What Can We Learn From Asian Women?

[FelaShrine]

I get so sick of hearing this (in general not from you) every other woman is allowed to have different emotions and reactions but AA our supposed to suppress our emotions. Maybe other women don't have an attitude maybe because they have MEN that are willing to stand up for them and they can be comforted in that.

who said we are to suppress our emotions?

 

[Southernbella.]

I get so sick of hearing this (in general not from you) every other woman is allowed to have different emotions and reactions but AA our supposed to suppress our emotions. Maybe other women don't have an attitude maybe because they have MEN that are willing to stand up for them and they can be comforted in that.

You're preaching to the choir, trust me.

My post wasn't about emotions. Of course we should be able to get mad or cry or yell or whatever when we're upset because those are normal human reactions.

I'm talking more about being graceful, sweet, pleasant, calm, etc. on a day to day basis. Some of us just walk around HARD. Mean, stank, nasty, and wanting everyone around us to be miserable too.

I ride hard for black women, but this is one area where I think we could improve.

 

[auparavant]

My advice has nothing to do with Asian women, but in general, I think bw could be softer/sweeter. I used to have a terrible attitude and while it didnt keep me from having a man, Im sure it rendered me unattractive at times.

Im a lot softer now and I know that's one of the traits dh found attractive. I also have a much easier time attracting friends and getting opportunities.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF

I agree with this. There is a hardness (born of strife?) and meanness encrusted upon the faces of many women. However, in the same vein, not going around with Becky-fake smiles at the clouds doesn't mean you're a hard Black woman. But there is a definite meanness in many but next to no one is holding Black men accountable for this.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

Interesting thoughts. Thanks

 

[Southernbella.]

I agree with this. There is a hardness (born of strife?) and meanness encrusted upon the faces of many women. However, in the same vein, not going around with Becky-fake smiles at the clouds doesn't mean you're a hard Black woman. But there is a definite meanness in many.

Oh I agree. If I were talking to Becky, I would tell her to be more direct and stop with the passive-aggressive fakeness. But for black women, it's the opposite. Don't be afraid to use a different approach. There's nothing weak about being sweet and pleasant.

 

[Belle Du Jour]

^^I so agree with this.

I think that we as BW are wonderful in our own right, and don't really need to do TOO much as far as the way of "improving ourselves" imo. But , if there was one thing that I think that we as BW could take from AW, or just women of other races in general, it's the DROPPING of the attitude, and being more sweet/feminine in general towards all.

I think that in past years BW were more feminine and softer to some degree, but as the years have passed, the less and less I've seen this be the case. And I'm not just talking about attitude. I'm actually talking about dress, grooming, and even manner of behavior. Some women I see out here look, talk, and act like straight up dudes! erplexed It's almost as if the gender lines these days are becoming so blurred in our people especially.

Back then, we as BW used to have so much CLASS, dignity, taste, wonderful styles of dress and grooming, etc. And we weren't just spreading our legs for every Tom, Dick and Harry! Or, shall I say every Tyrone, Darnell, and Howard.

So yeah, if we could take one thing to learn from, it would be this imo.

I know when I show more of my "softer side", people (men especially) tend to LOVE it!


Look at how fabulous we were! I just think that women in GENERAL had a more softer and feminine quality back then that is severely lacking these days.

Totally agree

 

[fasika]

I don't think it's about Asian or white women - it's in comparison even with non-American black women IMO.

- Reduce the aggressiveness - no need to get angry for no reason
- Talk like a woman - i.e. no yelling, cursing, use your inside voice, smile often (but not all the time), etc
- Be fit, dress in flattering clothing
- Have high standards for how you live your life and how you expect to be treated - don't be a teen mom or other baby mama drama, don't deal with ghetto folks (and don't be one either), etc


It's actually quite simple.
-

 

[RossBoss]

I don't think it's about Asian or white women - it's in comparison even with non-American black women IMO.

- Reduce the aggressiveness - no need to get angry for no reason
- Talk like a woman - i.e. no yelling, cursing, use your inside voice, smile often (but not all the time), etc
- Be fit, dress in flattering clothing
- Have high standards for how you live your life and how you expect to be treated - don't be a teen mom or other baby mama drama, don't deal with ghetto folks (and don't be one either), etc


It's actually quite simple.
-

Here you go. Which non American BW are you talking about? Even they are looked at as ugly/unattractive and not feminine by the world.

 

[Southernbella.]

I don't think it's about Asian or white women - it's in comparison even with non-American black women IMO.

- Reduce the aggressiveness - no need to get angry for no reason
- Talk like a woman - i.e. no yelling, cursing, use your inside voice, smile often (but not all the time), etc
- Be fit, dress in flattering clothing
- Have high standards for how you live your life and how you expect to be treated - don't be a teen mom or other baby mama drama, don't deal with ghetto folks (and don't be one either), etc


It's actually quite simple.
-

I think the meanness thing would apply to many non-American black women as well. I see a lot of mad faces, eye-rolling, and attitude in other black cultures as well.

 

[fasika]

Here you go. Which non American BW are you talking about? Even they are looked at as ugly/unattractive and not feminine by the world.

And you've deduced that without ever leaving the US? Ok.

Believe it or not, people who have exposure to other parts of the world actually can tell the difference in mannerism between American women and those from other parts, regardless of color.

 

[loolalooh]

Asian women are beating Becky because white men think they are "exotic" and "docile". Being "exotic" is not something we can "learn". Being "docile"? Well, that is just the white man's opinion (possibly based on the portrayal of Asian women in media) and is not necessarily a fact about Asian women.

I personally think we get the title of "unfeminine" because universal femininity is, unfortunately, based on "white" standards. Long hair = feminine. Soft faces (e.g., no cheekbones) = feminine. Small noses = feminine. Slender = feminine. When using "white" standards, our short/medium length hair, cheekbones, round or big noses, and thick booties/legs are not quite considered feminine.

P.S. I do realize that some black women, especially on LHCF, have broken hair length barriers, btw. Had to mention that.

 

[lovenharmony]

I'm not checking for no Asian women, so they can't teach me anything . I learn from the wise women of my ancestors...my people.

 

[RossBoss]

Asian women are beating Becky because white men think they are "exotic" and "docile". Being "exotic" is not something we can "learn". Being "docile"? Well, that is just the white man's opinion (possibly based on the portrayal of Asian women in media) and is not necessarily a fact about Asian women.

I personally think we get the title of "unfeminine" because universal femininity is, unfortunately, based on "white" standards. Long hair = feminine. Soft faces (e.g., no cheekbones) = feminine. Small noses = feminine. Slender = feminine. When using "white" standards, our short/medium length hair, cheekbones, round or big noses, and thick booties/legs are not quite considered feminine.

P.S. I do realize that some black women, especially on LHCF, have broken hair length barriers, btw. Had to mention that.

With all this that you have said, for a board that has such open disdain for Whites, I don't understand why a thread would be created to come up with ways so at we can fit into a mold that they created.

Also, if what you say is true, I don't see how a BW no matter what her country of origin could fit this ideal as another poster tried to imply.

 

[auparavant]

That same vein of thought is surfacing in this thread aside from the actual topic. We're not talking about brazen ghetto water buffaloes on crack, we're talking about a general hardness (not overly exuberant) and it does show itself in most women, just Black and Latina women have it more. Look at their societal pressures.

And on that note, it's best to be factual and knowledgeable about the topic rather than regurgitating the same old vomit of "you all have poor morals and present like animals" kinda mentality. That fart is smelled miles away and cannot be muffled. We hear, see and smell ya coming. Stop it now before you are slain. Talk in generalities pertinent to the topic but not in stereotypical and xenophobic overt generalities. Lay down the truth of the matter PRESENTED...not your individual cultural prejudice. Oy vey.

 

[RossBoss]

And you've deduced that without ever leaving the US? Ok.

Believe it or not, people who have exposure to other parts of the world actually can tell the difference in mannerism between American women and those from other parts, regardless of color.

I have left the US. I asked you which country(ies) in particular have the women escaped the stereotypes that have been put on the Black race?

 

[FemmeFatale]

You're preaching to the choir, trust me.

My post wasn't about emotions. Of course we should be able to get mad or cry or yell or whatever when we're upset because those are normal human reactions.

I'm talking more about being graceful, sweet, pleasant, calm, etc. on a day to day basis. Some of us just walk around HARD. Mean, stank, nasty, and wanting everyone around us to be miserable too.

I ride hard for black women, but this is one area where I think we could improve.

There's a reason for this though most of the time. When I read the spanking aka abuse thread, my eyes welled up because a lot of us have issues and are in a lot deep pain and it comes out in our demeanor. I think we should seek therapy more.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

You're preaching to the choir, trust me.

My post wasn't about emotions. Of course we should be able to get mad or cry or yell or whatever when we're upset because those are normal human reactions.

I'm talking more about being graceful, sweet, pleasant, calm, etc. on a day to day basis. Some of us just walk around HARD. Mean, stank, nasty, and wanting everyone around us to be miserable too.

I ride hard for black women, but this is one area where I think we could improve.

Yea, it's the everyday 'tude that I'm talking about as well.

Plus, I think there's a DIFFERENCE between showing your "emotions" in a tactful and lady-like way, and showing your "emotions" in an out-of-control, over the top way too.

Sometimes it's not necessarily WHAT is said, but HOW it's said as well. There's a fine art to it that can be mastered well.

 

[Wildchild453]

Here we go.

 

[FelaShrine]

I personally think we get the title of "unfeminine" because universal femininity is, unfortunately, based on "white" standards. Long hair = feminine. Soft faces (e.g., no cheekbones) = feminine. Small noses = feminine. Slender = feminine. When using "white" standards, our short/medium length hair, cheekbones, round or big noses, and thick booties/legs are not quite considered feminine.
.

I dont think "small nose" and what not is what SB and Crsytal are referring to when we're discussing femininity.

Yall making excuses.

 

[kismettt]

i don't really see myself wanting to "learn" from an entire race of women b/c obviously that's ridiculous.

but i know a few asian women who are very driven/ambitious/educated who have ridiculously high standards as to what makes a quality man, and are completely unapologetic of it. women of color are def guilted for wanting what white women expect or have the luxury of not needing (a man with a college degree for example, etc). so in that sense, yeah, i'm down.

but i'm not looking at any collective race/"type" of women to "learn from".

and i hate these threads that basically dissects a group of women based on stereotypes and broad generalizations (i'm incredibly un-angry and i HATE the generalizations that i am b/c i'm a black women. "we" don't need to do anything. speak for yourself). it usually leads insults, derogatory comments, or trying to put one group of women against the other.

 

[FelaShrine]

TI think we should seek therapy more.

That's for WP. Just like not-beating a child with a cord is for WP

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

And you've deduced that without ever leaving the US? Ok.

Believe it or not, people who have exposure to other parts of the world actually can tell the difference in mannerism between American women and those from other parts, regardless of color.

Now I DO agree with that! I can tell the difference in mannerisms when I visit other parts of the world.

But you know what is funny? I think I would say that in general we as Americans are probably one of the most SMILELY bunch of society people in general though...

I think the only culture that might beat us might be some of those in African countries.

When I go overseas to some countries in Europe,etc, I notice that we tend to laugh more and smile more brightly than most others in other cultures. Germany, France, the Islands, etc. Now, of course...it COULD be that we're also on VACATION so that could probably be the reason why we're so smiley lol , but in general I can spot other Fellow Americans overseas because we're usually smiling more in general.

We tend to stand out in other cultures imo.

Of course, this could just be what I'VE personally experienced lol

 

[loolalooh]

^^I so agree with this.

I think that we as BW are wonderful in our own right, and don't really need to do TOO much as far as the way of "improving ourselves" imo. But , if there was one thing that I think that we as BW could take from AW, or just women of other races in general, it's the DROPPING of the attitude, and being more sweet/feminine in general towards all.

I think that in past years BW were more feminine and softer to some degree, but as the years have passed, the less and less I've seen this be the case. And I'm not just talking about attitude. I'm actually talking about dress, grooming, and even manner of behavior. Some women I see out here look, talk, and act like straight up dudes! erplexed It's almost as if the gender lines these days are becoming so blurred in our people especially.

Back then, we as BW used to have so much CLASS, dignity, taste, wonderful styles of dress and grooming, etc. And we weren't just spreading our legs for every Tom, Dick and Harry! Or, shall I say every Tyrone, Darnell, and Howard.

So yeah, if we could take one thing to learn from, it would be this imo.

I know when I show more of my "softer side", people (men especially) tend to LOVE it!


Look at how fabulous we were! I just think that women in GENERAL had a more softer and feminine quality back then that is severely lacking these days.

I want to agree with your post so bad (and actually do agree with parts of it), but I have a question:

Why is it that when there is a party/gathering that both black and white women attend, the black women tend to be more dressed up (i.e., feminine) than the white women? I've been to a few events, where "we" will wear beautiful dresses, have our hair done nice, makeup done well, and wear heels ... while white women will walk in with "casual" wear, and even pants (i.e., masculine), and flat shoes (e.g., flip flops).

Maybe this has just been my experience, but when it comes to dressing feminine, I feel like "we" outdo our "white" counterparts.erplexed

 

[fasika]

I have left the US. I asked you which country(ies) in particular have the women escaped the stereotypes that have been put on the Black race?

You seem to think the stereotype is universal. In my experience, it's primarily an American stereotype. Second, it's primarily a stereotype directed at American women (ALL American women, but even more so on black women).
I've never had that stereotype put on me, regardless of where I lived, but I certainly noticed it here.
Not all black people have the same experience.

 

[FelaShrine]

N
We tend to stand out in other cultures imo.

I wouldnt say positively but i dont wanna derail the thread

 

[SophieDulce]

I have totally noticed the hardness and maniliness of many black women, even who look super feminine its the attitude the demanor I guess. I think that would be one quality that would benefit us. Also I have noticed that northern asians( chinese, korean, japanese ect) are way more feminine than the south east asians...just my opinion.

 

[FelaShrine]

How are Koreans feminine?

I'll give you Japanese with their demeanor but hell NO on Koreans with they butchy selves

 

[RossBoss]

You seem to think the stereotype is universal. In my experience, it's primarily an American stereotype. Second, it's primarily a stereotype directed at American women (ALL American women, but even more so on black women).
I've never had that stereotype put on me, regardless of where I lived, but I certainly noticed it here.
Not all black people have the same experience.

I have only been to Black Carib islands as far as majority Black nations go. I will respond to this later on this evening as I have to run some errands.

 

[Crystalicequeen123]

I dont think "small nose" and what not is what SB and Crsytal are referring to when we're discussing femininity.

Yall making excuses.

You're right. No........ noses, physique, etc are not what I'm talking about at all. It has nothing to do w/that imo.

Of course, being slender DOES help I suppose, but cheekbones, noses, etc have not a nilly willy thing to do w/being "feminine".

It's something you EXUDE. Anyone can exude it no matter what race, no matter your build, whether you have short hair, long hair, big nose, small nose, etc. It has NOTHING to do with your outer shell honestly.

That's for WP. Just like not-beating a child with a cord is for WP

LOL!! I'm sorry but this cracked me up!

I am a strong advocate for therapy. Always have been, always will.

I wouldnt say positively but i dont wanna derail the thread

Welllll...that would definitely be a totally DIFFERENT conversation all together!

 

[Southernbella.]

There's a reason for this though most of the time. When I read the spanking aka abuse thread, my eyes welled up because a lot of us have issues and are in a lot deep pain and it comes out in our demeanor. I think we should seek therapy more.

This is a good point.

I think this can still be overcome strategically, but I think a lot of us just aren't aware of how we come off. Sometimes it's really as simple as the old flies with honey adage.

When I think back to my younger years...my hairstyles, my clothes, my attitude...they all projected a hardness. I didn't like attention, I didn't want anyone looking at me or talking to me. I only smiled at my friends; with anyone else, you were automatically on my bad side. Why? I can't remember. I'm sure I had my reasons, but I wish someone had sat me down and told me that my life would have been a lot easier if I put my attitude and fear aside and, for lack of a better term, "acted like a lady".