The candid questions regarding relationships thread (for grown folks)

[CaraWalker]

Yea but that doesnt apply to most. Literally like a unicorn sighting.

i think the thing is being "ready." i almost had sex in i think 9th grade and when he was about to try i burst into tears because i wasnt ready. so after that i knew i wasnt going to do it, until one day i decided i wanted to.

so i dont think people need to be feeling some kind of way about not doing it yet because its not about them but their thought process about sex. i hear a lot that people just havent found anyone to do it with. where i get confused about is what does that have to do with your desire to have sex? are you just not particularly interested, the hormones arent killing you yet? or are you hinging your feelings about your sexual experience on who the other person is and what they say and do to you and your thoughts about them? i think THATS maladaptive and not what someone should wholly base their decision to have sex on... so its like the older and older you get are you still holding on to this fantasy of the other person, and YOUR thoughts about yourself and your sexuality havent changed at all as the years go by?

so maybe thats what people mean when they relate it to maturity and a naivete. the longer you go without "growing out" of that, so to speak, your emotional development can came across as stunted/immature. it depends on the individual though only they really know what theyre waiting for.

 

[Oasis]

there are outliers and exceptions to every rule, naturally.

yeah, but all my comment was saying is who really cares? someone could tell i was a virgin when i was a virgin. big deal. someone thought i was weird because i had sex late. interesting and factual observation.

 

[SoopremeBeing]

Me and hubby used to do couple stuff with his friend and his chick. So after they broke up I was nosey and wanted to know why and the details. So I called her over for wine and she eventually spilled all the beans. She told me how he had erectile dysfunction and couldn't get it up. He had bad breath and also that he was a chronic booty eater and didn't care if it was clean or not. So now me and hubby laugh about it all the time and talk about how we ain't never sharing a blunt with his arse.

I don't even know what to say....

 

[barbiesocialite]

i think the thing is being "ready." i almost had sex in i think 9th grade and when he was about to try i burst into tears because i wasnt ready. so after that i knew i wasnt going to do it, until one day i decided i wanted to.

so i dont think people need to be feeling some kind of way about not doing it yet because its not about them but their thought process about sex. i hear a lot that people just havent found anyone to do it with. where i get confused about is what does that have to do with your desire to have sex? are you just not particularly interested, the hormones arent killing you yet? or are you hinging your feelings about your sexual experience on who the other person is and what they say and do to you and your thoughts about them? i think THATS maladaptive and not what someone should wholly base their decision to have sex on... so its like the older and older you get are you still holding on to this fantasy of the other person, and YOUR thoughts about yourself and your sexuality havent changed at all as the years go by?

so maybe thats what people mean when they relate it to maturity and a naivete. the longer you go without "growing out" of that, so to speak, your emotional development can came across as stunted/immature. it depends on the individual though only they really know what theyre waiting for.

Aww that makes sense. I need to think about this a bit more.

My first still has jokes for me how I walked from the street over from my dad's house to his talking dirty pretty much like hop in this. .

Walked back home like ain't ish happen.

When my mom picked me and my brothers up I was smiling away. a few weeks later st my highschool orientation I walked I'm the room with my little electronic puppy (memba those) chest out and strutting lookin at the other girls like bow down I was def ready to have sex when I did

I have my juvenile jokey moments but I think most of my choices reflect my maturity. I've had more than a few 40-something and 50-something women on this board inquire relationship advice and I've had several thank me and suggest I continue talking to my peers.

 

[barbiesocialite]

I just wish the guy I lost my virginity to was still fine. He's balding and fat now, ugh.

Shiiidddd mine is still fine.

We're still friends sometimes and he still cheating on his wife jus like he's cheated on every woman he's ever been with

That was the first and last man I picked primarily based on looks lol

 

[SheenaVee]

I don't know about the maturity thing. I dry humped my way through getting my student loans paid off for me. Mind you it was 1990's tuition prices, but still. I knew my way around men and which ones I could get away with what.

Yeah, what I meant by the maturity thing. I don't mean people immediately get mature after they have sex. They just start thinking/acting like they're mature and like they know things. Like they're grown. Like my cousin. That chick is the most childish and spoilt brat. She still is. But when she lost her virginity she started acting different. Mature but not in a particularly useful way, just in a 'I don't think penises are gross anymore kinda way'. Lol. I'm not sure if I'm making sense.

 

[Oasis]

mine only happened a few years ago and i can't remember the details other than thinking "this is fun but i dont think he's as good as he thinks he is."

i always thought it would be something i cherished and remembered forever and my first would hold a special place in my heart and but it was such an unmemorable experience. i understand why some place such an emphasis and value on virginity but i can't relate. its all just boning to me.

 

[aviddiva77]

Girl I hate to break to you but your font gave you and a few others away a longggggggg time ago. If you would have told me you werent a vigin I would have keeled over from shock and awe.

In fact I mix you up with another virgin all the time because you two act just alike.

Barbie I know on here its obvious lmao I was referring to in real life.

 

[aviddiva77]

agreed. i be reading things in the RT like "but... i dont understand" they are probably good friends being kind to say they never suspected

LOL Possibly but people I just met do it too. Then they ask me "well why haven't you?" If I knew that I wouldn't be a virgin now would I? lmao.

 

[aviddiva77]

Aww that makes sense. I need to think about this a bit more.

My first still has jokes for me how I walked from the street over from my dad's house to his talking dirty pretty much like hop in this. .

Walked back home like ain't ish happen.

When my mom picked me and my brothers up I was smiling away. a few weeks later st my highschool orientation I walked I'm the room with my little electronic puppy (memba those) chest out and strutting lookin at the other girls like bow down I was def ready to have sex when I did

I have my juvenile jokey moments but I think most of my choices reflect my maturity. I've had more than a few 40-something and 50-something women on this board inquire relationship advice and I've had several thank me and suggest I continue talking to my peers.

That sounds like something you would do too lol.

 

[CaraWalker]

i remember my first time, and generally all experiences with those first two partners. after that my minds a blank.

 

[SheenaVee]

Yeah, losing my virginity was so underwhelming to me I didn't have sex again for over a year after. I was literally like, is this it? At the time I even thought I probably wouldn't even bother with sex again until I was ready to have kids. I lost mine at 16. Well 15, it was 2 weeks till my 16th. I was determined to lose it at 16. Didn't really care who with and I was just too impatient to wait those extra few weeks until I was actually 16.

 

[FlowerHair]

On a tamer note, has anyone had a coregasm? I really want to have one. That would give me extra incentive to workout.

GettingKinky
I've been very close!!

I have to stop before it happens, I don't want to do anything indecent at the gym lol.

I try to avoid those machines now.

 

[ElegantPearl17]

I need expert advice on how to quickly make a crayon pop during oral coloring. This is a serious post. PM me if necessary.

 

[aviddiva77]

i think the thing is being "ready." i almost had sex in i think 9th grade and when he was about to try i burst into tears because i wasnt ready. so after that i knew i wasnt going to do it, until one day i decided i wanted to.

so i dont think people need to be feeling some kind of way about not doing it yet because its not about them but their thought process about sex. i hear a lot that people just havent found anyone to do it with. where i get confused about is what does that have to do with your desire to have sex? are you just not particularly interested, the hormones arent killing you yet? or are you hinging your feelings about your sexual experience on who the other person is and what they say and do to you and your thoughts about them? i think THATS maladaptive and not what someone should wholly base their decision to have sex on... so its like the older and older you get are you still holding on to this fantasy of the other person, and YOUR thoughts about yourself and your sexuality havent changed at all as the years go by?

so maybe thats what people mean when they relate it to maturity and a naivete. the longer you go without "growing out" of that, so to speak, your emotional development can came across as stunted/immature. it depends on the individual though only they really know what theyre waiting for.

I can say some of this is true. When I was younger I did have the while fantasy bs about losing my virginity. Now I don't know.

Y'all know (barbiesocialite already peeped the game). I stay acting like a horny thirsty woman in my posts. I was/am afraid of being a dash in someone's bedpost like I was some kind of conquest/game. "Yeah I had her. Took her virginity too." So my body is ready but my mind isn't I guess.

 

[aviddiva77]

I need expert advice on how to quickly make a crayon pop during oral coloring. This is a serious post. PM me if necessary.

Via the sucking action? Hmm that is a good question.

 

[pink_flower]

i cant describe the maturity thing either.

yea they tend to be naive and have a idealistic worldview buts its the little nuances that give it away. they dont know man cues. they are fixed on prince charming (fantasy).

they say stuff like "oh he was just being nice" and im thinking oh really??? he wants to have sex with you like yesterday. if a man strikes up a convo they don't know how to parlay that into a date or anything other than a one time convo. they are blindsided when their dude is messing around on them or when their friend is checking for their dude. its just a bunch of stuff. i know i am not explaining this well lol

 

[CaraWalker]

I need expert advice on how to quickly make a crayon pop during oral coloring. This is a serious post. PM me if necessary.

when selling woof tickets goes wrong

 

[aviddiva77]

i cant describe the maturity thing either.

yea they tend to be naive and have a idealistic worldview buts its the little nuances that give it away. they dont know man cues. they are fixed on prince charming (fantasy).

they say stuff like "oh he was just being nice" and im thinking oh really??? he wants to have sex with you like yesterday. if a man strikes up a convo they don't know how to parlay that into a date or anything other than a one time convo. they are blindsided when their dude is messing around on them or when their friend is checking for their dude. its just a bunch of stuff. i know i am not explaining this well lol

Nope you're explaining just fine cuz you just described me

People constantly have to tell me that men are hitting on me. And I'm like, "HUH? Naw man, he's just being nice!" Or when I rarely do get the clues I think I must have read the situation wrong. Because that's happened a lot.

Not to make myself feel better but aren't there "experienced" women out there who can't read men cues as well?

 

[aviddiva77]

I would like to say this though: I thank you ladies for being so open and for sharing your experiences and opinions. I can talk to my mom/friends but, I like hearing/seeing unbiased opinions.

 

[CaraWalker]

I can say some of this is true. When I was younger I did have the while fantasy bs about losing my virginity. Now I don't know. Y'all know (barbiesocialite already peeped the game). I stay acting like a horny thirsty woman in my posts. I was/am afraid of being a dash in someone's bedpost like I was some kind of conquest/game. "Yeah I had her. Took her virginity too." So my body is ready but my mind isn't I guess.

i know what you mean. i actually envisioned this future for myself so i decided to do it and avoid it. i knew myself well enough to know that if i waited a certain amount of time eventually i would start ascribing more and more worth to my virginity until i decided to wait until marriage. i probably didnt think of it so eloquently as a teenager. it was more like "its either lose it now or wait until marriage." and i knew i didnt want to do that so.

i can totally see how once youve been waiting for awhile you get stuck in "welp might as well keep waiting." i dont think as a kid a lot of people would realize the mental roadblocks theyd come against the longer they waited.

 

[GettingKinky]

GettingKinky I've been very close!! I have to stop before it happens, I don't want to do anything indecent at the gym lol. I try to avoid those machines now.

.

Which machines? I need to try them

 

[aviddiva77]

i know what you mean. i actually envisioned this future for myself so i decided to do it and avoid it. i knew myself well enough to know that if i waited a certain amount of time eventually i would start ascribing more and more worth to my virginity until i decided to wait until marriage. i probably didnt think of it so eloquently as a teenager. it was more like "its either lose it now or wait until marriage." and i knew i didnt want to do that so.

i can totally see how once youve been waiting for awhile you get stuck in "welp might as well keep waiting." i dont think as a kid a lot of people would realize the mental roadblocks theyd come against the longer they waited.

Gosh in HS I just kept seeing people around me either having abortions or crying because the dude broke up with them after having sex or dealing with STDs and my legs stayed permanently closed. I wanted to be the oldest virgin until I was 16. I kept telling myself it will happen in college. College came and went. You do get stuck in that mindset. But I really do wish I had sex in high school consequences be damned.

I'm actually thinking about asking this dude I've been hanging with to have sex. Shoot we're both grown.

 

[CaraWalker]

sex is awesome. i hope to have some soon.

 

[cheetarah1980]

I was a senior citizen when I lost my virginity in my mid 20's. I had a very satisfying dry humping/oral run up to that point though.

I was raised to stay a virgin till marriage though.

Dry humping and oral was my game for years. Hell sometimes the humping wasn't even dry. Just because someone is a virgin (which I'm defining as no peen to vag or anal penetration) doesn't mean they aren't sexually active. I was a very late virgin, but was doing a whole lot of stuff in the meantime. I have a friend who is over 30, has only had one short term relationship, and has never even kissed a man. She's very strong in her faith and is waiting for engagement to kiss a man and marriage for sex. I respect her decision but as she's gotten older I think it's paralyzed her in the dating game, especially since I think she's looking for a man who is in the same place where she is. She doesn't really know how to attract and appeal to a man and I think waiting so long is a big part of that.

 

[kandake]

Dry humping and oral was my game for years. Hell sometimes the humping wasn't even dry. Just because someone is a virgin (which I'm defining as no peen to vag or anal penetration) doesn't mean they aren't sexually active. I was a very late virgin, but was doing a whole lot of stuff in the meantime. I have a friend who is over 30, has only had one short term relationship, and has never even kissed a man. She's very strong in her faith and is waiting for engagement to kiss a man and marriage for sex. I respect her decision but as she's gotten older I think it's paralyzed her in the dating game, especially since I think she's looking for a man who is in the same place where she is. She doesn't really know how to attract and appeal to a man and I think waiting so long is a big part of that.

I have a friend like this but I don't believe it's a religious thing. The bold is very true.

 

[cheetarah1980]

I need expert advice on how to quickly make a crayon pop during oral coloring. This is a serious post. PM me if necessary.

I think this is very dependent on the man. Some dudes have crayons that take forever to pop. You'll get lockjaw before you can make it happen. I used to be an expert in getting crayons to explode when I was younger and before I had intercourse. Oral was the most I was doing so I had to be a connoisseur . I think a lot of foreplay beforehand helps. If you get them super turned on with kissing, caress, dry humping, etc. it takes less oral coloring to get there. Also for some men they need to be in a certain position for it to happen. It may also help to massage the perineum with one hand while you color the crayon. Nowadays I just color the crayon to make it usable to put other places

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Gosh in HS I just kept seeing people around me either having abortions or crying because the dude broke up with them after having sex or dealing with STDs and my legs stayed permanently closed.

This was me. I don't regret it at all. Most of those chicks are doing the same things they were in high school. I regret not dating, but not being abstinent.

As stated upthread, I haven't run across someone who has tickled my fancy, felt comfortable with, etc. I don't *think* my standards are high, just an attractive man who doesn't play the hot/cold game.

Meanwhile, early birds who didn't decide wisely still think it's cool I'm a virgin. Girl, bye. That title stopped having meaning to me after 21. It's no longer a badge of honor. Most men probably hate it.

 

[pink_flower]

Nope you're explaining just fine cuz you just described me

People constantly have to tell me that men are hitting on me. And I'm like, "HUH? Naw man, he's just being nice!" Or when I rarely do get the clues I think I must have read the situation wrong. Because that's happened a lot.

Not to make myself feel better but aren't there "experienced" women out there who can't read men cues as well?

I am not picking on you I swear. I also want to clarify that I don't think having sex makes you some super enlightened being or some ultra sex kitten heartbreaker type. although I have seen some women get turnt out big time

but you are right, experienced women do miss man cues too. i think the main difference is just in the initial attraction period/phase. late virgins seem to have a harder time getting the attention from the men they are attracted too.

 

[BEAUTYU2U]

Late virgins seem to have a harder time getting the attention from the men they are attracted too.

Truth.

I swear sometimes I think people are in on some secret foot taps in the bathroom code that we're not told about. Like coworkers who exchange pleasantries in the morning, by lunch she's pregnant, I be like, "how did they do that?" *hair pull* Or as my mom likes to say, freaks always find each other.