get married.

I think this requires a different mindset though than I used to have, one that is more practical than pie-in-the-sky. I think if you take the idea that you have to wait until this one great love of your life drops into your lap, you'll feel less likely to be married. If you are looking for someone who will first and foremost be a good husband and father and that love is a choice, I think you have more options.

Now, I'm not saying I will marry any ole' dude who I barely like just to say I'm married. Heck, I'd be married now if that was the case! But I think that I have more options since I'm looking at men in a more practical way instead of trying to make things happen with a guy who I have instant chemistry with. That stuff is overrated.

So anyway, that question isn't one that I entertain anymore. I will be married. (but I like discussing why I don't entertain it!)

We can always count on you, Bunny, to offer insight and a laugh!

I highly doubt that you would settle just to get a ring, but you brought up an interesting word choice, you said you were "looking at men in a more practical way instead of trying to make things happen with a guy who I have instant chemistry with. That stuff is overrated."

I can't say that I have given up on that expectation of "OMG, he just knocked me off of my feet" sensation when I meet The One. I am such a Charlotte because I truly believe that it will happen. But then again, I love love and get that anxious "I think he might be it feeling" like at least once a month, so it shouldn't be that hard for my future fiance to make me feel that way. lol

However, it is difficult for me to imagine being "practical" about love without fear of settling. I understand now that my husband won't be perfect, but I'm still holding out for some "magic," some spark that lets me know that God created us for each other.

 

[Bunny77]

I can't say that I have given up on that expectation of "OMG, he just knocked me off of my feet" sensation when I meet The One. I am such a Charlotte because I truly believe that it will happen. But then again, I love love and get that anxious "I think he might be it feeling" like at least once a month, so it shouldn't be that hard for my future fiance to make me feel that way. lol

However, it is difficult for me to imagine being "practical" about love without fear of settling. I understand now that my husband won't be perfect, but I'm still holding out for some "magic," some spark that lets me know that God created us for each other.

Thanks girl! And believe me, we are HERE on this part above.

I am so crushing over this one dude right now... and I KNOW he is interested in me, but the eternal question is whether he plans to do anything about it or not. So many men CAN be interested, but that doesn't mean that anything will come of your interactions.

So, practical Bunny has to move on mentally and keep dating and looking at other people -- unlike how in the past I'd just be hoping and praying and going pleasepleaseplease Mr. Man, do something do something do something!!!

If it's meant to be with that particular dude, then I can smile and say, "Well you know what? It did work out how I wanted it!" And if it doesn't work with that guy, I'm sure that I'll be happy with the end result of a different relationship that did work out.

 

[daydreem2876]

Well, I answered that I will be fine if I never marry. I have many members of my family, of both sexes, who chose not to marry or if they did it did not last long and they lived a great portion of their adulthood single. All lead fulfilling and productive lives, filled with the love of family and friends. (And this was back in the 60's and 70's).

I will not deny that I want to marry, have that life partner, give/receive love from that some one special, and maybe have a kid or two. But, I firmly believe that God has a plan for me and it is unfolding as it should. And, I have to keep in mind that what I want and his plan for me may not be the same thing.

 

[Mortons]

If it doesnt happen before 40 I will just let that dream pass and focus my time on something else. I cant really force marriage to happen right?

 

[Nayna]

I'm all about being independent and I thoroughly enjoy being single and having options, but I don't think I would want to give up on marriage. Also, I'm a Christian so I've been saving myself and could not imagine never getting to have sex. If I died while still a virgin, I'd like beg Jesus to send me back to earth for 5 minutes just to get some action. LOL

Ur silly, lol

My sister is turning 32 this year and she just sat me down the other day and told me that I better keep my eyes open because when I get to her age the pickings are slim, lol.
I don't want to be single for the rest of my life but I can't settle for nonsense ya know? I did meet someone special in July but we're both grinding things out with school and work so I don't know, he gives me a good feeling but he's still a man, lol.
I pray for it at night, but I figure I'm 25 and I'll worry about it later, lol.

 

[Brees_hair]

Well if It never happens for me...I am and hopefully will in my old age still have lived a happy and fulfilled life with love. Never marrried doesn't mean that you will be alone, I know of several older couples who either have been together for years..or met someone in their older years but did not wed. Hopefully, this hardworking, independent, "Yes I can do things for myself" marries a wonderful man before I depart this world.

 

[Xerxes]

I'll answer this thread when and if that happens. As of this point.... eh Im neutral Now if you ask me about kids ...I can def see myself not having any and wouldnt be sad about it But more than likely Ill b popping out a few provided that I do get married.

LOL Wait a minute, you don't want kids! That is just too funny to me. Sometimes when I think of how expensive they are and how bad childbirth must feel, I cringe to think of going through all of that sacrifice too!

 

[Xerxes]

. I'd rather be alone than hanging onto a hopeless and unhappy relationship because of a fear of being lonely one day. Naw.

You should make a t-shirt with this quote and wear it on Sunday! LOL I swear a lot of women would not be victims of DV if they had your same mindset.

 

[Xerxes]

Thanks girl! And believe me, we are HERE on this part above.

I am so crushing over this one dude right now... and I KNOW he is interested in me, but the eternal question is whether he plans to do anything about it or not. So many men CAN be interested, but that doesn't mean that anything will come of your interactions.

So, practical Bunny has to move on mentally and keep dating and looking at other people -- unlike how in the past I'd just be hoping and praying and going pleasepleaseplease Mr. Man, do something do something do something!!!

If it's meant to be with that particular dude, then I can smile and say, "Well you know what? It did work out how I wanted it!" And if it doesn't work with that guy, I'm sure that I'll be happy with the end result of a different relationship that did work out.

Don't you wish you could sneak in his head and figure out what's going on in there? lol

It's so hard to let a man be a man and initiate, but I'm sure you are doing the right thing to let him come to you on his own terms. I think that men are just as picky as we are and are just as judgmental. So that if he feels that you might be The one for him, he doesn't want to step up to you until he feels super confident about himself. And there is nothing a girl can do to speed up that process. It's annoying but your KIM policy will pay off in the end.

 

[Xerxes]

Well, I answered that I will be fine if I never marry. I have many members of my family, of both sexes, who chose not to marry or if they did it did not last long and they lived a great portion of their adulthood single. All lead fulfilling and productive lives, filled with the love of family and friends. (And this was back in the 60's and 70's).

I will not deny that I want to marry, have that life partner, give/receive love from that some one special, and maybe have a kid or two. But, I firmly believe that God has a plan for me and it is unfolding as it should. And, I have to keep in mind that what I want and his plan for me may not be the same thing.

Wow, that's very mature of you. <off to watch another episode of "Bridezillas">

 

[Xerxes]

If it doesnt happen before 40 I will just let that dream pass and focus my time on something else. I cant really force marriage to happen right?

No, you can't force anything, but 40 is not the end of your chances of getting married. There are some hot 60 somethings... LOL

Seriously, I think it's sad that marrieage seems like a dream to so many of us and not just a normal next stage of our lives like Bunny said.

 

[daydreem2876]

Wow, that's very mature of you. <off to watch another episode of "Bridezillas">

I love Bridezillas, whose wedding is it anyway, platinum weddings... all of the wedding shows!

 

[Xerxes]

Ur silly, lol

My sister is turning 32 this year and she just sat me down the other day and told me that I better keep my eyes open because when I get to her age the pickings are slim, lol.
I don't want to be single for the rest of my life but I can't settle for nonsense ya know? I did meet someone special in July but we're both grinding things out with school and work so I don't know, he gives me a good feeling but he's still a man, lol.
I pray for it at night, but I figure I'm 25 and I'll worry about it later, lol.

LOL Your sister was just keepin' it real with you!

All I say is don't waste time with men you will regret. Other than that, stay focused on your personal goals and learn to really fall in love with yourself.

 

[Nayna]

IS it me, or are those brides on bridezillas almost always horrible to their husbands to be? They make me so mad!!!

I love platiunum weddings!!!! lol

 

[Xerxes]

I love Bridezillas, whose wedding is it anyway, platinum weddings... all of the wedding shows!

LOL

Well, one day I would love to be on one of them! "Platinum Weddings" would be tasteful, but I think I could act a fool and enjoy being on "Bridezillas" much more!

Do you remember the episode of "Bridezillas" where the younger groom stood up the black bride at the altar or the other LA episode where the bride had to pick up after her reception in her wedding gown?! LOL

 

[Nayna]

When he stood her up at the altar, did they end up getting married in Vegas? Her daughter was being a brat in that one right? lol

 

[Xerxes]

IS it me, or are those brides on bridezillas almost always horrible to their husbands to be? They make me so mad!!!

I love platiunum weddings!!!! lol

Men don't like it when you are nice to them. When I ignore a guy and act selfish and even say I prefer to be alone and like spending money, they do whatever it takes to accommodate me. But when I'm nice and considerate and crap, I get treated like a fool sometimes. A little bit of a diva-tude goes a long way. Shoot, I just realized I like a guy with a little 'tude too! Nice people get used, don't be nice! ha ha!

 

[Xerxes]

When he stood her up at the altar, did they end up getting married in Vegas? Her daughter was being a brat in that one right? lol

Yes, you remember it! I think her daughter was jealous of her because she (her mom) was smaller and cuter than her (the daughter) and had a cute guy. I would hate for my mom to look better/thinner than me too!