This Thread Is For the Healing Hearts....

[MzTami]

I just wanted to open a support thread for all the ladies that have recently ended or still can't get over a past relationship.

This is an anything goes thread. If you want to share your experience, vent, advise, support others in the same situation, please do so.

Ladies that can relate, please give support and advice.

 

[MzLady78]

As some of you may already know, my bf and I broke up about a month ago. I'm still having a difficult time. Not so much with the actual break up, but more the way he's turned his back on me since. On the rare occasion that I call him, I get the impression that he's simply tolerating me at this point. (I don't call anymore). I truly believe that I ceased to really exist to him the minute I got back to Boston. I was a good woman to him by his own admission, and as a result all I ended up with is a broken heart, thousands of dollars of debt and empty savings account. I'm living off my retirement money (I had to withdraw all of it so I can pay my bills). We still have loose ends to tie up concerning the house we were renting and he refuses to deal with any of it. He doesn't answer his phone when the landlady calls (even hanging up on her at one point) because he knows that she'll just call me and I'll have to deal with her. Unlike him, I care about my credit so I take the calls and then stress myself out about how to deal with the situation. I get headaches everyday because I'm constantly stressed or crying. Even though I know in my heart that he wasn't the best man for me, I really loved him. And knowing that he doesn't care anymore hurts like hell. Knowing that I so overestimated his character and his integrity hurts me even more. After all that I went through when I lived in AZ with him (not being able to buy a car so I could find a job, which caused me to be stuck in the house pretty by myself everyday for 4 WHOLE MONTHS) and everything that I lost, you would think he wouldn't be trying to add to my problems by passing the buck as far as the house situation. He literally walked away from this relationship scott free without a care in the world and it makes me so damn angry. It's so unfair. I have such a long way to go to get myself back on track that I'm really worried about my future.

 

[Divine Inspiration]

MzTami, you're such a sweetheart for starting this thread.

My ex broke up with me on Christmas Day. (What a jerk!) He had the audacity to expect me to be "friends" with him. Whatever. I don't think that 90% of couples can be friends after a breakup because it's not usually mutual, and that makes things complicated.

Anyway, he had been finding excuses to call, and I refused to allow him to have me in his life in some capacity and enjoy interacting with me (pretending to be a non-committed boyfriend) but not commit to me and be with me.

So, this past Tuesday night, I called him and told him not to call me, e-mail me, text me, or message me in any way for a minimum of 30 days. I explained that this isn't a spiteful act against him. Instead, it's me PRESERVING myself, and doing what I need to do to heal and move on. I told him that if I wanted to talk to him or "be friends" with him, then we'd do so once I called him. And if I never call, then that means I'm happy with things as they are. He did a lot of backpeddling and started asking questions and trying to "clarify" why we broke up, etc, but I wasn't trying to hear any of that. He did what he did for a reason. He made his bed, and now I'm forcing him to lay in it.

I had a few days of feeling frustrated, resentful, angry, sad, and indignant, but truthfully, this breakup hasn't been as difficult as I thought it would be because the reasons we broke up are so incredibly STUPID. That somehow has a way of comforting me because anybody as unenlightened as he does not deserve to be with me. And maybe being alone is what he needs to figure himself out.

My message to ladies in limbo would be to force him to make a decision or make one for him, but don't allow him to toy with you or string you along because men are good for that once they realize that they've lost something or someone valuable.

I have a neat little guide to surviving a breakup somewhere on my hard drive. It's been years since I've seen it, but I'll try to dig it up and post it here.

Anyway, to any of the ladies dealing with a breakup or needing to vent, cry, or talk, I'm a listening ear and reading eyes. Feel free to PM me.

 

[LynnieB]

Just a bit of advice from someone who's been in a relationship for 22 years and married (to that same person) for 19 of them:

If you believe.................put God first.

Respect is earned.

Trust is earned.

Ladies, learn how to listen to that little voice inside your head (God may be trying to tell you something).

Love does not hurt or cause pain over the span of a relationship but you can have hurtful and painful moments.

Like here on this forum, sometimes we all have to just agree to disagree and keep it moving.

Keep well meaning friends and relatives out of your relationship. If you're po'd with your SO or dh, then keep it to yourself as much as possible - especially relatives! Relatives have the memory capabilities of elephants.

Keep yourself a small bank account on the side for yourself and your kids. The honesty and morality of this is debatable but in reality, honey, it's still a man's world isn't it?

 

[Divine Inspiration]

Nobody says you have to follow this to the letter, but I did some of these things in this timeline a few years ago when I was dealing with a tough breakup, and they helped significantly. I'm posting it here for anyone who's interested.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

People may say no one ever died of a broken heart, but when you're suffering from one, it sure doesn't feel that way--at least initially. These suggestions may help you navigate the painfully troubled waters of a relationship that has ended.

Day 1
Instructions
STEP 1: Breathe. All you can do is survive this first and difficult day. Take one day at a time.
STEP 2: Give yourself permission to mourn. Call in sick at work, sleep all day, eat too much ice cream, sob.
STEP 3: Congratulate yourself for being human: It is only when you open yourself to love that your heart can break.
STEP 4: Develop and repeat a helpful mantra to get you through the initial shock and pain, such as "This too shall pass" or "I will survive."

Day 2
Instructions
STEP 1: Reach out to a close friend or family member. It helps to share your thoughts with others.
STEP 2: Watch a movie to distract yourself. Choose a comedy that has cheered you up in the past. Or watch a movie that's guaranteed to make you sob--it may surprise you how good that feels.

Week 1
Instructions
STEP 1: Force yourself to go out even if you are feeling despondent. Take yourself out for a cup of coffee or go on a long walk.
STEP 2: Express your emotions in a way that comes naturally. Write in a journal, paint, sculpt or play music.
STEP 3: Do daily cardiovascular exercise--the endorphins will give your spirits an immediate lift.
STEP 4: Resist the urge to call your ex. Instead, write a letter. Don't mail it.
STEP 5: Go out of town for the weekend to distance yourself from the temptation to call your ex. Visit an old friend or go back home to your roots. A change of environment does wonders for the spirit.
STEP 6: Put everything that reminds you of your ex in a box and seal it. Throw it away, donate it to charity or ask a friend to hold on to it indefinitely.

Week 2
Instructions
STEP 1: Surround yourself with friends. This may mean reaching out to people you fell out of touch with during the relationship.
STEP 2: Make lists to help you regain your confidence and identity: a list of your friends, of things you like, of what you want to accomplish in the next decade.
STEP 3: Spoil yourself: Get a new hairstyle, have a spa day or go shopping.
STEP 4: Resist the urge to call your ex.

Week 3
Instructions
STEP 1: Assess the experience. Have you learned anything about yourself? Does the experience make you more empathetic to others who've suffered a hardship?
STEP 2: Begin an activity that will fill your time, distract your mind and rebuild your confidence. Train for a marathon, take up yoga or learn a new language.
STEP 3: Resist the urge to call your ex.
STEP 4: Volunteer your time at a local homeless shelter, soup kitchen or tutoring center. It will take your mind off your own woes and keep your suffering in perspective.

Week 4
Instructions
STEP 1: Continue regular socializing and exercising. While socializing, though, make sure you don't depend on alcohol or drugs to dull the pain.
STEP 2: Call your ex if you feel it would be helpful. Resist if you merely want to say hurtful things.
STEP 3: Consider dating other people, but be wary of rebound relationships.
STEP 4: Understand that you will need to experience and process sadness, anger, guilt and fear to fully heal. Burying or ignoring these emotions will thwart the healing process. Write, cry, share the feelings with friends.

Months 3 to 6
Instructions
STEP 1: Force yourself to go on dates. You'll be surprised to discover that your heart can still flutter over someone. It's part of the healing process.
STEP 2: Consult a psychiatrist if you are experiencing symptoms of depression, such as lack of appetite, insomnia or too much sleeping, low self-esteem, and an inability to concentrate or carry out routine tasks. Ask a friend or physician to recommend one who is experienced in treating depression.
STEP 3: Remember that healing is a process that takes time. Expect waves of sadness, anger, guilt or fear even after you think you are over it. Give your heart time to heal.

One year and beyond
Instructions
STEP 1: Compartmentalize the experience in your memory: "My heart was broken once. It really hurt and I'm glad it's over."
STEP 2: Reach out to your ex if you want to re-establish a friendship. Do not harbor secret ambitions of winning him or her back. You'll only set yourself up for another heartbreak.

 

[Bunny77]

MzLady78, I am so sorry. I really don't have much to say, other than I am just so sad that you are going through all of this and my heart goes out to you.

DivineInspiration, your story sounds exactly like what I went through the last time I broke up with something. He wanted us to be "friends," but all that really means is that he gets to decide how much he feels like giving and when he wants to give it. I attempted to be friends with him, until I realized that he wouldn't be there when I called or spend time with me when I was lonely, etc., etc., but he could call me when he needed and more often than not, I'd be happy to be there.

Like you said, they want to have their cake and eat it too -- as in, they'll be around you to enjoy your company, but they want to be free so they won't commit to you.

I also told the guy to stop contacting me, but I just said forever. I told him that if I changed my mind, I'd call him. I'm proud to say that I kept that promise. He did call two years later and I took the call... he wanted to get back in touch and I said, "Well, that's a nice thought, but I'm getting on a plane to move to Michigan in two days, so sorry."

Oh how sweet that was to say!!!

Anyway, it does hurt a lot at first, but the best thing to do is cut them off. If you later choose to try to rebuild a friendship, fine, but most times, it's not worth it. After all, why be friends with someone who treated you like crap anyway?

 

[MzTami]

Divine Inspiration..You are welcome!
I'm sooo glad you are back gurl, I missed your post.

I just wanted to add that when my first marriage failed after several attempts to keep it together. I remember crying on the phone to my nigerian(male) friend, I will never forget his words, even though they were a little harsh. Anyway, I was telling him everything, and he's on the phone listening, and then he says with his nigerian accent, "So why are you crying?" I said, "because my heart is breaking!" He shouted, "lizten (not listen) you fool, your heart is not breaking, your heart is healing!" At first, I thought to myself, I know he didn't just call me a fool, but I'll give him a pass, you know, because I'm too emotional to cut him. He continued by saying, "you should have ended the marriage a long time ago. You say your heart is breaking, but your heart isn't breaking, it's healing from all the BS he put you through." I thought to myself, he's so right; and the more I thought about how my heart was healing, and not breaking, it gave me will power, inspiration, and made me stronger.

Mzlady78, you are sooo beautiful gurl! I'm glad that you are wise enough to protect your credit/finances and not let this man tear you down. Just hang in there! It will get better. (((HUGS)))

Divine..I'm sorry about your recent break-up. I know how much you care(d) for him. Thank you so much for sharing your experience and support. (((HUGS)))

 

[MzLady78]

Divine- Wow, Christmas Day?! That's terrible!! But I applaud you for putting your foot down.

Bunny- Thanks! Believe me, that one sentence meant alot. I really appreciate it.

MzTami- Thank you for the compliment. I'm determined not to let him do any more damage than he already has.

I just really wanna get over it. I hate being on this emotional rollercoaster. One day, I feel totally ready to move on. The next, I'm a basketcase. It's so draining, especially when I know he ain't thinking about me.

 

[CarefreeinChicago]

i needed to read this thread i have had to cut someone out of my life recently and it has been hard i have only talked to him once in two weeks because i had to give him a phone number for some potential work my cousin needs but it was hard and i miss him so much even though he treated me like crap but i have to move on we just want different things out of life and i choose to hold on to the good times and if you are sad go log on to blackpeoplemeet.com there are some nice looking men on there and some funnylooking ones to

 

[MzLady78]

i needed to read this thread i have had to cut someone out of my life recently and it has been hard i have only talked to him once in two weeks because i had to give him a phone number for some potential work my cousin needs but it was hard and i miss him so much even though he treated me like crap but i have to move on we just want different things out of life and i choose to hold on to the good times and if you are sad go log on to blackpeoplemeet.com there are some nice looking men on there and some funnylooking ones to

That's for sure! This one guy that send me a message used his driver's license picture in his profile. WTH???

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

MzLady i just wanted you to know that I have read your first thread about your breakup, along with this one. I just wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you...I hear you loud and clear. I care about you and what has happened. We are listening. I've already given you a dozen wellwishes, but i just wanted you to know that I'll give you a few more months and i'm 100% sure that you will be over this hurdle and will be feeling good. I think once you move towards fixing your broken finances, it'll be easier to move on. I know it's hard, i've been there. He screwed you over financially as well as emotionally. But you will recover!

 

[MzLady78]

MzLady i just wanted you to know that I have read your first thread about your breakup, along with this one. I just wanted you to know that my heart goes out to you...I hear you loud and clear. I care about you and what has happened. We are listening. I've already given you a dozen wellwishes, but i just wanted you to know that I'll give you a few more months and i'm 100% sure that you will be over this hurdle and will be feeling good. I think once you move towards fixing your broken finances, it'll be easier to move on. I know it's hard, i've been there. He screwed you over financially as well as emotionally. But you will recover!

In other words, get over it already...

Sorry, didn't mean to sound like a broken record. But I do think you're right. My major concern right now is my financial situation.

 

[MzTami]

In other words, get over it already...

Sorry, didn't mean to sound like a broken record.

Nawww...I 'think' she's saying that she understands your hurt, pain, and that she's here for you. Give yourself time to heal, and he'll be a distant memory.

You don't sound like a broken record, just a woman that is hurting right now, but soon, you'll be alright.

I think it's good therapy to talk about it. It helps the healing process(IMO).

 

[s_terry]

Well, although this wasn't a"together" relationship, I feel like a dang fool for falling for the man I built him up to be. Smart, funny, successful albeit a short MF!!! Ladies on this one I can really say that I played myself. After not dating at all for the last couple of years (no sex, no kissing basically very limited male contact) I got caught up. I defined who he was by his outward appearance and accomplishments without first also checking the character. He was alllll I wanted in a man-except for being short ass hell- Yeah right!!!Since it was long distance slept with him too soon. I am too old for this crap!! Yep, no sooner I slept with him he flipped the skript! We SEEMED to connect on many levels. Now that I look back on it, it seems like he distanced as soon as we hit my home state. The connection we had in other communications was something different entirely once we met face to face again. I can now see his distancing even then. Another emotionally unavailable man. Now this I do need to work on. I know he liked me. What is there not to like? As he put it after our decent time spent " I said I needed space". What he actually said was that I had "trust issue" and he wasn't willing to deal with that having dealt with that in the past. He insisted I needed some therapy. HAHA All cause I checked his ass for eye screwing a chick on the dance floor. Of course he denied it and said I was hallucinating. He made this big production of it as if I damn near stabbed his ass-once he got home of course!! lol I will not be dis-respected and I must admit my feelings where hurt cause I was feeling him and this was the first clue that he wasn't trying to go there with me. What's funny is damn near every other man in the club was up in my grill and he had to be somewhere else.Of course I respectful and ignored everything but him. You would have thought he wasn't use to anything female. In any event, he went home and then went off. I don't think it was my ego when I say there was something there if only for the strong reaction he had when talking to me later. I think I scared the bejessus out of dude. He just wasn't ready for this prime time. I said cool and left him alone. Then he started calling every month. I accepted the calls and the conversations where surface as all get out. No mention of how ugly he got and how much contempt he showed while speaking with me. I asked him after a couple of these calls what was up, and the only thing I got was "I'm not calling you that much"! He wanted to shut it down and so I gave him that and he still wasn't happy. I know his excuse was bullshat because if he thought I was that crazy then why the hell you calling? As he put it he wanted to make sure that my actions wasn't a "fluke". I thanked him for the opportunity to "redeem" myself and that he was obviously not the man I thought he was. I made it clear that I am no fall back chick and at this point he needs to get at the end of the line. He can pull that crap on a chick that don't have options! I gots options. I guess that last e-mail let him know I ain't one to be played with. No response the coward. Good Riddance!!!

 

[MzTami]

Well, although this wasn't a"together" relationship, I feel like a dang fool for falling for the man I built him up to be. Smart, funny, successful albeit a short MF!!! Ladies on this one I can really say that I played myself. After not dating at all for the last couple of years (no sex, no kissing basically very limited male contact) I got caught up. I defined who he was by his outward appearance and accomplishments without first also checking the character. He was alllll I wanted in a man-except for being short ass hell- Yeah right!!!Since it was long distance slept with him too soon. I am too old for this crap!! Yep, no sooner I slept with him he flipped the skript! We SEEMED to connect on many levels. Now that I look back on it, it seems like he distanced as soon as we hit my home state. The connection we had in other communications was something different entirely once we met face to face again. I can now see his distancing even then. Another emotionally unavailable man. Now this I do need to work on. I know he liked me. What is there not to like? As he put it after our decent time spent " I said I needed space". What he actually said was that I had "trust issue" and he wasn't willing to deal with that having dealt with that in the past. He insisted I needed some therapy. HAHA All cause I checked his ass for eye screwing a chick on the dance floor. Of course he denied it and said I was hallucinating. He made this big production of it as if I damn near stabbed his ass-once he got home of course!! lol I will not be dis-respected and I must admit my feelings where hurt cause I was feeling him and this was the first clue that he wasn't trying to go there with me. What's funny is damn near every other man in the club was up in my grill and he had to be somewhere else.Of course I respectful and ignored everything but him. You would have thought he wasn't use to anything female. In any event, he went home and then went off. I don't think it was my ego when I say there was something there if only for the strong reaction he had when talking to me later. I think I scared the bejessus out of dude. He just wasn't ready for this prime time. I said cool and left him alone. Then he started calling every month. I accepted the calls and the conversations where surface as all get out. No mention of how ugly he got and how much contempt he showed while speaking with me. I asked him after a couple of these calls what was up, and the only thing I got was "I'm not calling you that much"! He wanted to shut it down and so I gave him that and he still wasn't happy. I know his excuse was bullshat because if he thought I was that crazy then why the hell you calling? As he put it he wanted to make sure that my actions wasn't a "fluke". I thanked him for the opportunity to "redeem" myself and that he was obviously not the man I thought he was. I made it clear that I am no fall back chick and at this point he needs to get at the end of the line. He can pull that crap on a chick that don't have options! I gots options. I guess that last e-mail let him know I ain't one to be played with. No response the coward. Good Riddance!!!

high five!
Thanks for sharing!

 

[s_terry]

yeah, my feelings where hurt no doubt.I don't know why I held on expecting for him to come real with me. Let me clarify something. Yes, I did let him know that I didn't appreciate the disrespect, but I said it matter of factly and he knew I was displeased if nothing else than by the look on my face. If he was that flipped out about it then why did we discuss what happened the next night over dinner? I told him I meant what I said that it wasn't cool. And we continued on and enjoyed our food and evening as if we had reached some kind of understanding about it. I really can't imagine that I skurred dude so bad that he thought to himself " I better play it cool just in case this chick has a shank or something!!" He was the one that brought it up over dinner for discussion. He wasn't that skuurrred! Punk! Now I can laugh about it, but it really had me down for a minute. Sometimes I think about it and it gets me down and pissed. I thought I had possibly meet the one. erplexed Oh well. I am not going to do this to myself again.

 

[MzLady78]

Good for you, S_Terry!! He must have felt so stupid!

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

@ MzLady... hahahaha, No silly! MzTami is right...that was my attempt at being supportive. I wasnt rushing you to get over it, i was just telling you that you will feel better in a few months so keep ya head up. We are listening....talk here as much as you want!!!


ladies check out the article featured on yahoo.com...

http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/singles-life_breakup-blues

Nawww...I 'think' she's saying that she understands your hurt, pain, and that she's here for you. Give yourself time to heal, and he'll be a distant memory.

You don't sound like a broken record, just a woman that is hurting right now, but soon, you'll be alright.

I think it's good therapy to talk about it. It helps the healing process(IMO).

 

[simpleDIVA]

A few months ago I reached out to the ladies on the board for support because my boyfriend/fiance of seven years broke off everything because of doubts. I was hurt and devestated, well more devestated than hurt. He was my first everything and when I lost him I thought I was going to die. But today I'm still here, I'm still breathing and I'm living life one day at a time. My strength, confidence and focus is coming back and I know that I will be ok. To all of the ladies who are going through it, just pray. God will never lead you astray; he will take care of you. Also in time your heart will heal. It may hurt today and you will probably be frustrated tomorrow but a storm never lasts forever.

 

[MzLady78]

@ MzLady... hahahaha, No silly! MzTami is right...that was my attempt at being supportive. I wasnt rushing you to get over it, i was just telling you that you will feel better in a few months so keep ya head up. We are listening....talk here as much as you want!!!


ladies check out the article featured on yahoo.com...

http://personals.yahoo.com/us/static/singles-life_breakup-blues

Thanks Mizani_Mrs! I do appreciate the support. It's not the first time I've had my heart broken but this was the first relationship I'd even been in that I really thought would lead to marriage, so it's extra hard. This is the "I don't wanna fall in love EVER AGAIN" heartbreak. In the past I've always been able to convince myself that I would get over it eventually and that someone better would come along. But this time it's like I absolutely don't want to put myself in a position to get hurt like this again.

 

[MzLady78]

A few months ago I reached out to the ladies on the board for support because my boyfriend/fiance of seven years broke off everything because of doubts. I was hurt and devestated, well more devestated than hurt. He was my first everything and when I lost him I thought I was going to die. But today I'm still here, I'm still breathing and I'm living life one day at a time. My strength, confidence and focus is coming back and I know that I will be ok. To all of the ladies who are going through it, just pray. God will never lead you astray; he will take care of you. Also in time your heart will heal. It may hurt today and you will probably be frustrated tomorrow but a storm never lasts forever.

I'm so sorry, Diva! 7 years is a long time, shoot, I can't seem to keep a man for more than 2. But I'm glad that you're working through it and things are getting better. Hopefully, I'll be where you are soon!!

 

[Divine Inspiration]

A few months ago I reached out to the ladies on the board for support because my boyfriend/fiance of seven years broke off everything because of doubts. I was hurt and devestated, well more devestated than hurt. He was my first everything and when I lost him I thought I was going to die. But today I'm still here, I'm still breathing and I'm living life one day at a time. My strength, confidence and focus is coming back and I know that I will be ok. To all of the ladies who are going through it, just pray. God will never lead you astray; he will take care of you. Also in time your heart will heal. It may hurt today and you will probably be frustrated tomorrow but a storm never lasts forever.

Wow...kudos to you for being strong and keeping such a good attitude.

 

[SUPER SWEET]

this is so sweet MzTami Update your fotki

Ladies Keep your heads up, it took me a long to time to meet the one

 

[simpleDIVA]

I'm so sorry, Diva! 7 years is a long time, shoot, I can't seem to keep a man for more than 2. But I'm glad that you're working through it and things are getting better. Hopefully, I'll be where you are soon!!

you will, honestly I just got tired of feeling like crap. I remember the last time I texted him and asked him if he was happy and he said yes. At that point my body went into convulsions. I felt as though I was having a seizure. I just sat up in the bed, took deep breths, and asked God to help me. I kept telling myself that I didn't want to feel like this anymore. It's still hard because he was such a great part of my life. But now I'm focusing on getting to know myself again and it feels great.

You will get through it and when you do you will be more conscious and aware of certain things. And one day, unexpectebly, God will bless us all with the right one.

 

[MzLady78]

you will, honestly I just got tired of feeling like crap. I remember the last time I texted him and asked him if he was happy and he said yes. At that point my body went into convulsions. I felt as though I was having a seizure. I just sat up in the bed, took deep breths, and asked God to help me. I kept telling myself that I didn't want to feel like this anymore. It's still hard because he was such a great part of my life. But now I'm focusing on getting to know myself again and it feels great.

You will get through it and when you do you will be more conscious and aware of certain things. And one day, unexpectebly, God will bless us all with the right one.

Isn't that the worst? Knowing that that person is doing okay w/o while you're falling apart? I've told myself over and over again that while I'm crying and miserable, he's out living his life and not giving me a second thought. Somedays it helps, others it doesn't.

 

[baby42]

i think the reason why they can just walk away is that they already walk in their heart and mind i found that out the hard way you are still in love and he has been out of love just waiting to leave and some time they are already seeing someone and had move on in their mind and heart and all you had was a person just waiting to leave think about it we just did not pay it no mind

 

[envybeauty]

i think the reason why they can just walk away is that they already walk in their heart and mind i found that out the hard way you are still in love and he has been out of love just waiting to leave and some time they are already seeing someone and had move on in their mind and heart and all you had was a person just waiting to leave think about it we just did not pay it no mind

what she said. i agree.............

 

[Mizani_Mrs]

Well i remember years ago, i was dating a guy and things was going great...i was new to a town and he was basically the only friend i had so he was a huge part of my life. Well his ex had finished college and decided she wanted to move to the city where we were. So how about homeboy dumped me to get back with her.... So when yall talk about feeling super miserable especially while knowing that your ex is having the time of his life.... I REALLY understand. But man its true that time heals because now i can laugh about it and i wouldn't trade that experience for anything in the world...he taught me exactly what i DO NOT want my husband to be...and that's just as important as a man showing you what you want in a husband.

 

[simpleDIVA]

i think the reason why they can just walk away is that they already walk in their heart and mind i found that out the hard way you are still in love and he has been out of love just waiting to leave and some time they are already seeing someone and had move on in their mind and heart and all you had was a person just waiting to leave think about it we just did not pay it no mind

I can definetly agree with this. I remember when we broke up, just two days later I texted him and he replied that he was doing something that night. I asked him how can he not be affected by this and he said that he wasn't. I know that he's happy but I also remind myself that I can't give him that benefit. Why should I be sitting home crying at home while you're doing what with God knows who. It's not fair and I would not give him the satisfaction of knowing that I am unhappy or even still hurting, so I don't even call.

And can you believe that that nunca has Donelle Jones where I wanna be on his myspace page with my info as though nothing happened. I just have to laugh about it.

Again to answer your question I remind myself that if he's happy, then I deserve to be happy as well, even if it is by myself.

 

[MzLady78]

I remember sending him a text and I think I mentioned that I was having a hard time with what happened. And he responded that it was rough for him too. But you wouldn't know based on the way he's treated me lately and the strain he's putting on me by dealing with the house situation. The reality is that he made the decision and I had no choice but to accept it, so I know it's not as hard on him. But at the same his behavior has shown me, like mizani_mrs pointed out, what I don't want in a husband. I don't want to be with someone who's solution when things get rough is to run away (like he did with our relationship), or to bury their head in the sand like the problems don't exist (like he's doing now with the house stuff).

And I really feel Diva on the last line of her post. I'm a good person, I have a good heart and a lot to offer someone who's worthy of me and can truly appreciate me. I do deserve to be happy.