Tell Us How You Stroke The Male Ego

Here's another that just happened. So DH had been planning to attend a real important meeting. We've been going over the key points to discuss and I offered my suggestions and expectations. So he calls me on the way back from his meeting all excited. So I ask him how did the meeting go. He says it went great and proceeds to tell me the details. Which revealed that he really did not go about it how I would have gone about it as we previously discussed which I feel would have yielded better results but he still got results non the less. So instead of hammering on all that, I say to him "wow honey that's awesome! Sounds like you handled that meeting like a boss, I'm so proud of you". He's all feeling big and mighty and asks me if I need him to grab anything for me while he's out. Lol
 
ambergirl said:
So basically both boys and girls do well with praise and recognition. And I think it's really powerful when it comes from both parents. How many boys would beam if they got genuine recognition and praise from their fathers? Same with daughters and mothers.

To me it just boils down to openly appreciating each other
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I have always said and will continue to say that the father is determinant of who the daughter pics in life as a partner and the mother does the same for a son. My dad and grandfather taught me what I needed to choose in a man.
 
SilverSurfer said:
Here's another that just happened. So DH had been planning to attend a real important meeting. We've been going over the key points to discuss and I offered my suggestions and expectations. So he calls me on the way back from his meeting all excited. So I ask him how did the meeting go. He says it went great and proceeds to tell me the details. Which revealed that he really did not go about it how I would have gone about it as we previously discussed which I feel would have yielded better results but he still got results non the less. So instead of hammering on all that, I say to him "wow honey that's awesome! Sounds like you handled that meeting like a boss, I'm so proud of you". He's all feeling big and mighty and asks me if I need him to grab anything for me while he's out. Lol
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Way to go. We have a dinner date tonight.
 
Elnahna said:
This is a great thread. I have been "independent" for a long time. As I'm reading, especially Lucie's comments, I am realizing why I'm probably still single. :( I have not shown a man that I needed or valued him.
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Much of what I mentioned is from learning at my ex's expense. I have learned and am learning how to do and be better. A work in progress. Elnahna, I don't think you will be single for long know that you know this tips. :grin:

Renewed1 said:
Lucie.....When I get in a relationship, I will be PMing you......You have mad skills!




This is my issue as well. I always thought it had to do with my home life, my mother was independent (by force) and it just carried over to me.

My "ugly" friend I mentioned, practices stroking the male ego. She says she doesn't want to forget on how to do it. Plus it's good practice for whenever she meets a quality guy, she will already KNOW how to do these things.

Now that I'm 36, I find that I want nothing more than to be in my womanly role. So I'm taking notes in this thread and in the "Loving" thread.
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Renewed1, thank you. I learned through a LOT of trial and error. :lol:
 
ambergirl said:
Do you think they don't know a game is afoot or do they know and don't care because their ego needs are being met?
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I honestly think most have no clue. They think women are really like that all the time (and some really are), and they feel it's in their DNA to protect the womenfolk. So, all I do is allow them to do what they feel they are born to do....take care of my problems, and pay for stuff I don't wanna pay for. Total win win situation! :lol: And of course, once they've done their manly duty, it's only fair to give them a cookie, and a pat on the head...they earned it. :yep:
 
evsbaby said:
Thanks for this thread. I have been a nut crusher for so long. Despite this my DH loves me. I would like to be a kinder, more loving person. Only because i think he deserves better and i notice our relatioonship flourishes when i am a nicer person. I like this thread
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I am still on the first page of this thread and I'm struggling already. I feel myself getting upset (I can't think of a better word) which is causing me concern.

Evsbaby's post describes me pretty well.

When I'm nice, DH gets confused and doesn't know how to respond. Poor baby.

I'll keep reading.
 
ambergirl said:
I like the thread and do think men respond to it.

But I wonder to what degree men respond it is because this is the way we praise and recognize them from birth? And why not do it with our girls?
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They do respond to it-only because I've seen both sides of it. Constant nagging and then praise. It's almost like...potty training a dog:look:, when you're like 'wow look at you peepee'ing outside' and the dog is like wow yes and jumping up and down. People love words and praise and appreciation.

I think we should do it to our girls and boys and early. I'm not one to speak critically to my children, I use praise words all the time with them. I was raised like that, my dad always used you're awesome, wonderful. It's what's wrong with me now, Like I believe it:look:
 
daviine said:
I am still on the first page of this thread and I'm struggling already. I feel myself getting upset (I can't think of a better word) which is causing me concern.

Evsbaby's post describes me pretty well.

When I'm nice, DH gets confused and doesn't know how to respond. Poor baby.

I'll keep reading.
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Be consistent and sincere. Like don't say sweet things one day then none the next. If not, they wonder why you're acting this way. It's also a sad sign that we've NOT been showing sweeter words and appreciation so it's like they're almost used to negative speak and looking to be 'bashed' if that makes sense.
 
subscribing....since I am in a relationship...I need to lock this one down. He is a good one. Lol.
 
Great tips! I never stroke egos and lets just say I can never get my way! LOL.... Who would have thought? I need to teach my daughter this also, because she talks plenty of trash just like her monmy! LOL
 
Elnahna said:
This is a great thread. I have been "independent" for a long time. As I'm reading, especially Lucie's comments, I am realizing why I'm probably still single. :( I have not shown a man that I needed or valued him.
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This is me!!! I never say oh thanks for this or that. Always felt like why should I thank you for something that you should do automatically. Im learning, Im learning!
 
sometimes i use this in my classroom, it works very well :look:
i come in all flustered like oh no how i gonna set up the projector and pass out all this hw and do this and that-menial tasks.
and within five minutes the male students have fallen all over themselves to help me out and i get to focus on the more important aspects of teaching. :yep:

now i don't even have to act flustered, they run to open the door for me and are all like "Miss Rocky, can i pass out papers? Miss Rocky, can i take the attendance? Miss Rocky, can i set up the projector" it's great and adorable. :lol:
 
Zaynab said:
I don't think women should play games with men or 'stroke their ego' to be manipulative-I think for a deserving man it should just be a habit and we should want to. They give back 1000% because they feel respected and appreciated in a positive way and want to do more. I don't think they notice unless you haven't been doing those things all along. If you just come out of the bag doing it, they would think you weren't being sincere perhaps or if you weren't consistently doing these things.

Men are much more insecure than women and it's like positive feedback promotes more positive results. That's why nagging gets the opposite result
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Zaynab

I've noticed there are a number of women that do this unknowingly. They conflate niceness with insecurity creating a manipulative nature. I think most women do this, however, some more often and more intensely than others. There's also a theme to the relationships too. These women are often easily disposable to men. Good at attracting quantity over quality or unable to hold on to quality for very long. They attract men like bees to honey, and run through them just as much. For women in this category, their children often have multiple diff fathers, seem to be prone to abusive relationships or have been married/divorced or in 50-11 long term relatioships. Unfortunately, the end result is most often sad than not. I can think of a couple folks with mothers like this, they were married a bunch of times but when they were finally old for some reason they were single or alone. It's crazy and sorta unexpected to everyone else, esp with them having life track records of man after man. Liz Taylor is a good celeb example of this.

There is a fine line to balance with ego stroking. Some women do it too much and eventually read as fake/disingenuous/shallow and others don't do it enough which equates *****.
 
barbiesocialite said:
Zaynab

I've noticed there are a number of women that do this unknowingly. They conflate niceness with insecurity creating a manipulative nature. I think most women do this, however, some more often and more intensely than others. There's also a theme to the relationships too. These women are often easily disposable to men. Good at attracting quantity over quality or unable to hold on to quality for very long. They attract men like bees to honey, and run through them just as much. For women in this category, their children often have multiple diff fathers, seem to be prone to abusive relationships or have been married/divorced or in 50-11 long term relatioships. Unfortunately, the end result is most often sad than not. I can think of a couple folks with mothers like this, they were married a bunch of times but when they were finally old for some reason they were single or alone. It's crazy and sorta unexpected to everyone else, esp with them having life track records of man after man. Liz Taylor is a good celeb example of this.

There is a fine line to balance with ego stroking. Some women do it too much and eventually read as fake/disingenuous/shallow and others don't do it enough which equates *****.
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I agree. I think you have to find something genuine to praise or appreciate otherwise it comes off as fake, needy, or manipulative.
 
I need to work on this. I'm not always soft and I'm quick to criticize when something is done immediately when I want it or if it is now done how I want to be done. I am affectionate, but I do need to allow him to lead more and come to my rescue. He's has told me in the past that sometimes he just wants to feel appreciated and needed.

Let me tell about my incident that just happened. DS2 and I were playing a little tickle monster on the sofa. Once we were done, I noticed that my right eye seemed out of focus and then realize the right lens from glasses came out. I search all over the sofa, remove the cushions, check the floor and could not find it. DH comes home and I decide to meet and greet him with a kiss at the car (not thinking about the lens and getting thin of him - but definitely thinking about this thread) and he seems to really appreciate.

As we are going inside, I tell him about my lens. I don't ask him to search for it, I just say be careful walking around until it turns up. Being the man that he is, he immediately puts his stuff down and gets to work looking for the lens and dammit if he didn't find it. Normally I would have just given him and peck and said "thanks babe" but I laid it on thick today, giving him kisses all over and knocking him over with appreciation and telling how out loud that I really appreciate it and how much money he just saved us since I won't have to buy another pair. Y'all should have saw the glee on his face.

I really need to keep this in mind, especially in times when I'm peeved at him. Catch more flies with honey, right.
 
Getting dressed for ready for our date later. I took a driver today ( Im very familiar with) As we are making small talk on the way home, I notice dh was on the lane next to ours driving home. I told the driver to pull up next to him and honk. The driver did just that but dh mean mugged him. Lol. I said do it again and pull up. He saw me this time and I waved. Omg all his teeth were out grinning from ear to ear. The driver was like "Omg when he saw you his face lit up like a Christmas tree and omg his smile. That man loves you." ( yeah dh has beautiful big bright teeth). I love that man I can honestly tell yall. He gets on my last nerves, but I try to be as kinds and loving and stroke his ego as much as I can. Yeah I know I can be a itch sometimes, but I put in some effort.
 
You know, my mom is such a dynamo when it comes to stuff like this. And no, it really depends on the man whether or not it works. Like she had a man helping her out in the grocery store choosing a better brand of butter :lol:. He was smiling and waving goodbye to her when I walked back to our cart. I had left her for 5 minutes and here she got this man talking to her randomly in the dairy aisle.

Anyway, what I love the most about her is that she's incredibly warm and she actually is genuinely interested in you and your opinion. Not just with men, but women too. She has so many random friends everywhere. She's a people person and I get that from her. I think you have to LIKE people and see the good in them versus trying to get an end result out of them.
 
greight said:
You know, my mom is such a dynamo when it comes to stuff like this. And no, it really depends on the man whether or not it works. Like she had a man helping her out in the grocery store choosing a better brand of butter :lol:. He was smiling and waving goodbye to her when I walked back to our cart. I had left her for 5 minutes and here she got this man talking to her randomly in the dairy aisle.

Anyway, what I love the most about her is that she's incredibly warm and she actually is genuinely interested in you and your opinion. Not just with men, but women too. She has so many random friends everywhere. She's a people person and I get that from her. I think you have to LIKE people and see the good in them versus trying to get an end result out of them.
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Is your mom Aquarius cos that sounds like mine :lol: random "friends" all over the damn place. :lol: She;s one of those rare happy workers

I agree with bolded however yea..:look:
 
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I need to learn how to do this..I am very self sufficient and get irritated by women that act helpless. My only issue is I feel uncomfortable getting help from men cause I end up feeling like I owe them something for helping me. :perplexed:
 
natural_one said:
I need to learn how to do this..I am very self sufficient and get irritated by women that act helpless. My only issue is I feel uncomfortable getting help from men cause I end up feeling like I owe them something for helping me. :perplexed:
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yeah my old roommate is like this it really did annoy me but she doesnt do it on purpose I dont think. She acts all helpless about things then men offer to do something for her butthen shes like oh no it's ok I can do it. :rolleyes: but of course they persist more and then shes is ever so thankful and grateful praising the Lord for people and everything lol I need to learn from her.
 
greight said:
You know, my mom is such a dynamo when it comes to stuff like this. And no, it really depends on the man whether or not it works. Like she had a man helping her out in the grocery store choosing a better brand of butter :lol:. He was smiling and waving goodbye to her when I walked back to our cart. I had left her for 5 minutes and here she got this man talking to her randomly in the dairy aisle.

Anyway, what I love the most about her is that she's incredibly warm and she actually is genuinely interested in you and your opinion. Not just with men, but women too. She has so many random friends everywhere. She's a people person and I get that from her. I think you have to LIKE people and see the good in them versus trying to get an end result out of them.
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greight I felt like you were describing me:lol::lol: I like your mama:yep:
 
natural_one said:
I need to learn how to do this..I am very self sufficient and get irritated by women that act helpless. My only issue is I feel uncomfortable getting help from men cause I end up feeling like I owe them something for helping me. :perplexed:
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Why would how another women act bother you
(Sincere question, no snark)?
 
Southernbella. said:
Yes! My dh is typically impervious to ego stroking but this does it every time. He embarrassed me so bad one night at an event but I kept smiling because I knew it made him feel good.:lol: (Long story short, he was on the microphone, pointed me out, and said he just wanted it to be known that I'm his wife so don't try anything). :rolleyes:

I've come to accept that I'm arm candy sometimes so I play my position and ALWAYS look good when I'm with him.

Sent from my DROID BIONIC using LHCF
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but but but...its not hard for you to look nice. you're already stunning.
 
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