The candid questions regarding relationships thread (for grown folks)

I thought the issue in this thread was pretty specific. If you came across someone who is dead set on having sex with a man who isn't exclusive then what else can you advise? Its condoms and testing.

Obviously you can tell them about the ideal situation and the risks, but I can tell when people are gonna go head and get that sex anyway :lol: Doing something is always better than nothing even if not perfection.

As for relationships and marriages it's up to the person to pick well and assume the amount of risk they are personally comfortable with. Its a weird thought trusting another human with your sexual health (condom on, condom off, condom breaks:look:). I can understand why it would put one off wanting to engage in it altogether even with a nice partner.:lol:

BTW : I don't even have a Daddy and will never say it. I definitely wouldn't want kids with that person lol.
 
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CaraWalker said:
if you want a guy to get tested before you engage in any sexual contact with him

a.) dont tell him youre a virgin

b.) don't be cute or friendly or funny about it. be firm and direct because otherwise you will let him talk you out of it. ("before we do anything, i would prefer that we get tested together, or if you have some paperwork i can see that would be fine too.")

c.) dont take his word for it. if youre going to ask, follow through and dont accept any evidence you cant actually see.
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Thanks for always keeping it 100. All of this makes sense. Especially point c.
qchelle said:
Yea man just be like when's the last time you were tested? Ok cool, well go do it again before we phuck. Bam.
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This seems like a good way goes with point b above.
tapioca_pudding said:
To be honest, if I'm dating someone and we get to the point where we want to have allkinds of sex with or without protection (aka exclusive), I expect him to bring up sexual health, tests, etc. The kind of man that I'm interested in is the kind of man who is all about those conversations from jump. If I don't feel comfortable talking to a guy about being exclusive and everysinglething that entails, that's not the guy for me. I shouldn't have to hide the fact that I'm a virgin just to get some honesty.
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CaraWalker said:
oh thats good because i wasnt talking to you
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Be nice ladies lol. You both are just giving your greatly appreciated advice. You both have actually brought up a good point. I've gone back and forth with telling people that I'm a virgin. At first I think, "Pfft. who cares? If he really likes me he won't care." But some men do. Whether it be because of the stupid stereotype that virgins don't know what they're doing or they get all, "LETS GET MARRIED," or because they've had bad experiences in the past (even with their own virginity. I've asked a couple guy friends this question before lol). So depends on the mood I'm in :spinning:

MuziqizLyfe said:
Presex testing is very important but it gives many people a false sense of security and I've seen many a woman burned by a guy who tested clean at first... did a stint at planned parenthood and it made me want to be single & celibate for LIFE. Do all the testing but pick a partner you can truly trust...that piece of paper is only good up until his next sexual encounter with someone else.
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CaraWalker said:
presex testing is nice but i dont understand why people are so quick to dismiss condoms. testing or not. i mean its an effective TOOL but to use that strategy as a general rule without reference to that specific man and relationship is ridiculous to me. i feel like it should be more a place to start than a blanket "testing = no condom."

i used to overhear conversations like that in high school. i side eyed that **** back then and im still side eying it now.
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BOTH OF THESE. I hear this talk all the time and I'm like :spinning::nono: Or men who REFUSE to wear a condom and are like, "she's only flucking me," or "She's on the pill/bc." Yeah that you know of. Not only that but don't some STDs take a bit of time to show up on a test?

MuziqizLyfe said:
Yeah....I would never abandon condom use just because of a clean test. condoms don't provide complete protection from genital warts or herpes so there's that to consider also. There's always some element of risk to being sexually active even if you are married, women just need to be smart and minimize the risk as much as they can.
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Exactly which is why I ask so many questions. I want to have thoroughly thought about it and be confident and firm with my answer. Thanks ladies for all your answers. I'll go back to lurking in this thread lol.
 
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MuziqizLyfe said:
Yeah....I would never abandon condom use just because of a clean test. condoms don't provide complete protection from genital warts or herpes so there's that to consider also. There's always some element of risk to being sexually active even if you are married, women just need to be smart and minimize the risk as much as they can.
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I worked in a womens HIV clinic. Married women who suddenly became positive due to their husbands were second to street walkers. :(

So yeah. Condoms. Even after a neg test
 
I understand the importance of HIV testing at the beginning of a sexual relationship.

But the window to make sure that the person doesn't have HIV is 3 - 6 months, since the last unprotected sexual encounter. Even if the test is negative you or your partner are still not in the clear. I would still use protection until we're out of the window.

It's best to test for all routine diseases and specially request HSV and HPV.
 
MuziqizLyfe said:
^^^^there's no male test for hpv just fyi
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He can still request it for her. Before marriage I tested for everything . Diseases go both ways. And in men or women sometimes it's visual. Most people with warts have no symptoms, I've inspected a penis or two.

It can be found out whether he is infected or not. If a women gets it after being tested before and after having sex with a new partner. At least she knows who gave it to her.
 
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HairNinja said:
He can still request it for her. Before marriage I tested for everything . Diseases go both ways. And in men or women sometimes it's visual. Most people with warts have no symptoms, I've inspected a penis or two.

It can be found out whether he is infected or not. If a women gets it after being tested before and after having sex with a new partner. At least she knows who gave it to her.
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Hpv can take several months (3-6 is average I believe ) to show up, there is no way to prove that a woman got it from her current partner unless a long time has passed since her last sexual encounter prior to him, even then it could be a recurrence from a previously missed infection. Viruses are tricky, especially hpv which has multiple strains and two different "forms" and can go undetected... I have participated in numerous exams with clinicians that specialize in STDs and there were times when lesions were misdiagnosed or missed altogether only to be discovered by another clinician during a second opinion or on a follow up exam. Sometimes the patient did not even realize it was there, most people dont regularly examine their genitals thoroughly unless they feel like something is amiss... and not all viruses present like the extreme pictures you see on the net. Anyway, I get your point just don't want people to think they have a male partner whose been tested and is thus "clean" because you simply can't test for everything in men.
 
I asked a couple more men in their 20s and early 30s: do you wear condoms everytime you have sex? Not a one said "every time." I got "every blue moon," "about 20% of the time," "NEVER I just pull out." And they all said the reason why was because they feel less when wearing one. And their response to my asking them about STDs: "don't sleep with hos."

Why are these men taking such a risk with their health/other people's health? Why are these women doing the same?
 
Its the new generation that didn't witness people dying from aids. Forgot that there wasn't always an HPV vaccine.
Forgot that people got dementia from syphillis.
Herpes has been stigmatized which is good but now its not feared. You just live a "brand new day" with your VD.

And some people are just silly.
 
In the last week I learned of 2 cousins having aids and HIV. I think they need to start with the health promotion again like they did back in the day. Thus is the first time I have personally known anyone with the disease. It was a shock.
 
Ganjababy said:
In the last week I learned of 2 cousins having aids and HIV. I think they need to start with the health promotion again like they did back in the day. Thus is the first time I have personally known anyone with the disease. It was a shock.
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Interested to know if these are straight, gay or bi individuals and if they're male or female.
 
Well, STDs are mutating because people get them several times and each time get antibiotics and think all is well after treatment. I remember when a 3 day dose was enough , then it moved to 7 days, then 10 days. If 10 days does not work then, they've basically developed antibiotic resistance. Now they have a hybrid of the STD that has probably mutated in their bodies after all those drug interactions over the years and it becomes a new strain that Doctors are scrambling to find a cure. This person then continues with the same irresponsible behavior aided by their partners and a strange disease cluster pops up.

I really need to stay away from Medical News. What is out there and the pictures is stuff nightmares are made out of. Totally morbid.
 
aviddiva77 said:
I asked a couple more men in their 20s and early 30s: do you wear condoms everytime you have sex? Not a one said "every time." I got "every blue moon," "about 20% of the time," "NEVER I just pull out." And they all said the reason why was because they feel less when wearing one. And their response to my asking them about STDs: "don't sleep with hos."

Why are these men taking such a risk with their health/other people's health? Why are these women doing the same?
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its true. men dont like to use condoms. i think if i left the condom choice up to the man, 9 times out of 10 they would just assume i was on birth control and go forward.

those men sound particularly stupid though. i have never heard a guy say he never uses condoms. i could see every now and again something happens, but it doesnt sound like those guys are even making an effort to be safe. it would be one thing if it were like "i try to every time, but dont always make it." those responses are much more take it or leave it, whatever.

its laughable that a dude would say dont sleep with hos when the likelihood of getting and transmitting an std relies so much more on the MAN than the girl. this is some male privilege nonsense. more evidence of how women fear men and how much we have to lose whenever we tangle with them - they dont have that fear of us.
 
BGT said:
:lol:

Where's the craziest place you ever had sex?

Me: behind some bushes.
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nowhere exciting cause im boring :lol:

or... in the second bedroom at my future boyfriend's apartment before he was my boyfriend while he was asleep? does that count? :lol:
 
BGT said:
:lol:

Where's the craziest place you ever had sex?

Me: behind some bushes.
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BGT too many places, maybe that's why I don't like coloring too much because nothing excites me when it's just in the house and you don't have time to venture off
 
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Not really crazy but

Dressing room of a dpt store (I think Belk or JCPenney)
civic center on the playground slide
Front porch in the rain/back patio at night
on the hood of a car at the lake
on a non-moving motorcyle
 
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